Million-Dollar Abie
"Million-Dollar Abie"
| ||
Episode Information
|
Synopsis
When it is announced that the commissioner of Pro Football (Bud Armstrong) wants to expand the league, Homer leads the charge to get the new franchise in Springfield. At first his family doesn't think he could do it, but Homer manages to put forth a surprisingly strong package for the Springfield Meltdowns and the new Duff Beer Krusty Burger Buzz Cola Costington's Department Store Kwik-E-Mart Stupid Flanders Park.
The commissioner narrows down the choice of the two cities to either Springfield or Los Angeles. L.A. puts forth an anti-Springfield video hosted by Rob Reiner and features a song sung by celebrity impersonators that ends with them singing "Springfield Blows". All the owners decide that Springfield is the lesser of two evils, plus their sick of L.A getting everything, and the Commissioner awards the new team to Springfield. The town gets "Meltmania" and "Down syndrome" and quickly builds Homer's new park and paints the town in the team colours (orange and purple) and changes all of street names to football related names.
On the day when Springfield is officially announced as the new team, the Commissioner gets confused by all of the new street names and gets lost. He stops for directions at the Simpsons' house and is greeted by Grampa Simpson, who welcomes him in. However, Grampa starts to fear that the commissioner is a burgler and attacks him and ties him up. The rest of the family arrives home disappointed that the commissioner didn't show and is shocked to find him tied up in their living room. The commissioner is so angry that he declares that the Meltdowns will never be and leaves, never to return.
The entire town starts to hate Grampa, and the expensive stadium has to be used for farmers' markets. Grampa is so depressed that he decides to seek out a doctor who will help him commit suicide. The doctor tells Grampa to reconsider, and Grampa decides that if anyone calls him in the next 24 hours, he won't go through with his plan. The call never comes and Grampa goes back to the clinic the next day. Grampa comes very close to being killed but the police show up just in time to stop it.
Grampa thinks he's dead and runs through the town, seeing "Hamburger Heaven" and a Charlie Chaplin impersonator. He soon learns that he isn't dead, gets a new lease of life and decides to live it up. Meanwhile, the city decides to turn the unused football stadium into an arena for bull fighting. Despite Lisa's protests, Grampa decides to become a matador. Grampa wins his first fight with a bull, but he decides that killing bulls isn't his forte and talks to Lisa about giving up. Grampa isn't sure, but in the next fight he sees the bull that he's about to kill and decides to spare its life. He releases all the bulls, which immediately start running through the streets of Springfield, causing a great deal of destruction. Lisa is proud of Grampa and the two reconcile. Suddenly two bulls with balloons get ready for the kill...
Quotes
- Grandpa: I thought he was trying to steal my jewels and all them pictures of Bert and Lucy!
- Dr. Egoyan: As you surrender your body, what musical and visual orientations would you like to experience?
Abe: I want to hear the Glenn Miller Orchestra and see cops beating up hippies!
- NFL Commissioner: (looking at street signs) The names on this map say Main Street and Evergreen Terrace, but all I can see are Two Point Conversion Avenue and Off-Season Knee Surgery Boulevard.
- Homer: You're a useless old man. Name one thing you do for this family!
Grandpa: I watch the baby.
Marge: Where is the baby?
Grandpa: You left me with a baby?!
- Maggie (in baby talk with subtitles): Bald mommy is sure to fail!
- Grampa: If I knock him out, I'll be a hero. And people will listen to my loose-brained nonsense.
- Lyrics to "Springfield Blows":
L.A. makes great movies
And awesome TV shows
Springfield don't make nothin'
'Cause Springfield blows
Springfield blows (3 times)
Yes, Springfield blows
- Lisa: No wait, wait! Bullfighting is a cruel, pseudo-sport!
Homer: Lisa's right! It is a cool, super sport!
- Homer: I've come up with our team — the Springfield Meltdowns! And here is our stadium, sponsored by corporate naming. It's the Duff Beer Krustyburger Buzz Cola Costington's Department Store Kwik-E-Mart Stupid Flanders Park! So, Homer do good?
Marge: Homer do great! (they kiss) Uh, maybe Homer brush teeth first.
- Young Abe: (at an HUAC meeting) I would like to name the following friends of mine as members of the Communist party.
Speaker: You're just here to test the microphone.
Young Abe: Fred Wilson, my brother Bill, Dom DiMaggio, the paper boy, Howdy Doody, Josef Stalin... (gets removed by security guards)
- Sideshow Mel: "Touchdown Avenue"? Delightful!
Jimbo: Who ya talkin' to? Your imaginary girlfriend?
Sideshow Mel: Oh! Isn't your mother a well-known whore?
Jimbo: (gasp) You win this round, Mel.
- Dr. Egoyan (waiting for Grandpa to die): One more minute.
(Chief Wiggum, Eddie, and Lou burst in)
Wiggum: Freeze! The voters just overturned the assisted suicide law!
Dr. Egoyan (getting handcuffed): I'll kill you all!...when the law is reversed.
Wiggum: I'd like to see you try!...when the law is reversed.
- Souvenir Jacket Guy: We should make the stadium a bull fighting ring. If the bull dies, the crowd goes wild. If Grandpa dies, the crowd goes wild. Either way, we make a fortune.
- Lenny (after Grandpa opens the outer gate): I don't know what he's doing and I'm smart. Not book smart or street smart or brain smart, but something.
Broadcasting Information
USA/Canada
UK
- 1st Airdate: Sunday, April 30, 2006
- 2nd Airdate: Friday, May 5, 2006 (Encore Screening)
- 3rd Airdate: Monday, August 7, 2006
- 4th Airdate: Tuesday, August 29, 2006
- 1st Airdate: Tuesday, August 8, 2006
