Bart Star/Quotes

Quotes

Season 9 Episode Quotes

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183

"The Cartridge Family"

184
"Bart Star"

"The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons"

185

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Dr. Hibbert: Your cholestral level is lethally high, Homer, but I'm more concerned about your gravy level.

Homer: Now, wait a second. You doctors have been telling us to drink eight glasses of gravy a day!

Dr. Hibbert: (chuckles) Well, you're a little confused.

Homer: Ho-ho, confused, would we?

(Marge gives a presentation in front of the First Aid booth)

Marge: Now, make no mistake; when I say "First aid", I'm not talking about some sort of charity rock concert.

(Marge laughs at her own joke, the audience stare blankly)

Marge: I'm talking about treating serious injuries.

(the crown laughs. Krusty gets out his notepad and jots something down)

Krusty: Serious injuries... oh, that's gold!

(Lisa pokes Bart's stomach as he sits on the couch eating)

Lisa: Hey, tubby! Want another Pop-Tart, tubby?

Bart: I'm comfortable with who I am.

Rod: We don't have to play football... do we, daddy?

Ned Flanders: Oh-ho-ho, you betcha! Team sports'll keep you away from temptations like rock music and girls.

Rod and Todd: Yay!

Luann Van Houten: You know, Milhouse, you are getting a little doughy.

Milhouse: Aw, can't I just have the surgery?

(Bart walks out of the dressing room in Sportacus wearing a football uniform)

Bart: Okay, Milhouse, let's try out the new cup.

(Milhouse kicks Bart in the groin. Bart laughs)

Bart: Again.

(Milhouse kicks Bart in the groin again and Bart yawns)

Bart: Ho-hum.

(Milhouse tries again and again, getting no reaction from Bart)

Marge: (off camera) Milhouse! Stop that!

(Coach Flanders assigns positions)

Flanders: Okay, Nelson's our quarterback.

Nelson: Thanks, four-eyes.

Flanders: Ralph, you'll be on special teams.

Ralph: I'm special.

Flanders: And, uh, Bart, you'll be a tackle.

Bart: Cool!

(He tackles Martin)

Martin: Careful, Bart! You'll break my calculator... by which I mean my head.

Marge: You know, Homer, it's very easy to criticize.

Homer: Fun, too.

Homer: Wipe that smile off your face!

Bart: What'd I do?

Homer: I'm tired of watchin' you dog it on that football field. From now on, I'm gonna work you like a dog! Now, go fetch me twenty laps!

Homer: It's time for the easiest part of any coach's job - the cuts. Now, while I wasn't able to cut everyone I wanted to, I have cut a lot of you. Wendell is cut. Rudy is cut. Janey, you're gone. Steven? I like your hustle. That's why it was so hard to cut you. Congratulations! The rest of you made the team. Except you, and you.

Bart: But I can't play quarterback. I don't even know how!

Homer: Son, you can do anything you want. I have total faith in you.

Bart: Since when?

Since your mother yelled at me.

Homer: Hey, everybody, let's hear it for Bart!

(Homer walks off. The other players surround Bart)

Bart: (weakly) Give me a B?

Nelson: I won't give you a B, but I'll tear you a new A.

Milhouse: If I wasn't your friend, I'd tell you you sucked.

(Homer decides to treat Bart nicer after telling him to run laps)

Homer: Quit running, son! I just want to give you a big hug!

Bart: (thinking) It's got to be a trick. Run like the wind!

(Bart runs away. Homer chases after him)

Homer: I believe in you! Hug meeee!

Nelson: (after running to catch his own long ball) I gotta quit smoking.

Hank Hill: (after Springfield's 28-3 defeat of Arlen) We drove 2,000 miles for this?

Mr. Muntz: Great game, son. Come on, I'm taking you to Hooters.

Nelson: Aw, I don't want to bother mom at work.

Homer: I'm feeling kind of low, Apu. Got any of that beer that has candy floatin' in it? You know, Skittlebrau?

Apu: Such a product does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.

Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.

Homer: (to Bart) I wanna apologise. I just got so caught up trying to encourage you, I was blinded to your stinky performance. If you forgive me, I promise you I'll never encourage you again.

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