Difference between revisions of "Whacking Day/Quotes"
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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:'''Evil Homer:''' ''[singing conga-style]'' "I am evil Homer! I am evil Homer!" | :'''Evil Homer:''' ''[singing conga-style]'' "I am evil Homer! I am evil Homer!" | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :'''[[Kent Brockman]] | + | :'''[[Kent Brockman]]:''' "But first, a look at the local holiday that was called distasteful and puerile by a panel of hillbillies, Whacking Day! In a tradition that dates back to founding father Jebediah Springfield, every May 10th local residents gathered to drive snakes into the center of town and whack them to snake heaven. ''[footage plays]'' After exposing {{w|Alger Hiss}}, Honorary Grand Marshal {{Ch|Richard Nixon}} goes after another deadly hiss." |
| − | ''[Nixon accidentally repeatedly strikes a person holding a snake down for him.]'' | + | :''[Nixon accidentally repeatedly strikes a person holding a snake down for him.]'' |
| − | :'''Nixon | + | :'''Nixon:''' "Is Whacking Day over? ''[everyone boos]'' Thank you. Thanks for coming out." |
---- | ---- | ||
:'''Lisa:''' How can you people turn on snakes after all they've done for you? | :'''Lisa:''' How can you people turn on snakes after all they've done for you? | ||
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:'''Superintendent Chalmers:''' Oh so you hear r's as b's? | :'''Superintendent Chalmers:''' Oh so you hear r's as b's? | ||
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| − | :'''Reverend Lovejoy:''' | + | :'''Reverend Lovejoy:''' ''[reading from the Bible]'' And the Lord said, whack ye all the serpants which crawl on their bellies and thy town shall be a beacon unto others. ''[long pause]'' So you see Lisa, even God himself endorses Wacking Day. |
:'''Lisa:''' Lemme see that. | :'''Lisa:''' Lemme see that. | ||
| − | :'''Reverend Lovejoy:''' | + | :'''Reverend Lovejoy:''' ''[puts the bible behind him]'' Mmmmmmm, no. |
---- | ---- | ||
:'''Bart:''' Ladies and gentlemen! Whacking Day is a sham! It was originally conceived in 1922 as an excuse to beat up on the Irish. | :'''Bart:''' Ladies and gentlemen! Whacking Day is a sham! It was originally conceived in 1922 as an excuse to beat up on the Irish. | ||
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:'''Choir:''' Oh Whacking Day! | :'''Choir:''' Oh Whacking Day! | ||
| − | Oh Whacking Day! | + | :Oh Whacking Day! |
| − | Our hallowed snake skull-cracking day! | + | :Our hallowed snake skull-cracking day! |
:'''Boy:''' We’ll break their backs | :'''Boy:''' We’ll break their backs | ||
| − | Gouge out their eyes | + | :Gouge out their eyes |
| − | Their evil hearts we’ll pulverize! | + | :Their evil hearts we’ll pulverize! |
:'''Choir:''' Oh Whacking Day! | :'''Choir:''' Oh Whacking Day! | ||
| − | Oh Whacking Day! | + | :Oh Whacking Day! |
| − | May God bestow His grace on thee. | + | :May God bestow His grace on thee. |
---- | ---- | ||
:'''Homer:''' Hey, kids, how was school? | :'''Homer:''' Hey, kids, how was school? | ||
| Line 76: | Line 76: | ||
:'''Bart:''' I got expelled. | :'''Bart:''' I got expelled. | ||
| − | :'''Homer:''' That's my boy! [sips his Duff beer] Mmm... beer... [realizes] What!? | + | :'''Homer:''' That's my boy! ''[sips his Duff beer]'' Mmm... beer... ''[realizes]'' What!? |
---- | ---- | ||
:'''Marge:''' Bart, I'd like you to read this copy of "Johnny Tremaine." It's a book I read as a girl. | :'''Marge:''' Bart, I'd like you to read this copy of "Johnny Tremaine." It's a book I read as a girl. | ||
| Line 86: | Line 86: | ||
:'''Bart:''' Deformed? Why didn't you say so! They should call this book "Johnny Deformed"? | :'''Bart:''' Deformed? Why didn't you say so! They should call this book "Johnny Deformed"? | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | [after realizing that Nelson, Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney are still locked in the school's utility closet, Principal Skinner and Groundskeeper Willie rush over to the school with a bunch of mountain bikes] | + | :''[after realizing that Nelson, Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney are still locked in the school's utility closet, Principal Skinner and Groundskeeper Willie rush over to the school with a bunch of mountain bikes]'' |
| − | :'''Principal Skinner:''' We give them their bikes, no one sues. ''[ | + | :'''Principal Skinner:''' We give them their bikes, no one sues. ''[laughs nervously]'' |
| − | :'''Willie:''' ''[ | + | :'''Willie:''' ''[laughs]'' What if they're dead, sir? |
:'''Principal Skinnger:''' Then we ride these bikes to Mexico, and freedom, Willie! Freedom! | :'''Principal Skinnger:''' Then we ride these bikes to Mexico, and freedom, Willie! Freedom! | ||
| − | + | :'''Wille:''' Freedom! ''[laughs, then under his breath]'' Yeah, I'll turn you in at the first toll booth. | |
---- | ---- | ||
:'''Nelson:''' Imagine...a school out there with no bullies. | :'''Nelson:''' Imagine...a school out there with no bullies. | ||
Revision as of 14:18, August 27, 2014
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- Evil Homer: [singing conga-style] "I am evil Homer! I am evil Homer!"
- Kent Brockman: "But first, a look at the local holiday that was called distasteful and puerile by a panel of hillbillies, Whacking Day! In a tradition that dates back to founding father Jebediah Springfield, every May 10th local residents gathered to drive snakes into the center of town and whack them to snake heaven. [footage plays] After exposing Alger Hiss, Honorary Grand Marshal Richard Nixon goes after another deadly hiss."
- [Nixon accidentally repeatedly strikes a person holding a snake down for him.]
- Nixon: "Is Whacking Day over? [everyone boos] Thank you. Thanks for coming out."
- Lisa: How can you people turn on snakes after all they've done for you?
- Grampa: I'm an old man, I hate everything but Matlock. Ooh, it's on now.
- Lisa: If the snakes were in here we could protect them.
- Bart: According to this, snakes hear by sensing vibrations in the ground. So, if we put our stereo speakers on the ground and play something with a lot of bass, those snakes will be in here like Oprah on a baked ham.
- Barney: [whacking invisible snakes] Snakes! Snakes everywhere!
- Lenny: You gettin' ready for Whacking Day?
- Barney: What's Whacking Day?
- Ralph: What's a battle?
- Principal Skinner: Hahahaha, let's go.
- Superintendent Chalmers: Did that boy say what's a battle?
- Principal Skinner: No he said What's that rattle, it's about the heating duct.
- Superintendent Chalmers: Hmm, it sounded like battle.
- Principal Skinner: I've had a cold, so...
- Superintendent Chalmers: Oh so you hear r's as b's?
- Reverend Lovejoy: [reading from the Bible] And the Lord said, whack ye all the serpants which crawl on their bellies and thy town shall be a beacon unto others. [long pause] So you see Lisa, even God himself endorses Wacking Day.
- Lisa: Lemme see that.
- Reverend Lovejoy: [puts the bible behind him] Mmmmmmm, no.
- Bart: Ladies and gentlemen! Whacking Day is a sham! It was originally conceived in 1922 as an excuse to beat up on the Irish.
- Old Irishman: 'Tis true. I took many a lump, but 'twas all in fun.
- Nelson: I want you to keep filling your shirt with crud until I get back.
- Milhouse: Yes, sir.
- Choir: Oh Whacking Day!
- Oh Whacking Day!
- Our hallowed snake skull-cracking day!
- Boy: We’ll break their backs
- Gouge out their eyes
- Their evil hearts we’ll pulverize!
- Choir: Oh Whacking Day!
- Oh Whacking Day!
- May God bestow His grace on thee.
- Homer: Hey, kids, how was school?
- Lisa: I learned how many grams in a pennyweight.
- Bart: I got expelled.
- Homer: That's my boy! [sips his Duff beer] Mmm... beer... [realizes] What!?
- Marge: Bart, I'd like you to read this copy of "Johnny Tremaine." It's a book I read as a girl.
- Bart: A book!? Pfffft.
- Marge: I think you might like this. It's about a boy who goes to war. His hand is deformed in an accident.
- Bart: Deformed? Why didn't you say so! They should call this book "Johnny Deformed"?
- [after realizing that Nelson, Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney are still locked in the school's utility closet, Principal Skinner and Groundskeeper Willie rush over to the school with a bunch of mountain bikes]
- Principal Skinner: We give them their bikes, no one sues. [laughs nervously]
- Willie: [laughs] What if they're dead, sir?
- Principal Skinnger: Then we ride these bikes to Mexico, and freedom, Willie! Freedom!
- Wille: Freedom! [laughs, then under his breath] Yeah, I'll turn you in at the first toll booth.
- Nelson: Imagine...a school out there with no bullies.
- Jimbo: Science geeks not getting beat up. Kids using their lunch money for food.
- Nelson: I can't take it!
