Difference between revisions of "Marge on the Lam/Quotes"

Latest revision as of 12:49, March 7, 2020

Homer: Hello? Can I get some help? Snack-related mishap!

Moe: We're phasing out the games. People drink less when they're having fun.

Marge: Homer, stop that, it's just a weather station!

Homer: Come on, Marge, it's fun to smash things!

Marge: I'm disappointed in you. But it turns out I had a wonderful time with Ruth Powers. In fact, we're going out again tomorrow night.

Homer: Marge, that's twice, I think you're spending entirely too much time with this woman!

Lisa: I always knew someday Mom would violently rise up and cast off the shackles of our male oppressors.

Bart: Eh, shut your yap.

Homer: Look Marge, I'm sorry I haven't been a better husband. I'm sorry about the time I tried to make gravy in the bathtub. I'm sorry I used your wedding dress to wax the car. And I'm sorry—Oh well, let's just say I'm sorry for the whole marriage up to this point.

Ruth Powers: I should get home to my daughter before that naked talk show comes on.

Homer: I can have a great time all by myself.

Lisa: Hey Dad, I think state and federal laws require us to have a babysitter.

Homer: Oh, Lisa. Haven't you seen "Home Alone"? If some burglars come, it'll be a very humorous and entertaining situation.

Bart: You're absolutely right, Dad. We don't need a baby-sitter.

Homer: Wait a minute [takes out card reading: "Always do opposite of what Bart Says."] You kids do need a baby-sitter!

Bart: [to himself] Blast that infernal card! [to Homer] Hey, Dad. Don't give me that card.

Homer: Here ya go--[pulls card away]—No!

Ruth: I envy you and Homer.

Marge: Thank you. Why?

Ruth: If you ever met my ex-husband, you'd understand. All he ever did was eat, sleep and drink beer.

Marge: Your point being?

Chief Wiggum: Mmm, engine-black eggs. If we can keep these down, we'll be sitting pretty.

[Marge and Ruth drive by]

Homer: That's them!

Chief Wiggum: Quiet! I can't hear the eggs.

Bart: Don't worry, you'll feel better once we put your hair up in curlers and give you a makeover, Homina.

Homer: [in a feminine voice] Ooh, that would be delightfu—Quiet boy!

Homer: Where are you going?

Marge: I don't know.

Homer: When will you be home?

Marge: I'm not sure.

Homer: Where are you going?

Marge: You already asked me that!

Homer: Will you bring me back something?

Marge: Dear Mrs. Simpson, while we were rescuing your husband, a lumber yard burned down.

Homer: Ohh, lumber has a million uses.

Ruth: Thanks, Marge. When my husband left, he took all our power tools along with the car, my youth, my faith in mankind.

Marge: Well, thank you for a lovely time.

Ruth: You're not going home already, are you?

Marge: Well, it's almost 9:30.

Homer: How can you do this, Marge? How can you desert your children?

Lisa: Have a blast, Mom.

Bart: Rock the Casbah!

Homer: [sneers at Bart] "Man's best friend" indeed.

Lionel Hutz: Mr. Simpson, I was just going through your garbage, and I couldn't help overhearing that you need a babysitter. Of course, being a highly-skilled attorney, my fee is $175 an hour.

Homer: We pay eight dollars for the night, and you can take two popsicles out of the freezer.

Lionel Hutz: Three.

Homer: Two.

Lionel Hutz: OK, two. And I get to keep this old bird cage.

Homer: Done!

Lionel Hutz: Still got it.

Marge: What was it you wanted to show me?

Ruth: This. [pulls a gun]

Marge: [gasps] You're not going to hunt me for sport, are you?

Lisa: Mr. Hutz, why are you burning all your personal papers?

Lionel Hutz: As of this moment, Lionel Hutz no longer exists. Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!

Marge: Ruth, is there something you want to tell me?

Ruth: Remember when I said my ex-husband was behind on his child support?

Marge: Uh huh.

Ruth: Well, to even things up, I kind of stole his car.

Marge: Didn't you realize all you had to do was report him to the police?

Ruth: Marge, you're the level-headed friend I never had.

Chief Wiggum: We're in pursuit of two female suspects. One is wearing a green dress, pearls, and has a lot of blue hair.

Homer: A lot of blue hair? Hee hee—what a freak! [realizes] ...it's Marge! She's become a crazed criminal just because I didn't take her to the ballet.

Chief Wiggum: That's exactly how Dillinger got started.

Homer: Really?

Marge: I don't want to be a wet blanket, but maybe you should give yourself up.

Ruth: Marge, it's a matter of principle. I just can't let that deadbeat win again. You're with me, aren'tcha?

Marge: [thinks] I should say something reassuring and noncommittal. [spoken] Hmm.

Ruth: Look, Marge, there's no reason for you to get dragged into this. Once we lose the cops, I'll let you out.

Marge: Well, I don't think they'll be that easy to lose. These are professional lawmen, and --

[Ruth turns the car's lights off]

Chief Wiggum: Oh my God! It just disappeared. It's a ghost-car! [slams on the brakes] There are ghost-cars all over these highways, you know.

Homer: Hold me.

Chief Wiggum: Only if you hold me. [a coyote howls as Chief Wiggum and Homer hold each other scared]

Bart: Hey, it's morning and Mom and Dad aren't home.

Lisa: Don't worry. Mr. Hutz is still here to take care of us. [nudges Lionel Hutz, who growls and brandishes a knife]

Lionel Hutz: [wakes up defensively] Don't touch my stuff! [realizes where he is] H-Hey, this isn't the YMCA.

Chief Wiggum: Dispatch, this is Chief Wiggum, back in pursuit of the rebelling women.

Dispatch: All right, your current location?

Chief Wiggum: Oh, uh, I'm, er, I'm on a road. Uh, looks to be asphalt... oh, geez, trees, shrubs... er, I'm directly under the earth's sun... now!

Kent Brockman: At the risk of editorializing, these women are guilty, and must be dealt with in a harsh and brutal fashion. Otherwise, their behavior could incite other women leading to anarchy of biblical proportions. [pauses] It's in the "Revelations," people!

Ruth: I give up. A single mother can't win in a man's world.

Marge: Ruth, that's a lot of hooey. It's not over 'till it's over. [grabs the steering wheel, making the car veer off the road] I'm sorry, I should have asked first.

Chief Wiggum: Oh, no! They're headed right for the Grand Chasm!

Homer: Oh my God! They're going to drive right into it just to teach us men a lesson. And it's all my fault!

Narrator: Ruth Powers was tried in Springfield Superior Court. The judge dismissed her ex-husband's auto theft charges and forced him to pay all back child support. Mr. Powers blamed the outcome on his lawyer, one Lionel Hutz. Lionel Hutz, AKA: Miguel Sanchez, AKA: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk, was paid 8 dollars for his 32 hours of babysitting. He was glad to get it. Marge Simpson was charged with a violation of penal code section 618A: "Wanton Destruction of Precious Antique Cans." She was ordered to pay 50 cents to replace the cans, and $2000 in punitive damages and mental anguish. Homer Simpson was remanded to the custody of the United States Army Neurochemical Research Center at Fort Meade, Maryland, for extensive testing.

Homer: Woo-hoo!