Difference between revisions of "Whacking Day/Quotes"

Revision as of 15:49, August 27, 2012

Evil Homer: [singing conga-style] "I am evil Homer! I am evil Homer!"

Kent Brockman: "But first, a look at the local holiday that was called distasteful and puerile by a panel of hillbillies, Whacking Day! In a tradition that dates back to founding father Jebediah Springfield, every May 10th local residents gathered to drive snakes into the center of town and whack them to snake heaven. [footage plays] After exposing Alger Hiss, Honorary Grand Marshal Richard Nixon goes after another deadly hiss."

[Nixon accidentally repeatedly strikes a person holding a snake down for him.]

Nixon: "Is Whacking Day over? [everyone boos] Thank you. Thanks for coming out."

Lisa: How can you people turn on snakes after all they've done for you?

Grampa: I'm an old man, I hate everything but Matlock. Ooh, it's on now.

Lisa: If the snakes were in here we could protect them.

Bart: According to this, snakes hear by sensing vibrations in the ground. So, if we put our stereo speakers on the ground and play something with a lot of bass, those snakes will be in here like Oprah on a baked ham.

Barney: [whacking invisible snakes] Snakes! Snakes everywhere!

Lenny: You gettin' ready for Whacking Day?

Barney: What's Whacking Day?

Ralph: What's a battle?

Principal Skinner: Hahahaha, let's go.

Superintendent Chalmers: Did that boy say what's a battle?

Principal Skinner: No he said What's that rattle, it's about the heating duct.

Superintendent Chalmers: Hmm, it sounded like battle.

Principal Skinner: I've had a cold, so...

Superintendent Chalmers: Oh so you hear r's as b's?

Reverend Lovejoy: (reading from the Bible) And the Lord said, whack ye all the serpants which crawl on their bellies and thy town shall be a beacon unto others. (Long pause) So you see Lisa, even God himself endorses Wacking Day.

Lisa: Lemme see that.

Reverend Lovejoy: (puts the bible behind him) Mmmmmmm, no.

Bart: Ladies and gentlemen! Whacking Day is a sham! It was originally conceived in 1922 as an excuse to beat up on the Irish.

Old Irishman: 'Tis true. I took many a lump, but 'twas all in fun.

Nelson: I want you to keep filling your shirt with crud until I get back.

Milhouse: Yes, sir.

Choir: Oh Whacking Day!

Oh Whacking Day!

Our hallowed snake skull-cracking day!

Boy: We’ll break their backs

Gouge out their eyes

Their evil hearts we’ll pulverize!

Choir: Oh Whacking Day!

Oh Whacking Day!

May God bestow His grace on thee.

Homer: Hey, kids, how was school?

Lisa: I learned how many grams in a pennyweight.

Bart: I got expelled.

Homer: That's my boy! [sips his Duff beer] Mmm... beer... [realizes] What!?

Marge: Bart, I'd like you to read this copy of "Johnny Tremaine." It's a book I read as a girl.

Bart: A book!? Pfffft.

Marge: I think you might like this. It's about a boy who goes to war. His hand is deformed in an accident.

Bart: Deformed? Why didn't you say so! They should call this book "Johnny Deformed"?

[after realizing that Nelson, Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney are still locked in the school's utility closet, Principal Skinner and Groundskeeper Willie rush over to the school with a bunch of mountain bikes]

Principal Skinner: We give them their bikes, no one sues.

Nelson: Imagine...a school out there with no bullies.

Jimbo: Science geeks not getting beat up. Kids using their lunch money for food.

Nelson: I can't take it!