Difference between revisions of "All's Fair in Oven War/Quotes"

Revision as of 13:01, July 27, 2012

Club owner: I'm turning this disco into a hockey rink.

Blacula:' You mean a honky rink!

Marge: Relax, we're just looky-loos. We're only here to compare our lifestyle to our neighbors.

Homer: Oh, c'mon Marge. It's not fair to compare us to an American household.

Milhouse: Hey, the lady in this picture is hot. She can calamine my hives anytime.

Bart: That's congresswoman Bella Abzug.

Milhouse: Ciao, Bella!

Marge: I think you used too much plaster.

Homer: Oh, now you tell me.

Marge: I never stopped telling you.

Homer: So that's what that white noise was.

Moe Szyslak: Same old stuff: meatloaf, casserole, tunaloaf, loaferole, casseloaf...

Carl Carlson: Marge Simpson's wasabi buffalo wings.

Lenny Leonard: Ooh, an Eastern twist on a Western New York favorite!

Lisa: What do you think Thomas Pynchon?

Thomas Pynchon: These wings are V.-licious! I'll put this recipe in the Gravity's Rainbow Cookbook right next to The Frying of Latke 49.

Sideshow Mel: I agree with my fellow Cornell alumnus. Huzzah for Marge!

Crowd: Huzzah!

Marge: And how about a huzzah for my husband who paid for our new kitchen?

Mel: Never!

[Bart and Milhouse are listening to Jazz]

Milhouse: When do they start singing?

Bart: Well, the Playdude Advisor says the music will get a stewardess to give you a layover.

Milhouse: I hope it's Omaha. My grammy lives there.

Marge: In the Ovenfresh Bakeoff, clever presentation is as important as taste. So I'm entering my dessert dogs. It's deep fried cookie dough with meringue buns, cherry "ketchup" and caramel "mustard".

Bart: Mmm... It's dessert, but it's hot dogs, so it's good for you!

Chief Wiggum: Sorry, Ralphie. The Bakeoff rejected your recipe.

Ralph Wiggum: I wanna be in the bakeoff!

Chief Wiggum: There, there. I think your grilled crayon sandwich was delicious.

Ralph: You only took a pretend bite.

Chief Wiggum: No, I'm eating it, look.

[he swallows it with great difficulty]

Ralph: Can you taste the thumbtacks?

Chief Wiggum: Aw, crap.

[Bart is dressed in a smoking jacket and carrying a pipe]

Nelson Muntz: Haw Haw! Bart looks different today.

Bart: Ah, Nelson. Your debonair wit reminds me of a young Mort Sahl.

Nelson: Guh?

Bart: Listen up, ring-a-ding-dingers. I'm throwin' a little sip'n'quip at the Playdude Treehouse. Saturday night, at the top of the ladder. Be there or be square.

Ralph: I want to be a triangle.

Bart: You're not invited.

Marge: It's going to be weird cooking without your tipsy father grabbing me from behind. But I think I'm up to it.

Stuart: So, whatcha makin', Marge?

Marge: Well, Stuart, I'm making a dessert that looks like a hot dog, but isn't.

Stuart: You're making a tasty fake? [chuckles] That is so 90s. Why don't we move to Seattle and use slow modems.

[several chefs laugh at Marge]

Luigi Risotto: Yo, Marge. Your recipe, she's-a pathetic!

Marge: She is not!

James Caan: Hey, Bart, me and Mrs. Krabappel, uh, we're going to go play some "backgammon", if you know what I mean.

Bart: I don't, but I hope you win.

Edna: Oh, he's gonna win.

Caan: Some guys like a challenge. Not me.

Chief Wiggum: Listen here, Simpson. Your son has been exposing our kids to adult themes, unabashed dictionaries, and the lesser short fiction of John Cheever.

Homer: Adult themes? What are you talking about?

Ned Flanders: Well, my Roddy told a joke about an octopus and a set of bagpipes, and the punchline implied that they fornicated.

Wiggum: Ralphie wants to go on the pill.

Homer: Stupid Bart. Heh heh heh heh heh heh. Bagpipes getting down with an octopus... that's classic.

Lisa: Come on, Mom. You still have twenty minutes left. You can fix it.

Marge: You're right! If I can feed a family of five for $12 a week, I can do anything.

Lisa: You feed us on $12 a week?

Marge: I stretch your father's meatloaf with sawdust.

Marge: Even the pope couldn't forgive this pizza... and he's letting a lot slide these days.

Homer: Hey, sweetie, is Mom winning?

Lisa: Oh, she'll win the contest, but she'll lose her soul.

Homer: But she'll win the contest?

Lisa: And lose her soul.

Homer: But win the contest?

Lisa: [weary] Yes.

Homer: Woo-hoo! If Marge becomes Auntie Ovenfresh, we'll meet all the food personalities. [Homer imagines himself at a swanky party with Marge and various food mascots] Look! It's Mr. Cashew... the Kobbler Dwarf... Snip, Crinkle and Poof! Twinkie the Kid! I love you! [he hugs Twinkie]

Twinkie: Whoa, easy there pardner. [he hugs him harder and cream squeezes out of him]

Homer: Uh-oh.

Pringles-type man: You killed him!

Kobbler Dwarf: He was my world!

Food icons: [angrily] Blood for cream! Blood for cream!

[back in the real world]

Homer: [angrily] Blood for cream! Blood for cream!

Head judge: Our two remaining dishes are "blackened dessert dogs" by Marge Simpson and "Armadillo a la Road" by Brandine No Last Name Given.

Marge: That was an entry?

Brandine: Just 'cause it was cooked in a garbage can doesn't make it garbage.

Bart: [reading from Playdude] Canned and frozen juices are more popular than ever these days. But, most bachelors we know would prefer to squeeze their own tomatoes.

Milhouse: Bachelors are always squeezin' stuff.

Homer: Would you excuse us, Milton?

Milhouse: It's Milhouse.

Homer: Yeah, and your father's "No House". Now scram.

Template:Season 16 Q