Survival of the Wellest

Survival of the Wellest

Tapped Out Quest Information Level: 5 Update: New Year New You Required characters: Homer, Gluttons Optional characters: Sakatumi, Wiggum, Quimby, Barney, See Currency-earning jobs Internal name(s): SurvivalOfTheWellest ID(s): 240001 - 240005 Previous quest(s): The Post-Holiday Expansion Next quest(s): The Post-Holiday Contraction Expansion

Survival of the Wellest is an event-exclusive questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the New Year New You content update.

Dialogue

Pt. 1

After completing The Post-Holiday Expansion Hmm. Protracted gut, excessive sweating, the tub of gravy filled with candy corn you're eating... My diagnosis: you are experiencing a momentary spike of obesity...caused by the mass consumption of holiday leftovers. All true! So, what wonders of medical science are available for a super overweight person who wants to effortlessly shed a few pounds? Homer, I can't staple your stomach for a third time. It would kill you. *moans* Now how am I going to cash in my "buy two get one free" stomach stapling card? *chuckles* You're holding a Krusty Burger punch card — which as your doctor, I can't allow you to cash in. *takes card* Well, if you won't help me, maybe Dr. Nick will. Homer, my solution is for you to go on a strict diet eating only these experimental meal replacement packs. How's eating going to help me lose weight? They're full of untested chemicals! Can't argue with chemicals! Task: "Collect Dumbbells" (x125). Task: "Make Homer Gorge Himself on Meal Replacement Packs". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours. Must gorge to lose weight! Dad, these meal pack labels are just taped on with Band-Aids. *peels off label* I don't feel so good. That's because you've been eating US Army cavalry horse feed from the Spanish-American War! *horse neighs* No wonder I've been neighing so much! No, you can't eat any more of those! Quest reward: 100 and 10 Serenity Ranch

Pt. 2

After completing Pt. 1 Hey Homer, I have to give you a ticket...for speeding! Man, this day can't get worse... Well, why are you in such a rush? I've tried every get-thin-quick scheme I could think of: stuffing myself with diet horse feed on the couch while watching endless reruns of the NHL All-Star Skills Challenge... So, now I'm on my way to Moe's because he does backroom liposuction before noon. You know, me and some of the other...robust fellas in town are heading over to Tab Spangler's Serenity Ranch. *chuckles* Robust. He's running a "New Year, New You" weight loss special. You should join us! Fat Camp? No thank you! There's a free all-you-can-eat "welcome guests" buffet tonight... Mmm...fat camp buffet. Task: "Collect Dumbbells" (x125). Task: "Make Homer Rush to Serenity Ranch". The job takes place at Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours. Task: "Make Gluttons Head to Serenity Ranch" (x3). The jobs take place at Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo, or a Visitable Home and take 4 hours. Thank you for your patience while filling out these fourteen-page liability release forms. So that's what I signed! I believe we were promised a free all-you-can-eat buffet? Yeah, where's my free grub?! Don't worry, at Serenity Ranch we deliver on our promises! So let this magnificent feast start you on your road to wellness. This isn't a feast! It's a bunch of plants... It's all so green and leafy... I detect a distinct lack of protein, which leads me to ask: what kind of FAT CAMP IS THIS? A healthy one! *fires gun* Storm the kitchen! *attacking noises* This may be harder than I thought. Quest reward: 100 and 10 Scammer and Z-Dog Vending Machine

Pt. 3

After completing Pt. 2 You know I don't feel so good. I'm not sure I can handle more wellness training this morning. Maybe I could just call my wife to come get me...or at least bring me a burger or pizza. No dice. The registration forms you signed give me full legal authority to keep you here until you are the peak of physical perfection! God I love fine print. You sir, are worse than Loki the trickster god himself! Them's the rules and you all signed on the dotted line. *gasp* He can't imprison us! Can he, Chief...? Well, he did say both "legal" and "authority" in the same sentence, and the DA tells me that's the magic word combo that lets me do whatever I want... Calm yourselves! Torturing people into shape is a thing of the past. Here at Serenity Ranch, we take a holistic approach to wellness! I take a holistic approach to eating whatever I want and where I want! Well, not anymore. Task: "Collect Dumbbells" (x125). Task: "Make Homer Drink a Green Juice". The job takes place at Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours. If Sakatumi is owned: Task: "Make Sakatumi Meditate on Weight Loss". The job takes place at Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours. If Wiggum is owned: Task: "Make Wiggum Strike a Yoga Pose". The job takes place at Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours. If Quimby is owned: Task: "Make Quimby Learn Pilates". The job takes place at Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours. Am I doing this "downward dog" thing right? I wish the police dog was here to show me how. Ow! I don't think my back bends this way. Or at all. Shavasa-whaa? It's "Shavasana". And yes, it's a subpar catchphrase! Yoga is for moms to meet other moms and show off. We fat dudes should be doing push-ups and karate kicks! Since I have the legal authority to keep you all here, you better start learning to love our new wellness program...and that means yoga every morning. *out of breath* Yoga is so much harder than anything I did at the Police Academy! And I had to do that twice! Quest reward: 100 and 10 Unlicensed Surgeon Moe

Pt. 4

After completing Pt. 3 This is all a waste of time! Plus Lard Lad just released a new bacon donut sandwich! It's two bacon donuts with a bacon donut in the center! The premiere of a new donut and I am missing it! *angry noise* We've gotta escape this "Serenity" Ranch! If you're with me, put your fat fingers in. Homer, maybe you should just relax and get with the program. All this yoga is making me too tired to fight. The cop guy is right. Plus, at least we have a steady stream of kombucha to keep us just as drunk as ever. *kombucha belch* Homer, how do you know you don't like wellness, unless you try it? *short shriek* You're all traitors to the big and tall! Task: "Collect Dumbbells" (x125). Task: "Make Homer Convince Fellow Gluttons to Escape". The job takes place at Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours. If Barney is owned: Task: "Make Barney Have Another Juice". The job takes place at Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours. If Wiggum is owned: Task: "Make Wiggum Almost Stretch His Back". The job takes place at Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours. Guys, this is just a big scam! We're wasting time and not losing any weight while we keep paying Tab Spangler to live here on this picturesque ranch! Hmm, I wish scamming were illegal, but it's not — so we can't do anything. What about you, Comic Book Guy? Don't you want to go back home and run your shop? I bet Bart is stealing all your comics as we speak. Kumiko runs a pretty tight ship thank you very much. But I do miss reading the comics and lamenting about how bad they've all become. And Sakatumi...wait, why are you even here? Isn't being big kind of your job? I was disqualified from the tour when they found out my sumo diaper was really two sumo diapers tied together! Alright, Simpson, you've sold us on the need to get out of here. What's your plan? I don't have a plan! I'm just the guy who rallies everyone together so that someone else can come up with the plan. Worst. Leader. Ever. Quest reward: 100 and 10 Chubby Chaser Chariot

Pt. 5

After completing Pt. 4 Look, Homer, we all want to get out of here now, but face it: we're all too fat and slow. Yeah, Homer, we're not Thors, we're Fat Thors! The only way out of here is to train until we're all able to climb over that wall and escape. Hmmm...that's it, Barney! We'll get in shape. And there's only one way to do that... Stick with the wellness program? No, a training montage! Task: "Collect Dumbbells" (x125). Task: "Make Homer Put Together a Training Montage". The job takes place at Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours. Task: "Make Gluttons Train in a Training Montage". The jobs take place at Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo, or a Visitable Home and take 4 hours. *montage music plays* Whoa, look at me dragging giant tires around! I don't even know where those came from! I think I just did a hundred thousand jumping jacks without breaking a sweat! *lifting weights* They're going to have to start calling me LEAN TONY! *stops montage music* Alright, former fatsos, now we're in the best shape of our lives and all it took was 8 minutes of montaging! Let us climb over the wall like Wildlings invading Westeros! *slow clap* Excellent work, men! I never wavered from my belief that you'd finally realize what it takes to get in great shape. You had to hate being here so much that you'd lose weight just to escape! So he's not a scammer — he's a genius! Worst. Twist. Ever. Hey, I still made a buttload of money off you sorry lot. Quest reward: 100 and 10 Tab Spangler

Currency-earning jobs

Task Character(s) Time Location(s) Reward Collect Dumbbells Homer, Marge, Lisa, Bart, Wiggum, Quimby, Moe, Lenny 4h Lugash's Gym, Sportacus, Old Scratch's Gym, Sprawl-Mart, Home Visitable 5, 45 Calibrate Dumbbells Mrs. Frink Frink's Lab, Lugash's Gym, Sportacus, Old Scratch's Gym, Sprawl-Mart, Home Visitable 8, 70

Behind the Laughter

The quest name is a reference to the phrase "survival of the fittest."

The Simpsons: Tapped Out New Year New You quests
The Post-Holiday Expansion • Survival of the Wellest • The Post-Holiday Contraction Expansion
Tab Spangler	Motivation to the Masses
Mrs. Frink	The Nature to Nurture
Unlicensed Surgeon Moe	The Ol' Nip and Tuck