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"The Real Housewives of Fat Tony"
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- "I like you. I don't know whether to knock you on your kisser, or kiss you on your knockers."
- ―Fat Tony to Selma
| "The Real Housewives of Fat Tony"
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| Episode Information
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"The Real Housewives of Fat Tony" is the nineteenth episode of season 22 of The Simpsons and the four-hundred and eighty-third episode overall. It originally aired on May 1, 2011. The episode was written by Dick Blasucci and directed by Lance Kramer. It guest stars Joe Mantegna as Fat Tony.
Synopsis[edit]
- "Fat Tony and Selma, Marge's painfully blunt sister, fall in love and get married after a whirlwind courtship. Marge has her reservations about the couple's marriage after Selma begins to prioritize her looks and ritzy new lifestyle over her family, so Fat Tony invites Homer and Marge to a weekend getaway at the Jersey Shore. Meanwhile, Bart discovers a special talent that allows him to detect the location of truffles by smell, and Lisa jumps at the chance to capitalize on the rare culinary treasures."
Homer, Bart and Lisa are waiting in line at the DMV to get Homer's driving license renewed. Bart spots Noiseland Arcade across the street, which prompts Homer to leave Bart and Lisa in the line and go there himself. Bart gets mad at Homer, because he went to a birthday party he was invited to. When Homer returns, Bart and Lisa give their spot in line to Fat Tony, as Homer left Bart and Lisa standing in line at a boring DMV, wasting their last day of summer vacation. After Selma refuses to process Fat Tony's form and save his spot in line, Tony's mob bags her when she goes outside to smoke. They throw her in the boot of the car, and Louie and Legs tell each other that Selma weighs more than a safe filled with cash that is also in the back. In the forest, Bart and Lisa get each other's germs from licking the wrong side of their lollipop, and after an hour, Bart sniffs out truffles which are growing in the roots. Lisa is surprised at this, and gives the truffles to Luigi, who is also out looking for truffles with Spider-Pig. Luigi makes a deal with Bart that if he can find more truffles, he will be given "top dollar" for them and given the best table at the restaurant.
At an abandoned warehouse near the ocean, Fat Tony's mob un-bags Selma, and Fat Tony asks her what part of her body she wants to be cut off first. Selma demands that she receive liposuction. After a few choice words, Fat Tony agrees with Selma. Selma shows off her new look and Tony tells his mob to leave with the doctor, as he wants some private time with Selma. At 742 Evergreen Terrace, Marge can't stop looking at Selma, and when Homer comes in bad-mouthing her, Fat Tony arrives. Homer starts stuttering and explains that he was complimenting her. Tony knew what was going on and forgives Homer, provided he draws a portrait of Patty. Homer's drawings turn out bad, as he can't help himself and keeps drawing her as a monster. On their date, Fat Tony proposes to Selma, while Louie and Legs drown another member of the Mafia, and sings a song which makes the agents in the FBI van put Selma on the mob hierarchy. Meanwhile, in the woods, Lisa forces Bart to search for more truffles, as big as Cletus' new baby's head. Back at the wedding ceremony, Marge get mad at Selma for putting her at the table with the lowlifes, and the two fall out during the photos. Fat Tony sees what Selma and Marge are going through, and invites Homer and Marge to stay with them at his new mansion on the Jersey Shore. Back in the woods, Lisa is getting tired with Bart and argues that his scent of smell for truffles is failing. As Bart tries to storm off, he trips and knocks his head against a tree, knocking himself out. When Bart wakes up, he is treated like a dog by Lisa and forced to look for truffles. Bart gets a scent, which leads to a closet in Lisa's bedroom. Lisa explains that she ate the truffles because vegetarian food is so boring and bland. She tells Bart to give them to someone who deserves them, and Bart chooses Spider-Pig. Unfortunately, Bart realizes he's made the wrong choice when Spider-Pig then goes haywire, eating anything that includes truffles throughout the restaurant.
Arriving at Fat Tony's mansion, Marge doesn't think it's a good idea to stay with him and Selma, but Homer does. Fat Tony introduces his nephews and niece to Homer and Marge, but when Marge stumbles into Selma, all made-over, they have another falling out. While Homer is forced to chug a whole keg of beer, Selma tells Marge about Fat Tony and Homer's growing relationship. Selma, Marge, Homer, and Fat Tony "start over" by enjoying themselves in a hot tub. Afterwards, Homer and Marge are trying to find their room, when they hear Fat Tony talk to Louie and Legs and the two realize Tony has a "goomar," or another mistress. Marge and Homer tell Selma, and Marge immediately wants to leave. Homer doesn't want to, but Marge forces him to. After offering Homer several pool-noodles, Fat Tony gets an un-welcome visit from Selma, who is angry with him for having two wives. Suddenly, Fat Tony's real wife walks in, or in fact crashes through the fence in a car at high speed. The angry woman then exclaims that this "other woman" is the goomar, although Selma seems to differ. Tony explains that if Selma knew Italian, she would know about the "goomar" business. His real wife then shouts that Fat Tony missed her open house because of Selma, and Selma gets into a fight with her. Homer and Marge get out of the way, by going in the tanning bed together.
