Diatribe of a Mad Housewife
"Diatribe of a Mad Housewife"
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Episode Information
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"Diatribe of a Mad Housewife" is the tenth episode of The Simpsons' fifteenth season, which originally aired January 25 2004. Marge is inspired to write a romance novel, though after Homer hears rumours that Marge is secretly in love with Ned Flanders due to the storyline of the novel, he grows jealous. Meanwhile, Homer buys an ambulance and becomes an ambulance driver.
Plot
After Homer buys nearly everything on the menu at Krusty Burger, burrito filling hits the windshield and, unable to see the road, he swerves towards the power plant. Homer is fired immediately and thrown out unceremoniously.
Meanwhile, Marge, Bart and Lisa are at the bookstore, where Marge meets author Emsé Delacroix (likely a parody of the late British author E. M. Delafield, whose first name was Edmé). This meeting inspires Marge to write a novel. Meanwhile, Homer buys a 1959 Eureka Cadillac hightop ambulance, after failing at a new job of auto sales.
Marge begins to write a novel about whaling times (inspired by the boat painting in the living room), and proceeds to write several sentences.
That evening, Homer is running his ambulance service. Unfortunately for his customers (patients), he loses his way and refuses to accept that he is lost, driving in circles.
Marge creates the characters for her novel: Temperance, the dutiful lady, inspired by herself; Temperance's loving whaler husband, inspired by Homer; and Cyrus Manly, inspired by Ned Flanders. At first, she has Homer as a successful whale hunter, but after he comes home, very tired, Marge decides to remake him into a lazy, drunk fisher who has no luck. She completes the book, titled The Harpooned Heart. She gets positive reviews and decides to get it published. Marge asks Homer to read her book, but he falls asleep while attempting. He later lies and says he loves the book. Marge becomes an instant success, with praise from Tom Clancy and Thomas Pynchon. However, Helen Lovejoy begins to spread rumors that the novel is based on Marge's life.
After Homer is teased by several people, saying that Ned is Marge's secret love, Homer gets mad and decides to read the book. He buys an audiotape version read by the Olsen twins. Homer gets angry with Marge, and Marge rebuts by saying that he never read the book. Homer decides to get revenge on Ned. He chases him in his ambulance after Ned flees. Lisa tells Bart that this situation is similar to the ending of the novel; Temperance's husband confronts Cyrus at the edge of a cliff and harpoons him. However, he is caught in his harpoon's rope, and is dragged by a whale which Cyrus' corpse was stuck to, into the sea. Homer then pursues Ned to a cliff, where Homer corners him. Homer then asks Ned to make him a better man, and when Marge tracks them down, she thinks that Homer is about to kill Ned, however she realizes that what is happening is fine. Homer and Marge then decide to make their own novel: "Who Really Killed JFK?", with Homer's theory being that Lee Harvey Oswald killed as a distraction, so he could steal the Jack Ruby.
Cultural references
- The title word plays off of the book and film Diary of a Mad Housewife.
- Homer sings a song to the tune of "Cars" by Gary Numan.
- Homer briefly works at the "Boris Car Loft", a reference to Boris Karloff.
- The ambulance Homer buys is based on a 1959 Eureka Cadillac ambulance formerly operated by the Bogota, New Jersey Volunteer First Aid Squad, which has since been restored and is now in the Netherlands. See http://home.pacbell.net/naparish/
- Marge denotes the similarity of the picture behind the couch to the classic novel, Moby-Dick (the picture is, in fact, called "Scene from Moby Dick"). It inspired her novel, when she thought "No one's done a book about whaling before!" Moreover, her book is about whaling and its ending has Temperance's husband dying in a similar manner to that of Ahab, from the same novel.
Episode Quotes
Homer: You were gonna start a novel without informing me?! Marge: Homer, you left two jobs and bought an ambulance without even a phone call! Homer: I also fed some ducklings. Marge: I know, I got your message.
Homer: Marge, I figured it out! Lee Harvey Oswald wanted to steal the Jack Ruby!
Marge: Jack Ruby was a man, not a jewel.
Homer: Oh, I was so close!
Homer: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I need some dinner STAT! And the kids need some CPR lessons.
Lisa: We're not paramedics!
Homer: I'll say.
Tom Clancy: Hello, this is Tom Clancy. Would I say, "If you're hunting for a good read this October, Marge Simpson's book is a clear and present danger to your free time"? Hell no I wouldn't. What do you mean I just said it? That doesn't count! Hello. Hello?
Marge(to herself):I'm finished, and it's so suggestive. Well like they say "snuggling sells."
Marge: Homie, I finished my novel… Homer: Wooh, typed. Marge: It's really important that you read it and tell me what you think. Homer: No problem. Aww 286 pages! Marge: It's double spaced. Homer: Woo hoo! I'm half-way through!
Homer: How can you write such horrible things about me?
Marge: You told me you liked it! You didn't read it at all! You lied to me!
Homer: I didn't lie. I was writing fiction with my mouth.
Flanders: Did you agree to be married to a drunken lout who wouldn't respect you?
Marge: Pretty much. We wrote our own vows.
Marge: Well? Homer: Well what? Marge: Did you read it? Homer: [eye bounces left to right twice] um... yes. Marge: Did you like it? Homer: [eye bounces left to right twice] um... yes. Marge: Do you think I should publish it? Homer: You know what I say, publish or parish!
Marge: Did you like it? Lisa: (puts down last page) Don't you think you're a little hard on Dad? Marge: What do you mean? Lisa: (reading page) 'He went to the shop with the sign: Salted Blowholes. "Mmm... Blowholes," he moaned.' Doesn't that sound a little like Dad? Marge: Yes, I guess it does resemble your father.
[The windsock at Boris's Car Lot is ripped from its platform; it flies away.] Homer: Awww. That was my only friend here. [Homer gets up on the platform and "performs" in the windsock's place.]
[Homer's driving the ambulance with Comic Book Guy - who's clutching his heart - in the back.]
Homer: So, where to, my friend?
Comic Book Guy: I already told you: the hospital! You're an ambulance, not a cab!
Homer: The hospital, huh? Seems like everyone's going there tonight.
[Homer's driving the ambulance with an unconcious man in the back.]
Homer: [to the unconcious man] So, you got any kids? [beat] Quiet kind, huh?
Lisa: Bart, this is horrible! What if Dad reads it ("The Harpooned Heart")?
Bart: It's too long; he won't read it.
Lisa: Well, what if they make it into a movie?
Bart: It's too sappy; he won't see it.
Lisa: Well, what if they do a parody about it on MADtv?
Bart: [gasps] We're doomed!
