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- [a rat crawls out of a trash can, Ralph comes out shortly after]
- Ralph Wiggum: The rat symbolizes obviousness!
- Bart: Skinner's five steps ahead of me! I put a tack on his chair, he's corked his pants. I throw a tomato, he's making salad.
- Ralph Wiggum: [about Donny] When he grows up, I want to be like me!
- Homer: Unlike love, respect can't be bought.
- Lisa: I never dreamed an American car designed in Germany, assembled in Mexico from parts made in Canada, could be so amazing.
- [after the Diet Coke and Mentos explosion]
- Superintendent Chalmers: Skinner! [pause] Skinner?
- Principal Skinner: I'm alright, sir.
- Superintendent Chalmers: Don't ever scare me like that again.
- Donny: Hey, Krabappel! Your name sounds like Crabapple. Did you go sour waiting for someone to pick you?
- Edna Krabappel: [sighs] Pretty much.
- Superintendent Chalmers: We're gonna put Bart Simpson away for a long, long time.
- Principal Skinner: By law, the most we can give him is a 10-day suspension.
- Superintendent Chalmers: That's long to a kid.
- Homer: [singing to the tune of Yes' Owner of a Lonely Heart] Driver of a loaner car...
- Principal Skinner: Sorry to plop, plop on your fizz, fizz.