Difference between revisions of "Mr. Lisa's Opus/Quotes"

Revision as of 15:06, February 10, 2018

Lisa: Dad! Mom is gonna leave you.

Homer: Sweetie, marriages are like water heaters -- they sit peacefully for years until they explode in a fireball ruining everything you own.

Lisa: Mom packed her bags.

Homer: Which suitcase? The one with the broken wheel? Because she won't get more than a block away with that.

Lisa: She fixed the wheel.

Homer: Oh, God!

Homer: Stop drinking? That's like asking a golfer to stop drinking!

Homer: Ned, I have to quit drinking. Now!

Ned: Al right, soberino, it's just 12 simple steps.

Homer: Oh, 12?

Ned: Fine. Nine.

Homer: Oh!

Ned: Okay, step one: admit you're powerless.

Homer: I'm powerless. Boom! Done.

Ned: Step two: admit there is a power greater than yourself.

Homer: Um, if I'm powerless, isn't every power greater than myself?

Ned: This is the 12 steps, not 20 questions. Now, make a decision to turn your life to God.

Homer: [Scoffs] God. He's in every deal, like undercoating. Fine.

Ned: Make a searching moral inventory of yourself.

Homer: If I have one tiny flaw, it's that I have many enormous flaws.

Ned: Admit the nature of your wrongs.

Homer: Well, I'm not the best parallel parker.

Ned: Are you ready for God to remove these defects?

Homer: Dear Lord, the Satan of Heaven, I order you to fix me.

Valerie: So I suppose you want to tell me your SATs.

Lisa: Very much. But I won't.