Difference between revisions of "The Springfield Files/Quotes"

Revision as of 11:57, June 24, 2013

Bart: [telling a scary story] ...and that's how much money college will cost for Maggie.

Homer: No... no... NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Mr. Burns: La la, la la la la [skips off into the woods]

Dr. Nick: The most rewarding part was when he gave me my money.

Mr Burns: Yes, and now that I'm back to normal I don't bring you peace and love I bring you hate and...

Dr Nick: Time for a booster! (Jabs needle in Burns)

Mr Burns: Good morning starshine, the earth says hello...

Squeaky-voiced teen: I'm Leonard Nimoy, goodnight, and keep watching the skis! ... I mean, skies.

Mulder: Look at this Scully. There's been another unsubstantiated UFO sighting in the heartland of America. We've got to get there right away.

Scully: Well, gee Mulder. There's also this report of a shipment of drugs and illegal weapons coming into New Jersey tonight.

Mulder: I hardly think the FBI is concerned with matters like that.

Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around the city, keeping its speed over fifty. And if its speed dropped, the bus would explode! I think it was called... "The bus that couldn't slow down."

Mr. Burns: So, another Friday is upon us. What will you be doing, Smithers? Something gay, no doubt!

Smithers: Wha...? What?!

Mr. Burns: You know. Light-hearted, fancy-free. "Mothers, lock up your daughters! Smithers is on the town!" [chuckles]

Smithers: Exactly sir! [laughs nervously]

Jasper: Thank God it's Wednesday. [swallows pills]

Mrs. Glick: It's Friday.

Jasper: Uh-oh. Wrong pills.

[hair grows all over Jasper's body, as Mrs. Glick watches on]

...Little help?

Homer: Well, it's 1am. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.

Marge: Homer, it's 2 am. What happened?

Homer: It was an alien, Marge! It appeared in front of me and said "Don't be Afraid."

Marge: Have you been drinking?

Homer: No!

[pause]

Well, ten beers.

[Moulder and Scully watch Homer run on a tread-mill.]

Moulder: Wait a minute, Scully. What's the point of this test?

Scully: No point. I just thought he could stand to lose a little weight.

Mulder: His jiggling is almost hypnotic.

Scully: [In a trance] Yes. It's like a lava lamp.

Homer: Please! Don't hurt me!

Alien: [Gentle voice] Don't be afraid.

Homer: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!

[begins running through the field of grass, creating a handwritten writing of "Yahhh!" in the grass]

Homer: I'm telling you, I saw a creature from another planet.

Lisa: Maybe you just dreamed it.

Homer: Oh yeah? Well, when I came to, I was covered with a sticky, translucent goo. Explain that!

Marge: [Serves him] More sausage?

[Homer starts drooling]

Lisa: Dad, according to "Junior Skeptic Magazine," the chances are 175 million to one of another form of life actually coming in contact with ours.

Homer: So?

Lisa: It's just that the people who claim they've seen aliens are always pathetic low-lifes with boring jobs. Oh, and you, Dad. [nervous laugh]