Difference between revisions of "Treehouse of Horror V/Quotes"

Latest revision as of 17:27, April 3, 2024

Marge: Hello once again. As usual, I must warn you all that this year's Halloween show is very, very scary, and those of you with young children may want to send them off to bed—Oh, my. It seems the show is so scary that congress won't even let us show it. Instead, they've suggested the 1947 classic Glenn Ford movie 200 Miles to Oregon.

Bart: There's nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust your picture. We are controlling the transmission.

Homer: What's that, boy? We're in control? Hey, look—I can see my voice. [laughs] [sputtering] [vocalizing] This... is my voice... on TV.

Bart: Dad! You're ruining the mood.

[Tuesday]

Homer: Well, it was a long trip, but we're almost there.

Marge: Homer, did you remember to lock the front door of the house?

Homer: D'oh!

[Wednesday]

Homer: Well, it's been two long trips, but we're finally almost there, again.

Marge: When you locked the front door, did you remember to lock the back door?

Homer: D'oh! D'oh!

Mr. Burns: This house has quite a long and colorful history. It was built on an ancient Indian burial ground, and was the setting of satanic rituals, witch burnings, and five John Denver Christmas Specials.

Homer: [shudders] John Denver.

Groundskeeper Willie: [thinking] Now, now. Go easy on the wee one. His father's gonna go crazy and chop them all into haggis.

Bart: What's haggis?

Willie: [gasps] Boy, you read my thoughts! You've got the "shinning."

Bart: You mean "shining."

Willie: Shhh! You wanna' get sued?

Homer: Why should I kill my family?

Moe Szyslak: Uh, they'd be much happier as ghosts.

Homer: You don't look so happy.

Moe: [bitterly] Oh, I'm happy. I'm very happy. La, la, la, la, la, la, la. See? Now waste your family and I'll give you a beer!

Homer: So, what do you think, Marge? All I need is a title. I was thinking along the lines of "No TV and No Beer Make Homer..." something something.

Marge: Go crazy?

Homer: Don't mind if I do. [crazy noises]

Marge: [over radio] Hello, police? This is Marge Simpson. My husband is on a murderous rampage. Over.

Chief Wiggum: Oh, well thank God that's over. I was worried there for a second.

Homer: Look at that! I'm the first non- Brazilian person to travel backwards through time!

Mister Peabody: Correction, Homer, you're the second.

Sherman: That's right, Mr. Peabody.

Mister Peabody: Quiet, you.

Homer: Hey, what the hell is that geek Flanders doing on TV?

Ned Flanders: [on TV] Oh, I see by the big board we've got a Negative Nellie in Sector Two. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask the whole family to kinda freeze and prepare for re-Neducation.

Bart: Don't you remember, Dad? Flanders is the unquestioned lord and master of the world.

Homer: D'oh!

Ned Flanders: Now, in case all that smilin' didn't cheer ya up, there's one thing that never fails. A nice glass of warm milk, a little nap, and a total frontal lobotomy.

Moe: It's not so bad, Homer. They go in through your nose. And they let you keep the piece of brain they cut out. [to his bit of brain] Look. Oooo, hello. Hello there. Who's that big man there? Who's da?

Homer: [moans] Oh, I wish I wish I hadn't killed that fish.

Willie: You're still not in your own world, Homer. I can get you home, but you have to do exactly as I tell... [screams]

Maggie: [deep voice] This is indeed a disturbing universe.

Principal Skinner: Over here, Simpson! The detention room is dangerously overcrowded, so you'll be serving your time in the cafeteria.

Black weasel: Oxygen running out...

Skinner: Yes, you should have thought of that before you made that paper airplane.

Lisa: Bart, does it strike you as odd that Üter disappeared and suddenly they're serving us this mysterious food called Uterbräten?

Skinner: Oh relax, kids. I've got a gut feeling Üter's around here somewhere. [laughs] After all, isn't there a little Üter in all of us? [laughs longer] In fact, you might even say we just ate Üter and he's in our stomachs right now. [laughs hard, then stops] Wait. Scratch that.

Lisa: Mom! Mom! You've gotta help! They're cooking kids in the school cafeteria!

Marge: Listen, kids. You're eight and ten years old now. I can't be fighting all your battles for you.

Bart: But Mom!

Marge: No buts. You march right back to that school, look them straight in the eye and say "don't eat me."

Marge: Relax, honey. You were just having a crazy nightmare. You're back with your family now, where there's nothing to be afraid of—except that fog that turns people inside out.

Bart: Huh?

Homer: Uh oh, it's seeping in! Stupid cheap weather stripping.