Difference between revisions of "Treehouse of Horror V/Quotes"

Revision as of 10:50, September 18, 2022

Marge: Hello once again. As usual, I must warn you all that this year's Halloween show is very, very scary, and those of you with young children may want to send them off to bed-- Oh, my. It seems the show is so scary that congress won't even let us show it. Instead, they've suggested the 1947 classic Glenn Ford movie 200 Miles to Oregon.

Bart: There's nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust your picture. We are controlling the transmission.

Homer: What's that, boy? We're in control? Hey, look-- I can see my voice. [laughs] [sputtering] [vocalizing] This... is my voice... on TV.

Bart: Dad! You're ruining the mood.

[Tuesday]

Homer: Well, it was a long trip, but we're almost there.

Marge: Homer, did you remember to lock the front door of the house?

Homer: D'oh!

[Wednesday]

Homer: Well, it's been two long trips, but we're finally almost there, again.

Marge: When you locked the front door, did you remember to lock the back door?

Homer: D'oh! D'oh!

Mr. Burns: This house has quite a long and colorful history. It was built on an ancient Indian burial ground, and was the setting of satanic rituals, witch burnings, and five John Denver Christmas Specials.

Homer: [shudders] John Denver.

Groundskeeper Willie: [thinking] Now, now. Go easy on the wee one. His father's gonna go crazy and chop them all into haggis.

Bart: What's haggis?

Willie: [gasps] Boy, you read my thoughts! You've got the "shinning."

Bart: You mean "shining."

Willie: Shhh! You wanna' get sued?

Homer: Why should I kill my family?

Moe Szyslak: Uh, they'd be much happier as ghosts.

Homer: You don't look so happy.

Moe: [bitterly] Oh, I'm happy. I'm very happy. La, la, la, la, la, la, la. See? Now waste your family and I'll give you a beer!

Homer: So, what do you think, Marge? All I need is a title. I was thinking along the lines of "No TV and No Beer Make Homer..." something something.

Marge: Go crazy?

Homer: Don't mind if I do. [crazy noises]

Marge: [over radio] Hello, police? This is Marge Simpson. My husband is on a murderous rampage. Over.

Chief Wiggum: Oh, well thank God that's over. I was worried there for a second.

Homer: Look at that! I'm the first non- Brazilian person to travel backwards through time!

Mister Peabody: Correction, Homer, you're the second.

Sherman: That's right, Mr. Peabody.

Mister Peabody: Quiet, you.

Homer: Hey, what the hell is that geek Flanders doing on TV?

Ned Flanders: [on TV] Oh, I see by the big board we've got a Negative Nellie in Sector Two. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask the whole family to kinda freeze and prepare for re-Neducation.

Bart: Don't you remember, Dad? Flanders is the unquestioned lord and master of the world.

Homer: D'oh!

Ned Flanders: Now, in case all that smilin' didn't cheer ya up, there's one thing that never fails. A nice glass of warm milk, a little nap, and a total frontal lobotomy.

Moe: It's not so bad, Homer. They go in through your nose. And they let you keep the piece of brain they cut out. [to his bit of brain] Look. Oooo, hello. Hello there. Who's that big man there? Who's da?

Homer: [moans] Oh, I wish I wish I hadn't killed that fish.

Willie: You're still not in your own world, Homer. I can get you home, but you have to do exactly as I tell... [screams]

Maggie: [deep voice] This is indeed a disturbing universe.

Principal Skinner: Over here, Simpson! The detention room is dangerously overcrowded, so you'll be serving your time in the cafeteria.

Black weasel: Oxygen running out...

Skinner: Yes, you should have thought of that before you made that paper airplane.

Lisa: Bart, does it strike you as odd that Üter disappeared and suddenly they're serving us this mysterious food called Uterbräten?

Skinner: Oh relax, kids. I've got a gut feeling Üter's around here somewhere. [laughs] After all, isn't there a little Üter in all of us? [laughs longer] In fact, you might even say we just ate Üter and he's in our stomachs right now. [laughs hard, then stops] Wait. Scratch that.

Lisa: Mom! Mom! You've gotta help! They're cooking kids in the school cafeteria!

Marge: Listen, kids. You're eight and ten years old now. I can't be fighting all your battles for you.

Bart: But Mom!

Marge: No buts. You march right back to that school, look them straight in the eye and say "don't eat me."

Marge: Relax, honey. You were just having a crazy nightmare. You're back with your family now, where there's nothing to be afraid of -- except that fog that turns people inside out.

Bart: Huh?

Homer: Uh oh, it's seeping in! Stupid cheap weather stripping.