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Difference between revisions of "Two Bad Neighbors/Quotes"

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{{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Team Homer|Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield}}
 
{{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Team Homer|Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield}}
  
Homer: Marge, I'm bored.
+
{{qf|[[Homer]]}} Marge, I'm bored.
 
+
{{qf|[[Marge]]}} Why don't you read something?
Marge: Why don't you read something?
+
{{qf|Homer}} Because I'm trying to reduce my boredom.
 
+
{{qf|Marge}} Well you could hand out these flyers for the neighborhood rummage sale? You get some fresh air and exercise!
Homer: Because I'm trying to reduce my boredom.
+
{{qf|Homer}} Ehh, I'll do it anyway. ''[grabs Bart]'' Come on, boy, we're going to see the neighbors!
 
 
Marge: Well you could hand out these flyers for the neighborhood rummage sale? You get some fresh air and exercise!
 
 
 
Homer: Ehh, I'll do it anyway. [grabs Bart] Come on, boy, we're going to see the neighbors!
 
 
----
 
----
Homer: Good old Evergreen Terrace: the swankiest street in the classiest part of Pressboard Estates.
+
{{qf|Homer}} Good old Evergreen Terrace: the swankiest street in the classiest part of Pressboard Estates.
 
+
{{qf|[[Bart]]}} Well if you love it so much, why are you always littering?
Bart: Well if you love it so much, why are you always littering?
+
{{qf|Homer}} ''[finishing a canned drink]'' It's easier, duh. ''[litters]''
 
 
Homer: [finishing a canned drink] It's easier, duh. [litters]
 
 
----
 
----
Apu: Howdy, neighbors! May I spray you with the hose in a playful fashion?
+
{{qf|[[Apu]]}} Howdy, neighbors! May I spray you with the hose in a playful fashion?
 
+
{{qf|Homer}} Uh... spray the boy. ''[Apu sprays Bart]''
Homer: Uh...spray the boy. [Apu sprays Bart]
 
 
----
 
----
Homer: Hey! I never noticed this place.
+
{{qf|Homer}} Hey! I never noticed this place.
 
+
{{qf|Bart}} Dad, it's right across the street from us! That fancy house'll never sell. Nobody who could afford it would want to live in this neighborhood.
Bart: Dad, it's right across the street from us! That fancy house'll never sell. Nobody who could afford it would want to live in this neighborhood.
+
{{qf|Homer}} Hey, what's wrong with this neighborhood? ''[at the house]'' Big shot! Too good to buy a house here, snobby?
 
+
{{qf|Bart}} Who are you talking to, Homer?
Homer: Hey, what's wrong with this neighborhood? [at the house] Big shot! Too good to buy a house here, snobby?
+
{{qf|Homer}} The guy who doesn't live there.
 
 
Bart: Who are you talking to, Homer?
 
 
 
Homer: The guy who doesn't live there.
 
 
----
 
----
Marge: Can we get rid of this Ayatollah T-shirt? Khomeini died years ago.  
+
{{qf|Marge}} Can we get rid of this Ayatollah T-shirt? Khomeini died years ago.  
 
+
{{qf|Homer}} But, Marge! It works on any Ayatollah: Ayatollah Nakhbadeh, Ayatollah Zahedi... even as we speak, Ayatollah Razmada and his cadre of fanatics are consolidating their power.
Homer: But, Marge! It works on any Ayatollah: Ayatollah Nakhbadeh, Ayatollah Zahedi...even as we speak, Ayatollah Razmada and his cadre of fanatics are consolidating their power.
+
{{qf|Marge}} I don't care who's consolidating their power. ''[holds up something else]'' Well, we don't need this.
 
+
{{qf|Homer}} ''[sputters]'' Marge! That's the Rhinestone Nights Fashion Gun. I need it to rhinestone up my old clothing. ''[holds up a jacket]''
Marge: I don't care who's consolidating their power. [holds up something else] Well, we don't need this.
+
{{qf|Marge}} ''[reading the jacket]'' Who's "Disco Stu"?
 
+
{{qf|Homer}} Oh, er, I wanted to write "Disco Stud" but I ran out of space.  
Homer: [sputters] Marge! That's the Rhinestone Nights Fashion Gun. I need it to rhinestone up my old clothing. [holds up a jacket]
 
 
 
Marge: [reading the jacket] Who's "Disco Stu"?
 
 
 
Homer: Oh, er, I wanted to write "Disco Stud" but I ran out of space.  
 
 
----
 
----
Ned: Well sir, looks like we've got us some nice items at table Glick! Like this...what the heck-a-roonie is this, Mrs. Glick?
+
{{qf|[[Ned]]}} Well sir, looks like we've got us some nice items at table Glick! Like this... what the heck-a-roonie is this, Mrs. Glick?
 
+
{{qf|[[Mrs. Glick]]}} It's a candy dish, Ned. 90 dollars!
Mrs. Glick: It's a candy dish, Ned. 90 dollars!
+
{{qf|Ned}} Uh-huh... well.. I.. uh... I guess you could put a lot of nice things in there!
 
+
{{qf|Mrs. Glick}} No! Just candy, Ned. 90 dollars!  
Ned: Uh-huh... well.. I.. uh...I guess you could put a lot of nice things in there!
 
 
 
Mrs. Glick: No! Just candy, Ned. 90 dollars!  
 
 
----
 
----
Marge: Are you interesting in that motorized tie rack, Principal Skinner? [turns it on]
+
{{qf|Marge}} Are you interesting in that motorized tie rack, Principal Skinner? ''[turns it on]''
 
+
{{qf|[[Skinner]]}} Hmm. It's awfully loud.
Skinner: Hmm. It's awfully loud.
+
{{qf|Marge}} Well, you can always take the motor out and use it as an ordinary tie rack. ''[does so]''
 
+
{{qf|Skinner}} ''[scoffs]'' But now the ties are motionless, and those in back are virtually inaccessible. Well, it's a moot point, as I have only one tie to begin with. I believe I'll pass. ''[walks off]'' ''[pops head back]'' Have you sold that tie rack yet?
Marge: Well, you can always take the motor out and use it as an ordinary tie rack. [does so]
+
{{qf|Marge}} No.
 
+
{{qf|Skinner}} I'll take it.
Skinner: [scoffs] But now the ties are motionless, and those in back are virtually inaccessible. Well, it's a moot point, as I have only one tie to begin with. I believe I'll pass. [walks off] [pops head back] Have you sold that tie rack yet?
 
 
 
Marge: No.
 
 
 
Skinner: I'll take it.
 
 
----
 
----
Ned: Now, folks, nothing spells "fun" like rhinestones on a dungaree jacket! [holds up "Disco Stu" jacket]
+
{{qf|Ned}} Now, folks, nothing spells "fun" like rhinestones on a dungaree jacket! ''[holds up "Disco Stu" jacket]''
 
+
{{qf|Man}} Stu! You should buy that!
Man: Stu! You should buy that!
+
{{qf|[[Disco Stu]]}} Hey! Disco Stu doesn't advertise.
 
 
Disco Stu: Hey: Disco Stu doesn't advertise.
 
 
----
 
----
Homer: [singing] Hey, big spender: dig this blender! Rainbow suspenders—hey, big spender!
+
{{qf|Homer}} ''[singing]'' Hey, big spender, dig this blender! Rainbow suspenders—hey, big spender!
 
+
{{qf|Everyone}} We surrender!
Everyone: We surrender!
+
{{qf|Homer}} ''[singing]'' Speeend some dough at table three.
 
+
:''[Everyone cheers and holds up money.]''
Homer [singing]: Speeend some dough at table three.
 
 
 
[everyone cheers and holds up money]
 
 
----
 
----
 
+
{{qf|[[George Bush|George]]}} Hi there, neighbors. Uh, I'm... George Bush. ''[everyone stares]'' Former president George Bush?
George: Hi there, neighbors. Uh, I'm...George Bush. [everyone stares] Former president George Bush?
+
{{qf|Everyone}} Oh, OK! ''[mild applause]''
       
 
Everyone: Oh, OK! [mild applause]
 
 
----
 
----
Bart: Wow, a former president living right across the street.
+
{{qf|Bart}} Wow, a former president living right across the street.
 
+
{{qf|Homer}} Oh, why did he have to move in on my territory? Look at him. Thinks just because he led the free world, he can act like a big shot! Stupid President... why couldn't he just stay in his own state?
Homer: Oh, why did he have to move in on my territory? Look at him. Thinks just because he led the free world, he can act like a big shot! Stupid President...why couldn't he just stay in his own state?
+
{{qf|[[Lisa]]}} Actually, this is one of the nine states where Mr. Bush claims residency, Dad. I wouldn't have voted for him, but it's nice to have a celebrity in the neighborhood.
 
 
Lisa: Actually, this is one of the nine states where Mr. Bush claims residency, Dad. I wouldn't have voted for him, but it's nice to have a celebrity in the neighborhood.
 
 
----
 
----
Ned: Howdily doodily, there, President Bush—or should I say, "President Neighbor"! I'm Ned Flanders, and this is Maude, Rod, and Todd.
+
{{qf|Ned}} Howdily doodily, there, President Bush—or should I say, "President Neighbor"! I'm Ned Flanders, and this is Maude, Rod, and Todd.
 
+
{{qf|George Bush}} Well, howdily doodily yourself, there, Ned. This is my wife Barbara. I call her Bar. Would you like some lemonade?
George Bush: Well, howdily doodily yourself, there, Ned. This is my wife Barbara. I call her Bar. Would you like some lemonade?
+
{{qf|Ned}} Tip top notch!
 
+
{{qf|George Bush}} Okily dokily!
Ned: Tip top notch!
+
{{qf|Ned}} Thankily dankily!
 
+
{{qf|George Bush}} Scrump-diddley-eriffic!
George Bush: Okily dokily!
+
{{qf|Both}} Fine and dandy like sour candy!  
 
 
Ned: Thankily dankily!
 
 
 
George Bush: Scrump-diddley-eriffic!
 
 
 
Both: Fine and dandy like sour candy!  
 
 
----
 
----
Maude: What brings you to Springfield?
+
{{qf|[[Maude]]}} What brings you to Springfield?
 
+
{{qf|[[Barbara Bush|Barbara]]}} Well, George and I just wanted to be private citizens again—go where nobody cared about politics. So we found the town with the lowest voter turnout in America.
Barbara: Well, George and I just wanted to be private citizens again—go where nobody cared about politics. So we found the town with the lowest voter turnout in America.
+
{{qf|George}} Just happy to be here among good, average people with no particular hopes or dreams.
 
+
{{qf|[[Rod]]}} ''[worried]'' But, Mr. President, we're not all good people.
George: Just happy to be here among good, average people with no particular hopes or dreams.
+
{{qf|[[Todd]]}} ''[worried]'' There's one little boy you should watch out for. He's a bad, bad little boy.
 
+
{{qf|Ned}} ''[nervous laugh]'' Now Todd, don't scare the president.
Rod: But, Mr. President, we're not all good people.
+
:''[Bart skateboards by as evil music plays.]''
 
 
Todd: There's one little boy you should watch out for. He's a bad, bad little boy.
 
 
 
Ned: [nervous laugh] Now Todd, don't scare the president.
 
 
 
[Bart skateboards by as evil music plays]
 
 
----
 
----
(George Bush shows Bart a photo album.)
+
:''[George Bush shows Bart a photo album.]''
 
+
{{qf|Bart}} Who's that, George?
Bart: Who's that, George?
+
{{qf|George Bush}} That's me with Charlton Heston. He was—
 
+
{{qf|Bart}} Who's that, George?
George Bush: That's me with Charlton Heston. He was—Bart: Who's that, George?
+
{{qf|George Bush}} Er... see, you wouldn't know him. That's [[Bob Mosbacher]]. He was secretary of—
 
+
{{qf|Bart}} That's a dumb name. Who's that, George?
George Bush: Er...see, you wouldn't know him. That's Bob Mosbacher. He was secretary of—Bart: That's a dumb name. Who's that, George?
+
{{qf|George Bush}} Maybe he thinks "Bart" is a dumb—
 
+
{{qf|Bart}} How many times were you president, George?
George Bush: Maybe he thinks "Bart" is a dumb—Bart: How many times were you president, George?
+
{{qf|George Bush}} ''[annoyed]'' You know, in my day, little boys didn't call their elders by their first name.
 
+
{{qf|Bart}} Yeah? Well, welcome to the 20th century, George!  
George Bush: You know, in my day, little boys didn't call their elders by their first name.
 
 
 
Bart: Yeah? Well, welcome to the 20th century, George!  
 
 
----
 
----
Homer: Oh, man: I've only got one minute 'till they stop serving those breakfast balls! [stops behind Bush at the drive thru]
+
{{qf|Homer}} Oh, man! I've only got one minute 'till they stop serving those breakfast balls! ''[stops behind Bush at the drive thru]''
 
+
{{qf|George}} Let's see, now... what do you folks have here, huh? Hmm, a "[[Krusty Burger]]"... that doesn't sound too appetizing. What kind of stew do you have today?
George: Let's see, now...what do you folks have here, huh? Hmm, a "Krusty Burger"...that doesn't sound too appetizing. What kind of stew do you have today?
+
{{qf|Boy}} ''[through order box]'' Uh... we don't have stew.
 
+
:''[Homer honks impatiently.]''
Boy: [through order box] Uh...we don't have stew.
+
{{qf|{{ap|Ray Johnson|Two Bad Neighbors|Ray}}}} Sir, why don't you just have the cheeseburger?
 
+
{{qf|George}} Aw, that's really more of a weekend thing, Ray.
[Homer honks impatiently]
+
{{qf|Homer}} Hey, jerk! Move your fanny!
 
+
{{qf|George}} That guy's louder than World War II. Ray, go see what the rhubarb is, will you?
Ray: Sir, why don't you just have the cheeseburger?
+
:''[Ray goes back toward Homer's car.]''
 
+
{{qf|Ray}} Sir, could you pop your hood?  
George: Aw, that's really more of a weekend thing, Ray.
+
:''[Homer does so; Ray disables the horn.]''
 
+
{{qf|Homer}} Hey: my taxes paid for that horn!
Homer: Hey, jerk! Move your fanny!
 
 
 
George: That guy's louder than World War II. Ray, go see what the rhubarb is, will you?
 
 
 
[Ray goes back toward Homer's car]
 
 
 
Ray: Sir, could you pop your hood?  
 
 
 
[Homer does so; Ray disables the horn]
 
 
 
Homer: Hey: my taxes paid for that horn!
 
 
----
 
----
Bart: Hey, where's your candy?
+
{{qf|Bart}} Hey, where's your candy?
 
+
{{qf|George}} ''[even more annoyed]'' We don't have any. Now go away!
George: We don't have any. Now go away!
+
{{qf|Barbara}} George! Older people don't eat much candy, Bart, but I could bake you some cookies if you like.
 
+
{{qf|George}} ''[scoffs]'' Can't remember the last time she made cookies for me.
Barbara: George! Older people don't eat much candy, Bart, but I could bake you some cookies if you like.
+
{{qf|Barbara}} What's that?
 
+
{{qf|George}} Oh, nothing.
George: [scoffs] Can't remember the last time she made cookies for me.
 
 
 
Barbara: What's that?
 
 
 
George: Oh, nothing.
 
 
----
 
----
Homer: All right, his story checks out. Marge, would you love me more if I were President? 'Cause I'll do it if it'll make you happy.
+
{{qf|Homer}} All right, his story checks out. Marge, would you love me more if I were President? 'Cause I'll do it if it'll make you happy.
 
+
{{qf|Marge}} Homey, as long as you keep the car full of gas, I'm happy. ''[kisses him]''
Marge: Homey, as long as you keep the car full of gas, I'm happy. [kisses him]
+
{{qf|Homer}} Well, you can always depend on that. ''[looks furtively out the window at the car]''
 
 
Homer: Well, you can always depend on that. [looks furtively out the window at the car]
 
 
----
 
----
Bart: Whoa man!
+
{{qf|Bart}} Whoa man!
 
+
{{qf|George Bush}} ''[fed up]'' Whoa, nothing. I'm gonna do something your daddy should have done a long time ago. ''[grabs Bart's knee and lightly spanks Bart]'' Now go home and think about what you've done, young man.
George Bush: Whoa, nothing. I'm gonna do something your daddy should have done a long time ago. (Bush lightly spanks Bart) Now go home and think about what you've done, young man.
 
 
----
 
----
Homer: He spanked you? You? Bart Simpson?
+
{{qf|Homer}} He spanked you? You? Bart Simpson?
 
+
{{qf|Bart}} I begged him to stop, but he said it was for the good of the nation.
Bart: I begged him to stop, but he said it was for the good of the nation.
+
{{qf|[[Abe]]}} Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by Presidents till the cows came home. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two nonconsecutive occasions.
 
+
{{qf|Marge}} Grampa, I know in your day, spanking was common, but Homer and I just don't believe in that kind of punishment.
Abe: Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by Presidents till the cows came home. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two  
+
{{qf|Abe}} And that's why your no-good kids are running wild! ''[points at Lisa, reading quietly]''
nonconsecutive occasions.
 
 
 
Marge: Grampa, I know in your day, spanking was common, but Homer and I just don't believe in that kind of punishment.
 
 
 
Abe: And that's why your no-good kids are running wild! [points at Lisa, reading quietly]
 
 
----
 
----
Homer: First Bush invades my home turf, then he takes my pals, then he makes fun of the way I talk—probably. Now he steals my right to raise a disobedient, smart-alecky son! Well, that's it!
+
{{qf|Homer}} ''[furious]'' First Bush invades my home turf, then he takes my pals, then he makes fun of the way I talk—probably. Now he steals my right to raise a disobedient, smart-alecky son! Well, that's it!
 
----
 
----
Homer: Hey! You owe me an apology.
+
{{qf|Homer}} Hey! You owe me an apology.
 
+
{{qf|George}} You owe me an apology. If you were any kind of a father, you'd have disciplined that boy a long time ago.
George: You owe me an apology. If you were any kind of a father, you'd have disciplined that boy a long time ago.
+
{{qf|Ray}} You want to step back, Sir? You're trampling the flowers.
 
+
{{qf|Homer}} Ooh! Hiding behind your goons, eh, Bush? Well you are a wimp!
Ray: You want to step back, Sir? You're trampling the flowers.
+
{{qf|George}} ''[with trembling lips]'' Wimp, am I? Agent Johnson, Agent Heintz, you men stand down. ''[the gate opens and Homer walks in]'' All right, Mister, you want trouble? You're going to get trouble.
 
+
{{qf|Homer}} Oh, I want trouble, all right.
Homer: Ooh! Hiding behind your goons, eh, Bush? Well you are a wimp!
+
{{qf|George}} Then you're going to get trouble.
 
+
{{qf|Homer}} No, you're going to get trouble.
George: [with trembling lips] Wimp, am I? Agent Johnson, Agent Heintz, you men stand down. [the gate opens and Homer walks in] All  
+
{{qf|George}} Oh, that's good, that's good, 'cause I want trouble.
right, Mister: you want trouble? You're going to get trouble.
+
{{qf|Homer}} Then we're agreed there'll be trouble.
 
+
{{qf|George}} Oh, yeah, lots of trouble.
Homer: Oh, I want trouble, all right.
+
{{qf|Homer}} Trouble it is.
 
+
{{qf|George}} For you. ''[walks inside, slams door]''
George: Then you're going to get trouble.
+
{{qf|Homer}} For—d'oh!
 
 
Homer: No, you're going to get trouble.
 
 
 
George: Oh, that's good, that's good, 'cause I want trouble.
 
 
 
Homer: Then we're agreed there'll be trouble.
 
 
 
George: Oh, yeah, lots of trouble.
 
 
 
Homer: Trouble it is.
 
 
 
George: For you. [walks inside, slams door]
 
 
 
Homer: For—d'oh!
 
 
----
 
----
Barbara: [yawns] Why don't you just say you're sorry, George?
+
{{qf|Barbara}} ''[yawns]'' Why don't you just say you're sorry, George?
 
+
{{qf|George}} Because I'm right! Oh, no, I'm going to fix their wagon good. I've pulled some pranks in my time... ''[shakes spray paint]''
George: Because I'm right! Oh, no, I'm going to fix their wagon good. I've pulled some pranks in my time...[shakes spray paint]
+
:''[A "Two Bad Neighbors" banner hangs from his house the next day.]''
 
+
{{qf|[[Dr. Hibbert]]}} I don't understand. Are you saying you and Barbara are bad neighbors?
[ A "Two Bad Neighbors" banner hangs from his house the next day]
+
{{qf|George}} No! That's not Bar and me, it's them!
 
+
{{qf|Ned}} Who, Maude and me?
Hibbert: I don't understand. Are you saying you and Barbara are bad neighbors?
+
{{qf|George}} No, the man and his boy. You know, the—the boy is named Bart. I don't know the name of the man. Bar! What's the name of the man?
 
+
{{qf|Barbara}} ''[off-camera]'' I'm not getting involved, George.
George: No! That's not Bar and me, it's them!
+
{{qf|George}} Look, just never mind. I thought the banner was pretty straightforward, but I'll just take it down.
 
 
Ned: Who, Maude and me?
 
 
 
George: No, the man and his boy. You know, the—the boy is named Bart. I don't know the name of the man. Bar! What's the name of the man?
 
 
 
Barbara: [off-camera] I'm not getting involved, George.
 
 
 
George: Look, just never mind. I thought the banner was pretty straightforward, but I'll just take it down.
 
 
----
 
----
Barbara: I really feel awful about your lawn, Marge. George can be so stubborn when he thinks he's right.
+
{{qf|Barbara}} I really feel awful about your lawn, Marge. George can be so stubborn when he thinks he's right.
 
+
{{qf|Marge}} Well, Homer, too. They're so much alike.
Marge: Well, Homer, too. They're so much alike.
+
{{qf|Barbara}} Too bad they got off on the wrong foot. It's just like the Noriega thing. Now, he and George are the best of friends.
 
 
Barbara: Too bad they got off on the wrong foot. It's just like the Noriega thing. Now, he and George are the best of friends.
 
 
----
 
----
Homer: For the last time, Bush, apologize for spanking my boy!
+
{{qf|Homer}} For the last time, Bush, apologize for spanking my boy!
 
+
{{qf|George Bush}} Never. You tell him to apologize for destroying my memoirs!
George Bush: No. You tell him to apologize for destroying my memoirs!
+
{{qf|Homer}} ''[shocked]'' Bart, you never told me you destroyed his memoirs. ''[to Bush]'' Never!  
 
 
Homer: Bart, you never told me you destroyed his memoirs. (to Bush) Never!  
 
 
----
 
----
George: I'm sorry I spanked your boy, Homer.
+
{{qf|George}} I'm sorry I spanked your boy, Homer.
+
{{qf|Homer}} Woo hoo! In your face, Bush. Now apologize for the tax hike.
Homer: Woo hoo! In your face, Bush. Now apologize for the tax hike.
 
 
----
 
----
Barbara: It's a shame it didn't work out, Marge, but George just felt this neighborhood brought out the worst in him, and -- [Bush honks his horn impatiently] -- oh, my. Well, so long. [Barbara gets in and they drive off]
+
{{qf|Barbara}} It's a shame it didn't work out, Marge, but George just felt this neighborhood brought out the worst in him, and -- ''[Bush honks his horn impatiently]''—oh, my. Well, so long. ''[Barbara gets in and they drive off]''
 
+
{{qf|Marge}} Bye bye.
Marge: Bye bye.
 
 
----
 
----
Gerald Ford: Say, Homer, do you like football?
+
{{qf|[[Gerald Ford]]}} Say, Homer, do you like football?
 +
{{qf|Homer}} Do I ever!
 +
{{qf|Gerald Ford}} Do you like nachos?
 +
{{qf|Homer}} Yes, Mr. Ford.
 +
{{qf|Gerald Ford}} Well, why don't you come over and watch the game and we'll have nachos, and then some beer.
 +
:''[Homer and Ford cross the street together.]''
 +
{{qf|Homer}} Jerry, I think you and I are going to get along just--
 +
:''[They both trip in Ford's driveway.]''
 +
{{qf|Homer & Ford}} D'oh!
  
Homer: Do I ever!
+
{{Season 7|Q}}
 
 
Gerald Ford: Do you like nachos?
 
 
 
Homer: Yes, Mr. Ford.
 
 
 
Gerald Ford: Well, why don't you come over and watch the game and we'll have nachos, and then some beer.
 
 
 
(Homer and Ford cross the street together.)
 
 
 
Homer: Jerry, I think you and I are going to get along just--
 
 
 
(They both trip in Ford's driveway)
 
 
 
Homer & Ford: D'oh!
 
----
 
{{Season 7 Q}}
 
[[Category:Quotes]]
 

Latest revision as of 10:16, March 10, 2024


Season 7 Episode Quotes
140 "Team Homer"
141
"Two Bad Neighbors"
"Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield" 142


Homer: Marge, I'm bored.
Marge: Why don't you read something?
Homer: Because I'm trying to reduce my boredom.
Marge: Well you could hand out these flyers for the neighborhood rummage sale? You get some fresh air and exercise!
Homer: Ehh, I'll do it anyway. [grabs Bart] Come on, boy, we're going to see the neighbors!

Homer: Good old Evergreen Terrace: the swankiest street in the classiest part of Pressboard Estates.
Bart: Well if you love it so much, why are you always littering?
Homer: [finishing a canned drink] It's easier, duh. [litters]

Apu: Howdy, neighbors! May I spray you with the hose in a playful fashion?
Homer: Uh... spray the boy. [Apu sprays Bart]

Homer: Hey! I never noticed this place.
Bart: Dad, it's right across the street from us! That fancy house'll never sell. Nobody who could afford it would want to live in this neighborhood.
Homer: Hey, what's wrong with this neighborhood? [at the house] Big shot! Too good to buy a house here, snobby?
Bart: Who are you talking to, Homer?
Homer: The guy who doesn't live there.

Marge: Can we get rid of this Ayatollah T-shirt? Khomeini died years ago.
Homer: But, Marge! It works on any Ayatollah: Ayatollah Nakhbadeh, Ayatollah Zahedi... even as we speak, Ayatollah Razmada and his cadre of fanatics are consolidating their power.
Marge: I don't care who's consolidating their power. [holds up something else] Well, we don't need this.
Homer: [sputters] Marge! That's the Rhinestone Nights Fashion Gun. I need it to rhinestone up my old clothing. [holds up a jacket]
Marge: [reading the jacket] Who's "Disco Stu"?
Homer: Oh, er, I wanted to write "Disco Stud" but I ran out of space.

Ned: Well sir, looks like we've got us some nice items at table Glick! Like this... what the heck-a-roonie is this, Mrs. Glick?
Mrs. Glick: It's a candy dish, Ned. 90 dollars!
Ned: Uh-huh... well.. I.. uh... I guess you could put a lot of nice things in there!
Mrs. Glick: No! Just candy, Ned. 90 dollars!

Marge: Are you interesting in that motorized tie rack, Principal Skinner? [turns it on]
Skinner: Hmm. It's awfully loud.
Marge: Well, you can always take the motor out and use it as an ordinary tie rack. [does so]
Skinner: [scoffs] But now the ties are motionless, and those in back are virtually inaccessible. Well, it's a moot point, as I have only one tie to begin with. I believe I'll pass. [walks off] [pops head back] Have you sold that tie rack yet?
Marge: No.
Skinner: I'll take it.

Ned: Now, folks, nothing spells "fun" like rhinestones on a dungaree jacket! [holds up "Disco Stu" jacket]
Man: Stu! You should buy that!
Disco Stu: Hey! Disco Stu doesn't advertise.

Homer: [singing] Hey, big spender, dig this blender! Rainbow suspenders—hey, big spender!
Everyone: We surrender!
Homer: [singing] Speeend some dough at table three.
[Everyone cheers and holds up money.]

George: Hi there, neighbors. Uh, I'm... George Bush. [everyone stares] Former president George Bush?
Everyone: Oh, OK! [mild applause]

Bart: Wow, a former president living right across the street.
Homer: Oh, why did he have to move in on my territory? Look at him. Thinks just because he led the free world, he can act like a big shot! Stupid President... why couldn't he just stay in his own state?
Lisa: Actually, this is one of the nine states where Mr. Bush claims residency, Dad. I wouldn't have voted for him, but it's nice to have a celebrity in the neighborhood.

Ned: Howdily doodily, there, President Bush—or should I say, "President Neighbor"! I'm Ned Flanders, and this is Maude, Rod, and Todd.
George Bush: Well, howdily doodily yourself, there, Ned. This is my wife Barbara. I call her Bar. Would you like some lemonade?
Ned: Tip top notch!
George Bush: Okily dokily!
Ned: Thankily dankily!
George Bush: Scrump-diddley-eriffic!
Both: Fine and dandy like sour candy!

Maude: What brings you to Springfield?
Barbara: Well, George and I just wanted to be private citizens again—go where nobody cared about politics. So we found the town with the lowest voter turnout in America.
George: Just happy to be here among good, average people with no particular hopes or dreams.
Rod: [worried] But, Mr. President, we're not all good people.
Todd: [worried] There's one little boy you should watch out for. He's a bad, bad little boy.
Ned: [nervous laugh] Now Todd, don't scare the president.
[Bart skateboards by as evil music plays.]

[George Bush shows Bart a photo album.]
Bart: Who's that, George?
George Bush: That's me with Charlton Heston. He was—
Bart: Who's that, George?
George Bush: Er... see, you wouldn't know him. That's Bob Mosbacher. He was secretary of—
Bart: That's a dumb name. Who's that, George?
George Bush: Maybe he thinks "Bart" is a dumb—
Bart: How many times were you president, George?
George Bush: [annoyed] You know, in my day, little boys didn't call their elders by their first name.
Bart: Yeah? Well, welcome to the 20th century, George!

Homer: Oh, man! I've only got one minute 'till they stop serving those breakfast balls! [stops behind Bush at the drive thru]
George: Let's see, now... what do you folks have here, huh? Hmm, a "Krusty Burger"... that doesn't sound too appetizing. What kind of stew do you have today?
Boy: [through order box] Uh... we don't have stew.
[Homer honks impatiently.]
Ray: Sir, why don't you just have the cheeseburger?
George: Aw, that's really more of a weekend thing, Ray.
Homer: Hey, jerk! Move your fanny!
George: That guy's louder than World War II. Ray, go see what the rhubarb is, will you?
[Ray goes back toward Homer's car.]
Ray: Sir, could you pop your hood?
[Homer does so; Ray disables the horn.]
Homer: Hey: my taxes paid for that horn!

Bart: Hey, where's your candy?
George: [even more annoyed] We don't have any. Now go away!
Barbara: George! Older people don't eat much candy, Bart, but I could bake you some cookies if you like.
George: [scoffs] Can't remember the last time she made cookies for me.
Barbara: What's that?
George: Oh, nothing.

Homer: All right, his story checks out. Marge, would you love me more if I were President? 'Cause I'll do it if it'll make you happy.
Marge: Homey, as long as you keep the car full of gas, I'm happy. [kisses him]
Homer: Well, you can always depend on that. [looks furtively out the window at the car]

Bart: Whoa man!
George Bush: [fed up] Whoa, nothing. I'm gonna do something your daddy should have done a long time ago. [grabs Bart's knee and lightly spanks Bart] Now go home and think about what you've done, young man.

Homer: He spanked you? You? Bart Simpson?
Bart: I begged him to stop, but he said it was for the good of the nation.
Abe: Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by Presidents till the cows came home. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two nonconsecutive occasions.
Marge: Grampa, I know in your day, spanking was common, but Homer and I just don't believe in that kind of punishment.
Abe: And that's why your no-good kids are running wild! [points at Lisa, reading quietly]

Homer: [furious] First Bush invades my home turf, then he takes my pals, then he makes fun of the way I talk—probably. Now he steals my right to raise a disobedient, smart-alecky son! Well, that's it!

Homer: Hey! You owe me an apology.
George: You owe me an apology. If you were any kind of a father, you'd have disciplined that boy a long time ago.
Ray: You want to step back, Sir? You're trampling the flowers.
Homer: Ooh! Hiding behind your goons, eh, Bush? Well you are a wimp!
George: [with trembling lips] Wimp, am I? Agent Johnson, Agent Heintz, you men stand down. [the gate opens and Homer walks in] All right, Mister, you want trouble? You're going to get trouble.
Homer: Oh, I want trouble, all right.
George: Then you're going to get trouble.
Homer: No, you're going to get trouble.
George: Oh, that's good, that's good, 'cause I want trouble.
Homer: Then we're agreed there'll be trouble.
George: Oh, yeah, lots of trouble.
Homer: Trouble it is.
George: For you. [walks inside, slams door]
Homer: For—d'oh!

Barbara: [yawns] Why don't you just say you're sorry, George?
George: Because I'm right! Oh, no, I'm going to fix their wagon good. I've pulled some pranks in my time... [shakes spray paint]
[A "Two Bad Neighbors" banner hangs from his house the next day.]
Dr. Hibbert: I don't understand. Are you saying you and Barbara are bad neighbors?
George: No! That's not Bar and me, it's them!
Ned: Who, Maude and me?
George: No, the man and his boy. You know, the—the boy is named Bart. I don't know the name of the man. Bar! What's the name of the man?
Barbara: [off-camera] I'm not getting involved, George.
George: Look, just never mind. I thought the banner was pretty straightforward, but I'll just take it down.

Barbara: I really feel awful about your lawn, Marge. George can be so stubborn when he thinks he's right.
Marge: Well, Homer, too. They're so much alike.
Barbara: Too bad they got off on the wrong foot. It's just like the Noriega thing. Now, he and George are the best of friends.

Homer: For the last time, Bush, apologize for spanking my boy!
George Bush: Never. You tell him to apologize for destroying my memoirs!
Homer: [shocked] Bart, you never told me you destroyed his memoirs. [to Bush] Never!

George: I'm sorry I spanked your boy, Homer.
Homer: Woo hoo! In your face, Bush. Now apologize for the tax hike.

Barbara: It's a shame it didn't work out, Marge, but George just felt this neighborhood brought out the worst in him, and -- [Bush honks his horn impatiently]—oh, my. Well, so long. [Barbara gets in and they drive off]
Marge: Bye bye.

Gerald Ford: Say, Homer, do you like football?
Homer: Do I ever!
Gerald Ford: Do you like nachos?
Homer: Yes, Mr. Ford.
Gerald Ford: Well, why don't you come over and watch the game and we'll have nachos, and then some beer.
[Homer and Ford cross the street together.]
Homer: Jerry, I think you and I are going to get along just--
[They both trip in Ford's driveway.]
Homer & Ford: D'oh!
Season 7 Quotes
Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part Two) Radioactive Man Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily Bart Sells His Soul Lisa the Vegetarian Treehouse of Horror VI King-Size Homer Mother Simpson Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular Marge Be Not Proud Team Homer Two Bad Neighbors Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield Bart the Fink Lisa the Iconoclast Homer the Smithers The Day the Violence Died A Fish Called Selma Bart on the Road 22 Short Films About Springfield Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish" Much Apu About Nothing Homerpalooza Summer of 4 Ft. 2