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Difference between revisions of "Chalkboard gag"

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During the opening credits, Bart is usualy featured writing a phrase on a green chalkboard over and over as punishment after class.
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{{Icons|RW}}
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[[File:Bart the Genius (Chalkboard gag).png|thumb|The chalkboard gag from [[Season 1]].]]
==List of Chalkboard Gags==
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[[File:Secrets of a Successful Marriage - chalkboard gag.png|thumb|Season 2 remake of the original first season chalkboard gag]]
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[[File:Simpsons chalkboard gag.png|thumb|New Chalkboard gag from Season 20, starting with "[[Take My Life, Please]]"]]
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The '''chalkboard gag''' is a running visual joke that occurs during the [[The Simpsons Opening Sequence|opening credits]] of many episodes of ''[[The Simpsons]]''. In this gag, [[Bart Simpson]] is writing a unique phrase on the chalkboard repeatedly; when the school bell rings, he immediately stops writing and runs out of the classroom. The phrase is usually in the form of an admonishment, implying that Bart has been assigned this task as punishment in detention for some misbehavior left partly to the viewer's imagination.
  
*I will not waste chalk
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== Description ==
*I will not skateboard in the halls
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Several of the gags have been show to be crimes in the U.S. (e.g. ""Bart Bucks" are not legal tender" (counterfeiting which is a class C felony))
*I will not burp in class
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*I will not instigate revolution
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The chalkboard gags are usually written in upper case (with the exception of the words "eBay," in which Bart wrote a lower case "e" and "ay", and "iPODDY," where the "i" is lower case.)
*I will not draw naked ladies in class
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*I did not see Elvis
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A chalkboard gag was also used in ''[[The Simpsons Movie]]''. Bart can be seen writing "I will not illegally download this movie." on the chalkboard at school. As a follow-up, the chalkboard gag on the Season 19 premiere episode, "[[He Loves to Fly and He D'ohs]]", which immediately follows the Simpsons Movie, shows Bart writing, "I will not wait 20 years to make another movie."
*I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"  
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*Garlic gum is not funny
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== Chalkboard gags in the show ==
*They are laughing at me, not with me
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While running visual jokes in ''The Simpsons'' are rarely referred to by the content of the show itself, in the episode "[[Skinner's Sense of Snow]]", Bart says that he had written on the chalkboard so many times that his hands sound like a cement mixer. In another episode ("[[Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens and Gays]]"), Bart asks for a detention but [[Ms. Krabappel]] said they all got tired of that years ago, referencing the reduced number of gags in the openings. In the episode "[[Bart the Murderer]]", Bart is inspired by Fat Tony and attempts to bribe his principal, Mr. Skinner. In the next scene, Bart is seen writing "I will not bribe [[Seymour Skinner|Mr. Skinner]]" on the chalkboard, monitored by the principal himself.
*I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom
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*I will not encourage others to fly
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Lisa has been punished with the chalkboard twice, once in the episode "[[Lisa's Date with Density]]". As she writes, she complains, "How does Bart do this every week?" The second time was in "[[Grift of the Magi]]". When Bart finds out, the malapropism, "The ironing is delicious."
*I will not fake my way through life
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*Tar is not a plaything
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== Frequency ==
*I will not Xerox my butt
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In the early days of the series, a chalkboard gag was used in almost every episode, but, as commercial time increased, they gradually disappeared to the point of there only being two in [[Season 15]] and three in [[Season 16]]. They increased back to being in a majority of the episodes as of [[Season 19]] but disappeared again to the point of there only being a single chalkboard gag each in [[Season 32]] and [[Season 34]] and none at all in [[Season 33]] or [[Season 35]]. The [[Season 4|4th season]], the [[Season 11|11th season]] and the [[Season 12|12th season]] are the only seasons to use chalkboard gags in each episode (excluding the [[Treehouse of Horror series|Treehouse of Horror episodes]]).
*It's potato, not potatoe
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*I will not trade pants with others
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The "[[Treehouse of Horror IX]]" and "[[Treehouse of Horror XXIV]]" are the only specials to have chalkboard gags due to their opening sequences parodying the regular sequence.
*I am not a 32 year old woman
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*I will not do that thing with my tongue
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== See also ==
*I will not drive the principal's car
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*[[List of chalkboard gags]]
*I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
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*[[Couch gag]]
*I will not sell school property
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*I WILL NOT CUT CORNERS
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{{Visual gags}}
" "   "   "   "   "
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" "   "   "  "  "
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[[Category:Opening sequence gags| ]]
*I will not get very far with this attitude
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[[Category:Bart Simpson]]
*I will not make flatuent noises in class
 
*I will not belch the National Anthem
 
*I will not sell land in Florida
 
*I will not grease the monkey bars
 
*I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
 
*I will not do anything bad ever again
 
*I will not show off (written in an Old English font)
 
*I will not sleep through my education
 
*I am not a dentist
 
*Spitwads are not free speech
 
*Nobody likes sunburn slappers
 
*High explosives and school don't mix
 
*I will not bribe Principal Skinner
 
*I will not squeak chalk (Bart squeaks the chalk)
 
*I will finish what I sta (appears on only one line)
 
*"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
 
*I will not fake rabies (only shown in Canada)
 
*Underwear should be worn on the inside
 
*The Christmas Pageant does not stink
 
*I will not torment the emotionally frail
 
*I will not carve gods
 
*I will not spank others
 
*I will not aim for the head
 
*I will not barf unless I'm sick
 
*I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty (Lisa claps erasers)
 
*I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
 
*I will not conduct my own fire drills
 
*Funny noises are not funny
 
*I will not spin the turtle
 
*I will not snap bras
 
*I will not fake seizures
 
*This punishment is not boring and pointless
 
*My name is not Dr. Death
 
*I will not defame New Orleans
 
*I will not prescribe medication
 
*I will not bury the new kid
 
*I will try to raise a better child (Marge during a episode)
 
*I will not teach others to fly
 
*I will not bring sheep to class
 
*A burp is not an answer
 
*Teacher is not a leper
 
*Coffee is not for kids (each line becomes less legible and the last line is a scrawl)
 
*I will not eat things for money
 
*I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call
 
*The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee
 
*I will not call the principal "spud head"  
 
*Goldfish don't bounce
 
*Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
 
*No one is interested in my underpants
 
*I will not sell miracle cures
 
*I will return the seeing-eye dog
 
*I do not have diplomatic immunity
 
*I will not charge admission to the bathroom
 
*I will never win an Emmy
 
*The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
 
*All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy (not written line by line, like the one sentence story in 'The Shining')
 
*I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
 
*I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
 
*My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
 
*I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
 
*I am not delightfully saucy
 
*Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
 
*The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
 
*I will not celebrate meaningless milestones (the 100th episode)
 
*There are plenty of businesses like show business
 
*I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
 
*Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
 
*Beans are neither fruit nor musical
 
*I will not use abbrev.
 
*I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.
 
*I will not send lard through the mail
 
*I will not dissect things unless instructed
 
*I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
 
*Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
 
*Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
 
*"Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
 
*Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
 
*Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
 
*I will not hang donuts on my person
 
*I will remember to take my medication
 
*I will not strut around like I own the place
 
*I will only do this once a year
 
*The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
 
*I do not have power of attorney over first graders
 
*Nerve gas is not a toy
 
*I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
 
*The First Amendment does not cover burping
 
*This is not a clue...or is it? (there are clues that are supposed to reveal who shoots Mr. Burns)
 
*I will not complain about the solution when I hear it (the shooter is revealed)
 
*"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
 
*No one wants to hear from my armpits
 
*I am not a lean mean spitting machine
 
*The boys room is not a water park
 
*Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
 
*Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
 
*I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
 
*I am not certified to remove asbestos
 
*I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten
 
*I am not my long-lost twin
 
*I will not be a snickerpuss. (Lisa during episode)
 
*The truth is not out there
 
*I am not licensed to do anything
 
*I will not hide the teacher's Prozac
 
*A fire drill does not demand a fire
 
*I no longer want my MTV
 
*Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story
 
*I did not invent Irish dancing
 
*I will not tease Fatty
 
*There was no Roman god named "Fartacus"
 
*Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related
 
*Shooting paintballs is not an art form
 
*Pain is not the cleanser
 
*Silly String is not a nasal spray
 
*I was not told to do this
 
*My butt does not deserve a website
 
*I will not demand what I'm worth
 
*I will not mess with the opening credits (appeared in place of the couch gag, the rest of the family runs into the classroom)
 
*I am not the new Dalai Lama
 
*I was not the inspiration for "Kramer"
 
*I will not file frivolous lawsuits
 
*The Simpsons Halloween Special IX (painted in blood with a brush)
 
*"butt.com" is not my E-mail address (censored to '"butt.butt" is not my E-mail address')
 
*No one cares what my definition of "is" is
 
*I will not scream for ice cream
 
*I am not a licensed hairstylist
 
*"The President did it" is not an excuse
 
*My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld
 
*Sherri does not "got back"
 
*I will not do the Dirty Bird
 
*No one wants to hear about my sciatica
 
*Hillbillies are people too
 
*Grammar is not a time of waste
 
*It does not suck to be you
 
*I cannot absolve sins
 
*I Well Knot D-Face (Bart in hieroglyphics during episode)
 
*A trained ape could not teach gym
 
*Loose teeth don't need my help
 
*I have neither been there nor done that
 
*I'm so very tired
 
*Fridays are not "pants optional"
 
*Pork is not a verb
 
*I am not the last Don
 
*I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize
 
*I won't not use no double negatives
 
*I can't see dead people
 
*I will not sell my kidney on eBay
 
*I will not do math in class (Lisa during episode)
 
*I will not create art from dung
 
*I will stop phoning it in
 
*Class clown is not a paid position
 
*Substitute teachers are not scabs
 
*My suspension was not "mutual"
 
*A belch is not an oral report
 
*Dodgeball stops at the gym door
 
*"Non-Flammable" is not a challenge
 
*I was not touched "there" by an angel
 
*I am not here on a fartball scholarship
 
*I will not dance on anyone's grave
 
*I cannot hire a substitute student
 
*I will not obey the voices in my head
 
*I will not plant subliminal messagores
 
*I will not surprise the incontinent
 
*I am not the acting President 
 
*I was not the sixth Beatle
 
*I will only provide a urine sample when asked
 
*The nurse is not dealing
 
*Science class should not end in tragedy
 
*I ain't not a dorkus (Skinner during episode)
 
*Network TV is not dead
 
*I will not "let the dogs out"
 
*I will not hide the teacher's medication
 
*I will not publish the Principal's credit report
 
*The hamster did not have "a full life"  
 
*I will not buy a Presidential pardon
 
*"Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap
 
*I will not scare the Vice President
 
*I will not flush evidence
 
*Fire is not the cleanser
 
*Genetics is not an excuse
 
*Today is not Mothra's day
 
*I should not be twenty-one by now
 
*Nobody reads these anymore
 
*A burp in a jar is not a science project
 
*Fun does not have a size
 
*I am not Charlie Brown on acid
 
*I do not have a cereal named after me
 
*I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers
 
*The giving tree is not a chump
 
*Making Milhouse cry is not a science project
 
*Vampire is not a career choice
 
*I will never lie about being cancelled again
 
*Fish do not like coffee
 
*Milhouse did not test cootie positive
 
*This school does not need a "regime change"
 
*SpongeBob is not a contraceptive
 
*I will not (chops up blackboard with axe)
 
*My pen is not a booger launcher
 
*Sandwiches should not contain sand
 
*Over forty & single is not funny
 
*I will not speculate on how hot teacher used to be
 
*Poking a dead raccoon is not research
 
*Beer in a milk carton is not milk
 
*(instead of a chalkboard Bart is at a vending machine)
 
*A booger is not a bookmark
 
*Does any kid still do this anymore?
 
*I am not smarter than the President
 
*Teacher was not dumped -- it was mutual
 
*I will not laminate dog doo (live-action)
 
*I will not flip the classroom upside down (classroom was flipped upside-down)
 
*I will not leak the plot of the movie
 
*Je ne parle pas Français
 
*Have a great summer, everyone
 
*A baby beat me up (Skinner in episode)
 
*We are not all naked under our clothes
 
*Frankincense is not a monster
 
*So Long Suckers (Bart during episode)
 

Latest revision as of 14:24, October 10, 2024


The chalkboard gag from Season 1.
Season 2 remake of the original first season chalkboard gag
New Chalkboard gag from Season 20, starting with "Take My Life, Please"

The chalkboard gag is a running visual joke that occurs during the opening credits of many episodes of The Simpsons. In this gag, Bart Simpson is writing a unique phrase on the chalkboard repeatedly; when the school bell rings, he immediately stops writing and runs out of the classroom. The phrase is usually in the form of an admonishment, implying that Bart has been assigned this task as punishment in detention for some misbehavior left partly to the viewer's imagination.

Description[edit]

Several of the gags have been show to be crimes in the U.S. (e.g. ""Bart Bucks" are not legal tender" (counterfeiting which is a class C felony))

The chalkboard gags are usually written in upper case (with the exception of the words "eBay," in which Bart wrote a lower case "e" and "ay", and "iPODDY," where the "i" is lower case.)

A chalkboard gag was also used in The Simpsons Movie. Bart can be seen writing "I will not illegally download this movie." on the chalkboard at school. As a follow-up, the chalkboard gag on the Season 19 premiere episode, "He Loves to Fly and He D'ohs", which immediately follows the Simpsons Movie, shows Bart writing, "I will not wait 20 years to make another movie."

Chalkboard gags in the show[edit]

While running visual jokes in The Simpsons are rarely referred to by the content of the show itself, in the episode "Skinner's Sense of Snow", Bart says that he had written on the chalkboard so many times that his hands sound like a cement mixer. In another episode ("Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens and Gays"), Bart asks for a detention but Ms. Krabappel said they all got tired of that years ago, referencing the reduced number of gags in the openings. In the episode "Bart the Murderer", Bart is inspired by Fat Tony and attempts to bribe his principal, Mr. Skinner. In the next scene, Bart is seen writing "I will not bribe Mr. Skinner" on the chalkboard, monitored by the principal himself.

Lisa has been punished with the chalkboard twice, once in the episode "Lisa's Date with Density". As she writes, she complains, "How does Bart do this every week?" The second time was in "Grift of the Magi". When Bart finds out, the malapropism, "The ironing is delicious."

Frequency[edit]

In the early days of the series, a chalkboard gag was used in almost every episode, but, as commercial time increased, they gradually disappeared to the point of there only being two in Season 15 and three in Season 16. They increased back to being in a majority of the episodes as of Season 19 but disappeared again to the point of there only being a single chalkboard gag each in Season 32 and Season 34 and none at all in Season 33 or Season 35. The 4th season, the 11th season and the 12th season are the only seasons to use chalkboard gags in each episode (excluding the Treehouse of Horror episodes).

The "Treehouse of Horror IX" and "Treehouse of Horror XXIV" are the only specials to have chalkboard gags due to their opening sequences parodying the regular sequence.

See also[edit]