Difference between revisions of "Two Bad Neighbors/Quotes"
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
(new) |
|||
| (20 intermediate revisions by 13 users not shown) | |||
| Line 1: | Line 1: | ||
| − | Homer | + | {{TabQ}} |
| + | {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Team Homer|Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield}} | ||
| − | Marge | + | {{qf|[[Homer]]}} Marge, I'm bored. |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Why don't you read something? | |
| − | Homer | + | {{qf|Homer}} Because I'm trying to reduce my boredom. |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} Well you could hand out these flyers for the neighborhood rummage sale? You get some fresh air and exercise! | |
| − | Marge | + | {{qf|Homer}} Ehh, I'll do it anyway. ''[grabs Bart]'' Come on, boy, we're going to see the neighbors! |
| − | + | ---- | |
| − | Homer | + | {{qf|Homer}} Good old Evergreen Terrace: the swankiest street in the classiest part of Pressboard Estates. |
| + | {{qf|[[Bart]]}} Well if you love it so much, why are you always littering? | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[finishing a canned drink]'' It's easier, duh. ''[litters]'' | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Apu]]}} Howdy, neighbors! May I spray you with the hose in a playful fashion? | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Uh... spray the boy. ''[Apu sprays Bart]'' | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Homer | + | {{qf|Homer}} Hey! I never noticed this place. |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} Dad, it's right across the street from us! That fancy house'll never sell. Nobody who could afford it would want to live in this neighborhood. | |
| − | Bart | + | {{qf|Homer}} Hey, what's wrong with this neighborhood? ''[at the house]'' Big shot! Too good to buy a house here, snobby? |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} Who are you talking to, Homer? | |
| − | Homer | + | {{qf|Homer}} The guy who doesn't live there. |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} Can we get rid of this Ayatollah T-shirt? Khomeini died years ago. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} But, Marge! It works on any Ayatollah: Ayatollah Nakhbadeh, Ayatollah Zahedi... even as we speak, Ayatollah Razmada and his cadre of fanatics are consolidating their power. | |
| − | Homer: | + | {{qf|Marge}} I don't care who's consolidating their power. ''[holds up something else]'' Well, we don't need this. |
| + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[sputters]'' Marge! That's the Rhinestone Nights Fashion Gun. I need it to rhinestone up my old clothing. ''[holds up a jacket]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} ''[reading the jacket]'' Who's "Disco Stu"? | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Oh, er, I wanted to write "Disco Stud" but I ran out of space. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Ned]]}} Well sir, looks like we've got us some nice items at table Glick! Like this... what the heck-a-roonie is this, Mrs. Glick? | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Mrs. Glick]]}} It's a candy dish, Ned. 90 dollars! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Ned}} Uh-huh... well.. I.. uh... I guess you could put a lot of nice things in there! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Mrs. Glick}} No! Just candy, Ned. 90 dollars! | |
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Marge | + | {{qf|Marge}} Are you interesting in that motorized tie rack, Principal Skinner? ''[turns it on]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Skinner]]}} Hmm. It's awfully loud. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} Well, you can always take the motor out and use it as an ordinary tie rack. ''[does so]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|Skinner}} ''[scoffs]'' But now the ties are motionless, and those in back are virtually inaccessible. Well, it's a moot point, as I have only one tie to begin with. I believe I'll pass. ''[walks off]'' ''[pops head back]'' Have you sold that tie rack yet? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} No. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Skinner}} I'll take it. | |
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Ned | + | {{qf|Ned}} Now, folks, nothing spells "fun" like rhinestones on a dungaree jacket! ''[holds up "Disco Stu" jacket]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Man}} Stu! You should buy that! | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Disco Stu]]}} Hey! Disco Stu doesn't advertise. | |
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[singing]'' Hey, big spender, dig this blender! Rainbow suspenders—hey, big spender! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Everyone}} We surrender! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[singing]'' Speeend some dough at table three. | |
| − | + | :''[Everyone cheers and holds up money.]'' | |
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[George Bush|George]]}} Hi there, neighbors. Uh, I'm... George Bush. ''[everyone stares]'' Former president George Bush? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Everyone}} Oh, OK! ''[mild applause]'' | |
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Homer | + | {{qf|Bart}} Wow, a former president living right across the street. |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Oh, why did he have to move in on my territory? Look at him. Thinks just because he led the free world, he can act like a big shot! Stupid President... why couldn't he just stay in his own state? | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} Actually, this is one of the nine states where Mr. Bush claims residency, Dad. I wouldn't have voted for him, but it's nice to have a celebrity in the neighborhood. | |
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Ned}} Howdily doodily, there, President Bush—or should I say, "President Neighbor"! I'm Ned Flanders, and this is Maude, Rod, and Todd. | |
| − | + | {{qf|George Bush}} Well, howdily doodily yourself, there, Ned. This is my wife Barbara. I call her Bar. Would you like some lemonade? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Ned}} Tip top notch! | |
| − | + | {{qf|George Bush}} Okily dokily! | |
| + | {{qf|Ned}} Thankily dankily! | ||
| + | {{qf|George Bush}} Scrump-diddley-eriffic! | ||
| + | {{qf|Both}} Fine and dandy like sour candy! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Maude]]}} What brings you to Springfield? | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Barbara Bush|Barbara]]}} Well, George and I just wanted to be private citizens again—go where nobody cared about politics. So we found the town with the lowest voter turnout in America. | |
| − | + | {{qf|George}} Just happy to be here among good, average people with no particular hopes or dreams. | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Rod]]}} ''[worried]'' But, Mr. President, we're not all good people. | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Todd]]}} ''[worried]'' There's one little boy you should watch out for. He's a bad, bad little boy. | |
| + | {{qf|Ned}} ''[nervous laugh]'' Now Todd, don't scare the president. | ||
| + | :''[Bart skateboards by as evil music plays.]'' | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | :''[George Bush shows Bart a photo album.]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} Who's that, George? | |
| − | George Bush | + | {{qf|George Bush}} That's me with Charlton Heston. He was— |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} Who's that, George? | |
| − | + | {{qf|George Bush}} Er... see, you wouldn't know him. That's [[Bob Mosbacher]]. He was secretary of— | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} That's a dumb name. Who's that, George? | |
| − | George Bush | + | {{qf|George Bush}} Maybe he thinks "Bart" is a dumb— |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} How many times were you president, George? | |
| − | + | {{qf|George Bush}} ''[annoyed]'' You know, in my day, little boys didn't call their elders by their first name. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} Yeah? Well, welcome to the 20th century, George! | |
| − | George Bush | ||
| − | |||
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Oh, man! I've only got one minute 'till they stop serving those breakfast balls! ''[stops behind Bush at the drive thru]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|George}} Let's see, now... what do you folks have here, huh? Hmm, a "[[Krusty Burger]]"... that doesn't sound too appetizing. What kind of stew do you have today? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Boy}} ''[through order box]'' Uh... we don't have stew. | |
| − | + | :''[Homer honks impatiently.]'' | |
| − | George | + | {{qf|{{ap|Ray Johnson|Two Bad Neighbors|Ray}}}} Sir, why don't you just have the cheeseburger? |
| − | + | {{qf|George}} Aw, that's really more of a weekend thing, Ray. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Hey, jerk! Move your fanny! | |
| − | + | {{qf|George}} That guy's louder than World War II. Ray, go see what the rhubarb is, will you? | |
| − | + | :''[Ray goes back toward Homer's car.]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|Ray}} Sir, could you pop your hood? | |
| − | + | :''[Homer does so; Ray disables the horn.]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Hey: my taxes paid for that horn! | |
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} Hey, where's your candy? | |
| − | + | {{qf|George}} ''[even more annoyed]'' We don't have any. Now go away! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Barbara}} George! Older people don't eat much candy, Bart, but I could bake you some cookies if you like. | |
| − | + | {{qf|George}} ''[scoffs]'' Can't remember the last time she made cookies for me. | |
| − | George | + | {{qf|Barbara}} What's that? |
| − | + | {{qf|George}} Oh, nothing. | |
| − | Bart | ||
| − | |||
| − | George | ||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | George | ||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Homer | + | {{qf|Homer}} All right, his story checks out. Marge, would you love me more if I were President? 'Cause I'll do it if it'll make you happy. |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} Homey, as long as you keep the car full of gas, I'm happy. ''[kisses him]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Well, you can always depend on that. ''[looks furtively out the window at the car]'' | |
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | [ | ||
| − | |||
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Bart | + | {{qf|Bart}} Whoa man! |
| − | + | {{qf|George Bush}} ''[fed up]'' Whoa, nothing. I'm gonna do something your daddy should have done a long time ago. ''[grabs Bart's knee and lightly spanks Bart]'' Now go home and think about what you've done, young man. | |
| − | George | ||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Homer | + | {{qf|Homer}} He spanked you? You? Bart Simpson? |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} I begged him to stop, but he said it was for the good of the nation. | |
| − | Marge | + | {{qf|[[Abe]]}} Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by Presidents till the cows came home. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two nonconsecutive occasions. |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} Grampa, I know in your day, spanking was common, but Homer and I just don't believe in that kind of punishment. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Abe}} And that's why your no-good kids are running wild! ''[points at Lisa, reading quietly]'' | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[furious]'' First Bush invades my home turf, then he takes my pals, then he makes fun of the way I talk—probably. Now he steals my right to raise a disobedient, smart-alecky son! Well, that's it! | |
| − | |||
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Homer | + | {{qf|Homer}} Hey! You owe me an apology. |
| − | + | {{qf|George}} You owe me an apology. If you were any kind of a father, you'd have disciplined that boy a long time ago. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Ray}} You want to step back, Sir? You're trampling the flowers. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Ooh! Hiding behind your goons, eh, Bush? Well you are a wimp! | |
| − | + | {{qf|George}} ''[with trembling lips]'' Wimp, am I? Agent Johnson, Agent Heintz, you men stand down. ''[the gate opens and Homer walks in]'' All right, Mister, you want trouble? You're going to get trouble. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Oh, I want trouble, all right. | |
| − | + | {{qf|George}} Then you're going to get trouble. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} No, you're going to get trouble. | |
| − | + | {{qf|George}} Oh, that's good, that's good, 'cause I want trouble. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Then we're agreed there'll be trouble. | |
| + | {{qf|George}} Oh, yeah, lots of trouble. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Trouble it is. | ||
| + | {{qf|George}} For you. ''[walks inside, slams door]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} For—d'oh! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Barbara}} ''[yawns]'' Why don't you just say you're sorry, George? | |
| + | {{qf|George}} Because I'm right! Oh, no, I'm going to fix their wagon good. I've pulled some pranks in my time... ''[shakes spray paint]'' | ||
| + | :''[A "Two Bad Neighbors" banner hangs from his house the next day.]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Dr. Hibbert]]}} I don't understand. Are you saying you and Barbara are bad neighbors? | ||
| + | {{qf|George}} No! That's not Bar and me, it's them! | ||
| + | {{qf|Ned}} Who, Maude and me? | ||
| + | {{qf|George}} No, the man and his boy. You know, the—the boy is named Bart. I don't know the name of the man. Bar! What's the name of the man? | ||
| + | {{qf|Barbara}} ''[off-camera]'' I'm not getting involved, George. | ||
| + | {{qf|George}} Look, just never mind. I thought the banner was pretty straightforward, but I'll just take it down. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Barbara}} I really feel awful about your lawn, Marge. George can be so stubborn when he thinks he's right. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} Well, Homer, too. They're so much alike. | |
| − | George | + | {{qf|Barbara}} Too bad they got off on the wrong foot. It's just like the Noriega thing. Now, he and George are the best of friends. |
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | Homer | ||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | George | ||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} For the last time, Bush, apologize for spanking my boy! | |
| − | + | {{qf|George Bush}} Never. You tell him to apologize for destroying my memoirs! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[shocked]'' Bart, you never told me you destroyed his memoirs. ''[to Bush]'' Never! | |
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | George Bush | ||
| − | |||
| − | Homer | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | George | + | {{qf|George}} I'm sorry I spanked your boy, Homer. |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Woo hoo! In your face, Bush. Now apologize for the tax hike. | |
| − | Homer | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Barbara | + | {{qf|Barbara}} It's a shame it didn't work out, Marge, but George just felt this neighborhood brought out the worst in him, and -- ''[Bush honks his horn impatiently]''—oh, my. Well, so long. ''[Barbara gets in and they drive off]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} Bye bye. | |
| − | Marge | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Gerald Ford | + | {{qf|[[Gerald Ford]]}} Say, Homer, do you like football? |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Do I ever! | |
| − | Homer | + | {{qf|Gerald Ford}} Do you like nachos? |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Yes, Mr. Ford. | |
| − | Gerald Ford | + | {{qf|Gerald Ford}} Well, why don't you come over and watch the game and we'll have nachos, and then some beer. |
| − | + | :''[Homer and Ford cross the street together.]'' | |
| − | Homer | + | {{qf|Homer}} Jerry, I think you and I are going to get along just-- |
| − | + | :''[They both trip in Ford's driveway.]'' | |
| − | Gerald Ford | + | {{qf|Homer & Ford}} D'oh! |
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | Homer | ||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | + | {{Season 7|Q}} | |
| − | |||
Latest revision as of 10:16, March 10, 2024
|
|||||||||
|
|
|
- Homer: Marge, I'm bored.
- Marge: Why don't you read something?
- Homer: Because I'm trying to reduce my boredom.
- Marge: Well you could hand out these flyers for the neighborhood rummage sale? You get some fresh air and exercise!
- Homer: Ehh, I'll do it anyway. [grabs Bart] Come on, boy, we're going to see the neighbors!
- Homer: Good old Evergreen Terrace: the swankiest street in the classiest part of Pressboard Estates.
- Bart: Well if you love it so much, why are you always littering?
- Homer: [finishing a canned drink] It's easier, duh. [litters]
- Apu: Howdy, neighbors! May I spray you with the hose in a playful fashion?
- Homer: Uh... spray the boy. [Apu sprays Bart]
- Homer: Hey! I never noticed this place.
- Bart: Dad, it's right across the street from us! That fancy house'll never sell. Nobody who could afford it would want to live in this neighborhood.
- Homer: Hey, what's wrong with this neighborhood? [at the house] Big shot! Too good to buy a house here, snobby?
- Bart: Who are you talking to, Homer?
- Homer: The guy who doesn't live there.
- Marge: Can we get rid of this Ayatollah T-shirt? Khomeini died years ago.
- Homer: But, Marge! It works on any Ayatollah: Ayatollah Nakhbadeh, Ayatollah Zahedi... even as we speak, Ayatollah Razmada and his cadre of fanatics are consolidating their power.
- Marge: I don't care who's consolidating their power. [holds up something else] Well, we don't need this.
- Homer: [sputters] Marge! That's the Rhinestone Nights Fashion Gun. I need it to rhinestone up my old clothing. [holds up a jacket]
- Marge: [reading the jacket] Who's "Disco Stu"?
- Homer: Oh, er, I wanted to write "Disco Stud" but I ran out of space.
- Ned: Well sir, looks like we've got us some nice items at table Glick! Like this... what the heck-a-roonie is this, Mrs. Glick?
- Mrs. Glick: It's a candy dish, Ned. 90 dollars!
- Ned: Uh-huh... well.. I.. uh... I guess you could put a lot of nice things in there!
- Mrs. Glick: No! Just candy, Ned. 90 dollars!
- Marge: Are you interesting in that motorized tie rack, Principal Skinner? [turns it on]
- Skinner: Hmm. It's awfully loud.
- Marge: Well, you can always take the motor out and use it as an ordinary tie rack. [does so]
- Skinner: [scoffs] But now the ties are motionless, and those in back are virtually inaccessible. Well, it's a moot point, as I have only one tie to begin with. I believe I'll pass. [walks off] [pops head back] Have you sold that tie rack yet?
- Marge: No.
- Skinner: I'll take it.
- Ned: Now, folks, nothing spells "fun" like rhinestones on a dungaree jacket! [holds up "Disco Stu" jacket]
- Man: Stu! You should buy that!
- Disco Stu: Hey! Disco Stu doesn't advertise.
- Homer: [singing] Hey, big spender, dig this blender! Rainbow suspenders—hey, big spender!
- Everyone: We surrender!
- Homer: [singing] Speeend some dough at table three.
- [Everyone cheers and holds up money.]
- George: Hi there, neighbors. Uh, I'm... George Bush. [everyone stares] Former president George Bush?
- Everyone: Oh, OK! [mild applause]
- Bart: Wow, a former president living right across the street.
- Homer: Oh, why did he have to move in on my territory? Look at him. Thinks just because he led the free world, he can act like a big shot! Stupid President... why couldn't he just stay in his own state?
- Lisa: Actually, this is one of the nine states where Mr. Bush claims residency, Dad. I wouldn't have voted for him, but it's nice to have a celebrity in the neighborhood.
- Ned: Howdily doodily, there, President Bush—or should I say, "President Neighbor"! I'm Ned Flanders, and this is Maude, Rod, and Todd.
- George Bush: Well, howdily doodily yourself, there, Ned. This is my wife Barbara. I call her Bar. Would you like some lemonade?
- Ned: Tip top notch!
- George Bush: Okily dokily!
- Ned: Thankily dankily!
- George Bush: Scrump-diddley-eriffic!
- Both: Fine and dandy like sour candy!
- Maude: What brings you to Springfield?
- Barbara: Well, George and I just wanted to be private citizens again—go where nobody cared about politics. So we found the town with the lowest voter turnout in America.
- George: Just happy to be here among good, average people with no particular hopes or dreams.
- Rod: [worried] But, Mr. President, we're not all good people.
- Todd: [worried] There's one little boy you should watch out for. He's a bad, bad little boy.
- Ned: [nervous laugh] Now Todd, don't scare the president.
- [Bart skateboards by as evil music plays.]
- [George Bush shows Bart a photo album.]
- Bart: Who's that, George?
- George Bush: That's me with Charlton Heston. He was—
- Bart: Who's that, George?
- George Bush: Er... see, you wouldn't know him. That's Bob Mosbacher. He was secretary of—
- Bart: That's a dumb name. Who's that, George?
- George Bush: Maybe he thinks "Bart" is a dumb—
- Bart: How many times were you president, George?
- George Bush: [annoyed] You know, in my day, little boys didn't call their elders by their first name.
- Bart: Yeah? Well, welcome to the 20th century, George!
- Homer: Oh, man! I've only got one minute 'till they stop serving those breakfast balls! [stops behind Bush at the drive thru]
- George: Let's see, now... what do you folks have here, huh? Hmm, a "Krusty Burger"... that doesn't sound too appetizing. What kind of stew do you have today?
- Boy: [through order box] Uh... we don't have stew.
- [Homer honks impatiently.]
- Ray: Sir, why don't you just have the cheeseburger?
- George: Aw, that's really more of a weekend thing, Ray.
- Homer: Hey, jerk! Move your fanny!
- George: That guy's louder than World War II. Ray, go see what the rhubarb is, will you?
- [Ray goes back toward Homer's car.]
- Ray: Sir, could you pop your hood?
- [Homer does so; Ray disables the horn.]
- Homer: Hey: my taxes paid for that horn!
- Bart: Hey, where's your candy?
- George: [even more annoyed] We don't have any. Now go away!
- Barbara: George! Older people don't eat much candy, Bart, but I could bake you some cookies if you like.
- George: [scoffs] Can't remember the last time she made cookies for me.
- Barbara: What's that?
- George: Oh, nothing.
- Homer: All right, his story checks out. Marge, would you love me more if I were President? 'Cause I'll do it if it'll make you happy.
- Marge: Homey, as long as you keep the car full of gas, I'm happy. [kisses him]
- Homer: Well, you can always depend on that. [looks furtively out the window at the car]
- Bart: Whoa man!
- George Bush: [fed up] Whoa, nothing. I'm gonna do something your daddy should have done a long time ago. [grabs Bart's knee and lightly spanks Bart] Now go home and think about what you've done, young man.
- Homer: He spanked you? You? Bart Simpson?
- Bart: I begged him to stop, but he said it was for the good of the nation.
- Abe: Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by Presidents till the cows came home. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two nonconsecutive occasions.
- Marge: Grampa, I know in your day, spanking was common, but Homer and I just don't believe in that kind of punishment.
- Abe: And that's why your no-good kids are running wild! [points at Lisa, reading quietly]
- Homer: [furious] First Bush invades my home turf, then he takes my pals, then he makes fun of the way I talk—probably. Now he steals my right to raise a disobedient, smart-alecky son! Well, that's it!
- Homer: Hey! You owe me an apology.
- George: You owe me an apology. If you were any kind of a father, you'd have disciplined that boy a long time ago.
- Ray: You want to step back, Sir? You're trampling the flowers.
- Homer: Ooh! Hiding behind your goons, eh, Bush? Well you are a wimp!
- George: [with trembling lips] Wimp, am I? Agent Johnson, Agent Heintz, you men stand down. [the gate opens and Homer walks in] All right, Mister, you want trouble? You're going to get trouble.
- Homer: Oh, I want trouble, all right.
- George: Then you're going to get trouble.
- Homer: No, you're going to get trouble.
- George: Oh, that's good, that's good, 'cause I want trouble.
- Homer: Then we're agreed there'll be trouble.
- George: Oh, yeah, lots of trouble.
- Homer: Trouble it is.
- George: For you. [walks inside, slams door]
- Homer: For—d'oh!
- Barbara: [yawns] Why don't you just say you're sorry, George?
- George: Because I'm right! Oh, no, I'm going to fix their wagon good. I've pulled some pranks in my time... [shakes spray paint]
- [A "Two Bad Neighbors" banner hangs from his house the next day.]
- Dr. Hibbert: I don't understand. Are you saying you and Barbara are bad neighbors?
- George: No! That's not Bar and me, it's them!
- Ned: Who, Maude and me?
- George: No, the man and his boy. You know, the—the boy is named Bart. I don't know the name of the man. Bar! What's the name of the man?
- Barbara: [off-camera] I'm not getting involved, George.
- George: Look, just never mind. I thought the banner was pretty straightforward, but I'll just take it down.
- Barbara: I really feel awful about your lawn, Marge. George can be so stubborn when he thinks he's right.
- Marge: Well, Homer, too. They're so much alike.
- Barbara: Too bad they got off on the wrong foot. It's just like the Noriega thing. Now, he and George are the best of friends.
- Homer: For the last time, Bush, apologize for spanking my boy!
- George Bush: Never. You tell him to apologize for destroying my memoirs!
- Homer: [shocked] Bart, you never told me you destroyed his memoirs. [to Bush] Never!
- George: I'm sorry I spanked your boy, Homer.
- Homer: Woo hoo! In your face, Bush. Now apologize for the tax hike.
- Barbara: It's a shame it didn't work out, Marge, but George just felt this neighborhood brought out the worst in him, and -- [Bush honks his horn impatiently]—oh, my. Well, so long. [Barbara gets in and they drive off]
- Marge: Bye bye.
- Gerald Ford: Say, Homer, do you like football?
- Homer: Do I ever!
- Gerald Ford: Do you like nachos?
- Homer: Yes, Mr. Ford.
- Gerald Ford: Well, why don't you come over and watch the game and we'll have nachos, and then some beer.
- [Homer and Ford cross the street together.]
- Homer: Jerry, I think you and I are going to get along just--
- [They both trip in Ford's driveway.]
- Homer & Ford: D'oh!
