Difference between revisions of "Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment/Quotes"
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{{EpisodePrevNextQuo|The Way We Was|Principal Charming}} | {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|The Way We Was|Principal Charming}} | ||
| − | :'''Homer''': Family, I have an important announcement. The Simpsons have cable! | + | :'''[[Homer]]''': Family, I have an important announcement. The Simpsons have cable! |
| − | :'''Bart & Lisa''' | + | :'''[[Bart]] & [[Lisa]]''': ''[in unison]'' Cable! |
| − | :''Bart and Lisa rush over to TV.'' | + | :''[Bart and Lisa rush over to TV.]'' |
:'''Homer''': MTV for the kids, VH1 for us, it has everything Marge. | :'''Homer''': MTV for the kids, VH1 for us, it has everything Marge. | ||
| − | :'''Marge''': But Homer, are you sure we can afford this? | + | :'''[[Marge]]''': But Homer, are you sure we can afford this? |
:'''Homer''': Nothing a month? I think we can swing that! | :'''Homer''': Nothing a month? I think we can swing that! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :'''Bart''': Hell, | + | :'''Bart''': ''[about Hell]'' Wouldn't you eventually get used to it, like in a hot tub? |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :'' | + | :''[Master bedroom. Homer and Marge argue about the illegal cable.]'' |
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
:'''Marge''': Homer, this illegal cable hookup is wrong. If you really want cable in this house we ought to subscribe to it. | :'''Marge''': Homer, this illegal cable hookup is wrong. If you really want cable in this house we ought to subscribe to it. | ||
:'''Homer''': I cannot afford it! | :'''Homer''': I cannot afford it! | ||
:'''Marge''': But Homer, I’m afraid that cable has become an evil presence in our home. | :'''Marge''': But Homer, I’m afraid that cable has become an evil presence in our home. | ||
| − | :'''Homer''' | + | :'''Homer''': ''[sternly]'' Marge, I never put my foot down about anything. |
:'''Marge''': No-- | :'''Marge''': No-- | ||
:'''Homer''': But I am severely tempted to do it over this. (Raises foot) | :'''Homer''': But I am severely tempted to do it over this. (Raises foot) | ||
| Line 28: | Line 21: | ||
:'''Homer''': Marge, I’m sorry. I think it’s coming down. | :'''Homer''': Marge, I’m sorry. I think it’s coming down. | ||
:'''Marge''': No, Homer! Not-- | :'''Marge''': No, Homer! Not-- | ||
| − | :'''Homer''': | + | :'''Homer''': ''[Sticks foot over floor]'' It’s coming down. My foot, it’s-- |
:'''Marge''': No! | :'''Marge''': No! | ||
:'''Homer''': That’s it, Marge. The cable stays. The foot has spoken. (Slams foot down) | :'''Homer''': That’s it, Marge. The cable stays. The foot has spoken. (Slams foot down) | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | : | + | :''[Bart and the family watch TV.]'' |
| − | :'''Bart''': Oh, cool! This is where “Jaws” eats the boat! … Man, this is where “Die Hard” jumps through the window. … | + | :'''Bart''': Oh, cool! This is where “Jaws” eats the boat! … Man, this is where “Die Hard” jumps through the window. … ''[Laughs]'' Whoa! This is where “Wall Street” gets arrested! '[[chuckles]'' |
| − | '''Ned Flanders''' | + | '''[[Ned Flanders]]:''' ''[about the cable TV man]'' I should box your ears, you, you, you SNEAKY PETE! |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Homer''' | + | '''Homer:''' ''[reading the "So You've Decided to Steal Cable" pamphlet]'' So you've decided to steal cable. Myth: Cable piracy is wrong. Fact: Cable companies are big faceless corporations, which makes it okay. |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | ''[When Marge and the kids come home from shopping.]'' | |
'''Homer''': Oh, hey, hey. Family, family, come here. I have an announcement to make. The Simpsons have cable! | '''Homer''': Oh, hey, hey. Family, family, come here. I have an announcement to make. The Simpsons have cable! | ||
| − | '''Bart and Lisa''': Cable!? | + | '''Bart and Lisa''': Cable!? ''[they excitedly clamour in front of the TV.]'' |
| − | '''Homer''': That's right, 68 channels. MTV for the kids, | + | '''Homer''': That's right, 68 channels. MTV for the kids, ''[to Marge]'' VH-1 for us. Sixteen hundred hours of quality programming, every day! |
'''Marge''': Homer, we've talked about cable before. Do you really think we can afford it? | '''Marge''': Homer, we've talked about cable before. Do you really think we can afford it? | ||
| − | '''Homer''': | + | '''Homer''': '[[chuckles]'' Nothing a month? Yeah, I think we can swing that. |
'''Marge''': Mmm. Are you sure this is legal? | '''Marge''': Mmm. Are you sure this is legal? | ||
| − | '''Homer''': Don't worry, Marge. Take a look at this. | + | '''Homer''': Don't worry, Marge. Take a look at this. ''[hands Marge a pamphlet entitled, "So, You've Decided To Steal Cable."]'' |
| − | '''Marge''': | + | '''Marge''': ''[Reads from pamphlet]]' "Myth: It's only fair to pay for quality first-run movies. Fact: Most movies shown on cable get two stars or less, and are repeated ad nauseam." |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Bart''' [watching cable TV] | + | '''Bart:''' ''[watching cable TV]'' Oh, cool! This is where “Jaws” eats the boat! ''[later]'' Man, this is where “Die Hard” jumps through the window. ''laughs)'' ''[later]'' Whoa! This is where “Wall Street” gets arrested! ''(chuckles)'' |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Reverend Lovejoy''': Now, today's Christian doesn't think he needs God. He thinks he's got it made. He's got his hi-fi. His boob tube. And his instant pizza-pie. | + | '''[[Reverend Lovejoy]]''': Now, today's Christian doesn't think he needs God. He thinks he's got it made. He's got his hi-fi. His boob tube. And his instant pizza-pie. |
---- | ---- | ||
'''Miss Allbright''': Today's topic will be Hell. | '''Miss Allbright''': Today's topic will be Hell. | ||
| Line 69: | Line 62: | ||
'''Miss Allbright''': Hell is a terrible place. Maggots are your sheet, worms your blanket, there's a lake of fire burning with sulfur. You'll be tormented day and night for ever and ever. As a matter of fact, if you actually saw hell, you'd be so frightened, you would die. | '''Miss Allbright''': Hell is a terrible place. Maggots are your sheet, worms your blanket, there's a lake of fire burning with sulfur. You'll be tormented day and night for ever and ever. As a matter of fact, if you actually saw hell, you'd be so frightened, you would die. | ||
| − | '''Bart''': [raises his hand] Oh, Miss Allbright. | + | '''Bart''': ''[raises his hand]'' Oh, Miss Allbright. |
'''Miss Allbright''': Yes, Bart. | '''Miss Allbright''': Yes, Bart. | ||
| Line 77: | Line 70: | ||
'''Miss Allbright''': No. | '''Miss Allbright''': No. | ||
| − | '''Bart''': [raises his hand] | + | '''Bart''': ''[raises his hand]'' |
'''Miss Allbright''': Yes, Bart. | '''Miss Allbright''': Yes, Bart. | ||
| Line 85: | Line 78: | ||
'''Miss Allbright''': Yes. Thousands of them. | '''Miss Allbright''': Yes. Thousands of them. | ||
| − | '''Bart''': [rubs his hands] Hoo hoo, baby! | + | '''Bart''': ''[rubs his hands]'' Hoo hoo, baby! |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Marge''' [asks the kids about Sunday school | + | '''Marge:''' ''[asks the kids about Sunday school]'' So, what did you children learn about today? |
'''Bart''': Hell. | '''Bart''': Hell. | ||
| Line 101: | Line 94: | ||
'''Marge''': Bart! | '''Marge''': Bart! | ||
| − | '''Bart''': (singing) Hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell. | + | '''Bart''': ''(singing)'' Hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell. |
'''Marge''': Bart, you're no longer in Sunday school. Don't swear! | '''Marge''': Bart, you're no longer in Sunday school. Don't swear! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Satan''': Come on, Lisa. Watch a little cable with us. Heh heh. It won't cost you a thing ... EXCEPT YOUR SOUL! | + | '''[[Satan]]''': Come on, Lisa. Watch a little cable with us. Heh heh. It won't cost you a thing ... EXCEPT YOUR SOUL! |
| − | '''Lisa''': [screams and runs out] | + | '''Lisa''': ''[screams and runs out]'' |
'''Marge''': What's gotten into Lisa? | '''Marge''': What's gotten into Lisa? | ||
| Line 113: | Line 106: | ||
'''Homer''': Bart! | '''Homer''': Bart! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | [while Marge and Lisa are at the supermarket; Marge takes a grape and eats it] | + | ''[while Marge and Lisa are at the supermarket; Marge takes a grape and eats it]'' |
'''Lisa''': Mom, what are you doing? | '''Lisa''': Mom, what are you doing? | ||
| Line 127: | Line 120: | ||
'''Lisa''': Dad, why is the world such a cesspool of corruption? | '''Lisa''': Dad, why is the world such a cesspool of corruption? | ||
| − | '''Homer''': [in a sotto voce] Oh, great..[speaks up] All right, what makes you say that? | + | '''Homer''': ''[in a sotto voce]'' Oh, great... ''[speaks up]'' All right, what makes you say that? |
'''Lisa''': Well, in Sunday School, we learned that stealing is a sin. | '''Lisa''': Well, in Sunday School, we learned that stealing is a sin. | ||
| Line 149: | Line 142: | ||
'''Homer''': Well, thank you, honey. | '''Homer''': Well, thank you, honey. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | [at work in the showers] | + | ;;[at work in the showers];; |
| − | '''Lenny''': Hey, big fight coming up. | + | '''[[Lenny]]''': Hey, big fight coming up. |
| − | '''Carl''': Yea, you wanna come over to my house and listen to round-by-round updates on the radio? | + | '''[[Carl''']]: Yea, you wanna come over to my house and listen to round-by-round updates on the radio? |
'''Lenny''': Oh, yeah, okay. Oh, and then after the fight, we can watch the still photos on the 11:00 news. | '''Lenny''': Oh, yeah, okay. Oh, and then after the fight, we can watch the still photos on the 11:00 news. | ||
| Line 171: | Line 164: | ||
'''Lisa''': Sorry, I'd rather go to heaven. | '''Lisa''': Sorry, I'd rather go to heaven. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Homer''': [about Lisa] There's something wrong with that kid. She's so moral. Why can't she be more like ... well, not like Bart... | + | '''Homer''': ''[about Lisa]'' There's something wrong with that kid. She's so moral. Why can't she be more like... well, not like Bart... |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | (In bed, Homer and Marge argue about the illegal cable.) | + | ''(In bed, Homer and Marge argue about the illegal cable.)'' |
'''Marge''': But Homer, I’m afraid that cable has become an evil presence in our home. | '''Marge''': But Homer, I’m afraid that cable has become an evil presence in our home. | ||
| − | '''Homer''': ( | + | '''Homer''': ''(sternly)'' Marge, I never put my foot down about anything. |
'''Marge''': No-- | '''Marge''': No-- | ||
| Line 189: | Line 182: | ||
'''Marge''': No, Homer! Not-- | '''Marge''': No, Homer! Not-- | ||
| − | '''Homer''': ( | + | '''Homer''': ''(sticks foot over floor)'' It’s coming down. My foot, it’s-- |
'''Marge''': No! | '''Marge''': No! | ||
| − | '''Homer''': That’s it, Marge. The cable stays. The foot has spoken. (Slams foot down) | + | '''Homer''': That’s it, Marge. The cable stays. The foot has spoken. ''(Slams foot down)'' |
---- | ---- | ||
'''Lisa''': I just want to call attention to the fact that I'm not watching this fight as my form of nonviolent protest. | '''Lisa''': I just want to call attention to the fact that I'm not watching this fight as my form of nonviolent protest. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Homer''' [to Lisa when she just stares at him] | + | '''Homer:''' ''[to Lisa when she just stares at him]'' Hey, go protest outside, will ya? Now! |
---- | ---- | ||
'''Homer''': Quick, Bart! Hide the stuff I borrowed from work! | '''Homer''': Quick, Bart! Hide the stuff I borrowed from work! | ||
| Line 205: | Line 198: | ||
'''Homer''': All, right, that stuff I stole from work. | '''Homer''': All, right, that stuff I stole from work. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Homer''' [to Lisa when she's staring at him outside] | + | '''Homer:''' ''[to Lisa when she's staring at him outside]'' Will you quit staring at me like that?! |
---- | ---- | ||
'''Homer''': I hate to interrupt your judging me, but I wanted you to know that I've made a couple of really important decisions. Number 1: I'm cutting the cable as soon as the fight's over, and Number 2: I'm not very fond of any of you. | '''Homer''': I hate to interrupt your judging me, but I wanted you to know that I've made a couple of really important decisions. Number 1: I'm cutting the cable as soon as the fight's over, and Number 2: I'm not very fond of any of you. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Bart [begging Homer not to cut the cable] | + | '''Bart:''' ''[begging Homer not to cut the cable]'' Dad, I beg you to reconsider. Tractor pulls. Atlanta Braves baseball. Joe Franklin! |
---- | ---- | ||
{{Season 2|Q}} | {{Season 2|Q}} | ||
Revision as of 07:45, November 4, 2018
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- Homer: Family, I have an important announcement. The Simpsons have cable!
- Bart & Lisa: [in unison] Cable!
- [Bart and Lisa rush over to TV.]
- Homer: MTV for the kids, VH1 for us, it has everything Marge.
- Marge: But Homer, are you sure we can afford this?
- Homer: Nothing a month? I think we can swing that!
- Bart: [about Hell] Wouldn't you eventually get used to it, like in a hot tub?
- [Master bedroom. Homer and Marge argue about the illegal cable.]
- Marge: Homer, this illegal cable hookup is wrong. If you really want cable in this house we ought to subscribe to it.
- Homer: I cannot afford it!
- Marge: But Homer, I’m afraid that cable has become an evil presence in our home.
- Homer: [sternly] Marge, I never put my foot down about anything.
- Marge: No--
- Homer: But I am severely tempted to do it over this. (Raises foot)
- Marge: Oh, Homer.
- Homer: Marge, I’m sorry. I think it’s coming down.
- Marge: No, Homer! Not--
- Homer: [Sticks foot over floor] It’s coming down. My foot, it’s--
- Marge: No!
- Homer: That’s it, Marge. The cable stays. The foot has spoken. (Slams foot down)
- [Bart and the family watch TV.]
- Bart: Oh, cool! This is where “Jaws” eats the boat! … Man, this is where “Die Hard” jumps through the window. … [Laughs] Whoa! This is where “Wall Street” gets arrested! '[[chuckles]
Ned Flanders: [about the cable TV man] I should box your ears, you, you, you SNEAKY PETE!
Homer: [reading the "So You've Decided to Steal Cable" pamphlet] So you've decided to steal cable. Myth: Cable piracy is wrong. Fact: Cable companies are big faceless corporations, which makes it okay.
[When Marge and the kids come home from shopping.]
Homer: Oh, hey, hey. Family, family, come here. I have an announcement to make. The Simpsons have cable!
Bart and Lisa: Cable!? [they excitedly clamour in front of the TV.]
Homer: That's right, 68 channels. MTV for the kids, [to Marge] VH-1 for us. Sixteen hundred hours of quality programming, every day!
Marge: Homer, we've talked about cable before. Do you really think we can afford it?
Homer: '[[chuckles] Nothing a month? Yeah, I think we can swing that.
Marge: Mmm. Are you sure this is legal?
Homer: Don't worry, Marge. Take a look at this. [hands Marge a pamphlet entitled, "So, You've Decided To Steal Cable."]
Marge: [Reads from pamphlet]]' "Myth: It's only fair to pay for quality first-run movies. Fact: Most movies shown on cable get two stars or less, and are repeated ad nauseam."
Bart: [watching cable TV] Oh, cool! This is where “Jaws” eats the boat! [later] Man, this is where “Die Hard” jumps through the window. laughs) [later] Whoa! This is where “Wall Street” gets arrested! (chuckles)
Reverend Lovejoy: Now, today's Christian doesn't think he needs God. He thinks he's got it made. He's got his hi-fi. His boob tube. And his instant pizza-pie.
Miss Allbright: Today's topic will be Hell.
Kids: Ooh.
Bart: All right. I sat through Mercy and I sat through Forgiveness. Finally, we get to the good stuff.
Miss Allbright: Hell is a terrible place. Maggots are your sheet, worms your blanket, there's a lake of fire burning with sulfur. You'll be tormented day and night for ever and ever. As a matter of fact, if you actually saw hell, you'd be so frightened, you would die.
Bart: [raises his hand] Oh, Miss Allbright.
Miss Allbright: Yes, Bart.
Bart: Wouldn't you eventually get used to it, like in a hot tub?
Miss Allbright: No.
Bart: [raises his hand]
Miss Allbright: Yes, Bart.
Bart: Are there pirates in hell?
Miss Allbright: Yes. Thousands of them.
Bart: [rubs his hands] Hoo hoo, baby!
Marge: [asks the kids about Sunday school] So, what did you children learn about today?
Bart: Hell.
Homer: Bart!
Bart: Well, that's what we learned about. I sure as hell can't tell you we learned about hell unless I say "hell," can I?
Homer: Eh, The lad has a point.
Bart: Hell, yes!
Marge: Bart!
Bart: (singing) Hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell.
Marge: Bart, you're no longer in Sunday school. Don't swear!
Satan: Come on, Lisa. Watch a little cable with us. Heh heh. It won't cost you a thing ... EXCEPT YOUR SOUL!
Lisa: [screams and runs out]
Marge: What's gotten into Lisa? Bart: Beats the hell out of me! Homer: Bart!
[while Marge and Lisa are at the supermarket; Marge takes a grape and eats it]
Lisa: Mom, what are you doing?
Marge: What, what do you mean?
Lisa: Don't you remember the eighth commandment?
Marge: Oh, of course. It's thou shalt not um not covet, um, graven images, something about covet...
Lisa: [shouts] THOU SHALT NOT STEAL!!!
Lisa: Dad, why is the world such a cesspool of corruption?
Homer: [in a sotto voce] Oh, great... [speaks up] All right, what makes you say that?
Lisa: Well, in Sunday School, we learned that stealing is a sin.
Homer: Well, duh.
Lisa: But everybody does it. I mean, we're stealing cable as we speak.
Homer: Oh. Look at this way, when you had breakfast this morning, did you pay for it?
Lisa: No.
Homer: And did you pay for those clothes you're wearing?
Lisa: No, I didn't.
Homer: Well, run for the hills, Ma Barker! Before I call the Feds!
Lisa: Dad, I think that's pretty spurious.
Homer: Well, thank you, honey.
- [at work in the showers];;
Lenny: Hey, big fight coming up.
Carl''': Yea, you wanna come over to my house and listen to round-by-round updates on the radio?
Lenny: Oh, yeah, okay. Oh, and then after the fight, we can watch the still photos on the 11:00 news.
Carl: Not too shabby!
Lisa: So even if a man takes bread to feed his starving family, that would be stealing?
Reverend Lovejoy: No. Well, it is if he puts anything on it. Jelly, for example.
Lisa: I see.
Lisa: Hi, Dad. I think stealing cable is wrong, so I am choosing not to watch it in the hopes that others will follow my example. That's the last you'll hear from me on the matter. Thank you for your time.
Homer: Hey, Lisa... "Racing From Belmont"? Horsies!
Lisa: Sorry, I'd rather go to heaven.
Homer: [about Lisa] There's something wrong with that kid. She's so moral. Why can't she be more like... well, not like Bart...
(In bed, Homer and Marge argue about the illegal cable.)
Marge: But Homer, I’m afraid that cable has become an evil presence in our home.
Homer: (sternly) Marge, I never put my foot down about anything.
Marge: No--
Homer: But I am severely tempted to do it over this. (Raises foot)
Marge: Oh, Homer.
Homer: Marge, I’m sorry. I think it’s coming down.
Marge: No, Homer! Not--
Homer: (sticks foot over floor) It’s coming down. My foot, it’s--
Marge: No!
Homer: That’s it, Marge. The cable stays. The foot has spoken. (Slams foot down)
Lisa: I just want to call attention to the fact that I'm not watching this fight as my form of nonviolent protest.
Homer: [to Lisa when she just stares at him] Hey, go protest outside, will ya? Now!
Homer: Quick, Bart! Hide the stuff I borrowed from work!
Bart: Borrowed?
Homer: All, right, that stuff I stole from work.
Homer: [to Lisa when she's staring at him outside] Will you quit staring at me like that?!
Homer: I hate to interrupt your judging me, but I wanted you to know that I've made a couple of really important decisions. Number 1: I'm cutting the cable as soon as the fight's over, and Number 2: I'm not very fond of any of you.
Bart: [begging Homer not to cut the cable] Dad, I beg you to reconsider. Tractor pulls. Atlanta Braves baseball. Joe Franklin!
