The Yes-Man Who Would Be King/Quotes

Quotes

Mr. Burns: Well done, Smithers. You make a fine substitute hat rack.

Waylon Smithers: When will your elephant-ivory hat-rack come back from the polisher's, sir?

Mr. Burns: Tomorrow. So I'll need you to stand here all night. And don't move--I don't like it when hat racks move, unless they're featured in a musical number in a jolly cartoon.

Smithers: I'll be here, sir. Not moving.

Mr. Burns: I couldn't sleep last night, so I watched "The Making of 'I'll Take Sweden.'" That Anita Ekberg is quite a dish. Consequently, I have a yen for Swedish food. Scamper down to Little Stockholm and fetch me some rollmops, herring-mit-brod and aquavit.

Smithers: I'll be back before you can say "Kalhyggen och forbranning," sir!

Smithers: I can't find gravlax. How can there be meaning in life?

Swedish employee: There is no meaning. All life is an agony of winter winds and sorrow. But smoked fish is on aisle three.

Olav Gustavson: Mr. Smithers, the current King of Sweden is at death's door, making me sad.

Mr. Burns: Heh, heh. Another old foe I've out-lived!

Olav Gustavson: You are exactly like the King in both spit and image!

Inga Carlsdottir: The current King has no heir. It is ninety-nine percent certain that you, Waylon Smithers, are the last in the royal line!

Gretta Lillquist: But we must make sure. I'm here to administer a blood test, followed by a full-body massage.

Smithers: I might be the King of Sweden?

Helen Lovejoy: ...That Waylon Smithers might be the real King of Sweden!

Edna Krabappel: Well, he won't be producing any heirs.

Edna Krabappel: ...So he'd probably get to live in a big palace!

Principal Skinner: ...Servants catering to his every whim!

Chief Wiggum: ...Painting dwarves gold and using 'em as life-sized chess pieces!

Moe Szyslak: ...Indoor horse-racing, naked twister, dogs dressed like people!

Barney Gumble: ...A whole room made of beef jerky. Furniture, carpet, everything! And a lake made of beer and a staff to row you around while you drink!

Groundskeeper Willie: And they're well-nigh slaves! It's how he does wi' everyone. And if ya disagree--they clap ya in irons an' intae the dungeon wi' ye!

Apu: Property seizures! Beatings! Random arrests! Torture! Just' like home.

Homer: Today I saw a cloud that looked like a choo-choo!

Marge: I hear Waylon Smithers might be the real King of Sweden!

Homer: Heh, heh. You and your stories.

Homer: Mr. Burns, I was told you want to see me. I'm sorry I accidentally released radioactive waste into the city's water supply!

Mr. Burns: Good lord, you really did that?

Homer: Yes, I di--um... I mean...that is...what did you want to see me about?

Willie: Och! And ye call yerself a king! A king should stand six feet tall and weigh twenty stone. Yer nothing but a spectacle-wearin' couf with a shelf full o' Malibu Stacy dolls.

Principal Skinner: And you certainly don't display the sort of temperate, law-giving wisdom of, for instance, a Chuck Heston.

Dr. Hibbert: Krusty's fence is three feet onto my property. I want to build a tool shed there. He should move that fence.

Krusty: When I built that fence, saw-bones here agreed it was on the property line! I need that space now. I got my in-laws buried there!

Smithers: Dr. Hibbert, build your shed on stilts. That way, Krusty's family stays buried, you can have your tool shed, and a lovely view to boot.

Dr. Hibbert: Sounds fair to me.

Krusty: As long as I can keep my mother-in-law where she is. The tomatoes I planted on top of her are coming in like gangbusters!

Lisa: Excuse me, but we should think twice before we hand over complete authority to any one man. We live in a system of checks and balances to prevent the tyranny which inevitably flows from absolute power.

Otto Mann: Get the little girl!

Moe: She's trying to keep us free. Destroy her!

Ralph Wiggum: I love Lisa, but she has to stop living!

Lisa: Clearly, our first priority is a plan of action to eliminate Mr. Smithers' tyranny. Ideas?

Principal Skinner: I think we need to change our slogan. There's no verb. As it's written, "free" is adjectival.

Reverend Lovejoy: I'd like something that invokes the Creator, to ensure divine benediction on our upcoming mayhem.

Willie: To my mind, a logo is nae a logo if it dinna show a royal gettin' his poncey skull battered in wi' a jagged rock.

Apu: I think there should be an elephant.

Lisa: Can we focus on our goal, please?

Lisa: I propose we kidnap Smithers and set him adrift. He'll float to sea, where he can be taken to Sweden. Springfield will never lose its liberty.

Principal Skinner: Seems fine.

Reverend Lovejoy: I agree with that.

Willie: I vote "aye," with the wee change that we use an oar to batter his brains into paste.

Edna Krabappel: Now we have to run our own lives!

Moe: Please, kill me! I can't face life!

Smithers: I know you all think I'm a king. I've heard the whispers. I've felt your stares. But I'm not a king. I'm just like you. I get up in the morning, have breakfast, and sew rhinestone outfits for my Malibu Stacy dolls. I read the test results, Mr. Burns. I'm not the King of Sweden. I'm just a humble man who wants nothing more than to rub soothing emollients on your bedsores.