The Great Burnsby

For other uses of "The Great Burnsby", see The Great Burnsby.

The Great Burnsby

Tapped Out Quest Information Level: 15 Update: The Great Burnsby Required characters: Mr. Burns, Moe Optional characters: Smithers, Lindsey Naegle, See Currency-earning jobs Internal name(s): TheGreatBurnsby ID(s): 278001 - 278005 Previous quest(s): Going Once, Going Twice, Sold to Mr. Burns! Next quest(s): Back to the Grind

The Great Burnsby is an event-exclusive questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in The Great Burnsby content update.

Dialogue

Pt. 1

After completing Going Once, Going Twice, Sold to Mr. Burns! Welcome to Burns' Manor. Some people call it "Saltburns" — not sure why. Anyway, let me give you a quick tour. Wow, this is huge! How much did you pay for — never mind, I'll just look it up on Zillow later. Very gentlemanly of you... By later I mean now. Holy crap! The Zestimate doesn't even fit on my screen. Then we'll have to get you a large phone. Now, quick mansion tour: foyer, second foyer, powder room, oh and here's the room that's full of trapdoors. Where do they all go? Spikes, crocodiles, vats of acid. I like to switch things up. One thing I can assure you though is that none of them lead to an exit. Every second on this earth is a miniature battle and if your intention isn't to leave the other side in ruin, then you'll be the one who ends up with nothing. Hey, I'm with you. At my tavern, if you don't pay your tab, my 12-gauge comes out to collect. I like you, Moe. Sure, you're rough around the edges and a specific kind of ugly that I am unable to fully capture using words...but I see a lot of me in you. Again, not sure how to respond to all the compliments...so I'll just take that as an insult. Task: "Collect Stolen Artwork" (x115). Task: "Make Burns Continue His Tour". The job takes place at Burns Manor, Burns' Summer Mansion, Mansions, Cooling Towers, Control Building, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours. Task: "Make Moe Ask How Much Each Painting Costs". The job takes place at Burns Manor, Burns' Summer Mansion, Mansions, Cooling Towers, Control Building, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours. This is my bedroom suite, my bathroom suite, my table tennis chamber, the screening room, room filled with stolen Rembrandts, the hounds' quarters... This is the longest house tour I've ever been on. And here's your room, fit with a claw-footed tub, walk-in closet, and eagle-feathered king mattress. My own room? With my own bed? At the tavern I was sleeping on a blood-stained pool table with a dart board for a pillow and bar rag for a blanket. Before you get settled, I should introduce you to my inner-circle of friends. They all live at the manor as well. This is Blue-Haired Lawyer. He handles all of my important business. He also has blue hair. Objection! Relevance? And this is the Yes Guy. He's truly the heart and soul of this place. He's up for anything! Yesssssss! Why do you talk like that? Because I'm the Yessss Guy! You'll grow to love him. And finally, meet Lindsey Naegle — she's my marketing expert and dearest friend. You're likely to find her sunbathing by the pool or wandering the halls in highly inappropriate outfits. Pleasure to meet you, Moe. Enchante. That's French for "I'm down". Ooh la la! *whispering to Moe* Meet me in my room later... And of course, you've already met Smithers. Indeed, I have. Look at you, you're already speaking like a gentleman. You're a welcome addition to our gang! Yesssss! Fantastic... Oh and Moe, here are the keys to the helicopter should you ever decide to leave the manor. I won't! But give me the keys anyway! Quest reward: 100 and 10 Burns' Helicopter

Pt. 2

After completing Pt. 1 I had a great time last night, Moe. I still can't believe how forward you were! Me? You came to my room at 3am in a see-through nightdress and slapped me in the face to wake me up. I've lived here a long time, but I still find myself getting lost... Well, feel free to get lost again tonight. Tomorrow night too. Maybe give me a little rest after that though, you know, to rebuild my stamina. Task: "Collect Stolen Artwork" (x115). Task: "Make Moe Befriend Housemates". The job takes place at Burns Manor, Burns' Summer Mansion, Mansions, Cooling Towers, Control Building, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours. Task: "Make Burns Get Jealous of Moe's Time With Lindsay". The job takes place at Burns Manor, Burns' Summer Mansion, Mansions, Cooling Towers, Control Building, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours. If Smithers is owned: Task: "Make Smithers Track Moe's Every Move". The job takes place at Burns Manor, Burns' Summer Mansion, Mansions, Cooling Towers, Control Building, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours. Hello, Mr. Szyslak. How's it hangin', Smithers? Or should I say: "what symphony does your soul orchestrate in the grand concert hall of today?" I see what you're doing, Moe. Sleeping with Lindsay, getting the Yes Guy to say "no" for the first time, convincing Blue-Haired Lawyer to move to South Africa and become Blue-Haired Wildlife Photographer. I did all that? I only remember sleeping with Lindsay. I'm onto you, Szyslak. Sure, you're Burns' favorite right now, but he'd never leave the mansion to you. Never. I've never expected him to leave me nothin'. This place is not for people like you. It's a pipe dream. It is just a small anecdote that you'll bore your tavern rats with at Christmas... Because soon enough, your vacation will be over. And you'll be handing back the helicopter keys, and on the next train back to Springfield. Are you still talking?! You're soooo boring. I barely paid attention to any of that! In the meantime, now that Blue-Haired Lawyer is gone, I made sure Burns hired a team of lawyers to handle his affairs. So what? Why are you telling me that? So you'll know not to try anything funny. Also to explain why there's going to be a lot of lawyers around. Sounds great. If you feel the need to corner me again with another one of your soliloquys, I'll be skeet-shooting a bunch of antique dinner plates by the pool. Quest reward: 100 and 10 Crowd of Lawyers

Pt. 3

After completing Pt. 2 Are you okay, Monty? You seem bothered about something. No, I'm fine. Finger-tenting excellent even! Oh, I can't lie to you, Moe. I just feel like it's slightly bad form is all — you getting with Lindsay Naegle. It was?! She basically attacked me in the middle of the night, so I think that counts as consent is all. Smithers saw you two. He said YOU initiated the canoodling. That bowtied creep is lying. Sure, there was canoodling. But I never initiated nothin'! I just find it to be a bit rude of you. I mean, I invited you to spend the summer at my mansion as my friend. Plus, Lindsay's like a sister to me. She is? You never said that. I'm pretty sure I would have remembered if you did. Because it's a little unusual that she'd be like a sister to you, what with the massive age difference and all. You don't remember because you never pay attention, Moe. You're always drinking champagne and shooting antiques with my antique guns. But we shoot antiques together. I know. And don't get me wrong, it's most enjoyable. I just think you should have spoken with me about this. Look, the only reason I didn't speak with you is because I didn't want to embarrass Lindsay. I know she's your friend and everything, but I think she has an addiction. She just wanders around the halls throwing herself at whoever she comes across. I didn't want to spoil your image of her. But what about what Smithers said? That dude totally has a thing for you — he'll say anything! Well, I'm glad we spoke. What a relief. I was worried for a second that I had another Kirk Van Houten situation. Kirk Van Houten? Yeah, he was my protégé once. He came to stay here and developed a little thing for Lindsay, and everything just got so awkward, and then he accidentally fell in one of my trapdoors. Well, I'm glad we still got our friendship. Wanna go shoot some antiques? There's nothing I'd rather do. Task: "Collect Stolen Artwork" (x145). Task: "Make Burns Shoot More Antiques". The job takes place at Burns Manor, Burns' Summer Mansion, Mansions, Cooling Towers, Control Building, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours. Task: "Make Moe Drink More Champagne". The job takes place at Burns Manor, Burns' Summer Mansion, Mansions, Cooling Towers, Control Building, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours. What have you done?! Like in my life? A lot of messed up things...crazily messed up... Mr. Burns is DEAD! A bullet ricocheted back at him when he skeet-shot an antique Roman shield. Mr. Burns is dead?! But we were quickly becoming best friends! This is your fault, Moe. Does Lindsay know about this? Of course! She was named Burns' heir in his will. Anyway, I have to send an email to Blue-Haired Wildlife Photographer. He should be there for the funeral! Oh, there's a funeral? Well, I should probably stay for that then. Have the maid bring me some fresh towels. Quest reward: 100 and 10 Springfield Funeral Home

Pt. 4

After completing Pt. 3 Hiya there, Lindsay, I'm so sorry for your loss. Great speech at the funeral though... Your politeness is so irritating. Do you know that? Whaaa? So now you're turning on me too? All I said was I'm sorry for your loss. You're always sorry. Always squirming and wriggling backward like a snake retreating into its den. You disgust me, Moe Szyslak. I watched you weeping away and for a second I felt so sad for you. But then I remembered...you only knew Mr. Burns for what? Two months? Not even. I think it's just been a few days. Yet here you still are. Right in the middle of it all...standing in my bathroom, desperately sopping up all my grief with that disgusting bar rag you walk around with. Do you have some sort of point you're trying to make? Because I'm super hungry and there's so much leftover funeral food downstairs. I mean, those little egg salad sandwiches shouldn't be left out like that for so long. It'd be a crime to let those babies spoil. You're a leech! You're a disgusting insect sad rich people thought could slurp out all their ailments. All we need is a little less blood, so let's take this leech, bring it into our home, and give it all the time in the world to suck us dry. Is it just me or am I the only one who is getting super turned on right now? This wasn't meant to turn you on! It was meant to be my monologue revealing that I've perfectly distilled your character. That I'm the only one who was able to figure you out for what you truly are. So, you're not turned on? I don't know. The funeral is still so fresh. I just don't know if I'm able to commit to anything. Oh yeah, totally. Same for me. Ok, uh, wriggling backward to my den. Good talk. Peace out. Okay, fine, I am into you, Moe! And you think I'm the crazy one?! Task: "Collect Stolen Artwork" (x115). Task: "Make Moe Spend Every Waking Moment With Lindsay". The job takes place at Burns Manor, Burns' Summer Mansion, Mansions, Cooling Towers, Control Building, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours. If Lindsey Naegle is owned: Task: "Make Lindsay Naegle Spend Every Waking Moment With Moe". The job takes place at Burns Manor, Burns' Summer Mansion, Mansions, Cooling Towers, Control Building, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours. If Smithers is owned: Task: "Make Smithers Watch On With Envy". The job takes place at Burns Manor, Burns' Summer Mansion, Mansions, Cooling Towers, Control Building, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours. Thank you for coming to see me, Moe. So... How much longer are you planning on staying here? Because after Mr. Burns dying, Lindsay won't let you go... Well, I don't know how much longer. My bed's pretty comfortable. And I'm happy to stay if it makes her feel better havin' me around or whatever. That's very kind of you, Moe. But I'm not so sure your presence is good for her. Or us. I think it's time, Moe, for you to go back to your tavern discreetly. Tonight. Ok. You don't need to make a big deal of it. I get it. You want me gone. So you won't go? That's what you're saying?! I never said that! I said I'd go! But it ain't because you and your ugly bow-tie are making me leave. Fine. I see that you're playing hardball. How much? Excuse me? I'm writing you a check. How much for you to leave the Manor, and never return? I just said, I'd go for free. You're not the best at negotiating. Name your price, Moe. We can't move on until you leave! Give me a second. I got to do a Google search for how big numbers go. Oh, here's one... A million dollars! A million? Be serious, Moe. Name a number bigger than that! A million million? Man, I hate how good of a negotiator you are. Let's make it ten shall we? Ten dollars? Yeah, that's fine. *reads check* Ten million dollars?! Holy crud buckets! This summer just gets better and better! Except for the death, of course. I never want to see you at this mansion ever again. I'm already driving away! Quest reward: 100 and 10 Moe's Convertible

Pt. 5

After completing Pt. 4 Greetings, Mr. Szyslak. I'm a lawyer representing the estate of Mr. Burns. So not a customer? Because you can't use the can unless you buy something. Actually, I'm here about the ten million dollar check written to you by a Mr. Waylon Smithers. Oh, that? Yeah, I lost it. I was using it as a bookmark, but then I realized I hate reading and threw the book in the trash. You accidentally threw out a check for ten million dollars? No, I threw it out on purpose because I hate books. Are you not listening to me? I just wanted to tell you that we canceled payment, so the check was no good anyway. It turns out that Mr. Burns didn't actually die, so your absence puts you in breach of contract as his protégé, and thus you're owed nothing. Mr. Burns is alive?! I mean, he was buried! I saw the corpse. More than just saw even! How is this possible? The details are all here in this breach of contract document. Just tell me, Perry Mason! I told you I don't like reading! Task: "Collect Stolen Artwork" (x195). Task: "Make Moe Listen to the Incredible Story". The job takes place at Moe's Tavern, Bars, or a Brown House and takes 4 hours. So Mr. Burns dug his way out of the grave using the femur of the guy in the grave next to him, huh? What a story! Yes, that's why it took so many hours to tell. Well, it was a fun escape for me, and it's a bummer I'm not rich and all, but I'm glad things are back to normal. Yes. Anyway, if you have any more questions feel free to reach out... To you? No, to Blue-Haired Lawyer, who's on his way back from Africa to resume his position as Mr. Burns's attorney. More things back to normal. That's great. There's one thing that's changed though. Moe, I'm madly in love with you! If you want to use the ladies' room, you have to buy something! Also, we ain't got a ladies' room. Quest reward: 100 and 10 Maxwell Flinch

Currency-earning jobs

Task Character(s) Time Location(s) Reward "Acquire" Stolen Artwork Homer, Lenny, Carl, Mr. Burns, Smithers 4h Mansions, Brown House 5, 45 Buy Stolen Artwork From "Trusted" Source Roberto Dinero, Mob Lawyer 8, 70

The Simpsons: Tapped Out The Great Burnsby quests
Going Once, Going Twice, Sold to Mr. Burns! • The Great Burnsby • Back to the Grind
Roberto Dinero	Trial and Terror
Mob Lawyer	Mob Law
Maxwell Flinch	Personal Liability