| Hands Off
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| Tapped Out Quest Information
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Hands Off is a premium questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the Love and War content update. It requires Captain Mordecai to be obtained.
Dialogue[edit]
| After tapping on Captain Mordecai's exclamation mark
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Where is this? Am I in uncharted waters?
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Hmm...must be. I can hear the sirens calling to me from that building. What does it say? "Classy Girls Strip Club". This bears closer inspection...
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| Task: "Make Captain Mordecai Check Out the Strip Club". The job takes place at Classy Girls Strip Club or a Brown House and takes 4 hours.
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This isn't uncharted waters. It's heaven!
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Hey sailor, have we met?
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I'm a captain but I'd be happy to pay good coin of the realm to make your acquaintance.
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You're speaking my language, mister.
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Captain.
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Why don't you buy me a drink?
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Very well. Waiter, two steins of your finest mead!
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Quest reward:  100 and  10
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| After tapping on Captain Mordecai's exclamation mark
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How 'bout you and me get a little more... intimate.
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You read my mind.
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*puts out hand* It's fifty to get started.
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Fifty doubloons?! Why, that's robbery on the high seas! And I should know since I regularly rob on the high seas.
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Uh, I don't think we take doubloons. Is that some kind of bitcoin?
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Some of my coins have been bit, yes.
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Security! Code Red! This one's outta green!
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| Task: "Make Captain Mordecai Get Kicked Out". The job takes place at Classy Girls Strip Club or a Brown House and takes 4 hours.
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You win this one, Classy Girls Strip Club. But you will rue the day that I can once again afford cannonballs!
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All that unrequited carousing has left me famished...
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The Frying Dutchman, eh? I don't much care for the Dutch, but I'm hungry enough to stomach some snert and rookworst.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Captain Mordecai's exclamation mark
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You can fry fish?! This place just gets better and better.
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Argh, ye be likin' the food at my humble establishment, says ye?
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Are you kidding? This is the greatest manmade achievement since the invention of plunder!
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That be most gracious of ye to say. So, is that your fine-looking vessel I see docked outside?
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Look with yer eyes, not with your hook, "Captain". If that's yer real commission.
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That lass is the finest ship figurehead this lonely man has seen in a lifetime.
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Don't get any ideas. She's all mine. In fact, I think it's time I discuss the evening's plan with her.
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| Task: "Make Captain Mordecai Make Out With a Ship Figurehead". The job takes 4 hours.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Captain Mordecai's exclamation mark
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Well, it seems ye be about done with yer meal. And how will ye be paying this evening?
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*hands over a doubloon*
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A doubloon? I haven't seen one of these since I still had two good sea legs! But it's insufficient as to pay yer bill.
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Well that's all I've got.
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Begging yer pardon, sir, but that's not exactly ALL ye got now, is it?
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Just what are you proposing?
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Of all the seas I've sailed and all the lands I've lubbed, your figurehead be the fairest.
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'Tis true. I plundered her good and proper.
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So then she'll understand a fair trade...
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Task: "Make Captain Mordecai Listen to an Indecent Proposal". The job takes place at The Frying Dutchman, a Kwik-E-Mart, Springfield Grocery Store, CostMo, Try-N-Save, Quick & Fresh, Sconewall Bakery, or a Brown House and takes 4 hours.
If Sea Captain is owned: Task: "Make Sea Captain Profess His Love for the Figurehead". The job takes place at The Frying Dutchman, a Kwik-E-Mart, Springfield Grocery Store, CostMo, Try-N-Save, Quick & Fresh, Sconewall Bakery, or a Brown House and takes 4 hours.
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So, it's a sea race you want, eh?
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Correct. If ye win, it's all ye can eat. But if I win, I get the lovely lady's hand.
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She doesn't have hands.
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I know. It's not her hands I want.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Captain Mordecai's exclamation mark
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Now remember the rules. The winner of this regatta be the first ship to unmoor and skim their vessel to the lighthouse and back. Do ye understand?
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I wasn't skiffed yesterday.
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Sally forth!
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Task: "Make Captain Mordecai Easily Win the Race". The job takes place at Captain Mordecai's Boat or a Brown House and takes 4 hours.
If Sea Captain is owned: Task: "Make Sea Captain Remember He's Racing in a Houseboat". The job takes place at Captain Mordecai's Boat or a Brown House and takes 4 hours.
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Hah! What an idiot. You barely left the dock by the time I won the race.
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Alas, the divine beauty of yer lady had me entranced. Like the call of a siren, I was mad with desire and paid no attention to the fact I was racing in a tugboat.
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Spare me yer alibis and fry me up another batch of long necks and clam bellies. We're going on a deep, deep dive.
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| Quest reward: 200 and 20
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