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Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck

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Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck
Tapped Out Quest Information
Level: 5
Update: A Simpsons Christmas Special
Required characters: Marge, Maggie
Optional characters: Baby Gerald, Santa's Little Helper, See Currency-earning jobs
Previous quest(s): Christmas is Canceled Pt. 7
Next quest(s): Christmas is Canceled Pt. 8

Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck is an event-exclusive questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the A Simpsons Christmas Special content update.

Dialogue[edit]

Pt. 1[edit]

After completing Christmas is Canceled Pt. 7
Homer - Happy Okay, so there was this really cool baby who liked playing with toy trains.
Maggie - Annoyed *suck suck*
Homer - Cautious Sorry, not "toy" trains -- real ones. In fact, she had just booked a ticket on the best train of all -- the North Pole Express!
Chat Bubble Decoration
Marge - Happy Maggie, are you excited to go visit Santa Claus?
Maggie - Happy *suck suck*
Marge - Thoughtful Ooh, good idea! I'll bake fresh cookies to give to Santa.
Maggie - Thumbs Up *suck suck*
Marge - Annoyed Yes. I'll be sure to make CHRISTMAS cookies. Obviously.
Maggie - Angry *suck suck*
Marge - Annoyed Look, I know you're nervous to meet Father Christmas. But you're one year old. Get a grip.
Reward: Maggie
Task: "Make Marge Triple-Check the Oven is Turned Off". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Maggie Draw a Picture for Santa". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Collect Cookies" (x100).
Chat Bubble Decoration
Maggie - Up Arms *suck suck*
Marge - Surprised You're right Maggie! Santa's train is here to pick us up.
Conductor Otto - Happy All aboard the Santa Express! Next stop, the South Pole!
Maggie - Annoyed *suck suck*
Conductor Otto - Happy Oh, right. Let me turn this thing around...
Quest reward: Cash100 and XP10
Toy Train and Free Land Token

Pt. 2[edit]

After completing Pt. 1
Chat Bubble Decoration
Marge So Otto, how long have you been the conductor of the Santa Express?
Conductor Otto Oh, ever since they invented magic trains that run on Christmas wishes.
Conductor Otto Which was in, like, 2011. Elon Musk has trouble focusing on one project at a time.
Conductor Otto - Surprised *clunk* Whoops! The magic boiler needs more fuel. Do me a solid and tell it some of your Christmas wishes.
Maggie - Happy *suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck*
Conductor Otto I don't think the boiler speaks pacifier. I'm gonna need a translation, lady.
Task: "Make Marge Have a Mundane Christmas Wish". The job takes place at the Toy Train and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Maggie Draw a Picture of Her Christmas Wish". The job takes place at the Toy Train and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Collect Cookies" (x350).
Chat Bubble Decoration
Maggie - Happy *suck suck*
Marge Maggie says she'd like a new pacifier for Christmas.
Conductor Otto - Sad That's depressingly practical, kid. Come on, think big. Seriously, or we'll freeze to death out here.
Maggie - Thumbs Up *suck suck*
Marge - Happy How about: "Christmas every day of the year and infinity presents"?
Conductor Otto - Happy Whoa! That did the trick! Yeah, we love when a kid asks for the impossible.
Conductor Otto - Happy "Always leave 'em a little disappointed", Santa says. He's one sick puppy, Kris Kringle.
Quest reward: Cash100 and XP10
Pile of Presents x4

Pt. 3[edit]

After completing Pt. 2
Chat Bubble Decoration
Conductor Otto - Happy North Pole! Everybody get out!
Elf Bart - Sad Otto! Remember that baby you brought on your last run? Gerald? One big, weird eyebrow?
Maggie - Surprised *suck suck*
Elf Bart - Sad He stole Santa's sleigh, with all the presents!
Elf Lisa - Sad Jolly Old Saint Nick freaked, crawled into a bowl of 'nog, and ran off crying into the snow!
Conductor Otto In this cold, it's probably best to just accept that he's dead. Well, Christmas was fun while it lasted, gang!
Maggie - Determined *suck suck*
Marge - Serious Maggie says we can't give up! So what if Santa gets hypothermia and loses a few fingers and toes...?
Maggie - Determined *suck suck*
Marge - Sad ...and, yes, probably his nose, too. We can still save him!
Task: "Make Marge Look for Santa". The job takes place at Santa's House, The North Pole, or a Brown House and takes 8 hours.
Task: "Make Maggie Resent Gerald". The job takes place at Santa's House, The North Pole, or a Brown House and takes 8 hours.
Task: "Place Pile of Presents" (x3).
Task: "Collect Cookies" (x350).
Chat Bubble Decoration
Marge - Surprised Over here! I think we found him!
Santa Homer - Drunk More 'nog. Just want eggy oblivion...
Marge - Sad Don't give up, Santa! The world loves you!
Santa Homer *notices Marge, instantly sobers* Whoa! Happy Christmas, gorgeous. We don't see many naughty girls up here.
Maggie - Annoyed *suck suck*
Marge - Nervous She doesn't like that you're hitting on her mother, Sir.
Santa Homer Hey, what Mrs. Claus don't know won't kill her. Aw, crap! Cheese it, she's here!
Mrs. Claus - Annoyed Santa, there you are!
Quest reward: Cash100 and XP10
Mrs. Claus

Pt. 4[edit]

After completing Pt. 3
Bart - Curious Mom? Dad? How come in both your stories, you're with other people?
Homer - Thoughtful I guess that IS pretty dark for a Christmas update. Best not to think about it.
Homer - Cautious Probably means nothing. Or, something huge. No way to know, really. Anyhoo...
Chat Bubble Decoration
Mrs. Claus Come on, Santa. Let's get you back home.
Marge - Surprised What about the stolen presents, Santa? Don't you want your sleigh back?
Elf Lisa - Tired Just let the big guy sleep it off. We can push Christmas a few days, right?
Elf Bart - Tired I think Canada celebrates Christmas on February 6th or something. We'll do it then.
Maggie - Angry *suck suck*
Marge - Serious You're right, Maggie. I won't let America get dragged down to Canada's level, either. Let's save American Christmas!
Task: "Make Marge Look for Baby Gerald". The job takes place at Santa's House, The North Pole, or a Brown House and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Maggie Help Look for Baby Gerald". The job takes place at Santa's House, The North Pole, or a Brown House and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Collect Cookies" (x350).
Chat Bubble Decoration
Marge - Surprised Look Maggie, up ahead there's a creepy castle made of toys. That could be Baby Gerald's evil lair.
Maggie - Pointing *suck suck*
Marge - Nervous Geez, I don't think we have to get quite THAT violent with him. Take it easy, kiddo.
Quest reward: Cash100 and XP10
Toy Fortress and Free Land Token

Pt. 5[edit]

After completing Pt. 4
Chat Bubble Decoration
Marge - Serious Gerald! The jig is up! Fork over the sleigh and no one gets hurt!
Baby Gerald - Surprised *ominous glare*
Marge - Nervous Easy, Gerald. It's not too late to get back on the Nice List. Just put down the toy gun and let's talk.
Baby Gerald - Annoyed *ominous glare*
Maggie - Angry *suck suck*
Baby Gerald - Surprised *ominous glare*
Maggie - Monkey Dance *suck suck*
Marge - Nervous I was praying it wouldn't come to this...
Marge - Scared BABY DANCE BATTLE!
Task: "Make Maggie Have a Baby Dance Battle". The job takes place at the Toy Fortress and takes 8 hours.
If Baby Gerald is owned: Task: "Make Gerald Have a Baby Dance Battle". The job takes place at the Toy Fortress and takes 8 hours.
Task: "Make Marge Watch a Baby Dance Battle". The job takes place at the Toy Fortress and takes 8 hours.
Task: "Collect Cookies" (x350).
Chat Bubble Decoration
Baby Gerald - Sad *exhausted glare*
Maggie - Thumbs Up *suck suck*
Marge - Confused Okay, seriously, who won? I mean, you both just danced like babies for a while. It's hard to tell.
Baby Gerald - Annoyed *cries*
Marge - Happy Way to go, Maggie!
Marge - Angry Into the sleigh, Bad Baby Gerald! We're sending you home!
Quest reward: Cash100 and XP10
Greyhound Sleigh and Free Land Token

Pt. 6[edit]

After completing Pt. 5
Chat Bubble Decoration
Marge - Happy I always thought it was reindeer that pulled Santa's sleigh, but these greyhounds are pretty cute.
Maggie - Happy *suck suck*
Marge - Thoughtful Yes, it certainly was sweet of you to work Santa's Little Helper into the story.
Marge - Happy That's great fan service, Maggie!
Task: "Make Marge Drive the Greyhound Sleigh". The job takes place at the Greyhound Sleigh, requires Maggie, and takes 12 hours.
If Santa's Little Helper is owned: Task: "Make Santa's Little Helper Lead the Greyhound Sleigh". The job takes place at the Greyhound Sleigh and takes 12 hours.
Chat Bubble Decoration
Marge - Thoughtful Your sleigh's all packed and ready to go, Santa!
Santa Homer - Drunk Not in my current condition. I could run over some kid, and the laws against drunk sleighing are WAY draconian now.
Santa Homer - Drunk You must deliver the presents, Marge. And when you get back, why not stay a while?
Marge - Surprised What about Mrs. Claus?
Santa Homer - Sad She went out for candy canes and hasn't come back. I think she met another immortal fatso.
Marge - Sad Oh, you poor man!
Santa Homer - Wink So what do you say? I could make you very jolly...
Marge - Wink *girlish giggle*
Quest reward: Cash200 and XP20

Currency-earning jobs[edit]

Task Character(s) Time Location(s) Reward
Eat the Head Off the Cookies Homer 4h Flanders House or Brown House Cookie6, XP45
Carefully Decorate the Cookies Lisa
Ruin His Dinner With Cookies Bart
Make a Happy Cookie Family Marge
Take Out Teeth to Eat Cookies Grampa
Play Dolls With Cookies Maggie
Share Cookies With His Kids Cletus
Complain About Cookies Being Subpar Comic Book Guy
Be Allergic to Cookies Milhouse
Give Cookies Milk Baths Ralph
Make Tiny Sailboats for Cookies Sea Captain
Share Cookies With Lenny Carl
Share Cookies With Carl Lenny
Putter About With Cookies Lee Carvallo Cookie9, XP70
Focus Test Cookies Jim Hope
Have a Blast Making Cookies Young Marge