| Absolutely Crushing It
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| Tapped Out Quest Information
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Absolutely Crushing It is a premium questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the Treehouse of Horror XXXII content update. It requires Sentient Lard Lad Statue to be obtained.
Dialogue[edit]
| After tapping on Sentient Lard Lad Statue's exclamation mark
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Sentient Lard Lad, do you acknowledge that you are of sound mind for these court proceedings?
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My head is hollow. I have no mind.
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I've given the oath to worse. We shall proceed.
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Based on the destruction you caused around Springfield, I sentence you to one hundred hours of community service.
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*gasp* Community service? That's it?! He crushed my front porch!
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He crushed my car!
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He crushed my grandmother!
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Duly noted. But there are no prisons large enough to hold Lard Lad, so community service will have to do.
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Task: "Make Sentient Lard Lad Statue Do Community Service". The job takes place at Welcome to Springfield Arch, Welcome to Springfield Sign, Itchy & Scratchy Billboard, Gorgeous Grampa Billboard, Mr. Sparkle Billboard, Radioactive Man Billboard, Springfield Park Entrance, Town Hall, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Springfielders Be Outraged" (x5). The jobs take place at the Court House, Town Hall, or a Visitable Home and take 4 hours.
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Quest reward:  100 and  10
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| After tapping on Sentient Lard Lad Statue's exclamation mark
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How did I end up out here on the side of the road picking up trash?
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First time in community service, eh?
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Is it that obvious?
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I'll show you the ropes.
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That would be great, thanks.
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Here are the ropes. Now use them to tie the trash bags together.
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If Sideshow Bob is owned: Task: "Make Sideshow Bob Show Lard Lad the Ropes". The job takes place at Welcome to Springfield Arch, Welcome to Springfield Sign, Itchy & Scratchy Billboard, Gorgeous Grampa Billboard, Mr. Sparkle Billboard, Radioactive Man Billboard, Springfield Park Entrance, Town Hall, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Sentient Lard Lad Statue Learn the Ropes". The job takes place at Welcome to Springfield Arch, Welcome to Springfield Sign, Itchy & Scratchy Billboard, Gorgeous Grampa Billboard, Mr. Sparkle Billboard, Radioactive Man Billboard, Springfield Park Entrance, Town Hall, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Sentient Lard Lad Statue's exclamation mark
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It's time for lunch, chum.
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I don't eat lunch. I'm a statue.
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That's what the non-statues want you to think.
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But I have a hollow head.
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You see a hollow head, I see a storage facility for hundreds of lunches.
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Okay, I'll eat!
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Just stay away from my lunch.
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Task: "Make Sentient Lard Lad Statue Eat Donuts". The job takes 4 hours.
If Sideshow Bob is owned: Task: "Make Sideshow Bob Hoard His Lunch". The job takes place at Welcome to Springfield Arch, Welcome to Springfield Sign, Itchy & Scratchy Billboard, Gorgeous Grampa Billboard, Mr. Sparkle Billboard, Radioactive Man Billboard, Springfield Park Entrance, Town Hall, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
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All you had for lunch were donuts?
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Donuts are kinda my thing.
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I could make them my thing too.
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No.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Sentient Lard Lad Statue's exclamation mark
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Ugh, how much time do I have left on my community service?
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How many hours were you assigned?
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One hundred.
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So far you've mostly been on a lunch break so...ninety-nine and a half hours to go.
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Gaaahhhh!!!!!
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Task: "Make Sentient Lard Lad Statue Go on a Rampage". The job takes 12 hours.
If Sideshow Bob is owned: Task: "Make Sideshow Bob Enjoy the Show". The job takes place at the Court House, Town Hall, or a Visitable Home and takes 8 hours.
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What did he crush this time?
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"Crush" is a strong word, your honor. My client will concede to "squish".
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Very well. What did he squish?
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Your honor, it's beneath the dignity of this court to inquire as to what or who I may or may not have squished.
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You squished a "who"?
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Your honor since there is no prosecution present, given they've all been squished, I ask that this case be dismissed.
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Ah, our "who" was the prosecution. Very well. Case dismissed.
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| Quest reward: 200 and 20
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