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A Perfectly Cromulent Job
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
A Perfectly Cromulent Job
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Tapped Out Quest Information
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A Perfectly Cromulent Job is a questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the Level 39 content update. It unlocks Sanjay and Sanjay's House.
Dialogue[edit]
After tapping on Dolph's exclamation mark
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Stealing from the Kwik-E-Mart isn't as easy as it used to be. They now have electronic tags on the electronic tags.
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It might be the years and years of stealing, but Apu just doesn't trust us like he used to.
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Wasn't there another clerk at the Kwik-E-Mart? Kind of a younger, hipper, nicer, richer, more handsome version of Apu?
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I'm standing right here!
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I remember him! Sanjay! He used to offer a Kwik-E-Mart delivery service for single mothers.
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I think that was only your mom...
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Task: "Reach Level 39 And Build Sanjay's House". It takes 4 hours.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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After tapping on Sanjay's exclamation mark
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Is that you Sanjay? Praise Ganesh! I thought I'd never see your handsome face again!
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Oh Apu! My dear brother...
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You know Sanjay, you're nearly two years overdue for your shift at the Kwik-E-Mart.
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I've only just arrived. Come have a drink with me to celebrate my reincarnation!
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One drink. I'd make it two if you'd reincarnated into something more impressive - like a cow.
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Task: "Make Sanjay and Apu Heartily Celebrate Sanjay's Return". The job takes place at Sanjay's House and takes 45 seconds.
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What an amazing 45 seconds! Now I need to get back to the Kwik-E-Mart.
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Since I can't lock up the place, I have to leave a cardboard cut-out of me in charge.
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And that cardboard cut-out gives way too many discounts for dented cans. It's ruining my business!
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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After tapping on Sanjay's exclamation mark
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Apu, you can't keep running the Kwik-E-Mart all by yourself without any help.
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The octuplets were a great help until they unionized.
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I've thought about hiring an employee, but could not imagine one of the local buffoons running the place.
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Help! Someone! Anyone! A raccoon ran away with my belt and I can't chase it because my pants keep falling down!
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*sigh*
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While they might be idiots, they do seem to have perfect timing when you want to emphasize a point.
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There is, however, one person I could trust to work for me.
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Task: "Make Sanjay and Apu Negotiate an Employment Contract". The job takes place at a Kwik-E-Mart and takes 5 hours.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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After tapping on Sanjay's exclamation mark
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Alright Apu. I'll accept your less than generous offer of employment... only in exchange for working a reasonable schedule.
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You have my word Sanjay, I will do my best to keep all your shifts under 12 hours in length.
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Task: "Make Sanjay Work a 16 Hour Shift". The job takes place at a Kwik-E-Mart and takes 16 hours.
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All work and no play makes Sanjay a dull boy. All work and no play makes Sanjay a dull boy.
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Aughh! Aisle four is a river of blood!
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Oh wait, it's just cherry flavored Squishee. The machine must be broken again. This job is really driving me crazy.
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Help me! I can't swim AND I have type II diabetes.
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I'm sorry, sir. But company policy clearly states that you must purchase something before I can save your life.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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After tapping on Sanjay's exclamation mark
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One day of work and I already hate my job.
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Tell me about it. I skipped work today and it's still all I hear about.
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Nuclear meltdown on the radio, on the TV, from a guy in a hazmat suit in my living room. Yeesh.
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Apu promised it would be different this time, but the only thing different is that it is a little worse.
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This is America, Sanjay. Employers lie to employees, and employees take their revenge by getting drunk.
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And by sometimes giving their friends free hot dogs.
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Task: "Make Sanjay Drink With Homer". The job takes place at Moe's Tavern and takes 8 hours.
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After starting the job
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*GASP* My store is without a clerk! Not even a cardboard one!
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Oh I cannot believe it! A mere 16 hours into his first 12 hour shift and Sanjay is already slacking off!
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Doesn't he realize that the American Dream applies to business owners, not their employees?
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Just wait until I find you, Sanjay! You'll get a talking-to that will sting for a lifetime... and two more lifetimes after that.
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But where could he be? I'll check his usual haunts – the Kwik-E-Mart and India.
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I really don't know my brother very well.
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After the task is complete
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There you are Sanjay! I've finally found you, you lazy goat of a man!
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Well since I had absolutely *hic* nothing to do with this, I must be going...
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How dare you leave my store unattended! The magazines have all been read, and the "take a penny leave a penny" jar is practically empty!
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This is as irresponsible as that time you ran off to become a sitar player.
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I was the second best sitar player in the world! It just turns out that the world needed only ONE sitar player.
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Well maybe I should offer the Kwik-E-Mart job to Ravi Shankar.
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Joke's on you, he's dead! Not to mention he was a known pickpocket.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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After tapping on Sanjay's exclamation mark
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I'm about to say something a Nahasapeemapetilon has never said – I quit!
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I'm about to say something a Nahasapeemapetilon has said many times - you're fired!
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Turn in your keys, your gun, and your "Employee of the Month" mug.
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What are you going to do with that?
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Probably get up on the roof and shoot at looters.
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No, I meant the mug.
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Target practice for shooting looters.
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That's how you treat the best employee you've ever had?
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Oh, I would never be that mean to the cardboard cut-out.
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Your heart is as cold as your defective Red Hots. I have no brother.
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Then I will say goodbye to you as coldly as I do my customers...
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Thank you, come again!
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Task: "Make Apu Fume". The job takes place at a Kwik-E-Mart and takes 16 hours. Task: "Make Sanjay Sulk". The job takes place at Sanjay's House and takes 16 hours.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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After tapping on Sanjay's exclamation mark
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As the ancient saying goes: "Please buy more ancient saying cards for more ancient sayings."
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Argh! I hate the Kwik-E-Mart. Apu has cheated me out of decent pay, reasonable hours, and now pre-packaged spirituality!
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At least I still have my dignity, which I can party away on my own time.
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Task: "Make Sanjay Party Like It's on Sale for $19.99". The job takes 4 hours.
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What's wrong Sanjay? Are you being attacked by bees?
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No, I'm dancing!
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I feel like those moves would look better if a thousand other Indians were doing them simultaneously.
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A thousand dancers? I wish! But this is my life, not the set of an ultra-low budget Bollywood film. I dance to express myself.
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How do you express yourself?
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Paint a picture? Practice the ancient art of origami towel folding?
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Mostly I just cause millions of dollars worth of property damage...
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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After tapping on Sanjay's exclamation mark
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This is the new me! I'm seizing the now! Doing things I've always wanted to do.
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For example, I've always wanted to ride a skateboard.
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No such luck, dude. This skateboard's mine. See, my name is written on it.
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Mart Crimpton? I learned nothing at Krusty's Kalligraphy Kamp.
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I've also always wanted to steal from a child.
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Fine, you can borrow my purple back-up skateboard. I HATE purple.
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I'm sure the Gods will someday reward your kindness.
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I would prefer they reward me right now. With cash. From your wallet.
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Got to go!
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Task: "Make Sanjay Skateboard". The job takes 12 hours.
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What fun!
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It's like driving! Only one tenth the speed and twelve times the effort.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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After tapping on Apu's exclamation mark
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I thought I had finally found someone to help run the Kwik-E-Mart, but it turns out I can't even rely on my own family.
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Preaching to the choir.
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Maggie never shares her bottle. Marge refuses to let me eat in bed. And Liza is always claiming that I'm forgetting her name.
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You mean Lisa?
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Don't get me started on Lisa. With her crazy ideas about global warming and her refusal to eat meat.
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I, too, am a vegetarian.
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Hahaha. No meat. Hahaha...
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Thank you, Apu. It's good to laugh again.
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You really solved my problem.
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But we were talking about my problem! Ugh, never mind.
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Task: "Make Apu Work a 48 Hour Shift". The job takes place at a Kwik-E-Mart and takes 2 days.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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After tapping on Mr. Burns's exclamation mark
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Smithers!! Start cranking the automobile. We're headed out on the town for a day of high-jinks, tomfoolery, and, time permitting, japery.
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Of course, Mr. Burns. Shall I pack the picnic basket and your promenading pants?
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There will be no promenading where we're going: the local Kwik-E-Mart.
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But that's where the common man shops, sir. Men who didn't meet Teddy Roosevelt.
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I didn't just meet him, I tried to kill him and stuff him!
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Now do as I say or I'll stuff you too!
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Yes, sir!
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And don't forget that coupon insert – no sense wasting pennies, especially while I'm saving up for that penny wasting machine.
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These discounts do seem too good to be true. Perhaps I'll even pick up a few items.
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You shop on your own time.
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Task: "Make Smithers and Mr. Burns Shop Till You Drop". The job takes place at a Kwik-E-Mart and takes 3 hours.
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Mr. Burns sure wiped me out. I can't believe Kwik-E-Mart corporate let such a promotion slide.
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It's like the Buy None Get One Free fiasco all over again.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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After tapping on Apu's exclamation mark
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Now let's just hope that no one else sees that deal. Who am I kidding – no one in Springfield reads the newspaper.
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This just in – nobody reads about stunning Kwik-E-Mart promotion. Coming up – are your cats TOO cute?
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Why does it sound like an overweight horde is headed my way?
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Task: "Make Citizens Shop Till You Drop" (x15). The jobs take place at a Kwik-E-Mart and take 3 hours.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Characters that can do the task are:
After tapping on Apu's exclamation mark
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I'd rather face a swarm of locusts than these deal-hungry demons.
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At least the locusts wouldn't try to pay in nickels and socks full of buttons.
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Those buttons be legal tender.
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Task: "Make Apu Pray to Ganesh". The job takes place at a Kwik-E-Mart and takes 45 seconds.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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After tapping on Apu's exclamation mark
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These coupons will be the death of me. I've been forced to sell products at their actual suggested retail price!
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Passing these savings off to my loyal customers feels downright un-American.
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Task: "Make Citizens Shop Till You Drop Again" (x10). The jobs take place at a Kwik-E-Mart and take 3 hours.
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Thank you, never come again!
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Characters that can do the task are:
After tapping on Apu's exclamation mark
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Empty shelves AND an empty cash register. I feel like I've been robbed.
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Hands up – this is a robbery!
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But I have nothing left to give.
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Those are some good-looking pants...
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*ACK!* *HURR!* *ARGH!* AIEEE! *Faint*
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Task: "Make Apu Recuperate in the Hospital". The job takes place at Springfield General Hospital and takes 2 days.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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After tapping on Apu's exclamation mark
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So this is what relaxation feels like – my back doesn't hurt, my feet fit in my shoes, my stomach lining has returned.
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You're currently staying in our Exhaustion Wing, which is usually occupied by our celebrity patients.
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I'd like my regular room and an IV please. I'll be here until the bad press from those Nazi Mr. Teeny photos dies down.
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All this for me?
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We treated you to the VIP package of exhaustion care, no expense was spared.
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Until we realized that your insurance only covers polio braces and Lamaze classes.
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At which point every expense was spared... until your brother stepped in and paid all your bills.
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Sanjay?! *gasp* I can't believe he would pay all my bills after I fired him from the Kwik-E-Mart.
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Hmmm... disbelief is a common symptom of exhaustion. Let's call up your brother and see if he'll pay for more tests.
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I must make things right with my brother.
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Task: "Make Apu & Sanjay Reconcile". The job takes place at Sanjay's House and takes 2 hours.
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Sanjay, I have been a fool and am here to ask for your forgiveness.
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I called you lazy, unreliable, and overweight, and I paid the ultimate price. I was punished by doing that which I love most: work.
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You never called me overweight.
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May you also find it in your heart to forgive me for talking behind your back. Your wide, expansive back.
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Wouldn't this apology be better with an offer of, oh, I don't know – a job?
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Of course! Please come back to work for me! I'll give you anything.
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Anything?
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Except decent pay, reasonable hours, vacation time, or benefits. But you can have all the mop water you want!
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I accept! But only because your medical bills bankrupted me and I'm desperate.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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After tapping on Sanjay's exclamation mark
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It is good to be back Apu!
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Do you really mean it?
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Not at all.
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Task: "Make Sanjay Work a 1 Hour Shift". The job takes place at a Kwik-E-Mart and takes 60 minutes.
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Quest reward: 2,500 and 250
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Behind the Laughter[edit]
Sanjay's task "Party Like It's On Sale for $19.99" is a reference to the Prince song "1999".
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