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A Burns for All Seasons

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A Burns for All Seasons
BurnsFilm.png
Movie Information
Genre: Biography/Short
Starring: Charles Montgomery Burns
Bumblebee Man
Tommy Tune as Smithers
Country of Origin: USA
First Appearance: "A Star Is Burns"

A Burns for All Seasons is a movie about the life of Mr. Burns that he made and submitted to the Springfield Film Festival.

Starring[edit]

Directed by[edit]

Also starring[edit]

  • Jeff Westbrook
  • Colleen Millea
  • Howard Leggett
  • Robert Marra
  • Jim Tonti
  • Jerry Monaco
  • Randy Zavada
  • Ted Phillips
  • J. August
  • Steve Fein
  • Kim Madrigal
  • Marcial Pivano
  • Starr Dogg
  • Richard X. Vegas
  • Velma Crow
  • Jay Weinstein
  • Mark Lichterman
  • Emma Shannon
  • Denise Cox
  • Mike Himes
  • Lisa Baran
  • Nils Jackson
  • Geoff Fudge
  • Howie March
  • David Heyman
  • Arne Rickert
  • Maiya Williams
  • Rebecca Shannon
  • Rachel Heiden
  • Corinna Yvonna
  • Lowell Burns
  • Babaloo Smithers
  • Henry Thomas (as Elliot)
  • Charlton Heston (as Judah Ben-Hur)

Plot[edit]

The opening consists of the title frame showing Mr. Burns touching God's finger, followed by the credits: Mr. Burns and Bumblebee Man as themselves, and Tommy Tune as Smithers; followed by a long list of writers, ending with Lowell Burns and Babaloo Smithers.

The first scene opens with Mr. Burns atop a horse wearing a sombrero, bandoliers of machine gun ammunition draped across his chest, and addressing a group of villagers. "Simple villagers", he says, "I promise you I will close plants in America and bring work here!" Bumblebee Man cries, "Viva Señor Burns!" and the assembled villagers cry, "Viva! Viva!" Burns' horse gallops off, but Burns falls out of the saddle, ending up getting dragged back and forth on the ground as the horse runs out of and back into the scene. (Burns, watching the finished film, laments, "We did twenty takes, and that was the best one.")

The next scene features Mr. Burns on one knee saying to a child, "Remember, Elliot, I'll be right here." Burns' fingertip lights up briefly as he touches Elliot on the chest, over his heart. Burns then boards a spaceship, its door spirals closed, and the ship takes off.

In the next scene, a Roman centurion on a horse leads a group of shackled prisoners across the desert. The last prisoner, who bears a striking resemblance to Charlton Heston, collapses from exhaustion. A shadow appears over him: then a man kneels in front of him, strokes his hair, and hands him a bottle (anachronistically, a plastic bottle) of spring water. "Drink up, Judah Ben-Hur", exhorts Mr. Burns. Ben-Hur drinks, then looks up gratefully and says, "You truly are the king of kings." A heavenly light shines down upon Burns, and he says "Excellent."

Reception[edit]

The audience at the film festival reacted angrily to A Burns for All Seasons, dismissing it as "Pure egotism" and "Self-indulgent tripe". At the very end, everyone booed the film. Smithers tried to explain away the booing by saying that they were cheering by shouting "Boo-urns", but everyone was really booing, and then pelting him with food, except Hans Moleman (who said he was saying "Boo-urns"). Determined to win the festival, Mr. Burns bribed Krusty (presumably by offering him a bigger house, given Krusty's statement when Jay Sherman asked him why he chose A Burns for All Seasons[1]) and Mayor Quimby, both of whom were part of the five-person jury, to vote for his film. However, he lost out to Barney's film Pukahontas, which won by earning the other three votes (Jay Sherman, Marge Simpson, and Homer Simpson).

Months later, A Burns for All Seasons was nominated for an Academy Award (category not specified), but lost out to a remake of Moleman's Man Getting Hit by Football starring George C. Scott, even though Burns bribed all of the judges.

Cultural references[edit]

Appearances[edit]


Notes[edit]

  1. "A Star Is Burns": Jay Sherman: How can you vote for Burns' movie?
    Krusty the Clown: Let's just say it moved me... TO A BIGGER HOUSE! Oops, I said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet.