Convenience Airways/Quotes
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- Senator Clark: The Chair recognizes the woman with the four-foot beehive. Please state your name and occupation.
- Marge: Uh, Marjorie Bouvier Simpson. Mother to three children and a husband.
- Homer: She's raising us all on her own.
- Senator Selter: Mr. Simpson, as I understand it, you were enticed by the thought of enjoying savory meats, but repulsed by the appearance of your wife's family.
- Homer: Yes, Senator, I cannot perjure myself. They are barf in human form.
- Krusty the Clown: Some sober companion you are. I'm only three hours out of rehab and I can smell the booze on you.
- Sideshow Mel: You mean my hand sanitizer?
- Krusty: Ooh, Daddy want!
- Marge: Oh, my God. I'm turning left. I didn't know planes had a left.
- Lisa: Now, Maggie, screens turn brains to mush. That's why Bart has to take ESL classes. I'll parent you how I wanted to be parented, and sibling you how I wanted to be sibbled, with my Jazz Legends A-to-Z flashcards.
- Stressed woman: Something is very wrong with this plane. This is a trap! It's a conspiracy to take us down! They're experimenting on us! I won't be a rat in your flying cage!
- Homer: Aw, come on. You choke out one guy with a seat belt extender and you're labeled for life.
- Homer: Somebody shut that brat up! Oh, that's my brat. Stop judging her!
- Bart: And now it's time for your headliner. Me! This guy's jokes suck so hard, we're about to lose cabin pressure.
- [the passengers laugh]
- Joel: Okay, okay. People, don't encourage him!
- Bart: ...is what Joel's guidance counselor told his parents.
- [the passengers laugh again]
- Female passenger: That's not a baby, that's a hate crime.
- Homer: Lisa, where's the diaper bag?
- Lisa: Why don't you ask your girlfriend, Maggie?
- Homer: Maggie's not my girlfriend, Marge is.
- Captain: This is your captain speaking. If you look to your left, you will see the magnificent Grand Canyon. Unless you're one of the 246 unruly souls who've been trap-doored into our complimentary in-flight prison.
- Senator Selter: Mr. Wingspan, this is America. When we violate people's civil liberties, we usually give them a heads-up, drop pamphlets, send a cruise missile, uh, something.
- Warren Wingspan: Senator, I assure you, we did warn the passengers of the potential consequences of their actions. It's all in the safety video.
- Homer: They can't do this to us! Buying a ticket gives us the right to do what we want. There's no law in the sky.
- Homer: [texting Marge] My darling Marge. I am writing you from the cusp of yet another prison riot. If I die in this heroic escape attempt, remember me as a blameless victim. One who got caught up in the coach-to-prison pipeline. BTW, lost Maggie, hope she's with you. Lots going on. Shrug emoji.
- Homer: No! This revolt is wrong. I know this because my wife just spoke to me in a series of direct and unambiguous emojis. Let us not be pigs. Or mules. Or a mermaid with a fax machine. Sure, we have to put up with baggage fees, no leg room, and those $20 "protein boxes." But flying is a modern miracle, and all that's asked of us in return is basic human decency.
- Drederick Tatum: I'm sorry I savagely beat your husband with your hair bone.
- Sideshow Mel: He's not my... Oh, forget it.
- Homer: So to quote my wife, we have to start acting civilized and stop being a bunch of huge... eggplants.
