The Simpsons Guy/Quotes

Quotes

Chris: Yay! A crossover always brings out the best in each show! It certainly doesn't smack of desperation. The priorities are always creative and not driven by marketing...

Stewie: Okay, that's enough.

Brian: I guess we're in a town called Springfield.

Stewie: Springfield, eh? What state?

Brian: I can't imagine we're allowed to say.

Peter: [to Apu Hello, funny sounding Cleveland.

Homer: [offscreen] I'll pay for their donuts.

[A man who look likes Homer steps out from a dark corner of the Kwik-E-Mart]

Lois: Thank you so much, sir.

Homer look-alike: For what? I didn't say anything.

Lois: Oh.

Homer: [offscreen] It was me.

[The actual Homer Simpson then reveals himself from another dark corner]

Stewie: How come this convenience store has so many shadowy parts?

Homer: Apu, a dozen donuts for our albino visitors.

Bart: Eat my shorts!

Stewie: "Eat my shorts!" I love that! Is that a popular expression like "What the deuce"?

Brian: Probably more popular. Probably... probably way more popular.

Moe: Moe's Tavern, Moe speakin'.

Bart: Uh, yeah, I'm lookin' for a friend, last name Kebum, first name Leigh.

Moe: Eh, hang on, I'll check. Uh, hey, guys, do I got a Leigh Kebum? C'mon, look at the stools. Uh, is there a Leigh Kebum? Somebody check the rear. I know I gotta Leigh Kebum.

Barney: Then you probably shouldn't be handling food!

Bob Belcher: Yeah, we did it!

Homer: What's he doin' here?

Peter: Oh, we gotta carry him 'cause he can't fly on his own. We let that other guy try and look what happened.

Cleveland: No, no, no, no, no, no!

Homer: Alright, Peter. If we're gonna find your car, we're gonna think like a car, so let's fill up at that gas station.

[Both Homer and Peter gulp down gasoline from the pumps]

Peter: I feel sick.

Homer: Keep drinking! I prepaid 40 bucks!

Peter: Homer, maybe we're doing this wrong.

[They then observe a woman putting the fuel dispenser into the rear of her car]

Peter: O,h crap.

[The pair pull down their pants and the scene is cut directly to an adult store in Germany called Video Erötich]

Video Erötich customer: Haben sie Homer und Peter mit Chevron pump? [Rough English translation: "Have you got Homer and Peter with a Chevron pump?"]

[Clerk points out shelf of DVDs with Homer and Peter holding a gas pump together called Gassensexen]

Peter: [to Lois] I'm whispering in court to look smart.

Glenn Quagmire: Do you like sex?

Lenny: Eh.

Quagmire: I don't think we're that similar.

Cleveland: You know why they paired us?

Carl: Because we're the two funniest guys in our towns!

Cleveland: Damn right! [fist bump]

Quahog James Woods: You lived in Springfield?

Springfield James Woods: Yeah, I worked at the Kwik-E-Mart, researching a role.

Quahog James Woods: These guys are gonna lose.

Judge Fred Flintstone: I've heard all I need to hear to make a decision. If ya ask me, neither of these beers is wholly original. They're both pale imitations of my favorite beer, Budrock.

Peter: Oh, ho, ho!

Homer: Ooh!

Judge Fred Flintstone: But rendering a verdict is something I'm paid to Yabba-Dabba Do!

Peter and Homer: Eh.

Judge Fred Flintstone: And I find in favor of Duff.

Lois: Oh, no!

Meg: Oh, no!

Peter: Oh, no!

[silence until Peter's cell phone rings]

Peter: Hello.

Kool-Aid Man: Uh, hey. I'm... I'm in the wrong Springfield.

[Peter breaks out of Homer's choke hold]

Peter: What the hell? That really hurts!

Homer: No, it doesn't! I do it to my son all the time!

Peter: You strangle your son? That's insane! No wonder he's fat and stupid and masturbates all the time...

Homer: That's your son!

Homer: Hey, knock it off! There's a kid back there!

Ralph: Heh, heh, I'm in danger.

Kodos: Perfect, the Earthlings are destroying themselves.

Roger Smith: Yeah, it's really great, isn't it, guys? [to the viewer] We went to summer camp together.

Peter: Woo Hoo!

Homer: Road House!

Peter: I'm sorry we fought. I just wanted to make you laugh and cry. I'm a Family Guy.

Homer: I understand. I'm a The Simpsons.

Homer: Let's just agree to stay a half hour away from each other.

Peter: With a pile of garbage between us.

[the two walk off]

Comic Book Guy: Worst. Chicken fight. Ever.