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Balderdashing All the Way

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Balderdashing All the Way
Tapped Out Quest Information
Level: 5
Update: The Invasion Before Christmas
Requirement(s): myPad
Act 2
Required characters: Kang, Kodos, Normal Springfielders, Lisa, Bart, Krusty, Gautama Buddha, Kwanzaa Dr. Hibbert, Santa Claus
Optional characters: Santa Kang, Mrs. Kodos Claus, See Characters
Next quest(s): More B.S.

Balderdashing All the Way is an event-exclusive questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in The Invasion Before Christmas content update.

Dialogue[edit]

Pt. 1[edit]

After tapping on Kang's exclamation mark
Santa Kang As the Rigellian saying goes, if at first you don't succeed, abase yourself before the supreme Rigellian dictator and try again.
Santa Kang Also, I still have a few billion Robo-Funzos to get rid of. So I've added an Unbrainulizer Ray that enhances the human tendency to stare brainlessly at their phones.
Santa Kang - Evil They will be completely helpless before our invasion. Ha, ha!
Mrs. Kodos Claus Excellent! I will continue to impersonate Santa's domestic partner. You know, this place could really use the patter of little feet.
Mrs. Kodos Claus I think I'll import some elf-a-pillars from Rivendell IV.
Task: "Make Santa Kang/Kang Prepare to Unbrainulize Earthlings". The job takes place at the Rigellian Christmas Spaceship and takes 8 hours.
Task: "Make Mrs. Kodos Claus/Kodos Import Elf-a-Pillars". The job takes place at the Rigellian Christmas Spaceship and takes 8 hours.
Quest reward: Cash100 and XP10

Pt. 2[edit]

After tapping on Kang's exclamation mark
Santa Kang - Happy I have initiated the Unbrainulizer Ray. The Robo-Funzos are turning the humans into defenseless prey.
Mrs. Kodos Claus - Happy Did you have to make them float right over the humans to do it? I mean, it's a little obvious.
Santa Kang - Sarcastic Oh, so it's not enough that I invent a weapon to utterly defeat mankind. Now it has to have more than a one-meter range.
Mrs. Kodos Claus - Annoyed What's the point of us being Earth-married if I can't make positive suggestions?
Santa Kang Let's not fight. We have some hypnotized humans who'll do anything we want. Let's have some fun.
Task: "Make Santa Kang/Kang Give Silly Orders". The job takes place at the Rigellian Christmas Spaceship and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Mrs. Kodos Claus/Kodos Enjoy Humans Acting Foolish". The job takes place at the Rigellian Christmas Spaceship and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Springfielders Follow Orders". The jobs take place at a Brown House and take 4 hours.
Mrs. Kodos Claus Oh, Kang, I love how you make my amusement bladder expramulate.
Quest reward: Cash100 and XP10

Pt. 3[edit]

After tapping on Lisa's exclamation mark
Lisa - Worried The Robo-Funzos are back! They're floating over people, beaming into their brains.
Bart Maybe it's one of those social media devices that corrects your posture and counts your steps.
Lisa - Shouting No! They're totally hypnotized by their phones. We have to use the Re-Gifting Machine to rid people of their robo-parasites!
Bart - Sneaky Hypnotized, eh? Don't fire up that Re-Gifter until I make a four-fingered visit to the Kwik-E-Mart.
Task: "Use the Re-Gifting Machine to Blast Robo-Funzos".
Task: "Make Lisa Battle Robo-Funzos". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Bart Shoplift". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
Lisa - Shocked The Re-Gifting Machine didn't work. The people with parasitic Robo-Funzos are still hypnotized.
Bart Dammit! If only I'd known; I could have raided the comic book store, too.
Quest reward: Cash100 and XP10

Pt. 4[edit]

After tapping on Bart's exclamation mark
Bart All right, let's amp up the power on the Re-Gifting Machine and blow those No-Funzos away.
Professor Frink - Angry Good glayvin, no! We have no idea what might happen to the victims if the Robo-Funzos' brain rays are interrupted.
Professor Frink - Angry Their brains might be rewired to become mental vegetables. Or, alternately, mental geniuses. We just don't know!
Professor Frink - Happy It's like climate change. Could be good, could be bad. Incidentally, I'm available as a paid consultant to the fossil fuel industry if anyone's interested.
Lisa - Worried What do you recommend, then?
Professor Frink - Sad Pray to whatever higher power you believe in.
Task: "Make Lisa Meditate on the Divinity of Buddha". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 12 hours.
Task: "Make Bart Tweet Krusty". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 12 hours.
Task: "Make Krusty Ignore Tweets". The job takes place at a Krusty Burger and takes 12 hours.
Task: "Unlock Gautama Buddha".
Gautama Buddha Out of nowhere, the mind comes forth.
Lisa - Shocked Buddha? You're real!
Gautama Buddha As real as a butterfly that never flies, or a laugh that no one hears.
Lisa - Annoyed You're real but you're like talking to Grampa.
Quest reward: Cash100 and XP10

Pt. 5[edit]

After tapping on Lisa's exclamation mark
Lisa Lord Buddha, it's awesome you've come! Will you help us defeat the invasion of Robo-Funzos?
Gautama Buddha Lisa, there are many deities. Or perhaps they are all aspects of one all-encompassing divinity. I know the answer, but I'm not telling. That's Buddhism for you.
Gautama Buddha You must seek help from all systems of belief.
Bart I get it. Sort of a Belief Systems Justice League.
Gautama Buddha - Happy Or B.S. League for short!
Task: "Make Buddha Contemplate His Navel". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Lisa Believe in B.S.". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Bart Believe in B.S.". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
Lisa - Worried No sign of the rest of the B.S. League.
Gautama Buddha - Happy Have faith they will come, otherwise they won't come. That's B.S. for you.
Quest reward: Cash100 and XP10

Pt. 6[edit]

After tapping on Kang's exclamation mark
Lisa Lord Buddha, who's behind this terrible Robo-Funzo invasion?
Gautama Buddha The disciple asks for guidance. But the master says, "do not ask what you already know".
Lisa Hm. Big holiday...sneaky invasion...master, I am enlightened! It's Kang and Kodos!
Gautama Buddha Really? Didn't see that coming.
Gautama Buddha Just kidding, of course I did. And now, let's de-incarnate some alien ass.
Task: "Make Buddha Invoke the B.S.". The job takes place at the Rigellian Christmas Spaceship and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Kang Battle the B.S. League". The job takes place at the Rigellian Christmas Spaceship and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Kodos Battle the B.S. League". The job takes place at the Rigellian Christmas Spaceship and takes 4 hours.
Santa Kang - Annoyed You defeated us this time, but only because we weren't ready!
Mrs. Kodos Claus - Sad Yes, I had ginger cookies in the oven, and now they're ruined.
Bart - Sad Stupid victory. I could've had ginger cookies!
Quest reward: Sacred Tome200

Pt. 7[edit]

After tapping on Gautama Buddha's exclamation mark
Lisa We slowed the aliens, but we didn't defeat them. We need more members of the Belief Systems League.
Kwanzaa Dr. Hibbert Did someone call for the Spirit of Kwanzaa?
Lisa - Happy Fantastic! You're the first B.S. Leaguer here.
Kwanzaa Dr. Hibbert - Sad I am? Dammit. I hate being the first to show up at a party. So uncool.
Lisa That's okay, you can help put out the appetizers.
Kwanzaa Dr. Hibbert - Annoyed Dammit!
Task: "Unlock Kwanzaa Dr. Hibbert".
Task: "Make Kwanzaa Dr. Hibbert Help Set up". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Santa Kang Tend to Wounds". The job takes place at the Rigellian Christmas Spaceship and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Buddha Put Out the Call to Other B.S.ers". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
Quest reward: Cash100 and XP10

Pt. 8[edit]

After tapping on Gautama Buddha's exclamation mark
Lisa I wonder who'll be next to join our Belief Systems League party.
Shiva You should be keeping a sharper lookout...oh, that's right you don't have a THIRD EYE.
Kwanzaa Dr. Hibbert Shiva, you old Lord of the Universe. Where's your wife Parvati?
Shiva Back home looking after the kids, Ganesha and Kartikeya. Don't tell her I'm here.
Shiva She thinks I'm at work watching over the Universe. If she finds out I'm goofing off here, she'll turn into her aspect of Kali...Eight arms, every one holding a rolling pin.
If Shiva isn't owned
Message Help Shiva watch over Karma! Now available in the store.
Task: "Make B.S. Leaguers Fight Aliens" (x4). The jobs take place at the Rigellian Christmas Spaceship and take 4 hours.
Task: "Make Rigellians Battle the B.S. League" (x2). The jobs take place at the Rigellian Christmas Spaceship and take 4 hours.
Kwanzaa Dr. Hibbert - Happy I'm so glad to have you join us, Shiva! High five!
Shiva High FIVES. This is going to take a while.
Quest reward: Sacred Tome100 and Wrapping Paper30

Pt. 9[edit]

After tapping on Gautama Buddha's exclamation mark
Kwanzaa Dr. Hibbert Our battles against the alien invaders are going great. We're beating the living drool out of them.
Shiva Let's grab some manna. Anyone know a good lunch place?
Rabbi Krustofsky Hear the words of the Angel of Yahweh! There's a great deli on Second Avenue.
Rabbi Krustofsky Kreplach to die for. And I should know, eating too much is how I died the first time.
Task: "Make B.S. Leaguers Fight Aliens" (x4). The jobs take place at the Rigellian Christmas Spaceship and take 4 hours.
Task: "Make Rigellians Battle the B.S. League" (x2). The jobs take place at the Rigellian Christmas Spaceship and take 4 hours.
Rabbi Krustofsky - Annoyed Feh! These aliens don't have the chutzpah to mess with the Angel of Yahweh.
Krusty - Angry It's time to take these pishers to the laundromat – father and clown style!
Quest reward: Sacred Tome100 and Magical 2x430

Pt. 10[edit]

After tapping on Gautama Buddha's exclamation mark
Gautama Buddha A fool says, "The bowl is full". The wise man says, "We still need Jesus".
Shiva I think J.C. is mad about something.
Jesus Christ - Angry Darn right. You guys keep forgetting my birthday!
Shiva To me, the past and future are all one. It's no wonder I forget birthdays and anniversaries.
Jesus Christ How does your wife Parvati like that excuse?
Shiva - Sad Not a lot.
Task: "Make B.S. Leaguers Fight Aliens" (x4). The jobs take place at the Rigellian Christmas Spaceship and take 4 hours.
Task: "Make Rigellians Battle the B.S. League" (x2). The jobs take place at the Rigellian Christmas Spaceship and take 4 hours.
Gautama Buddha - Happy It looks like we're half-way there!
Shiva - Wink Would you say we might be living on a prayer?
Gautama Buddha - Angry The wise man sleeps when the fool quotes pop music.
Quest reward: Sacred Tome200

Pt. 11[edit]

After tapping on Gautama Buddha's exclamation mark
Lisa Wow, the Belief System League is amazing: representatives of Buddhism, Judaism, Christianity, Hinduism, and, of course, Nguzo Saba.
Kwanzaa Dr. Hibbert So that's what I am! *chuckles*
Bart Seems like you're skipping something obvious.
Rabbi Krustofsky Can't think of anything.
Bart Unless you're scared to make fun of it.
Jesus Christ Sky Finger isn't afraid to laugh at anything!
Bart I'm talking about atheism.
Shiva Oh, thank Us.
Task: "Make B.S. Leaguers Fight Aliens" (x4). The jobs take place at the Rigellian Christmas Spaceship and take 4 hours.
Task: "Make Rigellians Battle the B.S. League" (x2). The jobs take place at the Rigellian Christmas Spaceship and take 4 hours.
Kwanzaa Dr. Hibbert We couldn't find anyone in America willing to admit to being an atheist.
Shiva So we hired the toughest mythical pixie we could find...Jack Frost.
Jack Frost I will frost your windows! Hee, hee, hee!
Quest reward: Sacred Tome200 and Wrapping Paper30

Pt. 12[edit]

After tapping on Gautama Buddha's exclamation mark
Kwanzaa Dr. Hibbert - Sad The alien invaders are really strong. All the power of our various faiths is not enough.
Lisa You need the one being that everyone on Earth worships.
Bart Santa Claus, bringer of free stuff. And the most potent pixie on the planet.
Jack Frost I'm a pixie. I'm powerful.
Jesus Christ Yeah, right. What are you going to do, frost up the windows on the aliens' flying saucer?
Task: "Make B.S. Leaguers Fight Aliens" (x4). The jobs take place at the Rigellian Christmas Spaceship and take 4 hours.
Task: "Make Rigellians Battle the B.S. League" (x2). The jobs take place at the Rigellian Christmas Spaceship and take 4 hours.
Lisa - Shocked Bart, Bart! I went to Santa's Castle, and they said they haven't seen him for weeks.
Lisa - Shocked His sleigh is parked by the alien base! They must've kidnapped him.
Bart - Angry Then we're kidnapping him back. No one takes my Santa when he's a few days from handing out presents.
Quest reward: Sacred Tome50
Santa Claus

Pt. 13[edit]

After tapping on Gautama Buddha's exclamation mark
Lisa Well, we found Santa Claus. He wasn't kidnapped at all.
Bart He was hanging out eating Mrs. Kodos Claus's sugar snaps.
Santa Claus - Defensive What? I like a good cookie. Besides, it's nice talking shop with someone else in the large-scale toy delivery business.
Jesus Christ But you will help us defeat the aliens, right? Think of it as a birthday present to me.
Santa Claus Again with the birthday guilt. Why couldn't Christmas be in June?
Task: "Make B.S. Leaguers Fight Aliens" (x4). The jobs take place at the Rigellian Christmas Spaceship and take 4 hours.
Task: "Make Rigellians Battle the B.S. League" (x2). The jobs take place at the Rigellian Christmas Spaceship and take 4 hours.
Task: "Make Santa Claus Come to Town Upside Rigellian Skulls". The job takes place at the Rigellian Christmas Spaceship and takes 4 hours.
Quest reward: Sacred Tome400

Pt. 14[edit]

After tapping on Lisa's exclamation mark
Lisa - Happy Thank you, Belief Systems League! You destroyed the Rigellian ship!
Santa Kang - Annoyed We would have won if Jack Frost hadn't iced up our windows.
Lisa Lord Buddha, there're still a lot of Robo-Funzos around town? You'll get rid of them too, right?
Gautama Buddha The most valuable thing in the world is the head of a dead Robo-Funzo, for no one can name its price.
Jesus Christ I'm no Buddhist, but ten bucks says that means he ain't helping.
Task: "Make B.S. Leaguers Celebrate Their Holidays" (x3). The jobs take place at the Simpson House and take 4 hours.
Task: "Make Springfielders Clean up the B.S. Mess" (x10). The jobs take place at the Rigellian Christmas Spaceship and take 4 hours.
Task: "Make Lisa Puzzle Over Buddhist Koans". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
Quest reward: Cash100 and XP10

Pt. 15[edit]

After tapping on Kang's exclamation mark
Santa Kang I think the take-away message is clear: we should stick to Halloween updates.
Mrs. Kodos Claus - Disgusted You don't think the message is: you're incompetent at any time of the year?
Santa Kang Yes, we were utterly defeated and humiliated at Christmas, but cheer up: it's Christmas!
Mrs. Kodos Claus Well, I did make a ginger bread house. Care to join me in vaporizing it from space?
Santa Kang - Happy That's the holiday spirit!
Task: "Make Kang Cast Off His Santa Costume". The job takes place at the Rigellian Christmas Spaceship and takes 8 hours.
Task: "Make Kodos Drink Eggnog". The job takes place at the Rigellian Christmas Spaceship and takes 8 hours.
Task: "Make Springfielders Continue to Clean up the Mess" (x10). The jobs take place at a Brown House and take 8 hours.
Message Keep playing to earn prizes by ridding Springfield of Robo-Funzos once and for all!
Quest reward: Cash500 and XP50

Characters[edit]

B.S. Leaguers include:

Gautama Buddha, Shiva, Kwanzaa Dr. Hibbert, Rabbi Krustofsky, Conductor Otto, Elf Bart, Elf Lisa, Jesus Christ, Lyla, Jack Frost, Santa Claus and Christmas Tree Ralph

Rigellians include:

Santa Kang, Mrs. Kodos Claus, J. Rigellian Christ, Kang, and Kodos

Behind the Laughter[edit]

The quest name is a reference to the line "dashing all the way" from the Christmas carol "Jingle Bells".