Murder, He Wrote/Quotes

Quotes

Bart: Give it back, Jimbo!

Jimbo Jones: Too late. I've written my name in it!

Bart: Principal Skinner, I found it!

Principal Skinner: Sorry, Bart, if my years in a prisoner of war camp taught me anything, it's to mind my own business.

Bart: Sorry about your friend's freak monkey bar death.

Kearney Zzyzwicz: Eh, it happens!

Bart: Aaaaah! Krusty! But you died in the middle of your werewolf sketch. I was there at the show!

Krusty the Clown: Yeah, it was a good bit. The censors wouldn't let me spend more than five seconds on Sideshow Mel's leg, but it was still solid funny until the heart attack!

Krusty: Now I'm a ghost, and it's all thanks to that notebook! Any name you put in there... that person dies! You can write down the way they'll die, or if it's just the name, the book chooses!

Bart: Sorry I killed you.

kKrusty: That was you?! Well, it's not the first time I died on stage!

Kent Brockman: Do you have any plans, Bob?

Sideshow Bob: Oh my yes, Kent. Tend to my rose garden, catch up on the latest Germaine Greer novel, and of course... ...Murder Bart Simpson!

Kent Brockman: But aren't you worried about revealing that on television?

Sideshow Bob: In retrospect, it was an impulsive statement on my part. But then again, I am criminally insane.

Homer: Wait, Flanders on fire, wearing a dress with a shark biting his butt? That's what I wrote today!

Bart: Why did you write something like that?

Homer: It's kill Flanders fan fiction. I write it to relax. I wrote one last week where he was mauled by a moose he married in Canada!

Krusty: You'll also need to kill everyone who's seen you with the notebook.

Bart: That would be Principal Skinner, Dolph, Kearney, and Milhouse!

Marge: Thanks, Bart! I was just about to ask you who you wanted me to invite to your birthday party. I'll just write those names on the back of the grocery list! We'll be having coconut cake!

Bart: Nooooooo!

Marge: Fine, chocolate it is, Mister Fussyboots!

Martin Prince: They were attempting to attack me, and I suppose their aim was off. Imagine that, a double death by wedgie!

Principal Skinner: That truly is something. As for me, a freak windstorm seems to have impaled me with my own mother.

Agnes Skinner: Oh, just stop explaining what happened to everyone we meet and die already!

Bart: I did it! I killed Sideshow Bob, and I'm the reason for all those weird deaths! Me and the notebook!

Lisa: Really?

Bart: You didn't know?

Lisa: Nope!

Bart: Chief Wiggum? You're back?

Chief Wiggum: I never left.

Bart: Because you suspected me?

Chief Wiggum: No... your mom was making cookies!

Bart: [to Lisa] I thought you were "L"!

Ralph Wiggum: No, that's me!

Bart: Ralph?

Chief Wiggum: Yeah, he likes to help solve crimes. He never gets things right, but he enjoys being mentioned on TV.

Bart: But why "L" and not "R"?

Chief Wiggum: Spelling isn't really Ralphie's thing.

Marge: Homer, you just brought Ned Flanders back from the dead, did you use the notebook to make a flock of penguins peck him to death?

Homer: Yeah, but I was going to use the other book to bring him back.

Marge: Well, see that you do!