Difference between revisions of "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?/Quotes"
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:''[Homer gives the dinner blessing.]'' | :''[Homer gives the dinner blessing.]'' | ||
− | + | {{qf|[[Homer]]}} And we thank you Lord, for nuclear power which has yet to cause one fatality, at least in this country. | |
---- | ---- | ||
:''[Homer visits his hospitalized father.]'' | :''[Homer visits his hospitalized father.]'' | ||
− | + | {{qf|[[Abraham]]}} This made me realize my days are numbered, so I need to reveal a secret. Homer, you have a half-brother. | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} I have a brother?! Wow, how come it took you so long to tell me? | |
− | + | {{qf|Abraham}} It all began before you were born.. | |
:''[Many years ago, presumably the 1950s. A much younger Abraham is at a carnival.]'' | :''[Many years ago, presumably the 1950s. A much younger Abraham is at a carnival.]'' | ||
− | + | {{qf|Abraham}} I was at a traveling carnival checking out all the skirts when I saw her. | |
− | + | {{qf|Female carnie}} Hey handsome, want to "dunk the clown"? | |
− | + | {{qf|Abraham}} She was captivating, like a stick of dynamite with a hair bow. We hit it off right away. | |
:''[One year later. The female carnival worker's carefree smile is now replaced by a depressed frown.]'' | :''[One year later. The female carnival worker's carefree smile is now replaced by a depressed frown.]'' | ||
− | + | {{qf|Abraham}} A year later the carnival was back. She was older and handed me a three-month old baby boy. I gave the baby up for adoption and moved on with my life; marrying your mother. | |
:''[Scenes of Abraham and Mona's wedding, then skips to Mona giving birth to baby Homer.]'' | :''[Scenes of Abraham and Mona's wedding, then skips to Mona giving birth to baby Homer.]'' | ||
− | + | {{qf|[[Mona]]}} Abraham, listen to me. I want Homer to have a good life, and not to learn of the shameful act you committed before he was born. | |
:''[Present day. Abraham realizes he broke his promise to Mona.]'' | :''[Present day. Abraham realizes he broke his promise to Mona.]'' | ||
− | + | {{qf|Abraham}} Doh! | |
---- | ---- | ||
:''[Shelbyville Orphanage. Homer meets with a man who bears a striking resemblance to Dr. Hibbert, but has a mustache.]'' | :''[Shelbyville Orphanage. Homer meets with a man who bears a striking resemblance to Dr. Hibbert, but has a mustache.]'' | ||
− | + | {{qf|Director of [[Shelbyville Orphanage]]}} I know how you feel, Mr. Simpson. I myself have spent years searching for my [[Dr. Hibbert|long-lost twin brother]]. | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I wish I could help you, but we're looking for <u>'''my '''</u> brother today. Can you tell me his name? | |
− | + | {{qf|Director}} Hmm. According to our records, a Mr. and Mrs. Powell adopted your brother and named him Herbert. | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} Herbert! Herbert Powell! Great, where can I find him? | |
− | + | {{qf|Director}} I'm sorry...I'm not allowed to release that information. | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} Oh, please, please! This is my life we're talking about here! Please! | |
− | + | {{qf|Director}} Well, I--I do sympathize with your situation, Mr. Simpson. After all your brother could be anywhere. Even Detroit. | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} I know he could be anywhere, that's why I want you to narrow it down for me! Please! | |
− | + | {{qf|Director}} You know, Mr. Simpson, if you ask me, the city of brotherly love is not Philadelphia. It is...Detroit. | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} Well, if you ask me, changing the subject makes you the most worthless, heartless excuse for a human being I ever-- | |
− | + | {{qf|Director}} Read between the lines, you fool! | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} Oh! Oh, I get it! Okay. Here's twenty bucks. Now will you tell me where my brother lives? | |
− | + | {{qf|Director}} Mr. Simpson, I don't want your-- | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} Just take it and tell me! | |
− | + | {{qf|Director}} Detroit. He lives in Detroit. | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} Fine! Thank you! | |
---- | ---- | ||
:''[Homer and Lisa obtain a Detroit phone book. They cross out the names of each "Herbert Powell" they try, but keep crossing their fingers. Marge then comes into room and see a glum Homer and Lisa.]'' | :''[Homer and Lisa obtain a Detroit phone book. They cross out the names of each "Herbert Powell" they try, but keep crossing their fingers. Marge then comes into room and see a glum Homer and Lisa.]'' | ||
− | + | {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Any luck, Homie? | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} No, I called all three Herbert Powells in Detroit. Nothing. | |
− | + | {{qf|Marge}} Hmm...well, you wanna try that H. Powell? | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} H.! Of course! That could stand for Herbert! It's a long shot but... | |
:''[Homer dials the number for H. Powell. A man at the Powell residence answers.]'' | :''[Homer dials the number for H. Powell. A man at the Powell residence answers.]'' | ||
− | + | {{qf|Man}} Hello? | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} Are you H. Powell? | |
− | + | {{qf|Man}} Yes. | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} And does, by chance, that H stand for Herbert? | |
− | + | {{qf|H. Powell}} Yes, it does. | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} If I may ask, were you an adopted at birth? | |
− | + | {{qf|[[Herbert Powell]]}} Yes I was in fact, why do you ask? | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} Because my name is Homer Simpson, and I am your long-lost half-brother! | |
:''[Silence at other end]'' | :''[Silence at other end]'' | ||
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} Hello. Hello? | |
− | + | {{qf|Herbert}} I am here. Just needed a moment to absorb this. | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} Well, brother, grab the next plane to Springfield, because we have a lot of catching up to do! | |
− | + | {{qf|Herb}} Tell you what Homer, why don't you come to me? | |
:''[Powell residence pans out to show it is a luxurious mansion.]'' | :''[Powell residence pans out to show it is a luxurious mansion.]'' | ||
---- | ---- | ||
− | + | {{qf|Herb}} While you're here, I want you to make yourselves right at home. Anytime you're hungry, anytime day or night, Cook will make you anything you want. | |
− | + | {{qf||Homer}} Even pork chops? | |
− | + | {{qf|Herb}} Absolutely. We have a tennis court, a swimming pool, a screening room-- | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} You mean, if I want pork chops, even in the middle of the night, your guy will fry 'em up? | |
− | + | {{qf|Herb}} Sure. That's what he's paid for. Now, if you need towels, laundry-- | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} Wait! | |
− | + | {{qf|Herb}} Maids-- | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} Wait, wait, wait, wait! Let me see if I've got this straight. It's Christmas day, 4:00 a.m., there's a rumble in my stomach-- | |
− | + | {{qf|Marge}} Homer, please! | |
− | + | {{qf|Herb}} Your old man sure loves pork chops! | |
− | + | {{qf|[[Bart]]}} He sure does, Uncle Herb. | |
---- | ---- | ||
− | + | {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} I want to go on a pony ride! | |
− | + | {{qf|Bart}} I want to go on a boat ride! | |
− | + | {{qf|Lisa}} Pony ride! | |
− | + | {{qf|Bart}} Boat ride! | |
:''[Scene cuts to Herb's yacht, where Lisa is riding a pony around the deck and Bart is looking through a telescope.]'' | :''[Scene cuts to Herb's yacht, where Lisa is riding a pony around the deck and Bart is looking through a telescope.]'' | ||
− | + | {{qf|Herb}} Kids are so easy to please. | |
− | + | {{qf|Marge}} Herb, please do not think I am ungrateful for all you are doing for us, but I am just concerned we may be spoiling the kids. | |
---- | ---- | ||
:''[Powell Motors. Herb shows Homer the entire line of Powell vehicles.]'' | :''[Powell Motors. Herb shows Homer the entire line of Powell vehicles.]'' | ||
− | + | {{qf|Herb}} OK Homer, pick any one of these. | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} You are giving me a car? But Herb, are these not expensive? | |
− | + | {{qf|Herb}} ''[chuckling]'' Come on Homer, there is at a maximum only forty dollars worth of steel in each of these things! So which one do you want? | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} None. | |
− | + | {{qf|Herb}} Why not? | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} I do not like any of them. | |
− | + | {{qf|Herb}} Why not? | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} They do not look that flashy. | |
− | + | {{qf|Executive #1}} Sir, Americans do not like flashy cars. They want plain, economical vehicles. | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} And they do not look like they can tear up the road. | |
− | + | {{qf|Executive #2}} Sir, Americans do not want cars that are burners. They want good gas mileage. | |
− | + | {{qf|Herb}} ''[enraged]'' Americans do not want that?! Homer, what country do you come from? | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} America. | |
− | + | {{qf|Herb}} You hear that, you buffoons? America! That is exactly why our business is going down the tubes! You are not providing people with what they want; you are telling them what they want! Homer, I want you to help me design a car that will appeal to the people of this country. I want to pay you $200,000 a year! | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} And I want to let you! | |
---- | ---- | ||
:''[Powell Motors. A motivated Homer returns after a pep talk from Herb.]'' | :''[Powell Motors. A motivated Homer returns after a pep talk from Herb.]'' | ||
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} All right, listen up! We are going to design a car! First things first, cup holders! Do any of you drink the Big One coffee from Kwik-E-Mart? | |
− | + | {{qf|Engineer #1}} I do. | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} OK, so you see how most cup holders are teeny! They should be this big! Next, antennae balls! How many of you had problems finding your car? | |
− | + | {{qf|Engineer #2}} I have. | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} So you know what I mean. Those should be on every car! Next up, horns. I want a horn here, here, and here! You can never find a good horn when you are mad! And they should all play ''La Cucaracha''! Moving on, how about when you are on a long trip and the kids will not shut up? | |
− | + | {{qf|Engineer #3}} How about a built in video game? | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} You are fired! | |
− | + | {{qf|Engineer #4}} A bubble dome that will isolate the kids? | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} Bullseye! | |
---- | ---- | ||
:''[Detroit Zoo. Herb has bribed the zookeeper for Bart and Lisa to get a close look at the penguin exhibit.]'' | :''[Detroit Zoo. Herb has bribed the zookeeper for Bart and Lisa to get a close look at the penguin exhibit.]'' | ||
− | + | {{qf|Sign}} ONLY EMPLOYEES ALLOWED PAST THIS POINT. | |
− | + | {{qf|Bart}} Woo hoo! | |
− | + | {{qf|Lisa}} ''[talking to a penguin]'' Do you miss the [[Antarctica|Antarctic]]? | |
− | + | {{qf|Marge}} Now ''that'' is spoiling them! | |
---- | ---- | ||
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} Gee Herb, because of me you lost your business, your home and all your possessions. I can't help but think that maybe you would've been better off if I never came into your life. | |
− | + | {{qf|Herb}} ''Maybe'' I would've been better off? ''Maybe!?'' Why you sponge head-- Of course I'd have been better off! As far as I'm concerned, I have no brother! | |
− | + | {{qf|Marge}} Hmm, maybe he said it to make conversation. | |
− | + | {{qf|Lisa}} His life was an unbridled success until he found out he was a Simpson | |
---- | ---- | ||
:''[Driving back to Springfield. Entire Simpsons family is asleep in car save for Homer, who is driving, and Bart.]'' | :''[Driving back to Springfield. Entire Simpsons family is asleep in car save for Homer, who is driving, and Bart.]'' | ||
− | + | {{qf|Bart}} Dad? | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} Yes, Bart? | |
− | + | {{qf|Bart}} I thought that was a really cool car you designed. | |
− | + | {{qf|Homer}} Thanks boy, I was waiting for someone to say that. | |
− | + | {{qf|Road sign}} YOU ARE NOW LEAVING MICHIGAN. | |
{{Season 2|Q}} | {{Season 2|Q}} |
Revision as of 06:17, November 11, 2018
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- [Homer gives the dinner blessing.]
- Homer: And we thank you Lord, for nuclear power which has yet to cause one fatality, at least in this country.
- [Homer visits his hospitalized father.]
- Abraham: This made me realize my days are numbered, so I need to reveal a secret. Homer, you have a half-brother.
- Homer: I have a brother?! Wow, how come it took you so long to tell me?
- Abraham: It all began before you were born..
- [Many years ago, presumably the 1950s. A much younger Abraham is at a carnival.]
- Abraham: I was at a traveling carnival checking out all the skirts when I saw her.
- Female carnie: Hey handsome, want to "dunk the clown"?
- Abraham: She was captivating, like a stick of dynamite with a hair bow. We hit it off right away.
- [One year later. The female carnival worker's carefree smile is now replaced by a depressed frown.]
- Abraham: A year later the carnival was back. She was older and handed me a three-month old baby boy. I gave the baby up for adoption and moved on with my life; marrying your mother.
- [Scenes of Abraham and Mona's wedding, then skips to Mona giving birth to baby Homer.]
- Mona: Abraham, listen to me. I want Homer to have a good life, and not to learn of the shameful act you committed before he was born.
- [Present day. Abraham realizes he broke his promise to Mona.]
- Abraham: Doh!
- [Shelbyville Orphanage. Homer meets with a man who bears a striking resemblance to Dr. Hibbert, but has a mustache.]
- Director of Shelbyville Orphanage: I know how you feel, Mr. Simpson. I myself have spent years searching for my long-lost twin brother.
- Homer: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I wish I could help you, but we're looking for my brother today. Can you tell me his name?
- Director: Hmm. According to our records, a Mr. and Mrs. Powell adopted your brother and named him Herbert.
- Homer: Herbert! Herbert Powell! Great, where can I find him?
- Director: I'm sorry...I'm not allowed to release that information.
- Homer: Oh, please, please! This is my life we're talking about here! Please!
- Director: Well, I--I do sympathize with your situation, Mr. Simpson. After all your brother could be anywhere. Even Detroit.
- Homer: I know he could be anywhere, that's why I want you to narrow it down for me! Please!
- Director: You know, Mr. Simpson, if you ask me, the city of brotherly love is not Philadelphia. It is...Detroit.
- Homer: Well, if you ask me, changing the subject makes you the most worthless, heartless excuse for a human being I ever--
- Director: Read between the lines, you fool!
- Homer: Oh! Oh, I get it! Okay. Here's twenty bucks. Now will you tell me where my brother lives?
- Director: Mr. Simpson, I don't want your--
- Homer: Just take it and tell me!
- Director: Detroit. He lives in Detroit.
- Homer: Fine! Thank you!
- [Homer and Lisa obtain a Detroit phone book. They cross out the names of each "Herbert Powell" they try, but keep crossing their fingers. Marge then comes into room and see a glum Homer and Lisa.]
- Marge: Any luck, Homie?
- Homer: No, I called all three Herbert Powells in Detroit. Nothing.
- Marge: Hmm...well, you wanna try that H. Powell?
- Homer: H.! Of course! That could stand for Herbert! It's a long shot but...
- [Homer dials the number for H. Powell. A man at the Powell residence answers.]
- Man: Hello?
- Homer: Are you H. Powell?
- Man: Yes.
- Homer: And does, by chance, that H stand for Herbert?
- H. Powell: Yes, it does.
- Homer: If I may ask, were you an adopted at birth?
- Herbert Powell: Yes I was in fact, why do you ask?
- Homer: Because my name is Homer Simpson, and I am your long-lost half-brother!
- [Silence at other end]
- Homer: Hello. Hello?
- Herbert: I am here. Just needed a moment to absorb this.
- Homer: Well, brother, grab the next plane to Springfield, because we have a lot of catching up to do!
- Herb: Tell you what Homer, why don't you come to me?
- [Powell residence pans out to show it is a luxurious mansion.]
- Herb: While you're here, I want you to make yourselves right at home. Anytime you're hungry, anytime day or night, Cook will make you anything you want.
- : Even pork chops?
- Herb: Absolutely. We have a tennis court, a swimming pool, a screening room--
- Homer: You mean, if I want pork chops, even in the middle of the night, your guy will fry 'em up?
- Herb: Sure. That's what he's paid for. Now, if you need towels, laundry--
- Homer: Wait!
- Herb: Maids--
- Homer: Wait, wait, wait, wait! Let me see if I've got this straight. It's Christmas day, 4:00 a.m., there's a rumble in my stomach--
- Marge: Homer, please!
- Herb: Your old man sure loves pork chops!
- Bart: He sure does, Uncle Herb.
- Lisa: I want to go on a pony ride!
- Bart: I want to go on a boat ride!
- Lisa: Pony ride!
- Bart: Boat ride!
- [Scene cuts to Herb's yacht, where Lisa is riding a pony around the deck and Bart is looking through a telescope.]
- Herb: Kids are so easy to please.
- Marge: Herb, please do not think I am ungrateful for all you are doing for us, but I am just concerned we may be spoiling the kids.
- [Powell Motors. Herb shows Homer the entire line of Powell vehicles.]
- Herb: OK Homer, pick any one of these.
- Homer: You are giving me a car? But Herb, are these not expensive?
- Herb: [chuckling] Come on Homer, there is at a maximum only forty dollars worth of steel in each of these things! So which one do you want?
- Homer: None.
- Herb: Why not?
- Homer: I do not like any of them.
- Herb: Why not?
- Homer: They do not look that flashy.
- Executive #1: Sir, Americans do not like flashy cars. They want plain, economical vehicles.
- Homer: And they do not look like they can tear up the road.
- Executive #2: Sir, Americans do not want cars that are burners. They want good gas mileage.
- Herb: [enraged] Americans do not want that?! Homer, what country do you come from?
- Homer: America.
- Herb: You hear that, you buffoons? America! That is exactly why our business is going down the tubes! You are not providing people with what they want; you are telling them what they want! Homer, I want you to help me design a car that will appeal to the people of this country. I want to pay you $200,000 a year!
- Homer: And I want to let you!
- [Powell Motors. A motivated Homer returns after a pep talk from Herb.]
- Homer: All right, listen up! We are going to design a car! First things first, cup holders! Do any of you drink the Big One coffee from Kwik-E-Mart?
- Engineer #1: I do.
- Homer: OK, so you see how most cup holders are teeny! They should be this big! Next, antennae balls! How many of you had problems finding your car?
- Engineer #2: I have.
- Homer: So you know what I mean. Those should be on every car! Next up, horns. I want a horn here, here, and here! You can never find a good horn when you are mad! And they should all play La Cucaracha! Moving on, how about when you are on a long trip and the kids will not shut up?
- Engineer #3: How about a built in video game?
- Homer: You are fired!
- Engineer #4: A bubble dome that will isolate the kids?
- Homer: Bullseye!
- [Detroit Zoo. Herb has bribed the zookeeper for Bart and Lisa to get a close look at the penguin exhibit.]
- Sign: ONLY EMPLOYEES ALLOWED PAST THIS POINT.
- Bart: Woo hoo!
- Lisa: [talking to a penguin] Do you miss the Antarctic?
- Marge: Now that is spoiling them!
- Homer: Gee Herb, because of me you lost your business, your home and all your possessions. I can't help but think that maybe you would've been better off if I never came into your life.
- Herb: Maybe I would've been better off? Maybe!? Why you sponge head-- Of course I'd have been better off! As far as I'm concerned, I have no brother!
- Marge: Hmm, maybe he said it to make conversation.
- Lisa: His life was an unbridled success until he found out he was a Simpson
- [Driving back to Springfield. Entire Simpsons family is asleep in car save for Homer, who is driving, and Bart.]
- Bart: Dad?
- Homer: Yes, Bart?
- Bart: I thought that was a really cool car you designed.
- Homer: Thanks boy, I was waiting for someone to say that.
- Road sign: YOU ARE NOW LEAVING MICHIGAN.