Difference between revisions of "Mountain of Madness/Quotes"

Revision as of 13:00, April 6, 2018

Mr. Burns: I've seen more orderly behavior in a Ritz Brothers film! You all need a serious lesson in teamwork!

Carl: [referring to Lenny] Maybe he does, but I don't.

Mr. Burns: Tell me, Simpson, if an opportunity arose for taking a small short-cut, you wouldn't be averse to taking it, would you?

Homer: Hmm, not as such.

Mr. Burns: Neither would I. If you can take advantage of a situation in some way, it's your duty as an American to do it. Why should the race always be to the swift, or the Jumble to the quick-witted? Should they be allowed to win merely because of the gifts God gave them? Well I say, "Cheating is the gift man gives himself."

Homer: Mr. Burns, I insist that we cheat!

Mr. Burns: Excellent!

Bart: Mom, can Lisa and I play outside... away from the bear?

Smithers: Sir, this can't be right. You assured me this drawing was rigged so we'd be teammates.

Mr. Burns: Yes, well, you've been bit of a pill lately.

Smithers: Why do we always fight on vacation?

Carl: According to the map, the cabin should be right here.

Lenny: Hey, maybe there is no cabin. Maybe it's one of them, um, metaphorical things.

Carl: Oh, yeah, yeah. Like maybe the "cabin" is the place inside each of us created by our goodwill and teamwork.

Lenny: Oh. Nah, they said there'd be sandwiches.

Mr. Burns: Well, Simpson, I must say, once you've been through something like that with a person, you never want to see that person again.

Homer: You said it, you weirdo.

Marge: Don't worry, kids. This is a national park. We can have lots of fun!

Ranger: Oh, I'm afraid that's no longer true, ma'am. Budget cutbacks have forced us to eliminate anything the least bit entertaining.

Lisa: We'll help you.

Bart: I have a watch with a minute hand.

Smithers: All right, you can come. What time is it?

Bart: 12:80. No wait. Wait. What comes after 12?

Smithers: 1.

Bart: No, after 12!

Marge: Excuse me, sir? I can't find my children.

Ranger: Have you checked the woods?

Marge: No.

Ranger: Hmm. Follow me. We'll take the chair lift. It'll give us an eagle-eye view of the area directly beneath the chair lift.

Homer: You know, Mr. Burns, you're the richest guy I know. Way richer than Lenny.

Mr. Burns: Oh, yes. But I'd trade it all for a little more.

Mr. Burns: Is it supposed to take this long? What's a good time for a mass evacuation of the entire plant?

Smithers: 45 seconds.

Mr. Burns: And what's our time so far?

Smithers: I don't know, sir. This stopwatch only goes up to 15 minutes.

Mr. Burns: Damnation! What kind of slow coaches do I have working for me?

Homer: I think I won, Mr. Burns.

Mr. Burns: [in an evil voice] Yes. You won, all right. You won more than you bargained for.

Homer: Woo-hoo!

Smithers: Each two-man team will work its way through the wilderness to a cabin hidden somewhere on this mountain. The routes are treacherous, so use your maps.

Homer: [raising his hand] Uh, I lost my map.

Smithers: You haven't been issued a map, yet.

Smithers: How could you do this to me, Mr. Burns? After all I've done for you. Why, if you were here, I'd kick you right in your boney old behind!

["boney old behind" is heard echoing across the mountain]

Mr. Burns: Why, thank you, Simpson! I have been watching my figure.

Homer: Wow, you sure know how to cheat, Mr. Burns.

Mr. Burns: Yes, well, I'm older than you… You know, Simpson, you're not as objectionable as you seemed when we first met.

Homer: No, sir, I am not.

[The Ranger and Marge use a chair lift on the mountain to find Bart and Lisa.]

Ranger: I won't lie to you. Our chances of finding your children are slim to nil.

Lisa: [from below] Hi, Mom!

[Smithers and the kids are waving at Marge]

Marge: There they are! Let me down here.

Ranger: Sorry. There's no way off till we get to the top, and even then it's sort of tricky.

Marge: All right, kids, we'll meet you at the top! Just be careful!

Ranger: Uh, actually, I'm a little more concerned about us. [A support beam for the lift chair snaps in half.] Um, do you know how to weld?

Mr. Burns: We have several hours before the others arrive, let's say we get comfy. [turns on the fuse box] Now we have electricity. [turns on the gas] This propane tank will supply us with heat. And this doorknob, properly turned, will allow us access to the cabin.

Homer: No going through the window for us!

Lenny: Well, we made it here first. All thanks to teamwork.

Carl: Yeah, my teamwork.

Mr. Burns: Ah, 206 bones, 50 miles of small intestine, full, pouting lips. Why, this fellow is less a snowman than a god.

Homer: Hey, that's the fire alarm.

Carl: We gotta get out of here.

Lenny: Wait for me! [filling a cup at the cocoa machine] Come on, come on, come on!

Homer: So, Mr. Burns is gonna make us all go on a stupid corporate retreat up in the mountains to learn about teamwork. Which means we'll have to cancel our plans to hang around here.

Bart: Teamwork is overrated.

Homer: Huh?

Bart: Think about it. I mean, what team was Babe Ruth on? Who knows.

Lisa and Marge: Yankees.

Bart: Sharing is a bunch of bull, too. And helping others. And what's all this crap I've been hearing about tolerance?

Homer: Hmm. Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

Lisa: Hi, Mr. Smithers.

Smithers: [sees Bart and Lisa]: Oh great. It's the Bobbsey Twins. Well, take your prying eyes elsewhere.

Bart: [checking out the trees]: Is there maple syrup in this one?

Smithers: There isn't any food in any of these trees. Please, Bart, we've got to hurry! I can't be the last one to reach the cabin.

Bart: Hey, I'm not gonna get fired. Is there any gold in this mountain?

Smithers: [sputtering] It doesn't matter!

Bart: I'll check. [draws a knife, and starts digging]

Lisa: [running] Mr. Smithers! Mr. Smithers! I found another hurt shrew. I think this one has a twisted ankle.

Smithers: [sighs] Twisted ank... [sputters] Aren't there any healthy animals in this forest?

Lisa: Mr. Smithers, Mr. Smithers! That moose is on fire!

Smithers: Fine, good. I don't care anymore.

Lenny: [standing with a liquor bottle in his hand] That old goat can't fire me! I'm gonna give him a piece of my mi... [falls in a hole, screaming; thud] Aw nuts!