Difference between revisions of "A Perfectly Cromulent Job"

Revision as of 09:08, August 22, 2024

A Perfectly Cromulent Job is a questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the Level 39 content update. It unlocks Sanjay and Sanjay's House.

Dialogue

Pt. 1

After tapping on Dolph's exclamation mark Stealing from the Kwik-E-Mart isn't as easy as it used to be. They now have electronic tags on the electronic tags. It might be the years and years of stealing, but Apu just doesn't trust us like he used to. Wasn't there another clerk at the Kwik-E-Mart? Kind of a younger, hipper, nicer, richer, more handsome version of Apu? I'm standing right here! I remember him! Sanjay! He used to offer a Kwik-E-Mart delivery service for single mothers. I think that was only your mom... Task: "Reach Level 39 And Build Sanjay's House". It takes 4 hours. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 2

After tapping on Sanjay's exclamation mark Is that you Sanjay? Praise Ganesh! I thought I'd never see your handsome face again! Oh Apu! My dear brother... You know Sanjay, you're nearly two years overdue for your shift at the Kwik-E-Mart. I've only just arrived. Come have a drink with me to celebrate my reincarnation! One drink. I'd make it two if you'd reincarnated into something more impressive - like a cow. Task: "Make Sanjay and Apu Heartily Celebrate Sanjay's Return". The job takes place at Sanjay's House and takes 45 seconds. What an amazing 45 seconds! Now I need to get back to the Kwik-E-Mart. Since I can't lock up the place, I have to leave a cardboard cut-out of me in charge. And that cardboard cut-out gives way too many discounts for dented cans. It's ruining my business! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 3

After tapping on Sanjay's exclamation mark Apu, you can't keep running the Kwik-E-Mart all by yourself without any help. The octuplets were a great help until they unionized. I've thought about hiring an employee, but could not imagine one of the local buffoons running the place. Help! Someone! Anyone! A raccoon ran away with my belt and I can't chase it because my pants keep falling down! *sigh* While they might be idiots, they do seem to have perfect timing when you want to emphasize a point. There is, however, one person I could trust to work for me. Task: "Make Sanjay and Apu Negotiate an Employment Contract". The job takes place at a Kwik-E-Mart and takes 5 hours. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 4

After tapping on Sanjay's exclamation mark Alright Apu. I'll accept your less than generous offer of employment... only in exchange for working a reasonable schedule. You have my word Sanjay, I will do my best to keep all your shifts under 12 hours in length. Task: "Make Sanjay Work a 16 Hour Shift". The job takes place at a Kwik-E-Mart and takes 16 hours. All work and no play makes Sanjay a dull boy. All work and no play makes Sanjay a dull boy. Aughh! Aisle four is a river of blood! Oh wait, it's just cherry flavored Squishee. The machine must be broken again. This job is really driving me crazy. Template:Tapped Out Moleman Icon Help me! I can't swim AND I have type II diabetes. I'm sorry, sir. But company policy clearly states that you must purchase something before I can save your life. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 5

After tapping on Sanjay's exclamation mark One day of work and I already hate my job. Tell me about it. I skipped work today and it's still all I hear about. Nuclear meltdown on the radio, on the TV, from a guy in a hazmat suit in my living room. Yeesh. Apu promised it would be different this time, but the only thing different is that it is a little worse. This is America, Sanjay. Employers lie to employees, and employees take their revenge by getting drunk. And by sometimes giving their friends free hot dogs. Task: "Make Sanjay Drink With Homer". The job takes place at Moe's Tavern and takes 8 hours. After starting the job *GASP* My store is without a clerk! Not even a cardboard one! Oh I cannot believe it! A mere 16 hours into his first 12 hour shift and Sanjay is already slacking off! Doesn't he realize that the American Dream applies to business owners, not their employees? Just wait until I find you, Sanjay! You'll get a talking-to that will sting for a lifetime... and two more lifetimes after that. But where could he be? I'll check his usual haunts – the Kwik-E-Mart and India. I really don't know my brother very well. After the task is complete There you are Sanjay! I've finally found you, you lazy goat of a man! Well since I had absolutely *hic* nothing to do with this, I must be going... How dare you leave my store unattended! The magazines have all been read, and the "take a penny leave a penny" jar is practically empty! This is as irresponsible as that time you ran off to become a sitar player. I was the second best sitar player in the world! It just turns out that the world needed only ONE sitar player. Well maybe I should offer the Kwik-E-Mart job to Ravi Shankar. Joke's on you, he's dead! Not to mention he was a known pickpocket. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 6

After tapping on Sanjay's exclamation mark I'm about to say something a Nahasapeemapetilon has never said – I quit! I'm about to say something a Nahasapeemapetilon has said many times - you're fired! Turn in your keys, your gun, and your "Employee of the Month" mug. What are you going to do with that? Probably get up on the roof and shoot at looters. No, I meant the mug. Target practice for shooting looters. That's how you treat the best employee you've ever had? Oh, I would never be that mean to the cardboard cut-out. Your heart is as cold as your defective Red Hots. I have no brother. Then I will say goodbye to you as coldly as I do my customers... Thank you, come again! Task: "Make Apu Fume". The job takes place at a Kwik-E-Mart and takes 16 hours. Task: "Make Sanjay Sulk". The job takes place at Sanjay's House and takes 16 hours. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 7

After tapping on Sanjay's exclamation mark As the ancient saying goes: "Please buy more ancient saying cards for more ancient sayings." Argh! I hate the Kwik-E-Mart. Apu has cheated me out of decent pay, reasonable hours, and now pre-packaged spirituality! At least I still have my dignity, which I can party away on my own time. Task: "Make Sanjay Party Like It's on Sale for $19.99". The job takes 4 hours. What's wrong Sanjay? Are you being attacked by bees? No, I'm dancing! I feel like those moves would look better if a thousand other Indians were doing them simultaneously. A thousand dancers? I wish! But this is my life, not the set of an ultra-low budget Bollywood film. I dance to express myself. How do you express yourself? Paint a picture? Practice the ancient art of origami towel folding? Mostly I just cause millions of dollars worth of property damage... Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 8

After tapping on Sanjay's exclamation mark This is the new me! I'm seizing the now! Doing things I've always wanted to do. For example, I've always wanted to ride a skateboard. No such luck, dude. This skateboard's mine. See, my name is written on it. Mart Crimpton? I learned nothing at Krusty's Kalligraphy Kamp. I've also always wanted to steal from a child. Fine, you can borrow my purple back-up skateboard. I HATE purple. I'm sure the Gods will someday reward your kindness. I would prefer they reward me right now. With cash. From your wallet. Got to go! Task: "Make Sanjay Skateboard". The job takes 12 hours. What fun! It's like driving! Only one tenth the speed and twelve times the effort. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 9

After tapping on Apu's exclamation mark I thought I had finally found someone to help run the Kwik-E-Mart, but it turns out I can't even rely on my own family. Preaching to the choir. Maggie never shares her bottle. Marge refuses to let me eat in bed. And Liza is always claiming that I'm forgetting her name. You mean Lisa? Don't get me started on Lisa. With her crazy ideas about global warming and her refusal to eat meat. I, too, am a vegetarian. Hahaha. No meat. Hahaha... Thank you, Apu. It's good to laugh again. You really solved my problem. But we were talking about my problem! Ugh, never mind. Task: "Make Apu Work a 48 Hour Shift". The job takes place at a Kwik-E-Mart and takes 2 days. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 10

After tapping on Mr. Burns's exclamation mark Smithers!! Start cranking the automobile. We're headed out on the town for a day of high-jinks, tomfoolery, and, time permitting, japery. Of course, Mr. Burns. Shall I pack the picnic basket and your promenading pants? There will be no promenading where we're going: the local Kwik-E-Mart. But that's where the common man shops, sir. Men who didn't meet Teddy Roosevelt. I didn't just meet him, I tried to kill him and stuff him! Now do as I say or I'll stuff you too! Yes, sir! And don't forget that coupon insert – no sense wasting pennies, especially while I'm saving up for that penny wasting machine. These discounts do seem too good to be true. Perhaps I'll even pick up a few items. You shop on your own time. Task: "Make Smithers and Mr. Burns Shop Till You Drop". The job takes place at a Kwik-E-Mart and takes 3 hours. Mr. Burns sure wiped me out. I can't believe Kwik-E-Mart corporate let such a promotion slide. It's like the Buy None Get One Free fiasco all over again. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 11

After tapping on Apu's exclamation mark Now let's just hope that no one else sees that deal. Who am I kidding – no one in Springfield reads the newspaper. This just in – nobody reads about stunning Kwik-E-Mart promotion. Coming up – are your cats TOO cute? Why does it sound like an overweight horde is headed my way? Task: "Make Citizens Shop Till You Drop" (x15). The jobs take place at a Kwik-E-Mart and take 3 hours. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Characters that can do the task are:

Pt. 12

After tapping on Apu's exclamation mark I'd rather face a swarm of locusts than these deal-hungry demons. At least the locusts wouldn't try to pay in nickels and socks full of buttons. Those buttons be legal tender. Task: "Make Apu Pray to Ganesh". The job takes place at a Kwik-E-Mart and takes 45 seconds. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 13

After tapping on Apu's exclamation mark These coupons will be the death of me. I've been forced to sell products at their actual suggested retail price! Passing these savings off to my loyal customers feels downright un-American. Task: "Make Citizens Shop Till You Drop Again" (x10). The jobs take place at a Kwik-E-Mart and take 3 hours. Thank you, never come again! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Characters that can do the task are:

Pt. 14

After tapping on Apu's exclamation mark Empty shelves AND an empty cash register. I feel like I've been robbed. Hands up – this is a robbery! But I have nothing left to give. Those are some good-looking pants... *ACK!* *HURR!* *ARGH!* AIEEE! *Faint* Task: "Make Apu Recuperate in the Hospital". The job takes place at Springfield General Hospital and takes 2 days. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 15

After tapping on Apu's exclamation mark So this is what relaxation feels like – my back doesn't hurt, my feet fit in my shoes, my stomach lining has returned. You're currently staying in our Exhaustion Wing, which is usually occupied by our celebrity patients. I'd like my regular room and an IV please. I'll be here until the bad press from those Nazi Mr. Teeny photos dies down. All this for me? We treated you to the VIP package of exhaustion care, no expense was spared. Until we realized that your insurance only covers polio braces and Lamaze classes. At which point every expense was spared... until your brother stepped in and paid all your bills. Sanjay?! *gasp* I can't believe he would pay all my bills after I fired him from the Kwik-E-Mart. Hmmm... disbelief is a common symptom of exhaustion. Let's call up your brother and see if he'll pay for more tests. I must make things right with my brother. Task: "Make Apu & Sanjay Reconcile". The job takes place at Sanjay's House and takes 2 hours. Sanjay, I have been a fool and am here to ask for your forgiveness. I called you lazy, unreliable, and overweight, and I paid the ultimate price. I was punished by doing that which I love most: work. You never called me overweight. May you also find it in your heart to forgive me for talking behind your back. Your wide, expansive back. Wouldn't this apology be better with an offer of, oh, I don't know – a job? Of course! Please come back to work for me! I'll give you anything. Anything? Except decent pay, reasonable hours, vacation time, or benefits. But you can have all the mop water you want! I accept! But only because your medical bills bankrupted me and I'm desperate. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 16

After tapping on Sanjay's exclamation mark It is good to be back Apu! Do you really mean it? Not at all. Task: "Make Sanjay Work a 1 Hour Shift". The job takes place at a Kwik-E-Mart and takes 60 minutes. Quest reward: 2,500 and 250

Behind the Laughter

Sanjay's task "Party Like It's On Sale for $19.99" is a reference to the Prince song 1999.