The Willful Will!/Quotes
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- Moe Szyslak: [singing] Silent nights. Holy nights there. All can come. It's all right. Crayon urgent tenderly mild. Hold the infant and Destiny's Child. Sleekly havin' a piece...
- Ned Flanders: Heh-heh, excuse me. I don't mean to be a "Correcting Calvin," but I think the words are "All is calm, all is bright."
- Moe: Hey?! Are you sayin' I ain't calm?! Dat I ain't full of the Christmas spirit?! I transcribbled these lyricals myself!
- Ned: B-b-but you got it all wrong! "Crayon urgent"? It doesn't make any sense!
- Moe: Here's a good place. I'll bet these rich people got all kinds of sugar. Not to mention yer other condiments and spices. Maybe even coriander! Boy, that would be livin', huh?
- Moe: What is this? Some kind of magic show or somethin'?
- Apu: No. It is a classic case of someone murdering the reader of the will before he, in fact, has time to read it, sir. Oh! This is just like an episode of "Monk"! No doubt we will soon find a corpse! Aha! There is the corpse! What did I tell you?
- Moe: What's that, Angel? Oh, I see, a bone. That only points to one person... ...You! You got bones! Don't deny it!
- Ned: Well, sure but--
- Moe: There! You said it! That's a full confusion!
- Ned: I think you mean "confession." You're using the wrong words again.
- Moe: ...Dr. Hibbert! Your first name is Doctor, and doctors study bones!
- Dr. Hibbert: Actually, my first name is Julius. And, yes, I am a doctor. I was Mr. Ritzfield's physician for fifteen years. Thanks to his outrageously high medical bills, I've already got most of Mr. Ritzfield's money. Ah hee hee hee!
- Moe: Wait a minute, there! Outrageously high prices are the hallmark of one person in this room and one person only...
- Apu: Oh, no! I must confess--
- Moe: ...Jeeves, the snooty butler! They're always spendin' money on fancy stuff!
- Apu: I mean, confess that I sold that to you, man in a tuxedo.
- Worthington: The name is Worthington, sirs. Touché to you both.
- Moe: Boy, this is a real mind tickler there, Angel. No one seems to got no motive.
- Apu: Actually, I never liked Gil. I once threatened to push him down the stairs in public. I just cannot stand the man!
- Moe: ...I'm goin' with my first choice, the sissy! I say we beat a confession out of him!
- Ned: Aaah! No! Please! I-I-I'll confess to whatever you want!
- Gil Gunderson: Actually, ol' Gil isn't even dead, and I was lying right on top of the will. How do ya like that? Things are finally lookin' up!
- Sideshow Mel: He's a zombie! Kill his brain!
- Dr. Hibbert: It's my medical opinion that this man is no zombie.
