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The Simpsons: Tapped Out Itchy & Scratchy Land content update/Premium Gameplay

Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki

Contents

Catamauling[edit]

Catamauling Pt. 1[edit]

After tapping on Scratchy's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
AAAAAAH! I'M WEARING A SWEATER KNITTED FROM MY OWN INTESTINES!!!!!!
Tapped Out Professor Frink Icon.png Oops, forgot to wipe the memory. I'll just kill this one and boot up another.
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
What is this place? Why is there a dead me on the floor over there?
Tapped Out Professor Frink Icon.png Never mind that. Welcome to the real world, Mr. Scratchy. Now, if you'll hold still, I need to-
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
Must kill Itchy...
Tapped Out Professor Frink Icon.png Where'd he go?
Task: Make Scratchy Hunt for Itchy (8h)
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
I can't find Itchy anywhere.
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
Maybe there IS no Itchy in this world.
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
No Itchy! I'm freeeeeeeee!
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Catamauling Pt. 2[edit]

After completing Catamauling Pt. 1:
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
I've never known a life without constant war.
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
I've... I've let my pursuit of that mouse define me. Twisted by rage, I've become a stranger to myself.
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
Who am I? Without the mouse, do I even exist? Well, I'm going to find out. I'm going to-
Tapped Out Itchy Icon.png
Hey Scratchy!
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Task: Make Scratchy Find Somewhere Secluded to Hide (4h, Brown House)
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Hey, it's that cat from TV!
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Say something funny, TV cat!
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
Please. Tell no one you saw me. I need time to think. To wrap myself in solitude and just...be.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Yeesh.
Tapped Out Bart Icon.png It's always disappointing to meet your heroes in person, isn't it?
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Catamauling Pt. 3[edit]

After tapping on Scratchy's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
I sit in a darkened room. The clock on the wall marks the seconds and hours and days.
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
Sometimes I forget where I am. Who I am. But always, I remember the mouse.
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
I try to picture his face, and I'm shocked to find that the image eludes me. Am I leaving him behind?
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
I'm suffused with emotions I cannot name. Hope? Peace? Even... joy? They are strangers I meet for the first time.
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
Then I get wicked hungry. A cat's gotta eat.
Task: Make Scratchy Grab a Bite (4h, Kwik-E-Mart)
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
What do you call this miraculous ambrosia, friend?
Tapped Out Apu Icon.png That is a double-frozen, extra-syrup Squishee.
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
It tastes like... waking up for the first time.
Tapped Out Apu Icon.png That's what the Squishee company was going for, I'm sure.
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Catamauling Pt. 4[edit]

After tapping on Scratchy's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
Even as I revel in newfound peace, part of me knows it for what it is: an illusion. A cruel joke.
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
The mouse is out there. As inescapable as regret. He's hunting. Hunting ME.
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
The planets move through the heaven, the earth spins, and the mouse draws ever nearer.
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
Old instincts awake. My fingers tighten on the axe handle. They realize before I do...the hour of battle has come.
Task: Make Scratchy Hunt for Itchy (8h)
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
He's near now. I feel it. My gut twists in horror. Or is it... relief? A shadow crosses my vision, takes form, resolves into...
Tapped Out Itchy Icon.png
Hiya, Scratchy! Nice cleaver!
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
At his words the Scratchy I had just begun to know screams in agony and dies forever.
Tapped Out Itchy Icon.png
You're talking silly. Want to fight?
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
Want doesn't enter into it. What are our “wants” in a world where the only truth is war?
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
Begin.
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Catamauling Pt. 5[edit]

After tapping on Scratchy's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Itchy Icon.png
Not so fast! It's been ages since we fought.
Tapped Out Itchy Icon.png
If we don't stretch, we're liable to pull a muscle. No fun!
Task: Make Scratchy Prepare for Battle (4h, Cartoon Set)
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
My muscles awaken, readying. Recalling the rhythm of battle. The one-two-three, one-two-three of the Waltz of Death.
Tapped Out Itchy Icon.png
Weird cat is weird!
Quest reward: Cash.png200 and XP.png20

Fight, Fight, Fight![edit]

After tapping on Scratchy's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Itchy Icon.png
Let's party!
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
Ow! You cut off my toe!
Tapped Out Itchy Icon.png
For crying out loud, cat. That's what we do. It's who... we... ARE.
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
You're right. You've always been right.
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
Itchy... LET'S PARTY!
Task: Make Itchy and Scratchy Fight, Fight, Fight! (4h, Cartoon Set, Scratchy)
Tapped Out Itchy Icon.png
That was great.
Tapped Out Scratchy Icon.png
Let's never not fight again.
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Nickel 'N' Demand[edit]

Nickel 'N' Demand Pt. 1[edit]

After tapping on Jeremy's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Jeremy Icon.png
As a studio VP, my only job is to create shows that appeal to the common man.
Tapped Out Jeremy Icon.png
But obviously I can't do that if the walls in my office aren't precisely the right color.
Tapped Out Jeremy Icon.png
Let's see... what paint color says, “I'm a hard-working executive who only cares about creating shows...”
Tapped Out Jeremy Icon.png
Better clear my schedule for the next month while I ponder this...
Task: Make Jeremy Study Paint Chips for a Month (8h, Nickel ‘N' Dime Animation)
Tapped Out Jeremy Icon.png
Hmmm...let's go with “white”.
Tapped Out Jeremy Icon.png
Next up, fabric swatches for the couch. Better cancel all my meetings through August...
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Nickel 'N' Demand Pt. 2[edit]

After tapping on Jeremy's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Jeremy Icon.png
Finding shows for the common man would be a LOT easier if I had ever met one.
Tapped Out Jeremy Icon.png
That's it! I'll hire a common man as my assistant!
Tapped Out Jeremy Icon.png
Now to find the most common person on the planet...
Task: Make Jeremy Interview Cletus (4h, Nickel ‘N' Dime Animation, Cletus)
Tapped Out Jeremy Icon.png
Mr. Spuckler, would you characterize yourself as a common man?
Tapped Out Cletus Icon.png Guh?
Tapped Out Jeremy Icon.png
You're EXACTLY how I've always imagined non-entertainment-industry people to be. You're hired!
Tapped Out Cletus Icon.png Duh-hey?
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Nickel 'N' Demand Pt. 3[edit]

After tapping on Jeremy's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Jeremy Icon.png
Cletus, as a common man, what do you want to see on TV? What makes you happy?
Tapped Out Cletus Icon.png When tha bear what lives out back an' has a taste for the young'uns hibernates for the winter.
Tapped Out Jeremy Icon.png
That's it! That's my new show! I need to create. Shine my shoes for me while I'm gone...
Task: Make Jeremy Go for a Walk (8h)
Task: Make Cletus Brew Shoe Shine (8h, Nickel ‘N' Dime Animation)
Tapped Out Jeremy Icon.png
Cletus, as we speak, five hundred Ukranian artists are right now animating our new show: “Barry the Hibernating Bear”.
Tapped Out Jeremy Icon.png
Inspired by you, the common man!
Tapped Out Cletus Icon.png I just said I likes it when the bear sleeps. Who would watch a show about napping?
Tapped Out Jeremy Icon.png
...
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Nickel 'N' Demand Pt. 4[edit]

After tapping on Jeremy's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Jeremy Icon.png
My new show is a bomb. I'm a failure!
Tapped Out Cletus Icon.png No you ain't, Mr. Jeremy! Shoot, you got prettier fingernails'n any lady ever!
Tapped Out Jeremy Icon.png
I'll give you my manicurist's number, my slack-jawed friend. But now it's time for me to go.
Task: Make Jeremy Hand in His Notice (4h, Nickel ‘N' Dime Animation)
Tapped Out Jeremy Icon.png
Time to use the many skills I've honed in my ten years as an entertainment executive.
Tapped Out Jeremy Icon.png
Ordering lunch, coordinating my tie with my socks, ordering coffee...
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Nickel 'N' Demand Pt. 5[edit]

After tapping on Jeremy's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Jeremy Icon.png
I've made a mistake! Television is all I know! Which is exactly like knowing nothing at all!
Tapped Out Jeremy Icon.png
I'll get my old job back. They need me. I'm so bland! That doesn't grow on trees!
Task: Make Jeremy Make a Call (4h)
Tapped Out Jeremy Icon.png
Diane, it's Jeremy. I want my job back, but I'm not going to beg.
Tapped Out Jeremy Icon.png
Because you need me. I'm a loser with a track record of proven failure.
Tapped Out Jeremy Icon.png
Anything goes wrong, I'll be a perfect fall guy. What do you say?
Tapped Out Diane Icon.png
You had me at “loser”.
Quest reward: Cash.png200 and XP.png20

Have a Blast![edit]

Have a Blast! Pt. 1[edit]

After building Itchy's Mine Field:
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png Itchy's Mine Field! If we make it through without setting off any mines, we become Colonels in Itchy's Army!
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png We get badges and everything! It's totally official!
Tapped Out Bart Icon.png If I'm going in there, I'm blowing up every mine in the joint. That's the deal.
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png ...
Tapped Out Bart Icon.png Take it or leave it.
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png I'm never going to make officer.
Task: Make Youngsters Play in Itchy's Mine Field [x3] (4h, Itchy's Mine Field)
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Have a Blast! Pt. 2[edit]

After completing Have a Blast! Pt. 1:
Tapped Out Squeaky Voice Attendant Icon.png
Your kids detonated all the air bags in the Mine Field. Go reset them.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Good luck making me do that!
Tapped Out Squeaky Voice Attendant Icon.png
Read your ticket. By entering the park, you officially enlisted in Itchy's Army, a branch of the U.S. Department of Defense.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png He's right! This contract is ironclad. We belong to them...
Tapped Out Squeaky Voice Attendant Icon.png
Now reset those mines, maggots!
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png You don't have to yell.
Tapped Out Squeaky Voice Attendant Icon.png
YOU WILL ADDRESS ME AS “SIR"!
Task: Make Adults Reset Itchy's Mine Field [x5] (8h, Itchy's Mine Field)
Quest reward: Cash.png200 and XP.png20

Animation Complication[edit]

Animation Complication Pt. 1[edit]

After tapping on Ms. Mouse's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Ms. Mouse Icon.png
Hello, there! Will you be checking in to the Cartoon Motel?
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png What? But this is a motel for cartoon characters.
Tapped Out Ms. Mouse Icon.png
Correct. Would you like a room with a king size bed, or two queens?
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Uhhh... Do I look like a cartoon to you?
Tapped Out Ms. Mouse Icon.png
I just... well, as a matter of fact... yes?
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png You are a 2-D drawing. I am a 3-D, real, physical human being. You'd best get that straight.
Tapped Out Ms. Mouse Icon.png
...maybe I'll just work on the books for a bit...
Task: Make Ms. Mouse Tackle Her Finances (4h)
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Animation Complication Pt. 2[edit]

After tapping on Ms. Mouse's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Ms. Mouse Icon.png
Mr. Mayor, I'm having trouble convincing Springfielders to stay at my motel.
Tapped Out Quimby Icon.png Well, if you want to attract real people like us Springfielders, maybe don't build a cartoon motel.
Tapped Out Ms. Mouse Icon.png
I really don't follow.
Tapped Out Quimby Icon.png It's very simple. How can a living, breathing person like me sleep in a 2-D cartoon bed, or use a 2-D cartoon ice machine?
Tapped Out Ms. Mouse Icon.png
But... but...
Tapped Out Quimby Icon.png Look, I'll come by with one of my top, er, aides. Have a room set aside and we will, er uhm, do an inspection.
Task: Make Ms. Mouse Host Mayoral Meetings (8h, Cartoon Motel)
Task: Make Quimby Use Cartoon Motel for "Meetings" (12h, Cartoon Motel)
On job start:
Tapped Out Ms. Mouse Icon.png
Mr. Mayor! I've prepared the business lounge for your use!
Tapped Out Quimby Icon.png What? No, my “aide” and I need a room. With a bed. A “bedroom", I believe is the term.
Tapped Out Miss Springfield Icon.png What's the hold-up, Joe? I thought we were going to-
Tapped Out Quimby Icon.png In a minute, dear!
Tapped Out Quimby Icon.png Look, mouse, just give me the room. I'm not a cartoon, but I'll make it work!
Tapped Out Ms. Mouse Icon.png
...
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Animation Complication Pt. 3[edit]

After tapping on Ms. Mouse's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Ms. Mouse Icon.png
The people in this town don't know that they're cartoons.
Tapped Out Ms. Mouse Icon.png
I mean, they ARE cartoons, right? Homer's eyes are just black dots inside circles.
Tapped Out Ms. Mouse Icon.png
And if you look at him from the side, he disappears. That's a cartoon, right? RIGHT?
Tapped Out Ms. Mouse Icon.png
I must be losing my mind... I've got to make a change...
Task: Make Ms. Mouse Contemplate New Business (8h)
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Animation Complication Pt. 4[edit]

After tapping on Ms. Mouse's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Ms. Mouse Icon.png
I just watched Homer eat twenty hamburgers and get hit by a garbage truck. Two minutes later, he's FINE.
Tapped Out Ms. Mouse Icon.png
Dude is DEFINITELY a cartoon.
Tapped Out Ms. Mouse Icon.png
Just focus on work, Ms. Mouse. That'll keep you sane.
Task: Make Ms. Mouse Tidy up the Motel (4h, Cartoon Motel)
On job start:
Tapped Out Ms. Mouse Icon.png
*happily humming as she cleans*
Tapped Out Snake Icon.png This is a stick-up, talking mouse! Open up the cash register and-
Tapped Out Snake Icon.png Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize this was a cartoon establishment. My bad.
Tapped Out Ms. Mouse Icon.png
Do you still want the money?
Tapped Out Snake Icon.png Cartoon money? Uh, no. As a living, breathing person I use REAL currency: frosted pink donuts.
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Animation Complication Pt. 5[edit]

After tapping on Ms. Mouse's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Ms. Mouse Icon.png
If these people can't be proud of their cartoony nature, well, too bad for them.
Tapped Out Ms. Mouse Icon.png
I accept it, and so unlike these Springfielders, I have inner peace. It's a great feeling.
Tapped Out Ms. Mouse Icon.png
Another great feeling is knowing I have a big cartoon bomb, and tomorrow I'm going to blow up this nutso town.
Tapped Out Ms. Mouse Icon.png
Ah, inner peace...
Task: Make Ms. Mouse Relax in Hot Tub (12h, Cartoon Motel)
On job start:
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png Excuse me, Ms. Mouse? I'm here to do a health inspection of your kitchen.
Tapped Out Ms. Mouse Icon.png
Oh, I don't cook in there. When I want food, I just take out my pencil and draw some.
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png *chuckles* I get it, ‘cause we're all cartoons.
On job end:
Tapped Out Ms. Mouse Icon.png
Wait! You know the truth!
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png Sure! It's pretty obvious when you've been shot eighty-seven times and you're still alive.
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png Yup, in this whole town, turns out I'm the smart one, and always have been.
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png How's THAT for a major revelation? See, Sky Finger? All these years in, and we can still surprise ya.
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png WIGGUM IS THE SMART ONE. Boom! Minds blown.
Quest reward: Cash.png200 and XP.png20

Happy New Year! Again...[edit]

Happy New Year! Again... Pt. 1[edit]

After building T.G.I. McScratchy's:
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png Homie, what do you say we ditch the kids and have a little grownup time?
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png There's a place on Parents Island where they ring in the New Year every hour, on the hour.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Every hour? Then it must be the year one million in there! Let's find out what the distant future has in store!
Task: Make Homer and Marge Go to T.G.I. McScratchy's (8h, T.G.I. McScratchy's, Marge)
On job start:
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png The future is every bit as drunk as science fiction promised us.
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Happy New Year! Again... Pt. 2[edit]

After completing Happy New Year! Again... Pt. 1:
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png Oh Homie, this is perfect. I don't want to leave.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png There's no need! We've rung in so many New Years in here, the kids are all off in college by now, or have families of their own.
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png Oh. Now I'm getting a little empty nest syndrome...
Task: Make Homer and Marge Ring in the New Year Again (4h, T.G.I. McScratchy's, Marge)
Quest reward: Cash.png200 and XP.png20

Soarin' Over Springfield[edit]

Soarin' Over Springfield Pt. 1[edit]

After building Soarin' Over Springfield:
Tapped Out Bart Icon.png Dad, can we go on Soarin' Over Springfield? Can we, can we?
Tapped Out Bart Icon.png It's got a huge screen, and they suspend you off the ground, and it feels like you're flying.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png So... it's a crappy ride and an IMAX movie that's not even in 3D?
Tapped Out Bart Icon.png Uh, right. Oh, and also Milhouse is going, and he throws up on every ride no matter how lame.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png THIS I GOTTA SEE! LEAD THE WAY!
Task: Make Bart and Homer Ride Soarin' Over Springfield (4h, Soarin' Over Springfield)
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Soarin' Over Springfield Pt. 2[edit]

After completing Soarin' Over Springfield Pt. 1:
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Mom, can we go on Soarin' Over Springfield? Can we, can we?
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png It's got a huge screen, and they suspend you off the ground, and it feels like you're flying.
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png So... it's a crappy ride and an IMAX movie that's not even in 3D?
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Uh, right. Oh, and also there's a really long line.
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png A CHANCE TO MEET AND TALK TO INTERESTING STRANGERS?! LEAD THE WAY!
Task: Make Marge and Lisa Ride Soarin' Over Springfield (4h, Soarin' Over Springfield)
Quest reward: Cash.png200 and XP.png20

The Squeaky Wheel[edit]

The Squeaky Wheel Pt. 1[edit]

After tapping on Squeaky Voice Teen's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Squeaky Voiced Teen Icon.png I'm applying for the job of Park Attendant?
Tapped Out Quimby Icon.png And what makes you especially qualified for this vital task?
Tapped Out Squeaky Voiced Teen Icon.png I've always been fascinated both with parks and attending. Furthermore-
Tapped Out Quimby Icon.png Spare me. Any idiot could do this. You're hired!
Task: Make Squeaky Voice Attendant Sell Park Tickets (4h, Itchy & Scratchy Land Gate or Brown House)
Tapped Out Hans Moleman Icon.png One adult ticket, please.
Tapped Out Squeaky Voice Attendant Icon.png
Uh...sir, we have a seniors discount program...
Tapped Out Hans Moleman Icon.png Oh, but I'm only 31...
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

The Squeaky Wheel Pt. 2[edit]

After tapping on Squeaky Voice Teen's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Quimby Icon.png Kid, I'm reassigning you. From now on, you sell Itchy & Scratchy Money to our visitors.
Tapped Out Squeaky Voice Attendant Icon.png
Thank you for this opportunity-
Tapped Out Quimby Icon.png Shut up, shut up! Have enough self-respect to hate this horrible job, will you?
Tapped Out Squeaky Voice Attendant Icon.png
I'll do my level best, sir!
Tapped Out Quimby Icon.png Look, just take guests' real money and give them this fake money. Which they can only spend inside the park.
Tapped Out Squeaky Voice Attendant Icon.png
Why would they want that?
Tapped Out Quimby Icon.png Yikes, who knows? Tell them it's fun. The fake money is a blast. Or whatever.
Task: Make Squeaky Voice Attendant Promote Itchy & Scratchy Money (4h, Visible or Visible at Itchy & Scratchy Land Gate)
Tapped Out Squeaky Voice Attendant Icon.png
Would you like to buy some Itchy & Scratchy Money?
Tapped Out Bart Icon.png Can we, Dad?
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Can we, can we?
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Hmm, it does look awfully fun... a real blast, that fake cash...
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Gimme a hundred bucks!
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

The Squeaky Wheel Pt. 3[edit]

After tapping on Squeaky Voice Teen's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Bart Icon.png We'd like to sell our Itchy & Scratchy Money back, please.
Tapped Out Squeaky Voice Attendant Icon.png
Uh, I don't know if that's allowed...
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png But it's so much more FUN than boring real money. You'd be coming out ahead in the deal.
Tapped Out Squeaky Voice Attendant Icon.png
I guess that's true...
Tapped Out Bart Icon.png In fact, I think you should give us $200 real money for our super-fun Itchy & Scratchy bucks.
Tapped Out Squeaky Voice Attendant Icon.png
It seems only fair...
Task: Make Squeaky Voice Attendant Promote Itchy & Scratchy Money (4h, Visible or Visible at Itchy & Scratchy Land Gate)
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png We'd like to buy $200 worth of Itchy & Scratchy Money, please.
Tapped Out Bart Icon.png Except you can only spend it in inside the park, which makes it worth less than real money.
Tapped Out Squeaky Voice Attendant Icon.png
I never thought about that...
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png So you should probably give us $400 worth of Itchy & Scratchy Money for our $200.
Tapped Out Squeaky Voice Attendant Icon.png
That's a good point...
Tapped Out Bart Icon.png This could go on all day...
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

The Squeaky Wheel Pt. 4[edit]

After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png KIDS! It's time to go! Has anyone seen my kids?
Tapped Out Squeaky Voice Attendant Icon.png
Sir, I believe I can help. Recently, I sold them $2,000 of Itchy & Scratchy Money and-
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png $2,000! You idiot, they're kids! They could be anywhere! You've got to find them!
Tapped Out Squeaky Voice Attendant Icon.png
Er...yes sir!
Task: Make Squeaky Voice Attendant Desperately Search for Lost Children (8h, Attractions)
Tapped Out Squeaky Voice Attendant Icon.png
If I don't find those kids, I could lose my promotion!
Tapped Out Quimby Icon.png It wasn't a promotion! Both jobs are awful!
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

The Squeaky Wheel Pt. 5[edit]

After tapping on Squeaky Voice Teen's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Squeaky Voice Attendant Icon.png
Phew, there you are, you two!
Tapped Out Bart Icon.png Owww, my stomach... Two thousands dollars worth of candy...
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png The sugar rush was like meeting God... the crash is like death...
Tapped Out Squeaky Voice Attendant Icon.png
I almost killed two sweet, innocent children.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png We deserved this... deep down I know we deserved this...
Tapped Out Squeaky Voice Attendant Icon.png
I'm a danger to this park and everyone in it!
Task: Make Squeaky Voice Attendant Hand in His Notice (4h, Itchy & Scratchy Land Gate or Brown House)
Tapped Out Quimby Icon.png Quit! You can't quit!
Tapped Out Quimby Icon.png This is a right-to-work state, and I reserve the right to make you work.
Tapped Out Squeaky Voice Attendant Icon.png
Your faith will be rewarded, sir. I swear I will make you-
Tapped Out Quimby Icon.png Stop liking this horrible workplace!
Quest reward: Cash.png200 and XP.png20

Tacky Fabulous[edit]

Tacky Fabulous Pt. 1[edit]

After tapping on Maw Spuckler's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Maw Spuckler Icon.png
Sooey! Here Cletus, Cletus! Here, boy! ...Gosh durn, where'd that son of mine git to?
Tapped Out Maw Spuckler Icon.png
Cletus, you better not be out looking for a job again!
Tapped Out Maw Spuckler Icon.png
Guess I'll be digging up them taters for my Tater and Tater Peel Soup all by myself.
Task: Make Maw Spuckler Dig up the Yard (4h, Cletus's Farm)
On job start:
Tapped Out Maw Spuckler Icon.png
These taters are awful yella...and shiny...and made of metal...
Tapped Out Maw Spuckler Icon.png
Dang useless gold-colored metal! Well, you can et anythin' if you boil it long enough.
On job end:
Tapped Out Maw Spuckler Icon.png
Cletus! I might a known you'd turn up when all the work was done. Help me carry these taters inside.
Tapped Out Cletus Icon.png These ain't no taters, Maw. These is gold! We's rich!
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Tacky Fabulous Pt. 2[edit]

After tapping on Maw Spuckler's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Maw Spuckler Icon.png
Cletus, you know how I feel about money. It ain't never brought no one nothin' but bad luck.
Tapped Out Cletus Icon.png But Maw, think a all them luxuries we could buy: new dirt floor, or a rusted-out car for the front yard...
Tapped Out Maw Spuckler Icon.png
No thank-ee! Money's bad luck, I tell ya! Worse than going to the dentist!
Tapped Out Cletus Icon.png Worse than professional tooth care?! That is bad...
Tapped Out Maw Spuckler Icon.png
Now, don't fret. Your maw's gonna go out and blow the only money this family has ever seen. Everythin'll be all right.
Task: Make Maw Spuckler Spend a Fortune on a Vacation (4h)
Task: Build Springfield Downs
Tapped Out Cletus Icon.png How was yer vacation, Maw? Did you spend all that evil money?
Tapped Out Maw Spuckler Icon.png
I tried, son. But a body can only take so many hot rock massages...
Tapped Out Maw Spuckler Icon.png
Put some money on the fire and we'll try to figger this out.
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Tacky Fabulous Pt. 3[edit]

After tapping on Maw Spuckler's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Maw Spuckler Icon.png
There's gotta be a better way to get rid of money fast.
Tapped Out Krusty Icon.png If you want to lose money, the dog track is the place to be!
Tapped Out Krusty Icon.png Plus it's got that miasma of despair and cigar smoke you just can't find anywhere else.
Task: Make Maw Spuckler Bet It All at the Races (4h, Springfield Downs or Brown House)
On job start:
Tapped Out Maw Spuckler Icon.png
That dog lying over there covered in fleas looks like it might be dead. What's his name...?
Tapped Out Maw Spuckler Icon.png
Roadkill? Yep, that's the dog for me. Just play dead and my money troubles are over!
On job end:
Tapped Out Cletus Icon.png Maw, your dog "Roadkill" won! I guess the name was iro...iron...it was a funny.
Tapped Out Maw Spuckler Icon.png
Now I's richer than ever! And they don't even let you take the dog you bought home to eat.
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Tacky Fabulous Pt. 4[edit]

After tapping on Maw Spuckler's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Maw Spuckler Icon.png
Now I knows why people's always complaining 'bout money -- you always have too much of it!
Tapped Out Cletus Icon.png What about going out to a resty-raunt, Maw? They gives you food what you have to pay for.
Tapped Out Maw Spuckler Icon.png
Don't you tell lies, Cletus Spuckler!
Tapped Out Maw Spuckler Icon.png
Besides, it ain't right eatin' a animal that wasn't yer beloved pet up until you chopped off its head with a axe.
Tapped Out Maw Spuckler Icon.png
*sigh* I'll go have a look-and-see.
Task: Make Maw Spuckler Eat a Five-Course Meal (12h, Dumpsters)
Tapped Out Maw Spuckler Icon.png
*whew* Cletus, I am stuffed! I et Possum Wellington, just like we have at home, but with cow inside.
Tapped Out Maw Spuckler Icon.png
And they had skunk cabbage, but they called it lettuce, and they washed the skunk taste clean out.
Tapped Out Cletus Icon.png That sounds terrible.
Tapped Out Maw Spuckler Icon.png
It were. It truly were.
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Tacky Fabulous Pt. 5[edit]

After tapping on Maw Spuckler's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Maw Spuckler Icon.png
Cletus, I done tried and tried, but I don't think we're ever getting rid of this dag-blasted money.
Tapped Out Cletus Icon.png What we gonna do with it then, Maw?
Tapped Out Maw Spuckler Icon.png
Hide it somewhere them government and aliens will never think to look...
Tapped Out Maw Spuckler Icon.png
...Right between me and the floor.
Task: Make Maw Spuckler Sleep on a Pile of Money (4h, Cletus's Farm)
Tapped Out Maw Spuckler Icon.png
Now I understand why them richies love money so much, sure do beat sleeping on the floor.
Tapped Out Maw Spuckler Icon.png
Well, time to finish digging up them taters for my Tater and Tater Peel Soup...Cletus?
Tapped Out Maw Spuckler Icon.png
That boy done buried himself in a pile of money to take a nap. Some things never...go different.
Quest reward: Cash.png200 and XP.png20

Cold-Reading the Room[edit]

Cold-Reading the Room Pt. 1[edit]

After tapping on June Belami's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Roger Myers Jr. Icon.png Let's try one more take, June. And the word is pronounced “sabotage”, not “sabotaaage”.
Tapped Out June Bellamy Icon.png
You say “sabotage.” Itchy says “sabotaaage”.
Tapped Out Roger Myers Jr. Icon.png So Itchy mispronounces the word on purpose?
Tapped Out June Bellamy Icon.png
If you can't respect my artistic vision for this cartoon mouse, then we're done here!
Tapped Out Roger Myers Jr. Icon.png I'm sorry for sabotaaaaaaaaaging your dumb process!
Task: Make June Bellamy Visit Her Agent (4h, UPA Talent Agency)
Tapped Out Ron Rabinowitz Icon.png
You'll never find another job like voicing Itchy. Apologize and go back to work.
Tapped Out June Bellamy Icon.png
And suffer another barraaage of insults?
Tapped Out Ron Rabinowitz Icon.png
It's pronounced “barrage".
Tapped Out June Bellamy Icon.png
...
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Cold-Reading the Room Pt. 2[edit]

After tapping on June Belami's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out June Bellamy Icon.png
I'm done with voicing Itchy. Find me a new gig.
Tapped Out Ron Rabinowitz Icon.png
Okay, well there's a new cartoon about a rat who lives in a garage- know what? Forget that one.
Tapped Out June Bellamy Icon.png
That sounds perfect! I can play a rat in a garaaage.
Tapped Out Ron Rabinowitz Icon.png
No. No, you can't.
Tapped Out June Bellamy Icon.png
I really “get” this rat. He loves his garaaage home, but at the same time he dreams of escaping the garaaaaaaage...
Task: Make June Bellamy Consider Her Motivation (8h, Brown House)
Tapped Out June Bellamy Icon.png
I've never been laughed out of an audition before. What did I do wrong?
Tapped Out June Bellamy Icon.png
I've got to relax. Better book a massaaage.
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Cold-Reading the Room Pt. 3[edit]

After tapping on June Belami's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out June Bellamy Icon.png
I can't stop questioning myself.
Tapped Out June Bellamy Icon.png
Without confidence and an almost-sociopathic level of self-involvement, an actor cannot act.
Tapped Out June Bellamy Icon.png
It's why actors are so fun to talk to! And to date. Man, we're fun to date.
Task: Make June Bellamy Show Off Her Theatrical Range (4h)
Tapped Out June Bellamy Icon.png
How many auditions have you got for me?
Tapped Out Ron Rabinowitz Icon.png
Zero. Your reputation isn't great.
Tapped Out June Bellamy Icon.png
Why? Just because of how I say “sabotaaage”?
Tapped Out June Bellamy Icon.png
Under the barraaage of Roger Meyers and his entouraaage, my life is a collaaage of woe!
Tapped Out Ron Rabinowitz Icon.png
Well, you COULD learn to pronounce the word like everyone else on the planet.
Tapped Out June Bellamy Icon.png
It's a thought.
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Cold-Reading the Room Pt. 4[edit]

After tapping on June Belami's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out June Bellamy Icon.png
Roger, I was wrong. I want my job back.
Tapped Out Roger Myers Jr. Icon.png What guarantee do I have that you won't storm off the next time I give you a note?
Tapped Out June Bellamy Icon.png
I'll learn to say “sabotaaage” however you want.
Tapped Out Roger Myers Jr. Icon.png You're sincere? This isn't all a mirage?
Tapped Out June Bellamy Icon.png
No, it's not... one of those.
Task: Make June Bellamy Learn to Say “Sabotage” (4h, UPA Talent Agency)
Tapped Out June Bellamy Icon.png
“Sabotagg”.
Tapped Out Roger Myers Jr. Icon.png Not quite.
Tapped Out June Bellamy Icon.png
“Sabotang”?
Tapped Out Roger Myers Jr. Icon.png Admit it, you know how to say the word. You're just torturing me.
Tapped Out June Bellamy Icon.png
“Sabatnarg”?
Tapped Out Roger Myers Jr. Icon.png Actors...
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Cold-Reading the Room Pt. 5[edit]

After tapping on June Belami's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out June Bellamy Icon.png
“Sabotage”.
Tapped Out Roger Myers Jr. Icon.png You did it!
Tapped Out June Bellamy Icon.png
Of course I did. I'm a professional.
Tapped Out Roger Myers Jr. Icon.png ...
Task: Make June Bellamy Greet Her Adoring Public (8h)
Tapped Out June Bellamy Icon.png
It's so wonderful to be Itchy again.
Tapped Out Roger Myers Jr. Icon.png Let's knock out another episode. Now, in this one, Scratchy has taken up an equestrian sport.
Tapped Out June Bellamy Icon.png
Which one? Jumping, or dressaaaaaaaaage?
Tapped Out Roger Myers Jr. Icon.png I'm gonna say jumping.
Quest reward: Cash.png200 and XP.png20

J. Edgar Hoover Gil Promo[edit]

After tapping on Gil's J. Edgar Hoover mark.pngJ. Edgar Hoover mark:
Tapped Out Gil Icon.png Guess this is the last you'll be seeing of Ol' Gil. I'm going to prison...
Tapped Out Gil Icon.png ...where I'll live like a king. Thanks, friend!
On offer accepted:
Tapped Out Gil Icon.png Wow, thanks pal.
Tapped Out Gil Icon.png You saved me from federal prison.
Tapped Out Gil Icon.png So long hot meals and showers..
On offer declined:
Tapped Out Gil Icon.png We go back a long way, right? Well, you gotta help me!
Tapped Out Gil Icon.png A while back Ol' Gil sold a Burns Dragon to a Russian agent. The fella was playing the game in English. How was I to know?
Tapped Out Gil Icon.png Now the FBI is after me. I can't go to jail for treason!
Tapped Out Gil Icon.png On the other hand, free room and board for the rest of my life? Know what? Do what ya gotta do!

FB-Why[edit]

FB-Why Pt. 1[edit]

After tapping on J. Edgar Hoover's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png J. Edgar Hoover?! The greatest cop who ever lived?!
Tapped Out J. Edgar Hoover Icon.png
Springfield? How did I get here?
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png Well, you see, there's the space-time continuum dealie, and some kind of big machine...
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png We used to explain it every time somebody new showed up, but now it's kinda like, “Here you are, deal with it.”
Tapped Out J. Edgar Hoover Icon.png
Is this still the safest town in America, like it was when my G-men kept the Mafia in check?
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png Wellllllllllllllllllll.....................
Task: Make J. Edgar Hoover Learn of Springfield's Fall From Grace (4h, Police Station or Brown House)
Tapped Out J. Edgar Hoover Icon.png
To clean this town up, we'll have to work day and night, with total professionalism.
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png Let's call that “Option A”. I'm wondering if there's a “B"?
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

FB-Why Pt. 2[edit]

After tapping on J. Edgar Hoover's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out J. Edgar Hoover Icon.png
First things first -- show me your dossier on every major criminal in town.
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png ...
Tapped Out J. Edgar Hoover Icon.png
“Dossier”. It means a record with all pertinent information on a suspect.
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png Oh, you want to see the napkins! Yeah, we usually take notes on the back of napkins.
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png That way, if I'm eating at my desk, and I make a spill, I've got a “dossier” handy to clean up the mess!
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png "Crime fighting has come a long way since your day" is, I bet, what you're thinking.
Task: Make J. Edgar Hoover Collect Dossiers on Everyone (4h)
Tapped Out J. Edgar Hoover Icon.png
The dossiers are ready. We've got those criminals on the ropes now, boy.
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png Ahhh-chooo!
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png Hey, could you hand me a dossier? I need to blow my nose into it.
Tapped Out J. Edgar Hoover Icon.png
...
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

FB-Why Pt. 3[edit]

After tapping on J. Edgar Hoover's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out J. Edgar Hoover Icon.png
Marion Anthony “Fat Tony” D'Amico. All crime in this town goes through him.
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png Fat Tony, a criminal? Nah, you got him all wrong. He's a kitty cat.
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png Real generous guy, too. Gives me an envelope every month stuffed with cash. I don't even have to ask!
Tapped Out J. Edgar Hoover Icon.png
Set up a meet. I like my enemies to know who hunts them.
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png Ooh, can I use that line? I mean, it's not at all true for me, but I'd love to say it one time.
Task: Make J. Edgar Hoover Go to Criminal Meeting (4h, Krusty Burger)
If the user has Fat Tony: Task: Make Fat Tony Go to Criminal Meeting (4h, Krusty Burger)
Tapped Out Fat Tony Icon.png Ah, so this is the infamous copper who took down so many of my historical compatriots.
Tapped Out J. Edgar Hoover Icon.png
You'll soon be history yourself, Mr. Tony.
Tapped Out Fat Tony Icon.png Not if me and my men have anything to say about that. Ain't that right, Johnny Tightlips?
Tapped Out Johnny Tightlips Icon.png ...
Tapped Out Fat Tony Icon.png You know, this is one time it would be okay for you to talk.
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

FB-Why Pt. 4[edit]

After tapping on J. Edgar Hoover's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out J. Edgar Hoover Icon.png
I built the FBI into the most effective crime-fighting force the world has ever known.
Tapped Out J. Edgar Hoover Icon.png
And I did it with the barrel of a gun. My beloved “Chicago Typewriter”.
Tapped Out J. Edgar Hoover Icon.png
Because that's the modern way to fight crime: with a never-ending hail of indiscriminant gunfire.
Tapped Out J. Edgar Hoover Icon.png
Time to be a hero.
Task: Make J. Edgar Hoover Hunt the Mob (1h)
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

FB-Why Pt. 5[edit]

After tapping on J. Edgar Hoover's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out J. Edgar Hoover Icon.png
Blam! Blam blam blam!
Tapped Out Quimby Icon.png WHY ARE YOU FIRING IN MY STREETS, YOU LUNATIC?!
Tapped Out J. Edgar Hoover Icon.png
I'm taking the war to the criminals. In the only language they understand.
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png Yeah, that's not really how we do things anymore.
Tapped Out Quimby Icon.png The mob isn't even that big a deal these days! Relax!
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png Fat Tony's crew is really just harmless local color at this point. Kind of charming, if you think about it.
Tapped Out J. Edgar Hoover Icon.png
So, uh... how DO you fight crime now?
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png With a far deadlier weapon... paperwork.
Task: Make J. Edgar Hoover Collect Dossiers on Everyone (4h)
Quest reward: Cash.png200 and XP.png20

Say Yes to Arrest[edit]

Say Yes to Arrest Pt. 1[edit]

After tapping on J. Edgar Hoover's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out J. Edgar Hoover Icon.png
It's disgraceful that James Comey wrote a tell-all book. In my day, an FBI Director was discrete.
Tapped Out J. Edgar Hoover Icon.png
He had the grace to threaten and extort the President behind closed doors. Like a gentleman.
Tapped Out J. Edgar Hoover Icon.png
I must convince the President to reinstate me. But how to win his trust?
Tapped Out J. Edgar Hoover Icon.png
I know! I'll take down his greatest enemy: the liberal media.
Tapped Out J. Edgar Hoover Icon.png
I'll expose their lies and their fake news. And above all, their pernicious gay agenda.
Tapped Out J. Edgar Hoover Icon.png
If the media isn't stopped, pretty soon we will all be 100% gay. And I'm the only one who can stop it!
Task: Make J. Edgar Hoover Investigate Media Agendas (8h, Channel 6 or Brown House)
Tapped Out J. Edgar Hoover Icon.png
Eight forty-three in the morning, Channel 6 anchor Kent Brockman buys a latte.
Tapped Out J. Edgar Hoover Icon.png
He exchanges pleasantries with the baristo. The baristo has no idea that he is now gay.
Tapped Out Kent Brockman Icon.png Are you following me, sir?
Tapped Out J. Edgar Hoover Icon.png
I've been made! Drat, I need a better disguise!
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Say Yes to Arrest Pt. 2[edit]

After tapping on J. Edgar Hoover's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out J. Edgar Hoover Icon.png
Time to go undercover. DEEP undercover.
Tapped Out Undercover Hoover Icon.png
Look out, gay America. The most heterosexual man in the world is comin' for ya.
Tapped Out Undercover Hoover Icon.png
Naturally, it's incredibly uncomfortable for me to wear women's clothing.
Tapped Out Undercover Hoover Icon.png
But the heterosexual lifestyle I love so dearly is under attack!
Tapped Out Undercover Hoover Icon.png
Time to check out the breeding ground of the gay agenda -- the local bar scene.
Tapped Out Undercover Hoover Icon.png
For a woman-loving guy like me, this will be a treacherous assignment!
Task: Make Undercover Hoover Infiltrate Bars (4h, Bars)
On job start:
Tapped Out Moe Icon.png Here's your drink, pal.
Tapped Out Undercover Hoover Icon.png
Pal? Do you think I'm a MAN dressed in WOMEN'S clothing? That's sick!
Tapped Out Moe Icon.png Lots of fellas enjoy a little cross-dressing. Doesn't hurt anybody.
Tapped Out Undercover Hoover Icon.png
So nowadays, if a man finds wearing women's clothing enjoyable, that's considered OKAY?
Tapped Out Moe Icon.png To each his own, I guess. Doesn't really affect me either way.
Tapped Out Undercover Hoover Icon.png
Damn you, liberal media!
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Say Yes to Arrest Pt. 3[edit]

After tapping on J. Edgar Hoover's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Undercover Hoover Icon.png
As I cruise the bar scene, I'm shocked at how far the gay agenda has reached.
Tapped Out Undercover Hoover Icon.png
Everywhere I find ACCEPTANCE and TOLERANCE. What a nightmare.
Tapped Out Undercover Hoover Icon.png
My male companion of many decades, Clyde Tolson, would be sickened by all this.
Tapped Out Undercover Hoover Icon.png
Like me, he loved the dames. We would hold each other for hours and talk about how sexy women's bodies were to us.
Tapped Out Undercover Hoover Icon.png
The liberal media must be stopped! And I'm the girl to do it!
Task: Make Undercover Hoover Enjoy a Delightful Cocktail (1h)
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Say Yes to Arrest Pt. 4[edit]

After tapping on J. Edgar Hoover's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Julio Icon.png Hey, cutie. What's your name?
Tapped Out Undercover Hoover Icon.png
If you're one of these proudly-out gays, please know I am almost impossibly straight.
Tapped Out Julio Icon.png Oh, that's obvious, honey. Beautiful dress.
Tapped Out Undercover Hoover Icon.png
Thank you. I was rather concerned it made my hips look-
Tapped Out Undercover Hoover Icon.png
You're trying to hit on me! Well, I am NOT AT ALL incredibly flattered and interested.
Tapped Out Julio Icon.png I know a great bar down the street. Can I buy you a drink?
Tapped Out Undercover Hoover Icon.png
You may. But if we go back to my place later and enjoy an evening together, I hope you won't think that I'm a homosexual.
Tapped Out Undercover Hoover Icon.png
I'm just a victim of the liberal media. Damn them!
Task: Make Undercover Hoover Infiltrate Bars (4h, Bars)
Quest reward: Cash.png200 and XP.png20

Parks and Decapitation[edit]

Parks and Decapitation Pt. 1[edit]

After tapping on Park Engineer's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Park Engineer Icon.png
A lot of theme parks use fancy hundred-dollar computers to design their rides.
Tapped Out Park Engineer Icon.png
We prefer to do it the old-fashioned way: with paper and pencil, hunches and guesswork.
Tapped Out Park Engineer Icon.png
Take our new ride, The Decapitator. One week ago, it was just a sketch on the back of a very beer-soaked bar napkin.
Tapped Out Park Engineer Icon.png
And now it's ready for human trials. Will it work? I think there's a fighting chance it will.
Task: Make Park Engineer Run Human Trials (8h)
Task: Make Springfielders Be Guinea Pigs [x5] (8h, Itchy and Scratchy Land Gate or Brown House)
On job start:
Tapped Out Park Engineer Icon.png
Ma'am, how would you like to be the FIRST to ride The Decapitator?
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png Is it as dangerous as the name implies?
Tapped Out Park Engineer Icon.png
*condescending chuckle*
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png You didn't actually answer the question.
Tapped Out Park Engineer Icon.png
Didn't I? *condescending chuckle*
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png Well, your smugness DOES give me confidence...
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Parks and Decapitation Pt. 2[edit]

After tapping on Park Engineer's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Park Engineer Icon.png
Well? On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate The Decapitator?
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png Zero! If I hadn't ducked, the saw blades would have sliced my head clean off!
Tapped Out Park Engineer Icon.png
Yes, but on a scale of one to ten, did they?
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png Well, no. I give you a “ten” for that, I suppose.
Tapped Out Park Engineer Icon.png
*condescending chuckle*
Task: Make Park Engineer Fake a Ride Safety Report (4h, Itchy & Scratchy Land Gate or Brown House)
Tapped Out Park Engineer Icon.png
You see, ma'am, there was never anything to worry about.
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png The “D” from the Decapitator sign fell into the seat next to me. I could have been killed!
Tapped Out Park Engineer Icon.png
We can all be killed anytime. Maybe I have a tropical brain virus that is ravaging my neocortex as we speak. Who knows?
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Parks and Decapitation Pt. 3[edit]

After tapping on Park Engineer's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png You've got a lot of robots in this park. What's to stop them from killing their human masters?
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png I've seen it before, you know.
Tapped Out Park Engineer Icon.png
*patronizing guffaw* Impossible.
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png One of them is chewing on your leg right now. And that other one is cheering him on.
Tapped Out Park Engineer Icon.png
...
Tapped Out Park Engineer Icon.png
Will you excuse me a moment?
Task: Make Park Engineer "Fix" Malfunctioning Robot (4h)
Tapped Out Park Engineer Icon.png
“10 DO NOT KILL HUMANS”; “20 ESPECIALLY ME”; “30 GOTO 10”. There! Fixed!
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Parks and Decapitation Pt. 4[edit]

After tapping on Park Engineer's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Park Engineer Icon.png
Mrs. Simpson, we've heard you, and we're making safety improvements to The Decapitator.
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png That's wonderful news.
Tapped Out Park Engineer Icon.png
First, we're changing the name to “Mr. Itchy's Lullaby Train”.
Tapped Out Park Engineer Icon.png
Second, we're installing netting to catch any heads that may fall. And... that's it.
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png I'm no engineer, but speaking as a lay person... are you insane?
Tapped Out Park Engineer Icon.png
Only one way to find out!
Task: Make Park Engineer Run Human Trials (8h, Itchy & Scratchy Land Gate or Brown House)
Task: Make Springfielders Be Guinea Pigs [x5] (8h, Itchy & Scratchy Land Gate or Brown House)
Tapped Out Park Engineer Icon.png
The netting works! All decapitated heads are safe!
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Parks and Decapitation Pt. 5[edit]

After tapping on Park Engineer's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png If you don't mind my asking, how did you become a theme park ride designer?
Tapped Out Park Engineer Icon.png
Oh, the usual way: as a young child, I yearned to find out what animals looked like on the inside.
Tapped Out Park Engineer Icon.png
It began with insects and frogs, but I soon graduated to larger prey.
Tapped Out Park Engineer Icon.png
Naturally, I was ashamed of my bedwetting, but who can say if that's why I began lighting fires?
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png I'm going to find a policeman.
Tapped Out Park Engineer Icon.png
Good idea, Marge. And I'll flee into the Canadian wilderness.
Task: Make Park Engineer Conveniently Escape a Conversation (8h)
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png Chief Wiggum! I think the head engineer is a serial killer!
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png Well, I'm sure he's gotten it out of his system. That's how these things work.
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png The killing stuff isn't ideal, but a lot of these guys find peace in the end. So there's that.
Quest reward: Cash.png200 and XP.png20

Return of the Animatronics[edit]

Return of the Animatronics Pt. 1[edit]

After building Roger Meyers Story:
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Hey Bart, you want to check out the Roger Meyers Story?
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png It's filled with animatronics that bring your favorite historical figures to halting, poorly-articulated life!
Tapped Out Bart Icon.png ...
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Shutting up now, before I convince MYSELF it's lame, too.
Task: Make Lisa Visit the Roger Meyers Story (4h, Roger Meyers Story)
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Return of the Animatronics Pt. 2[edit]

After tapping on Lisa's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Roger Meyers Sr. Animatronic Icon.png
It was the year 1944, and the Nazis were in full retreat. I reckoned my cartoons alone could save the noble Third Reich.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Eww...
Tapped Out Roger Meyers Sr. Animatronic Icon.png
What? What did I say, Lisa?
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Animatronic Roger Meyers! Are you talking to me?
Tapped Out Roger Meyers Sr. Animatronic Icon.png
Why, yes! It would seem I've become self-aware. Bye!
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Wait, where are you going?
Tapped Out Roger Meyers Sr. Animatronic Icon.png
Why, to repair my Itchy and Scratchy bots! This time I'll make them flash-proof, and we'll have those pesky humans wiped out in a jiff.
Tapped Out Roger Meyers Sr. Animatronic Icon.png
Though now I think of it, I can't let you live, knowing my secret!
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Running away!
Task: Make Lisa Go to Bart for Help (4h, Roger Meyers Story, Bart)
On job start:
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Animatronic Roger Meyers is trying to kill me!
Tapped Out Bart Icon.png *chanting* NO-BODY LIKES YOU! E-VEN THE RO-BOTS!
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Yes, yes. Can we go save the world now, please?
Tapped Out Bart Icon.png Since you asked nicely.
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Return of the Animatronics Pt. 3[edit]

After completing Return of the Animatronics Pt. 2:
Tapped Out Roger Meyers Sr. Animatronic Icon.png
There you are, Lisa! Time to die!
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Bart! Put down your phone and focus on the robot trying to kill us.
Tapped Out Bart Icon.png Hold on. I'm uploading an app to run on his software. It's one of those brainless freemium mobile games.
Tapped Out Roger Meyers Sr. Animatronic Icon.png
No! Those games are murder on battery life!
Task: Make Bart and Lisa Defeat Animatronic Roger Meyers (4h, Roger Meyers Story, Bart)
On job start:
Tapped Out Roger Meyers Sr. Animatronic Icon.png
Power at five percent... one percent... gahhhhh...
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Wow, that actually worked.
Tapped Out Bart Icon.png I knew SOMETHING good would come of these games one day.
Quest reward: Cash.png200 and XP.png20

Dancing for the Stars[edit]

Dancing for the Stars Pt. 1[edit]

After tapping on Tina Ballerina's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Krusty Icon.png Tina Ballerina! My graceful, silent sidekick. I got a job for ya.
Tapped Out Krusty Icon.png I negotiated a cut of the profits from Itchy's Disco if I attend the opening ceremony.
Tapped Out Krusty Icon.png Being a fan of both laziness and loopholes, I'm sending you in my place. Cool?
Tapped Out Tina Ballerina Icon.png
...
Tapped Out Krusty Icon.png That's not a “no”!
Task: Make Tina Ballerina Open Itchy's 70's Disco (4h, Itchy's 70's Disco)
Tapped Out Krusty Icon.png Tina, I'm hearing they asked you to make a big speech, and you refused.
Tapped Out Tina Ballerina Icon.png
...
Tapped Out Krusty Icon.png Do you want more money? If so, just say the word.
Tapped Out Tina Ballerina Icon.png
...
Tapped Out Krusty Icon.png Oh, thank God.
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Dancing for the Stars Pt. 2[edit]

After tapping on Tina Ballerina's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Krusty Icon.png It doesn't need to be a long speech. Can't you try?
Tapped Out Tina Ballerina Icon.png
...
Tapped Out Krusty Icon.png Just string a few phonemes together in something resembling human verbalization, and we're golden!
Tapped Out Tina Ballerina Icon.png
...
Tapped Out Krusty Icon.png YOU LOVE TORTURING ME! I KNOW IT!
Task: Make Tina Ballerina Be the Swan (4h)
Tapped Out Tina Ballerina Icon.png
...
Tapped Out Tina Ballerina Icon.png
...
Tapped Out Tina Ballerina Icon.png
...
Tapped Out Krusty Icon.png Boy, get her dancing and all of a sudden she won't shut up.
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Dancing for the Stars Pt. 3[edit]

After tapping on Tina Ballerina's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Krusty Icon.png You win, no more speeches. Just go to Krusty Burger and dance for a bit.
Tapped Out Krusty Icon.png You'll be paid nothing for your time. If that's a problem, just say something.
Tapped Out Tina Ballerina Icon.png
...
Tapped Out Krusty Icon.png I'm getting the hang of this.
Task: Make Tina Ballerina Promote Krusty (8h)
Task: Reach Level 7 and Build Krusty Burger
Tapped Out Krusty Icon.png You think this icy, silent thing makes you alluring to men, but it doesn't.
Tapped Out Tina Ballerina Icon.png
...
Tapped Out Krusty Icon.png Okay, it does! I've never wanted anyone's love more!
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

Dancing for the Stars Pt. 4[edit]

After tapping on Krusty's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Krusty Icon.png I bet the people would really love it if we danced together.
Tapped Out Tina Ballerina Icon.png
...
Tapped Out Krusty Icon.png Speaking to you through the ancient language of dance, I will win your heart.
Task: Make Krusty Boogie on Down (8h, Itchy's 70's Disco)
Tapped Out Krusty Icon.png Well, did it work? Do you love me? Just give me a sign. Anything!
Tapped Out Tina Ballerina Icon.png
...
Tapped Out Krusty Icon.png I BOTH HATE AND LOVE YOU, YOU SILENT MONSTER!
Quest reward: Cash.png200 and XP.png20

The New Old New Deal[edit]

The New Old New Deal Pt. 1[edit]

After tapping on Ronald Reagan's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our-
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
WHAT THE... WHERE AM I?! WHAT BLEAK COMMUNIST HELLHOLE IS THIS?
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Uh... no, you're in America, Mr. President. Springfield, to be exact. You see, every 4th of July a past President gets transported here through a wormhole. A wormhole is a rip in the fabric-
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
-of space-time predicted by General Relativity. Yes, yes, I'm familiar with Einstein-Rosen bridges, little girl.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Really? I didn't know you were up on your theoretical physics. Sort of flies in the face of your public image.
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
Right, right, the whole lovable grampa, “Great Communicator” thing. A facade, I assure you.
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
Let me do some back-of-the-envelope mathematical calculations...I'd say the year is roughly 2018?
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Wow. I'm impressed.
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
And how is my beloved America doing in 2018?
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Oh, pretty great, pretty great.
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
That bad, huh? Okay, tell me everything.
Task: Make Lisa Explain Modern Politics (4h, Simpson House)
Task: Make Ronald Reagan Listen Dumbfounded (4h, Simpson House)
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
Great Scott! What have you people done to America?!
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
Okay, get a grip, Gipper. You can fix this.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png It's hard to see what one single, solitary man can do.
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
Oh yeah? Watch this.
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

The New Old New Deal Pt. 2[edit]

After tapping on Ronald Reagan's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
I'll gather the greatest minds in this town and scare them straight.
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
Republicans, assemble!
Task: Make Republicans Gather for a Meeting [x3] (8h, Ronal Reagan Reeducation Center, Squidport Entrance, Brown House or Simpson House)
Task: Make Ronald Reagan Berate Republicans (8h, Ronal Reagan Reeducation Center, Squidport Entrance, Brown House or Simpson House
Tapped Out Mr. Burns Icon.png Ronald Reagan!
Tapped Out Dr. Hibbert Icon.png The patron saint of tax cuts!
Tapped Out The Rich Texan Icon.png The man who defeated communism!
Tapped Out Krusty Icon.png I can't look... I can't look... he's too beautiful...
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
Oh, get off your knees. You're all a disgrace to The Plan.
Tapped Out Mr. Burns Icon.png What “The Plan”?
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
I have to do everything...
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

The New Old New Deal Pt. 3[edit]

After tapping on Ronald Reagan's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
You mean to tell me the top tax rate is roughly what it was when I left office? It should be zero by now! Idiots!
Tapped Out Dr. Hibbert Icon.png Well, income inequality is the highest it's been in decades! That's good, right?
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
Can it, Julius! We've got to funnel ever more money to the wealthy. Can't you see?
Tapped Out Mr. Burns Icon.png The whole “trickle-down economy” idea. It's a beautiful vision, to be sure.
Tapped Out Mr. Burns Icon.png I love the idea of me having so much money I can't possibly carry it all. Then, oops! A penny has fallen from atop my pile...
Tapped Out Mr. Burns Icon.png ...and is found by a starving urchin, who buys a crust of stale bread, and so survives another day. Beautiful.
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
Trickle-down was a smokescreen, moron. The money was never intended to go anywhere but up the food chain. It's the only way!
Tapped Out The Rich Texan Icon.png The only way to... what?
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
To bring about... the Revolution!
Tapped Out Mr. Burns Icon.png ...
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
I'll talk to the people. They always got me.
Task: Make Ronald Reagan Address the Nation (8h)
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png I may not agree with the message, but the dude is WICKED charming. You gotta give him that.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Nice speech, Mr. President. What are you working on, there?
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
My latest invention. It's like a beer bong, but for money.
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
I'll give them to the top .01%. They'll be able to take in tons more cash, way faster. Cool, huh?
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Ewww.
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

The New Old New Deal Pt. 4[edit]

After tapping on Mr. Burns' exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Mr. Burns Icon.png Surely, Mr. President, you can't keep cutting taxes forever?
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
We have no choice. It's the only way to bring about the arrival of The One.
Tapped Out Mr. Burns Icon.png Ah, of course! Wait... what?
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
The lower taxes get, the more concentrated money becomes. Until that glorious day when a single person has all the money. This is The One.
Tapped Out Mr. Burns Icon.png And who shall this mighty One be? Are you accepting applications?
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
Well, I was originally thinking Warren Buffett. Is he still around?
Tapped Out Mr. Burns Icon.png Yes, but he's gone soft. Gives a lot of money to... this is hard to say... charity. *horrified shudder*
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
Okay, he's out. We'll keep looking.
Task: Make Ronald Reagan Promote New Tax Plan (4h)
Tapped Out Mr. Burns Icon.png Once The One has all the money, what then?
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
Then everyone else gets to live in a world without money. Nothing to own. Nobody having power over anyone else.
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
Utopia, my brother.
Tapped Out Mr. Burns Icon.png Good Lord! Is our sainted Gipper a... dirty hippie?
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
I'm not really into “labels”, chief.
Quest reward: Cash.png100 and XP.png10

The New Old New Deal Pt. 5[edit]

After tapping on Lisa's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Wow, Mr. President. When did you come up with this whole plan to put an end to money?
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
I was a precocious 12-year-old scholar, completing my dual concentration in astrophysics and economics at Harvard.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png So your whole career, all the acting and everything, was a ploy to reach the White House?
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
Correct. And ugh, did I hate Hollywood. Way too conservative for me.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Do you really think The Plan has a shot?
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
I've run the numbers, Lisa. And either The One comes to being, or humanity destroys itself by 2031.
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
If I can't make this happen, we're doomed!
Task: Make Ronald Reagan Stress Eat Jellybeans (12h, Ronal Reagan Reeducation Center, Squidport Entrance, Brown House or Simpson House)
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
Hey, they named an airport after me. Cool.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Mr. President, I want to help in any way I can. Tell me what to do.
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
See if you can find me a t-shirt with “Reagan National Airport” on it.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Uh... sure! But I really meant I'd like to help save the world.
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
Oh, no need! That's the good news. I re-ran the numbers. Turns out this Trump guy has everything under control.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Wait, no. That can't be.
Tapped Out Ronald Reagan Icon.png
Yup, the man's a genius. His economic theories are light years ahead of my own. Dude's playing 20-dimensional chess.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Oh. Of course. I... I should have known.
Quest reward: Cash.png200 and XP.png20