Personal Value Quotient
- "I have the ultimate test that measures something far more significant. Your overall worth as a human."
- ―Professor Frink[src]
A Personal Value Quotient, or P.V.Q., is a system made by Professor Frink to measure your worthiness as a human being.
When Mr. Burns was building a doomsday ark, he wanted to fill it with the most valuable people in Springfield. He invited Mensa to figure out who to put on the ark. Professor Frink told Burns and Mensa about his system of the Personal Value Quotient, which doesn't just measure how intelligent you are but also measures your worthiness as a human being. Frink then sold this idea to Burns and Mensa via a song.
The next day, everyone in Springfield is forced into taking the mandatory test. In the test, Jimbo copied off of Groundskeeper Willie. Later on Channel 6 News, Kent Brockman announced all the scores, stating that they were on a scale of 1 to 500. Lisa was happy to find she got a score of 475, until she found out that Ralph had gotten a score of 476. Lisa then obsessed with finding out why Ralph was more worthy as a human being that she was, following him around.
Eventually, Lisa confronted Professor Frink and offered Lisa 10 extra points to her score for finding huge flaws in the test. Meanwhile, the people who got the highest score were on Burns' ark. After finding out they were to be slaves, they abandoned the ark.
Meanwhile, Marge was annoyed to find that Bart had a score of only 1. The Simpsons went to confront Professor Frink about this only for him to realize there was a mistake in the test and Homer's and Bart's scores were mixed up. After telling everyone that he got the lowest score, everyone started to treat Homer like an idiot. Marge helped Homer to improve his handwriting as that was a large part of why he got such a low score on the test.
Things it tests for
The P.V.Q. test tested for a wide range of attributes in a person including sympathy, empathy, group collaboration, artistry, neatness, complex socialization, sarcasm, prudence, confidence, ambition, the teams you root for, earnestness and ego.
One of the questions asked about the price of underwear. Another question was "Day is to night as early is to <blank>", to which Milhouse answered "late".
- Note: Homer's and Bart's scores were accidentally mixed around due to Homer's sloppy handwriting.