| How is a Cyborg Like a Scot?
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| Tapped Out Quest Information
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How is a Cyborg Like a Scot? is a premium questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the Rise of the Robots content update. It requires Cyborg Willie to be obtained.
Dialogue[edit]
| After tapping on Cyborg Willie's exclamation mark
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Willie, what are you doing just standing around with a broom and dustpan? Get to work!
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We are Cyborg. We do not understand this designation: Willie.
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Ugh, have you fallen in with that cosplay crowd? I was hoping this was just armor to protect from the recent beatings from the children. I wouldn't say no to some armor myself.
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We are Cyborg. Everything we do is to serve the collective. We cannot hear your thoughts, but your robotic nature suggests you are part of the collective.
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Is this a cultural Scottish thing? Look, just say "aye" and get to work.
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You are accepted as part of the collective. How can we serve?
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Your arms are literally a broom and dustpan. Sweep!
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My, my. A man with a rock-hard body who loves to clean? Be still my heart.
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We will sweep you off your feet.
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Task: "Make Cyborg Willie Sweep". The job takes 8 hours.
If Miss Hoover is owned: Task: "Make Miss Hoover Ogle Cyborg Willie". The job takes place at Springfield Elementary, Springfield Park Entrance, the Town Hall, or a Visitable Home and takes 3 hours.
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If you're a cyborg, why do you still have a Scottish accent? I thought cyborgs were all about assimilating.
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We may be a transhuman collective intelligence, but we are a Scottish one! And we'll twist the kilt of anyone who gainsays it!
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Well, then can you just stick to "aye"?
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We have accepted you into the collective and now answer to the designation Willie. We comply with your directives.
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So...
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Aye.
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Quest reward:  100 and  10
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| After tapping on Cyborg Willie's exclamation mark
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Hey, Willie. Nice cosplay! Did I miss a convention announcement?
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Aye.
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Oh, what's it called? I hate being out of the loop.
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Aye.
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Is that an acronym? Ooh, I love trying to guess these. Uh...Accidental Yodeling Expo?
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Aye.
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Wow, really didn't think I'd get that on the first guess.
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We were told by the robotic man in the suit to say "aye" and sweep. So that is what we are doing.
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Something's not right here.
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Task: "Make Lisa Examine Cyborg Willie's Implants". The job takes place at Springfield Elementary, Springfield Park Entrance, the Town Hall, or a Visitable Home and takes 2 hours.
Task: "Make Cyborg Willie Nervously Adjust His Servos". The job takes place at Springfield Elementary, Springfield Park Entrance, the Town Hall, or a Visitable Home and takes 2 hours.
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Oh my God! You're not cosplaying, you're actually a cyborg. You're a form of AI!
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Aye.
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Amazing. As a genderless AI what pronoun do you prefer?
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Aye.
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That's easy to remember.
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Hmm. I wonder if there is any vestige of the real Willie in there.
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If Principal Skinner were here, is there some place on his person that you would like to punch?
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Aye.
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*gasp* The real Willie is in there after all! I've got a new pet project!
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Cyborg Willie's exclamation mark
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Okay, Willie. It's time for you to embrace your human side.
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Humanity is weakness.
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You're starting to sound more like a real Scot every minute!
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Let's get you some food. That's about as human as it gets.
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*stomach rumbles*
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Hmm. All we seem to have is beer and donuts, but I'm sure they'll do the trick.
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Just put it in my dustpan. I can shovel it into my gullet from there.
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Yuck! You've shoveled half of Springfield into that thing. Here, let me look at your arms.
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| Task: "Make Cyborg Willie Eat Donuts and Beer". The job takes place at Springfield Park Entrance, the Town Hall, or a Visitable Home and takes 60 minutes.
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Ach! That's terrible American crap! We'd rather lick the grease off a tractor. Willie needs some haggis!
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I don't know where you would find that in Springfield, but if anybody has sheep guts, it would be the Kwik-E-Mart.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Cyborg Willie's exclamation mark
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Welcome to Kwik-E-Mart! How may I help you?
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Haggis!
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I'm sorry?
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Haggis! Haggis! Haggis!
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Oh, Ganesh. He's choking! Quick, child, pour some Squishee down his throat to loosen the blockage. But please purchase first. Only $1.49 for a large.
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No, Apu, he needs haggis.
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If you wish to save him from choking, haggis is statistically more likely to have the opposite effect.
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Well, it's a Scottish delicacy.
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And people think Indian food is weird...
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We have found the haggis! *chewing* I'll take the lot! *burps*
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Thank you, come again.
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Task: "Make Cyborg Willie Eat Haggis". The job takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Lisa Ponder the Nature of Humanity". The job takes place at a Kwik-E-Mart and takes 4 hours.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Cyborg Willie's exclamation mark
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After much research, I've determined that other than food, men also typically enjoy sports. Particularly football. Though that is a bit of a stereotype.
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Football!
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Okay, I'll turn on the game for you.
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Ach! Don't give me that American pansy rugby in three stone of armor! Give me real footie with nary a point scored in ninety minutes.
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Ah, you mean soccer! I think there's a match on another channel. Scotland and some French team I can't pronounce.
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Put it on, Lassie! I can't wait to see the motherland crush those cheese-eating surrender monkeys.
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I'll get some snacks.
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Task: "Make Lisa Get Some Snacks". The job takes place at a Kwik-E-Mart and takes 60 minutes.
Task: "Make Cyborg Willie Watch the Soccer Match". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 5 hours.
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These cheese puffs are delightful for American garbage.
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You do remember that you can put away the dustpan and eat them with your hands, right?
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If I'm going to eat garbage, I'm going to eat it like garbage. Besides, it adds a nice gritty texture.
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Well, I think my work here is done. I can't tell what parts of his personality are Scottish and what parts are cyborg.
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| Quest reward: 200 and 20
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