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| Grampa's Christmas Origins: Christmas Carols
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- "Christmas caroling is a dirty business, and should only be performed by trained music plagiarists!"
- ―Abraham Simpson
| Grampa's Christmas Origins: Christmas Carols
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| Comic Story information
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Grampa's Christmas Origins: Christmas Carols is a Simpsons Winter Wingding story first printed in The Simpsons Winter Wingding #6.
Synopsis[edit]
Grampa explains how Christmas caroling originated in 14th-century Europe during the Black Death.
Bart and Lisa are Christmas caroling. When they stop at the next house on the rounds, they are surprised to find Grampa, who tells them to "Go sell your critter-catching lullabies someplace else!" Lisa asks what he's talking about, and Grampa tells how Christmas caroling got started.
The setting changes to fourteenth-century Europe, during the Black Death. A group of wassailers (the historical counterparts of Principal Skinner, Homer, Barney and Apu) are working on their latest composition. Skinner speaks the words ("Here we come a-wassailing, among the leaves so green! Here we come a-wandering, so fair to be seen!"), but Homer tells him to forget it since no one cares, and Apu points out that there are no green leaves anywhere, nor are they "fair to be seen" (as they are all pockmarked with plague boils). Barney, however, hears some beautiful singing in a nearby alley. The wassailers investigate and find Crazy Cat Lady singing (with "la la la" lyrics) to a group of rats as she feeds them. Skinner suggests that the group "borrow" her melody and set it to their poem.
A few days later, the wassailers try singing their poem in the streets, using Eleanor's melody. Passersby show little interest, but to their horror (and Eleanor's dismay), their singing attracts a large crowd of rats. Chief Wiggum appears, congratulates the singers on their excellent work gathering the rats, and orders Lou and Eddie to take them away. Eleanor cries out in dismay as the rats are hauled off, and Wiggum tells the wassailers that their music will help to round up the rats and end the plague. Apu protests that they were only trying to raise people's spirits for Christmas, and Wiggum replies that their Christmas carols can entertain people and save them at the same time.
Homer says he likes the sound of "Christmas carols", and Barney says they need to steal more music. After that, says Grampa, the wassailers (now called carolers) lured thousands of rats out of Europe "before their own melting organs did them in".
Back in the present, Grampa admonishes Bart and Lisa that "Christmas caroling is a dirty business, and should only be performed by trained music plagiarists!" Just then, Reverend Lovejoy (whose house they have been at all along) appears and tartly says he doesn't know how Grampa broke into his house, "but just try to keep a leash on your grandfather". Bart apologizes as he and Lisa lead Grampa away. Grampa, who figures he's now being included in the caroling, is delighted ("Oh goody! I get to help you lure more rodents to their doom?") and says it'll be the best Christmas ever.
Reprints[edit]
