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The Simpsons: Tapped Out Clash of Creeds: Christmas Royale content update/Premium Gameplay
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
Unhappy Hunting
Unhappy Hunting Pt. 1
After tapping on The Leader's exclamation mark:
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Recruiting is down, donations are waning... I just don't know how much longer I can keep paying for this enormous Movementarian compound.
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Well, I can definitely get this place off your hands, but we're in a buyer's market so it'll be for pennies on the dollar. More pennies than dollars.
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Ugh, a short sale? It would kill my credit.
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Do cult leaders generally have good credit?
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I'm not just any cult leader. I'm THE Leader.
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Okay, well Mr. All-Supreme Leader, you've got some mustard on your robe there.
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It's laundry day.
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Task: Make The Leader Wash His Robes (12h) Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Unhappy Hunting Pt. 2
Unhappy Hunting Pt. 3
After tapping on The Leader's exclamation mark:
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Willie, I've yet to receive your wire transfer. It appears your payment is delinquent.
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Ah, yes. Much like my son.
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But lucky for you, Willie, you've been upgraded.
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Upgraded?
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From hunter... to huntee.
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*fires shotgun into air* Woo!
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Task: Make The Leader Give Groundskeeper Willie a Head Start (4h, Movementarian Compound, Cult Flying Saucer, Movementarian Ad Truck or Brown House) If the user has Willie: Task: Make Groundskeeper Willie Run for It (4h, Movementarian Compound, Cult Flying Saucer, Movementarian Ad Truck or Brown House) If the user has Grant Connor: Task: Make Grant Connor Fire Another Warning Shot (4h, Movementarian Compound, Cult Flying Saucer, Movementarian Ad Truck or Brown House)
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*breathing hard* Why, that son of a bawbag. Nobody hunts Willie outside of the Scottish Highlands Stag Festival!
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These woods are too big. I've got to find a place to hide. Somewhere to do a hidden workout montage before my climactic return, preferably in camouflage face paint.
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Oh, what's this? An abandoned shed? *opens door*
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Back! Back I said! This is MY stuff!
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Whoa there. What have you got here? Guns? Ammo? A hundred and fifty cans of Dinty Moore Beef Stew? I've seen this before... you're preppin'!
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I am not!
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Don't lie to me, boy. I know the telltale signs. I see the bug-out bag in the corner.
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Alright fine, what's it to ya? When the time comes, I'll be ready. You'll see. You'll ALL see.
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I don't doubt it. But I believe the time has come. How many pipe bombs can you carry?
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*big smile*
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Unhappy Hunting Pt. 4
After tapping on The Leader's exclamation mark:
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I think I may have given Willie too much of a head start. We'll never find him in these woods.
Template:Tapped Out Kent Brockman Icon
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It's also going to start raining soon, according to this Channel 6 News Weather App, available now on your app store of choice.
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You'll need my tracking skills. *sniffs air* Is that... haggis?
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I do believe six noses are better than one. Smithers, release the hounds.
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We only brought the tank, sir.
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You're all living in the past. If you want something done right, there's only one way to do it.
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Release the lobbyists.
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If the users has Quimby: Task: Make Quimby Release the Lobbyists (2h, Movementarian Compound, Cult Flying Saucer, Movementarian Ad Truck or Brown House) Task: Make The Leader Give Lobbyists Haggis for Reference (2h, Movementarian Compound, Cult Flying Saucer, Movementarian Ad Truck or Brown House) If the user has Grant Connor: Task: Make Grant Connor Track Willie's Scent (2h, Movementarian Compound, Cult Flying Saucer, Movementarian Ad Truck or Brown House) If the user has Smithers: Task: Make Smithers Run Home to Get the Hounds (2h, Movementarian Compound, Cult Flying Saucer, Movementarian Ad Truck or Brown House) If the user has Mr. Burns: Task: Make Burns Try to Drive the Tank (2h, Movementarian Compound, Cult Flying Saucer, Movementarian Ad Truck or Brown House) Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Unhappy Hunting Pt. 5
After tapping on The Leader's exclamation mark:
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Alright, all the claymores are in place.
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And the Molotovs?
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Lit. Much like most everything else, according to the kids at the elementary. Though I'll admit, I don't really get it.
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Assume ambush positions.
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I think we're on the right track. Though it seems there is a distinct beef stew aroma now mixed with the haggis.
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Speaking of beef stew, we have free soup for all Movementarians every night in the mess hall. Would you gentlemen be interested in taking a pamphlet?
Template:Tapped Out Kent Brockman Icon
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I'm already a Scientologist for the perks. Can I do both?
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Uh, yeah it's fine.
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Task: Make The Leader Hand Out Pamphlets (2h, Movementarian Compound, Cult Flying Saucer, Movementarian Ad Truck or Brown House) If the user has Willie: Task: Make Groundskeeper Willie Ambush the Hunters (2h, Movementarian Compound, Cult Flying Saucer, Movementarian Ad Truck or Brown House) If the user has Herman: Task: Make Herman Hermann Ambush the Hunters (2h, Movementarian Compound, Cult Flying Saucer, Movementarian Ad Truck or Brown House)
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We're under attack! *fires off random gunshots*
Template:Tapped Out Kent Brockman Icon
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*gasp* These pamphlets are on fire! Also, I'm on fire!
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Not my pamphlets!
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Everyone in the tank. We're running!
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Smithers, lock the hatch. We'll not have any of these plebeians with only two commas in their net worth sullying our tank.
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*gasp* It's locked! Run!
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Perfect. Now the kill is all mine. Smithers, fire!
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Sir, the cannon is jammed!
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Jammed? With what?
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It seems they stuck a jar of jam into it!
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And I've got several hundred more jars where that came from!
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And let that be a lesson to ye! Nobody crosses a Scot and a prepper in the woods on a cult compound in the rain on a Tuesday!
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Quest reward: 200 and 20
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WWBJD
WWBJD Pt. 1
After tapping on Baby Jesus' exclamation mark:
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I've almost got the paperwork ready for you. After a few signatures, you'll be the proud new owner of a beautiful Victorian home. Only two known ghosts in residence.
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I was really hoping for mid-century modern, but the price was too good. I just hope the needed renovations don't kill the budget. Tithes are down this month, so I gotta take it easy, you know?
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I want to make sure I get this paperwork right. So... is "Baby" your legal first name?
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*sigh* It's actually Josh.
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Task: Make Baby Jesus Sign Mortgage Papers (4h, Baby Jesus House) If the user has Cookiw Kwan: Task: Make Cookie Kwan Hand Over the Keys (4h, Red Blazer Realy, Baby Jesus House or Brown House)
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Okay, that's the last signature.
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Here are the keys, garage door opener, pool keycard, and this complimentary refrigerator magnet for using Red Blazer Realty. Number one on the west side. *flashes west side hand signal*
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Unfortunately, I won't be able to use the pool. Thanks for the keycard, though.
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Oh, right. The whole walking on water thing. That's a drag.
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Yeah it really is a lame superpower. Like... it's never useful. Ever.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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WWBJD Pt. 2
After tapping on Baby Jesus' exclamation mark:
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So we'll go with granite on the island, and the undercabinet lighting will really make it all pop. Oh, and let's have a look at these blueprints for the breakfast nook.
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Wow, Roscoe. You really know your stuff. But... don't you have a whole steel mill to run? Why are you taking contractor gigs?
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Yeah... actually I normally don't. But we in the LGBTQ community are a little concerned about our chances at the afterlife. Was hoping that in exchange you'd be willing to... put in a good word with the big guy?
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Hmm, if you give me 10% off the renovations then I'll shoot him a text.
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*gasp*
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Haha, I'm just messing with you. 5%.
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Task: Make Baby Jesus Shoot God a Text (4h, Baby Jesus House or Brown House) If the user has Roscoe: Task: Make Roscoe Have Demo Day (4h, Baby Jesus House or Brown House) Quest reward: 100 and 10
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WWBJD Pt. 3
After tapping on Baby Jesus' exclamation mark:
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Alright, time to get these old pipes out. We'll need to shut off the water first.
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Uh, I think the shutoff valve is in the basement. It's down these stairs. *turns on basement light*
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AAAAHHH!!!!! *belch*
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What the — are you squatting in my basement?
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Mostly standing and lying down.
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I was living at the Bowlarama but my uncle kicked me out. You drop ONE case of mustard on the lane...
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You don't mind if I stay here a little longer, do you? I can pay you, just not with money.
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What about myrrh? Do you have any myrrh?
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I could use a plumbing assistant. Barney, you know how to use a plunger?
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Boy do I! How do you think I pay Moe back for all the drinks? Plunging the toilet at the bar, and accounting services. *belch*
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Task: Make Baby Jesus Bring Down Some Fresh Linens (4h, Baby Jesus House or Brown House) If the user has Barney: Task: Make Barney Plunge Out the Old Plumbing (4h, Baby Jesus House or Brown House) If the user has Roscoe: Task: Make Roscoe Apprentice Barney (4h, Baby Jesus House or Brown House)
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And so you see, Baby Jesus, that's why you want to make sure to save your receipts and itemize all the renovation costs on your taxes.
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Oh, I see. And to think, before today I didn't even know what a standard deduction was!
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I know, right? *belch* Roscoe, beer me!
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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WWBJD Pt. 4
After tapping on Baby Jesus' exclamation mark:
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*answers door* Yes?
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Oh boy, is this your lucky day. This here is Dr. Gil's All-Porpoise Cleaning Solution. The best around for every surface in your house.
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You mean all-purpose.
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No, sir. Dr. Gil's is the world's first cleaning spray made entirely of porpoise byproducts. It's the blubber that really dissolves the grime.
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Right, uh... you know I think we're good. Full up on cleaning supplies.
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Ah, c'mon will ya? Ol' Gil only needs to sell seven more of these puppies and he'll have enough for a hot meal and a place to stay tonight. Can you help a guy out?
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You need a place to stay, huh? Tell me... how's your tilework?
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Task: Make Baby Jesus Make Up a Room for Gil (4h, Baby Jesus House or Brown House)
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Baby Jesus, where did you want this chandelier hung?
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Talk to Kirk, he's got all the lighting details. And make sure you're using the energy-efficient LEDs, okay? Doing great, Bob. Glad to have you here.
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Thanks again for letting me stay here and help with the renovations. It really has been a lifesaver.
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What can I say, Hugh. You've been a huge asset.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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WWBJD Pt. 5
After tapping on Baby Jesus' exclamation mark:
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*construction noises* Watch out, heavy load coming through!
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Yarr, who took my paintbrush?
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Sir? The Baby Jesus Home Renovation Union President would like a word.
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Gimme a break. Those people again?!
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Task: Make Baby Jesus Get on the Horn With the Union (4h, Baby Jesus House or Brown House) If the user has Otto: Task: Make Otto Refinish the Floors (4h, Baby Jesus House or Brown House) If the user has Sea Captain: Task: Make Sea Captain Paint a Hallway Pirate Mural (4h, Baby Jesus House or Brown House) If the user has Squeaky Voice Teen: Task: Make Squeaky Voice Teen Track Worker Hours (4h, Baby Jesus House or Brown House) If the user has Sideshow Bob: Task: Make Sideshow Bob Wire the Recessed Lighting (4h, Baby Jesus House or Brown House) If the user has Kirk: Task: Make Kirk Redo His Crappy Tilework (4h, Baby Jesus House or Brown House) If the user has Hugh Jass: Task: Make Hugh Jass Build a Huge Ash Banister (4h, Baby Jesus House or Brown House) If the user has Barney: Task: Make Barney Fix Drywall Holes From Angry Punches (4h, Baby Jesus House or Brown House) If the user has Roscoe: Task: Make Roscoe Install Wainscoting in the Breakfast Nook (4h, Baby Jesus House or Brown House)
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Alright, that's enough. I'm shutting this operation down.
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Shutting us down?! Chip and Joanna wouldn't stand for this, and neither will I!
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You are officially in violation of local fire code uh... seven-three... niner... clause B-7. Too many people living in a house with not enough fire extinguishers.
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Uh-huh. Anything I can do to... make this all go away?
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Baby Jesus... are you trying to bribe me?
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... no?
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Ah, dang. I really could've used the money. I don't get paid enough for this volunteer gig.
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Uh, Mr. Simpson? Your wife is on the phone. She sounds mad.
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*gasp* Does she look mad too? That's the double whammy combo. Baby Jesus, you gotta hide me!
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I think you know my price.
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Thirty pieces of silver?
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Eesh, somebody went to church this week.
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I dozed off once or twice, but I remembered that silver part.
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Eh, sorta. C'mon, the basement is right through here. You okay with the top bunk?
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Homer, we're gonna be roomies?! *belch*
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Quest reward: 200 and 20
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Filmed to Death
Filmed to Death Pt. 1
After tapping on King Herod's exclamation mark:
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I heard a rumor that Baby Jesus was here. But you're telling me that's not true?
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Here? At my house? I... don't even know who Baby Jesus is.
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You're Ned Flanders, yes? The same Ned Flanders who just published an op-ed in the Springfield Shopper titled "Baby Got Back: The Return of Our Diapered Lord and Savior"?
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Oh, THAT Baby Jesus. Sure. Sure. Yeah, um... I'm pretty sure he's uh... getting a haircut.
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Getting a haircut?
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Yeah. Those long locks were really starting to get in his eyes.
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Task: Make King Herod Track Down Baby Jesus at the Barber (2h, Curl Up and Dye, Hairy Shearers, Jake's Unisex or Brown House) If the user has Ned: Task: Make Flanders Go Next Door to Warn Baby Jesus (2h, Simpson House or Brown House)
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*answering the door* Flanders. This better be good.
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Homer! Homer, you gotta warn Baby Jesus for me. King Herod is after him. I think he might be out for murder.
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Pfft, fine I'll tell the baby. *slams door*
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Maggie! Some guy wants to kill you!
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Filmed to Death Pt. 2
After tapping on King Herod's exclamation mark:
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Excuse me. King Herod? I, uh... heard a rumor you were gonna murder a kid.
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And would this be a problem?
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Eh, depends on the kid. I mean yes, I would probably try to stop you.
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You're a policeman, yes? I could actually use your help.
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Task: Make King Herod Make a Proposal to Chief Wiggum (4h, Police Station, Wiggum House, Town Hall or Brown House) If the user has Wiggum: Wiggum: Make Wiggum Listen to King Herod's Proposal (4h, Police Station, Wiggum House, Town Hall or Brown House)
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Kill every baby boy in Springfield, huh? It's an interesting strategy, I'll give you that.
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You don't want to do it?
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I feel like it wouldn't go over well. But hey, what do I know?
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Anyways, good luck with all that.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Filmed to Death Pt. 3
After tapping on King Herod's exclamation mark:
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Reverend, I'm at a crossroads. On the one hand, if I do nothing then our lord and savior Baby Jesus could get murdered.
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On the other hand, if I sacrifice my own soul and murder King Herod first, it'll save Baby Jesus. What's a good Christian man to do?
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Yes. Murder or not murder. It's a classic struggle.
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Excuse me, are you the reverend? I was thinking you might know where to find Baby Jesus.
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*gasp*
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Ned, why don't we just let Herod have this one? I mean we already have adult Jesus. Isn't that enough?
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*gasp*
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If the users has Rev. Lovejoy: Task: Make Lovejoy Let King Herod Have This One (4h, First Church of Springfield, Mega Church, Springfield Episcopal Church or Brown House) If the user has Ned: Task: Make Flanders Gasp Louder to Make Sure Lovejoy Heard (4h, First Church of Springfield, Mega Church, Springfield Episcopal Church or Brown House) Task: Make King Herod Thank Lovejoy for His Fealty to the Crown (4h, First Church of Springfield, Mega Church, Springfield Episcopal Church or Brown House)
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Reverend! Do you know what you've done? If Baby Jesus dies now then it means he never dies later!
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So you... want Jesus to die?
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Of course! But... at the time of my choosing!
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Filmed to Death Pt. 4
After tapping on King Herod's exclamation mark:
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Well, well, well. If it isn't Baby Jesus. And to think I'd find you here, at the Bowlarama.
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Herod. How did you know I'd be here?
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The reverend was easily exploited. Once I explained that your death now would mean your lack of death later, and as a result the failure of his religion to ever form in the first place...
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... he seemed very interested in no longer having to write sermons every week.
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So this is it, huh? You're just gonna off me right here? In front of all these cameras?
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I can wait for you to leave. I've waited two thousand years already.
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Perhaps I could interest you in a little proposal instead?
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If the users has Baby Jesus: Task: Make Baby Jesus Propose Faking His Own Death (4h, Bowlarama, Town Hall, Springfield Library or Brown House) Task: Make King Herod Listen Intently (4h)
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And so, you see, I get to live and you get to tell all your friends back home that you took care of that pesky messiah.
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Okay, so we film the faking of your death. But... none of my friends back home have phones or DVD players...
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*sigh* Fine. We'll have my faked death carved in stone and we'll get it notarized.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Filmed to Death Pt. 5
After tapping on King Herod's exclamation mark:
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Okay, so I'm gonna fall from this high ledge here. Flanders I think you're gonna wanna set up with the camera over there to get the best angle on my fall.
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Right-diddly-o, Baby Jesus.
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Looks like my guards are done placing all the mattresses down below.
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Right. Let's do a tracking shot across the balcony here as I run into frame. Then we'll need to get close-up coverage on my monologue, and we'll shoot B-roll after lunch.
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So... do I press this button here with the red circle?
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And... ACTION!
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If the users has Baby Jesus: Task: Make Baby Jesus Fake His Own Death (4h, Herod's Citadel or Brown House) Task: the user has Ned: Task: Make Flanders Get a Good Tracking Shot (4h, Herod's Citadel or Brown House)
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And so that's where I'm still confused. Because Baby Jesus was killed, but somehow you're still here?
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Homer, what's the one thing I'm kinda known for?
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Making fish sandwiches?
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Okay, what's the OTHER one thing I'm kinda known for?
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Ooh, it's gotta be your abs. They always seem so toned.
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Quest reward: 200 and 20
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The Mid-Life Tribulation
Yahweh Unlocked Notification
After unlocking Yahweh:
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System Message
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Yahweh has come to Springfield! Complete his sidequest to unlock his never-ending mid-life crisis and earn donuts every time he hits rock bottom!
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The Mid-Life Tribulation Pt. 1
After tapping on Yahweh's exclamation mark:
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So what's he doing now?
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Yahweh, I'm really not comfortable spying on God for you. Can't you just be happy being yourself?
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I am happy. But I want to know what his secret is. Why is he so much more popular than me?
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I wouldn't say he's more popular.
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I have ten million followers and he has over a billion. I'd say that's more popular.
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Well, he appeals to a different demo.
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What do you mean a different demo? Is that some kind of crack?
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You appeal to believers who are more sophisticated, more mature...
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Are you saying I'm old?
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Yes.
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Task: Make Yahweh Realize He's Old (4h, Jewish Walk of Fame, Temple Beth Springfield, Jewish Heaven, Invisible House or Brown House) If the user has Moses: Task: Make Moses Worry About Where This is Heading (4h, Jewish Walk of Fame, Temple Beth Springfield, Jewish Heaven, Invisible House or Brown House)
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It has been a while since I smote an Assyrian horde. And I don't even remember the last time I saw the old Pillar of Salt, if you know what I mean.
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Sadly, I do. What I would give to be 800 again!
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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The Mid-Life Tribulation Pt. 2
After tapping on Yahweh's exclamation mark:
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Ok, maybe I am not quite as young as I once was. But age is just a number, right? 4,000 is the new 2,000. We just need to get back out there.
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Or maybe we should just gracefully accept the inevitable?
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The first step is to get ripped.
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Task: Make Yahweh Join a Gym (4h, Lugash's Gym, Old Scratch's Gym, All Night Gym or Brown House) If the user has Moses: Task: Make Moses Reluctantly Get Into Cycling (4h, Lugash's Gym, Old Scratch's Gym, All Night Gym or Brown House)
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My body fat is five percent and my resting heart rate is 50. I feel like I did on the seventh day!
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Weren't you tired then from creating the universe?
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Nothing that a mimosa over brunch couldn't fix. That's why I created Sundays.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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The Mid-Life Tribulation Pt. 3
After tapping on Yahweh's exclamation mark:
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Now that we're ripped, our faith will surely start appealing to a younger demographic. Go round up some new followers. Starting with her.
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I think the headphones mean "leave me alone".
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Or, maybe they mean "I like music", you wuss. Come on, show some swagger, Moses.
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If you say so.
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I say so.
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Task: Make Yahweh Get on Instagram (4h, Jewish Walk of Fame, Temple Beth Springfield, Jewish Heaven, Invisible House or Brown House) If the user has Moses: Task: Make Moses Approach Gym Patrons (4h, Lugash's Gym, Old Scratch's Gym, All Night Gym or Brown House) If the user has Cookie Kwan: Task: Make Cookie Kwan Ignore Moses (4h, Lugash's Gym, Old Scratch's Gym, All Night Gym or Brown House) If the user has Squeaky Voice Teen: Task: Make Squeaky Voice Teen Ask Yahweh and Moses to Leave (4h, Lugash's Gym, Old Scratch's Gym, All Night Gym or Brown House)
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Did you get her number?
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How old are you? Even I know nobody asks for a number anymore. I didn't even get eye contact.
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Okay, I'll admit it. You were right. People go to the gym to work out, not to be hit on by Old Testament prophets.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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The Mid-Life Tribulation Pt. 4
After tapping on Yahweh's exclamation mark:
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Maybe we should focus on recruiting more age-appropriate followers.
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Maybe you should stop being such a Deuteronomy Downer.
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We just need to sweeten the pot by showing that we're not just incredibly ripped — we're fun, exciting, and rich!
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Task: Make Yahweh Buy a Porsche (4h, Towne Centre at Springfielde Glenne, Springfield Mall or Brown House) If the user has Moses: Task: Make Moses Check Yahweh's Followers (4h, Towne Centre at Springfielde Glenne, Springfield Mall or Brown House)
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License and registration.
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I don't have either of those.
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Do you have any photo ID?
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Sorry, not a big fan of graven images.
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How am I supposed to give you a ticket?
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My friend has been going through a hard time lately. His people left him for a younger Supreme Being.
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If you could possibly forgive us this once, there could be some milk and honey in it for you.
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What do I look like — a Graham Cracker?
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Milk and honey and donuts.
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Drive safely!
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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The Mid-Life Tribulation Pt. 5
After tapping on Yahweh's exclamation mark:
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We'll take the hoodie, for sure. The Skechers, definitely.
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Right on.
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What do you think about board shorts? Can I pull those off?
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For sure.
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What's wrong with the robes? The robes have dignity.
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The robes scream day room in the senior center. We might as well carry a remote and use walkers. We're never going to get cool young followers with the robes.
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The robes are forgiving. The robes cover a lot of middle-age spread.
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You've got a point.
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Do you have camo jackets?
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Right this way.
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Task: Make Yahweh Post Selfies (4h, Jewish Walk of Fame, Temple Beth Springfield, Jewish Heaven, Invisible House or Brown House) If the user has Moses: Task: Make Moses Compare Yahweh's Follower Counts to God's (4h, Jewish Walk of Fame, Temple Beth Springfield, Jewish Heaven, Invisible House or Brown House)
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Moses, my man! You look fly!
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I feel stupid.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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The Mid-Life Tribulation Pt. 6
After tapping on Yahweh's exclamation mark:
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Now that we've got the look, where do we show it off?
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The food court at the mall?
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I don't think that's quite the right place to connect to the new young followers we need.
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Task: Make Yahweh Go to a Rave (4h, Draggle Rock, Hard Lad Nightclub, One Night Stan's, Businessman's Social Club or Brown House) If the user has Moses: Task: Make Moses Reluctantly Tag Along (4h, Draggle Rock, Hard Lad Nightclub, One Night Stan's, Businessman's Social Club or Brown House) If the user has God: God: Make God Like Yahweh's Rave Selfies (4h, Heaven, Jewish Heaven, Heavenly Swing Set or Brown House)
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*shouting* This is amazing!
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What?
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This is fantastic!
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What?
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Nevermind.
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What?
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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The Mid-Life Tribulation Pt. 7
After tapping on Yahweh's exclamation mark:
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This rave is off the hook!
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Can we go now? I'm tired.
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Have one of these energy drinks. That'll pick you up — big time!
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What's in it?
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Who knows!
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Where'd you get it?
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They're going around.
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Do you think that's wise?
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Lighten up, Moses. You've got to get into the vibe if we want to connect to young followers.
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I think I'm going to pass.
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More for me!
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Task: Make Yahweh Keep the Party Going (4h) If the user has Moses: Task: Make Moses Quietly Edit Yahweh's Tweets (4h, Draggle Rock, Hard Lad Nightclub, One Night Stan's, Businessman's Social Club or Brown House)
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I'm thinking of changing my name to Y-Axis.
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Why would you do that?
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Why? Y? I get it. That's hilarious.
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What?
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You should change your name to Mu-ses.
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I'm good with Moses.
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BOR-ING!
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Don't you see it? Mu. It's a Greek letter. It's a variable. It's a Zen koan. It's everything. You're everything.
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I think we should get you home.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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The Mid-Life Tribulation Pt. 8
After tapping on Yahweh's exclamation mark:
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What happened last night?
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I've got millions of new followers but my head hurts, my feet hurt, and I'm all over TMZ with my face buried in a burrito.
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I told you no good would come of acting like kids.
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You were right. We should stick to our demo.
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Task: Make Yahweh Hire An Image Consultant (24h) If the user has Moses: Task: Make Moses Put His Feet Up (4h, Heaven, Jewish Heaven, Heavenly Swing Set or Brown House)
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Isn't this better? Sunshine, orange juice, and eggs benedict! This is the life for men — or beings — of our stature.
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The crowd here makes me feel old.
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You are old.
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I guess so.
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I think those ladies at the buffet are checking us out.
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Yes, they are definitely checking us out. Go see if you can recruit them.
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Seriously?
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We're old, not dead. I've still got some of the Old Infinite Power.
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Can't you just go talk to them?
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If I could do that, what would I need prophets for?
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Fine. Just let me finish my eggs.
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Take your time. We don't want to seem too eager.
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Quest reward: 200 and 20
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Yahweh all steps completed notifications
After completing Hire An Image Consultant, a random text is selected:
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System Message
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Yahweh has finally come to his senses! Unfortunately, he is reminded of his age and the cycle begins anew.
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System Message
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Yahweh has finally come to his senses! Unfortunately, he begins to lose followers and the cycle begins anew.
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System Message
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Yahweh has finally come to his senses! Unfortunately, Moses left him alone with his thoughts too long and the cycle begins anew.
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System Message
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Yahweh has finally come to his senses! Unfortunately, the current state of the world weighs heavily on him, and the cycle begins anew.
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System Message
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Yahweh has finally come to his senses! Unfortunately, his favorite robes got caught in the burning bush and the cycle begins anew.
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Heaven Gil Deal
After tapping on Gil's Andre mark:
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Oh boy, did you see they're bringing heaven here to Springfield? This is gotta be the best shot ol' Gil's ever had at gettin' through those pearly gates.
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The tithing sure isn't gonna do it, no sir. 10% of nothin' is still a whole lotta nothin'. Plus Baby Jesus won't return my calls.
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Whaddya say? Help ol' Gil slip into the afterlife unnoticed?
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On offer accepted:
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Heaven on earth, folks! Here we go, gonna take a dip in the holy waters. No need to get my shower at the YMCA today, no sir. I'll be in and out before you know it.
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On offer declined:
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Aww, c'mon. I don't even need to go straight to seventh heaven. Just the first or second will do ol' Gil just fine.
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Heaven Forbidden
Heaven Forbidden Pt. 1
After tapping on Andre's exclamation mark:
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Gah! Where — where am I? This doesn't look like heaven.
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Excuse me, ma'am? Is... is this heaven?
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Ugh, do you know how many times I've heard that line? Get away, creep.
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I'll take that as a no. That line always works in heaven.
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Task: Make Andre Try to Get Back to Heaven (8h) If the user has Lindsey Naegle: Task: Make Lindsey Naegle Refill Her Mace (4h, Kwik-E-Mart, Try-N-Save, Swapper Jack's or Brown House)
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Excuse me, sir? Is... is this hell?
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Ah, common misconception. No, this is Springfield.
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But if you're looking for hell, I can give you directions. Here, talk to this guy when you get there. He'll get you set up.
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Thanks.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Heaven Forbidden Pt. 2
After tapping on Andre's exclamation mark:
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Yeah, yeah we get a lot of fallen angels down here. It's kinda our thing, you know.
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I've heard that.
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My friend, Lou. He was a fallen angel. Great guy. Great guy. Found himself in Springfield first, but that didn't last long. Been down here with us ever since.
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Hey, you wouldn't happen to know a way to get back to heaven, would you? Maybe a... secret tunnel from hell?
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Well now why would you wanna go and do a thing like that? What, we're not good enough for you down here? You gotta run back to your white hat friends?
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No, no, it's just that I, uh... forgot my toothbrush.
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We got toothbrushes down here. We've got all kinds of toothbrushes. What do you want, stiff bristles? Extra grippy handle? One of them electric ones? I got a toothbrush guy, he'll get you set up.
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|
Great. Thanks.
|
Task: Make Andre Pretend to Shop for Toothbrushes in Hell (4h, Hell Labs, Hellscape, Hell Moe's, Kwik-E-Mart or Brown House) If the user has Demon Moe: Task: Make Demon Moe Introduce Andre to His Toothbrush Guy (4h, Hell Labs, Hellscape, Stairway to Hell, Flanders Personal Hell or Brown House)
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Yes, can I help you?
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|
Hey, you're a reverend, right? So you can talk to God?
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Uh... yes, I speak with him every day.
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Great, great. Can you get him a message for me? Let him know that it's Andre. There's been a mix-up. I somehow ended up down on the mortal coil. Ask him if he can send his driver to pick me up.
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Uh, these conversations I have with God, they're... somewhat one-sided. I talk, and he listens. I assume.
|
|
Wait, he didn't give you his direct line?
|
|
There's a direct — no, he did not.
|
|
Look, I'm not supposed to tell people this but... God actually lives over in Springfield Heights. But good luck getting past the gate around his mansion. Believe me, I've tried.
|
Quest reward: 100 and 10
|
|
Heaven Forbidden Pt. 3
After tapping on Andre's exclamation mark:
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*presses gate intercom button* God?! Are you there, God?! It's me, Andre!
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|
Andre? What in — what are you doing here?
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|
Oh, I'm so glad I found you. God, you wouldn't believe what I've been through.
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You fell from heaven, you weren't sure why, you asked a few people and found out I was living here, and that pretty much brings us up to speed.
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|
Exactly. Just the worst. So what happened, why am I here? I mean, I didn't do something wrong, did I?
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Uh... no. Definitely not. You're just, uh... here for a special mission. Yeah, that's it.
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*gasp* I knew it! Of course you'd save the most important mission for me. So what is it?
|
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Well, uh... let's see. Oh, I know. A portal to hell has opened up in Springfield and I need you to close it up. Can't be having any demons getting through.
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|
Oh, yeah I know exactly where it is. I was just — uh, I mean... I heard about it.
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|
Great. Sure, yeah go take care of that. Away from here. Don't come back here.
|
|
And then I get to go back to heaven?
|
|
...
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God?
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|
*sigh* Sure, yeah.
|
Task: Make Andre Buy Explosives (2h, Bloodbath and Beyond, General Store, Herman's Military Antiques, Kwik-E-Mart or Brown House) If the user has God: Task: Make God Call Jesus to Complain About Andre (2h, Modern Mansion, Mountain Lodge, Classic Mansion, Private Island, Deluxe Condo, Exclusive Resort or Brown House)
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|
If you're looking for explosives, might I recommend our Super Boommaker? It gets the job done.
|
|
And this would be strong enough to blow up a portal to hell?
|
|
Oh, you're doing a hell portal? In that case you're gonna want to step up to the Blastinator 5000. Comes with a zero demons money-back guarantee.
|
|
Perfect.
|
Quest reward: 100 and 10
|
|
Heaven Forbidden Pt. 4
After tapping on Andre's exclamation mark:
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|
Alright, so we just connect this blue wire to the detonator there... The red wire to the explosive there...
|
|
Whoa, it's a Blastinator 5000! And you even sprung for the trigger upgrade.
|
|
Hey, mister. What are you doing? Blowing stuff up to impress some girls? Classic.
|
|
Oh, uh, no. I'm just... can I let you kids in on a little secret? I'm actually on a top-secret mission from the big guy himself.
|
|
McBain?!
|
|
What? No. A top-secret mission from God.
|
|
Oh.
|
|
And if I do a good job, I get to go back to heaven.
|
|
Uh... you can go to heaven right here in Springfield. It's like three blocks that way.
|
|
Are we talking about the same heaven? Waterfalls? Pedicure Hut?
|
|
The very same. We just came from there. I took a swim and Milhouse got his nails done.
|
Task: Make Bart Show Andre the Way to Heaven (3h, Heaven or Brown House) Task: Make Milhouse Show Off His Nails (3h, Heaven or Brown House) Task: Make Andre Totally Forget About the Hell Portal (3h, Heaven or Brown House) Quest reward: 100 and 10
|
|
Heaven Forbidden Pt. 5
After tapping on Andre's exclamation mark:
|
|
Oh, hey Andre. Yeah, God mentioned you were here. Super cool.
|
|
I know, right? How long have you guys been here? And why is heaven here? Does God know about that?
|
|
Um... look I'm gonna level with you. God brought part of heaven down here so he'd have a place to relax... away from you.
|
|
*gasp*
|
|
He really doesn't like when you — um, well he just really doesn't like you.
|
|
Don't take it personally, he really doesn't like me that much either. He says I take the spotlight.
|
|
Which — okay, that's fair. But hey that's what happens when you turn water to wine, feed five thousand people fish sandwiches, come back to life, just to name a few...
|
|
Anyways, I don't know how you ended up here. Must've gotten caught on the slipspace stream when God was teleporting heaven down.
|
|
I see. Well, I guess I'll just be going then.
|
|
Oh, hey. C'mon. It doesn't have to be like that. You can stay for a bit. I won't tell God, I promise.
|
|
Really? Can I swim in the pool?
|
|
Uh, sure. Knock yourself out.
|
Task: Make Andre Take a Heavenly Dip (4h, Heaven) If the user has Jesus Christ: Task: Make Jesus Relax by the Pool (4h, Heaven or Brown House)
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|
Hey, Jesus! Jesus, look. I can do the backstroke.
|
|
Super cool, Andre.
|
|
You wanna play Marco Polo? MARCO!!
|
|
*sigh* Polo.
|
Quest reward: 200 and 20
|
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