Difference between revisions of "Bart's Girlfriend/Quotes"
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| − | + | {{qf|[[Jessica Lovejoy|Jessica]]}} You're bad Bart, and I like it. | |
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---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Groundskeeper Willie]]}} Now the kilt was only for day-to-day wear. In battle, we donned a full-length ballgown covered in sequins. The idea was to blind you opponent with luxury. ''[Bart ties a set of balloon to his kilt, making it fly off with them and show his buttocks, which makes everyone gasp.]'' Aah, 'tis no more than what God gave me, you puritan pukes. | |
| − | [[Bart Simpson|'''Bart''']]: [hides behind a tree and laughs.] That'll hold me. At least until I get my hands on some kind of explosives. | + | [[Bart Simpson|'''Bart''']]: ''[hides behind a tree and laughs.]'' That'll hold me. At least until I get my hands on some kind of explosives. |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Homer Simpson|Homer]]}} Son, if you can look me in the eye and say you didn't take the collection money, that's all I need. | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Bart Simpson|Bart]]}} I didn't take it. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Why you little- ''[Homer strangles Bart]'' How could you look at me and lie like that? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} Homer stop that! I believe him. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Tell me, if he didn't take the money, why is he wearing those fancy clothes? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} That's what he wore to church! | |
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---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Principal Skinner]]}} Congratulations Simpson. You just fell for our sting and won yourself three months detention. There's no such thing as Scotchtoberfest. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Groundskeeper Willie}} There's not? Ya used me Skinner! Ya used me! | |
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---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} Three months!? Aww! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Jessica}} Hi Bart. I saw the way they set you up. That was really unfair. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} Ohh! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Jessica}} Want to have dinner at my house tonight? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} Really? Uh, sure. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Jessica}} Great. We eat at 7:00. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} There's only one thing to do at a moment like this: strut! | |
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---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} 30 cents off Shake N' Bake? Homer! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} We can spare it Marge. We've been blessed. | |
| − | |||
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---- | ---- | ||
:'''Homer: '''My own son going on his first date. (Singing) Sunrise, Sunset, Sunrise, Sunset, (faster) Cats and the cradle and the silver spoon. Yes, we have no bananas. (Starts sobbing) | :'''Homer: '''My own son going on his first date. (Singing) Sunrise, Sunset, Sunrise, Sunset, (faster) Cats and the cradle and the silver spoon. Yes, we have no bananas. (Starts sobbing) | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Marge: '''Aw, Homie it is sweet [[Bart]] is going on a date. | + | :'''Marge: '''Aw, Homie it is sweet [[Bart]] is going on a date. |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} No, it's not that, they have no bananas. | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Marge | + | {{qf|Marge}} ''[in the distance]'' Bart! Lisa! Time for church! |
| − | + | {{qf|Mrs. Van Houten}} ''[in the distance]'' Milhouse! Time for church. | |
| − | Mrs. Van Houten | + | {{qf|Jewish Man}} ''[in the distance]'' Shlomo! Time for your violin lesson! |
| − | |||
| − | Jewish Man | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Bart | + | {{qf|Bart}} Uh, I should get to class. |
| + | {{qf|Jessica}} What's the hurry? | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} We could get in trouble for being late. | ||
| + | {{qf|Jessica}} Aw, you worry too much! Now come on, if you stay here a while, I'll let you hold my hand. (She and Bart do so, next to a fire alarm pull station, which Jessica uses Bart's hand to set off the alarm system.) (laughs) Teamwork! C'mon, Bart. (runs off with him) | ||
| − | + | :''[Kids and teachers evacuate the building in a panic as a fire truck arrives. Groundskeeper Willie pushes through the crowd.]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|Groundskeeper Willie}} If I don't save the wee turtles, who will? ''[Kicks down the science lab door and runs in, seconds later he comes out with small turtles nipping on him as he rolls around on the floor in agony]'' Yah! Save me from the wee turtles! They were too quick for me! Aaagh! | |
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---- | ---- | ||
| − | Bart | + | {{qf|Bart}} Why the crap do we have to go to church anyway? |
| − | Marge | + | {{qf|Marge}} You just answered your own question with that commode mouth. |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Lisa | + | {{qf|Lisa}} Bart, we can't just let her get away with this. |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} Give it up, Lis: she's a criminal mastermind. She's got 108 IQ, she reads at a fifth grade level, and... (sighs) her hair smells like red Fruit Loops. | |
| − | Bart | + | {{qf|Lisa}} Yeah? Well, I eat Fruit Loops for breakfast. |
| − | |||
| − | Lisa | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Marge [after taking a troll doll away from Bart] I don't want you playing with something that has such bizarre hair. Awful, awful | + | Marge ''[after taking a troll doll away from Bart]'' I don't want you playing with something that has such bizarre hair. Awful, awful |
hair. | hair. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Lisa | + | {{qf|Lisa}} Don't be so hard on yourself, Bart. It's not your fault Jessica doesn't like you. |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} Is it my hair? My overbite? The fact that I've worn the same clothes day in, day out for the last four years? | |
| − | Bart | + | {{qf|Lisa}} No, Bart. I just think you and Jessica are too different from each other to get along. She's a sweet, kind reverend's daughter |
| − | |||
| − | Lisa | ||
and you're the devil's cabana boy. | and you're the devil's cabana boy. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Sunday School Teacher [when Bart comes into class]: Bart Simpson? | + | Sunday School Teacher ''[when Bart comes into class]'': Bart Simpson? |
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| − | Teacher | + | {{qf|Bart}} Yes, ma'am. I'd like to return to your wonderful Sunday school, please. |
| − | particularly the hamster. [the hamster sees Bart and cowers] | + | {{qf|Teacher}} ''[nervous]'' Uh, but Bart, we banned you from Sunday school. You were happy, we were happy, everybody was happy..... |
| + | particularly the hamster. ''[the hamster sees Bart and cowers]'' | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Rev. Lovejoy | + | {{qf|Rev. Lovejoy}} Don't you ever come near my daughter again! Never have I heard such gratuitous use of the word "butt" |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} But...but...but... | |
| − | Bart | + | {{qf|Mrs. Lovejoy}} ''[plugs her ears]'' Make him stop, make him stop! |
| − | |||
| − | Mrs. Lovejoy | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Bart | + | {{qf|Bart}} You're turning me into a criminal when all I want to be is a petty thug! |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Marge | + | {{qf|Marge}} Have you noticed any change in Bart? |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} New glasses? | |
| − | Homer | + | {{qf|Marge}} No...he looks like something might be disturbing him. |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Probably misses his old glasses. | |
| − | Marge | + | {{qf|Marge}} I guess we could get more involved in Bart's activities but then I'd be afraid of smothering him. |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Yeah, and then we'd get the chair. | |
| − | Homer | + | {{qf|Marge}} That's not what I meant. |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} It was, Marge, admit it. | |
| − | Marge | ||
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| − | Homer | ||
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| − | Marge | ||
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| − | Homer | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Lisa | + | {{qf|Lisa}} I can't believe it, Bart. I'd always thought Jessica was so sweet! |
| − | Bart | + | {{qf|Bart}} She's like a Milk Dud, Lis: sweet on the outside, poison on the inside. |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Bart | + | {{qf|Bart}} ''[hears singing from the church]'' Jessica! |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} Bart, be strong! You don't need that little hellcat. | |
| − | Lisa | + | {{qf|Bart}} Oh, Lis: she's already drawing me to her with her beautiful siren song. ''[opens the church door and sees Ned Flanders singing falsetto]'' ''[shudders]'' That's very disturbing. |
| − | |||
| − | Bart | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | :''[Homer puts a coupon in the collection plate]'' | |
| − | Marge | + | {{qf|Marge}} 30 cents off Shake n' Bake… Homer! |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} We can spare it, Marge. We've been blessed. | |
| − | Homer | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Mrs. Lovejoy | + | {{qf|Mrs. Lovejoy}} I'll just take that -- ''[sees empty collection plate]'' ''[gasps]'' Everyone turn around and look at this! |
| − | + | {{qf|Grampa}} What is it? A Unitarian? | |
| − | Grampa | ||
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| − | + | :''[everyone surrounds Bart]'' | |
| − | Homer | + | {{qf|Bart}} ''[thinking]'' Now just relax. For once, you didn't do anything wrong. Just explain yourself and everyone will understand. ''[speaks aloud]'' I... |
| + | {{qf|Mrs. Lovejoy}} -- took the money? Yes, we know. | ||
| + | {{qf|Moe}} He confessed! | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} OK! ''[jumps out window]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Stop him! He's headed for the window! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Bart | + | {{qf|Bart}} We gotta talk. |
| − | + | {{qf|Jessica}} Listen, thanks for not turning me in. That was sweet. | |
| − | Jessica | + | {{qf|Bart}} Well, it seems like if you really care for me, you should come forward. |
| − | + | {{qf|Jessica}} Oh, don't you see? It's because I care for you that I can't come forward. | |
| − | Bart | + | {{qf|Bart}} ''[thinks]'' That doesn't make any sense. |
| − | + | {{qf|Jessica}} All right, then I just don't feel like it, OK? | |
| − | Jessica | + | {{qf|Bart}} Jessica, you're really beautiful, but you are not very nice. |
| − | + | {{qf|Jessica}} Duh. | |
| − | Bart | + | {{qf|Bart}} You know, with the way you're treating me, why should I protect you? |
| − | + | {{qf|Jessica}} Because, if you tell, no one will believe you. Remember I'm the sweet, perfect minister's daughter and you're just yellow | |
| − | Jessica | ||
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| − | Bart | ||
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| − | Jessica | ||
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| − | Bart | ||
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| − | Jessica | ||
trash. | trash. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} ''[entering Bart's treehouse]'' So here's where you're hiding! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} Yeah. This is my only refuge from the taunts and accusations of the townspeople. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Jasper}} ''[appearing at the window]'' Thief! ''[Bart pulls the blind]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} Bart, we can't just let her get away with this! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} Give it up, Lis: she's a criminal mastermind. She's got 108 IQ, she reads at a fifth-grade level, and... ''[sighs]'' her hair smells like red Froot Loops. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} ''[threatening]'' Yeah? Well I eat Froot Loops for breakfast. | |
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---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Reverend Lovejoy}} Now, for our offertory reading, Lisa Simpson - who we'll all be keeping an eye on. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} I know most of you have already judged my brother guilty without any proof, but doesn't the Bible teach us "Judge not, lest ye be judged", Reverend? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Reverend Lovejoy}} ''[sullen]'' I think it may be somewhere towards the back. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} There is someone among us with a guilty conscience. After much soul-searching I decided it would be wrong of me to name names. But I urge that guilty person here, under the eyes of God, to come forward, to confess, and save yourself from the torment of your own personal hell! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Principal Skinner}} Aah! I smelled some marijuana smoke in Vietnam! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Grampa}} I was the one that canceled Star Trek! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Dr. Hibbert}} I left my Porsche keys inside Mrs. Glick! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} I am talking to the collection money thief! Only you can come forward and end this injustice! | |
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''Jessica looks around, smiling and saying nothing.'' | ''Jessica looks around, smiling and saying nothing.'' | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} Oh, what the heck - it was Jessica Lovejoy! | |
---- | ---- | ||
''In Jessica's room, the townspeople discover the collection money under her mattress.'' | ''In Jessica's room, the townspeople discover the collection money under her mattress.'' | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Principal Skinner}} *That's* the collection money! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Moe}} ''[sniffs it]'' Oh yeah, smells like church. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Reverend Lovejoy}} I guess it's obvious what's happened here: Bart Simpson has somehow managed to sneak his bedroom into my house. ''[everyone stares at him; he becomes annoyed]'' Well, come on! Use your imaginations! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Jessica}} No, Dad. *I* did it. ''[tears in her eyes]'' It's your classic cry for attention. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Reverend Lovejoy}} Well, young lady, I suppose we brought you home from boarding school a little prematurely. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Jessica}} I was *expelled*, Dad! Remember the pipe bomb, the Glee Club brawl? Remember the school *chapel* collection plate? ''[Reverend Lovejoy covers his ears and starts singing "Bringing in the Sheaves"]'' Exploding toilets ring a bell? Come on, Dad! Pay attention to me! We're going there... | |
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{{Season 6|Q}} | {{Season 6|Q}} | ||
Revision as of 08:41, November 26, 2018
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- Jessica: You're bad Bart, and I like it.
- Groundskeeper Willie: Now the kilt was only for day-to-day wear. In battle, we donned a full-length ballgown covered in sequins. The idea was to blind you opponent with luxury. [Bart ties a set of balloon to his kilt, making it fly off with them and show his buttocks, which makes everyone gasp.] Aah, 'tis no more than what God gave me, you puritan pukes.
Bart: [hides behind a tree and laughs.] That'll hold me. At least until I get my hands on some kind of explosives.
- Homer: Son, if you can look me in the eye and say you didn't take the collection money, that's all I need.
- Bart: I didn't take it.
- Homer: Why you little- [Homer strangles Bart] How could you look at me and lie like that?
- Marge: Homer stop that! I believe him.
- Homer: Tell me, if he didn't take the money, why is he wearing those fancy clothes?
- Marge: That's what he wore to church!
- Principal Skinner: Congratulations Simpson. You just fell for our sting and won yourself three months detention. There's no such thing as Scotchtoberfest.
- Groundskeeper Willie: There's not? Ya used me Skinner! Ya used me!
- Bart: Three months!? Aww!
- Jessica: Hi Bart. I saw the way they set you up. That was really unfair.
- Bart: Ohh!
- Jessica: Want to have dinner at my house tonight?
- Bart: Really? Uh, sure.
- Jessica: Great. We eat at 7:00.
- Bart: There's only one thing to do at a moment like this: strut!
- Marge: 30 cents off Shake N' Bake? Homer!
- Homer: We can spare it Marge. We've been blessed.
- Homer: My own son going on his first date. (Singing) Sunrise, Sunset, Sunrise, Sunset, (faster) Cats and the cradle and the silver spoon. Yes, we have no bananas. (Starts sobbing)
- Marge: Aw, Homie it is sweet Bart is going on a date.
- Homer: No, it's not that, they have no bananas.
- Marge: [in the distance] Bart! Lisa! Time for church!
- Mrs. Van Houten: [in the distance] Milhouse! Time for church.
- Jewish Man: [in the distance] Shlomo! Time for your violin lesson!
- Bart: Uh, I should get to class.
- Jessica: What's the hurry?
- Bart: We could get in trouble for being late.
- Jessica: Aw, you worry too much! Now come on, if you stay here a while, I'll let you hold my hand. (She and Bart do so, next to a fire alarm pull station, which Jessica uses Bart's hand to set off the alarm system.) (laughs) Teamwork! C'mon, Bart. (runs off with him)
- [Kids and teachers evacuate the building in a panic as a fire truck arrives. Groundskeeper Willie pushes through the crowd.]
- Groundskeeper Willie: If I don't save the wee turtles, who will? [Kicks down the science lab door and runs in, seconds later he comes out with small turtles nipping on him as he rolls around on the floor in agony] Yah! Save me from the wee turtles! They were too quick for me! Aaagh!
- Bart: Why the crap do we have to go to church anyway?
- Marge: You just answered your own question with that commode mouth.
- Lisa: Bart, we can't just let her get away with this.
- Bart: Give it up, Lis: she's a criminal mastermind. She's got 108 IQ, she reads at a fifth grade level, and... (sighs) her hair smells like red Fruit Loops.
- Lisa: Yeah? Well, I eat Fruit Loops for breakfast.
Marge [after taking a troll doll away from Bart] I don't want you playing with something that has such bizarre hair. Awful, awful hair.
- Lisa: Don't be so hard on yourself, Bart. It's not your fault Jessica doesn't like you.
- Bart: Is it my hair? My overbite? The fact that I've worn the same clothes day in, day out for the last four years?
- Lisa: No, Bart. I just think you and Jessica are too different from each other to get along. She's a sweet, kind reverend's daughter
and you're the devil's cabana boy.
Sunday School Teacher [when Bart comes into class]: Bart Simpson?
- Bart: Yes, ma'am. I'd like to return to your wonderful Sunday school, please.
- Teacher: [nervous] Uh, but Bart, we banned you from Sunday school. You were happy, we were happy, everybody was happy.....
particularly the hamster. [the hamster sees Bart and cowers]
- Rev. Lovejoy: Don't you ever come near my daughter again! Never have I heard such gratuitous use of the word "butt"
- Bart: But...but...but...
- Mrs. Lovejoy: [plugs her ears] Make him stop, make him stop!
- Bart: You're turning me into a criminal when all I want to be is a petty thug!
- Marge: Have you noticed any change in Bart?
- Homer: New glasses?
- Marge: No...he looks like something might be disturbing him.
- Homer: Probably misses his old glasses.
- Marge: I guess we could get more involved in Bart's activities but then I'd be afraid of smothering him.
- Homer: Yeah, and then we'd get the chair.
- Marge: That's not what I meant.
- Homer: It was, Marge, admit it.
- Lisa: I can't believe it, Bart. I'd always thought Jessica was so sweet!
- Bart: She's like a Milk Dud, Lis: sweet on the outside, poison on the inside.
- Bart: [hears singing from the church] Jessica!
- Lisa: Bart, be strong! You don't need that little hellcat.
- Bart: Oh, Lis: she's already drawing me to her with her beautiful siren song. [opens the church door and sees Ned Flanders singing falsetto] [shudders] That's very disturbing.
- [Homer puts a coupon in the collection plate]
- Marge: 30 cents off Shake n' Bake… Homer!
- Homer: We can spare it, Marge. We've been blessed.
- Mrs. Lovejoy: I'll just take that -- [sees empty collection plate] [gasps] Everyone turn around and look at this!
- Grampa: What is it? A Unitarian?
- [everyone surrounds Bart]
- Bart: [thinking] Now just relax. For once, you didn't do anything wrong. Just explain yourself and everyone will understand. [speaks aloud] I...
- Mrs. Lovejoy: -- took the money? Yes, we know.
- Moe: He confessed!
- Bart: OK! [jumps out window]
- Homer: Stop him! He's headed for the window!
- Bart: We gotta talk.
- Jessica: Listen, thanks for not turning me in. That was sweet.
- Bart: Well, it seems like if you really care for me, you should come forward.
- Jessica: Oh, don't you see? It's because I care for you that I can't come forward.
- Bart: [thinks] That doesn't make any sense.
- Jessica: All right, then I just don't feel like it, OK?
- Bart: Jessica, you're really beautiful, but you are not very nice.
- Jessica: Duh.
- Bart: You know, with the way you're treating me, why should I protect you?
- Jessica: Because, if you tell, no one will believe you. Remember I'm the sweet, perfect minister's daughter and you're just yellow
trash.
- Lisa: [entering Bart's treehouse] So here's where you're hiding!
- Bart: Yeah. This is my only refuge from the taunts and accusations of the townspeople.
- Jasper: [appearing at the window] Thief! [Bart pulls the blind]
- Lisa: Bart, we can't just let her get away with this!
- Bart: Give it up, Lis: she's a criminal mastermind. She's got 108 IQ, she reads at a fifth-grade level, and... [sighs] her hair smells like red Froot Loops.
- Lisa: [threatening] Yeah? Well I eat Froot Loops for breakfast.
- Reverend Lovejoy: Now, for our offertory reading, Lisa Simpson - who we'll all be keeping an eye on.
- Lisa: I know most of you have already judged my brother guilty without any proof, but doesn't the Bible teach us "Judge not, lest ye be judged", Reverend?
- Reverend Lovejoy: [sullen] I think it may be somewhere towards the back.
- Lisa: There is someone among us with a guilty conscience. After much soul-searching I decided it would be wrong of me to name names. But I urge that guilty person here, under the eyes of God, to come forward, to confess, and save yourself from the torment of your own personal hell!
- Principal Skinner: Aah! I smelled some marijuana smoke in Vietnam!
- Grampa: I was the one that canceled Star Trek!
- Dr. Hibbert: I left my Porsche keys inside Mrs. Glick!
- Lisa: I am talking to the collection money thief! Only you can come forward and end this injustice!
Jessica looks around, smiling and saying nothing.
- Lisa: Oh, what the heck - it was Jessica Lovejoy!
In Jessica's room, the townspeople discover the collection money under her mattress.
- Principal Skinner: *That's* the collection money!
- Moe: [sniffs it] Oh yeah, smells like church.
- Reverend Lovejoy: I guess it's obvious what's happened here: Bart Simpson has somehow managed to sneak his bedroom into my house. [everyone stares at him; he becomes annoyed] Well, come on! Use your imaginations!
- Jessica: No, Dad. *I* did it. [tears in her eyes] It's your classic cry for attention.
- Reverend Lovejoy: Well, young lady, I suppose we brought you home from boarding school a little prematurely.
- Jessica: I was *expelled*, Dad! Remember the pipe bomb, the Glee Club brawl? Remember the school *chapel* collection plate? [Reverend Lovejoy covers his ears and starts singing "Bringing in the Sheaves"] Exploding toilets ring a bell? Come on, Dad! Pay attention to me! We're going there...
