Hans Across America/Quotes

Quotes

Lisa: Hey, Mr. Flanders, are you having a barbeque? I can bring over some tofu hot dogs if you'd like a meat-free alternative!

Ned Flanders: Don't worry, Lisa. No meat will be feeling this heat!

Lisa: Glad to hear it!

Ned: This fire's for an old-fashioned book burning!

Lisa: What?!

Patty: Congrats! You're now old enough to swim to the surface!

Ariel: [Gasp] Is that safe?

Patty: Sure, we do it all the time!

Selma: It's really hard to smoke underwater!

Ariel: I don't think he can swim!

Patty: Not our problem. [Cough] Get involved and he'll probably end up suing you!

Agnes: Why does everyone call me "Sea Witch"? My name's Agnes!

Ariel: Your son told me to.

Seymour Skinner: It's just a nickname I have for you, mother. An affectionate nickname!

Moe: You'll bounce back. Man, if I wuz a handsome prince like you, I'd be kissing all the princesses in comas I could find, trying to wake 'em up!

Prince Homer: I did that once. I'm not allowed at the hospital anymore.

Moe: Why so glum, my liege? Married life not treating you well?

Prince Homer: It turns out we had what she called "irreconcilable differences" and she had to get... what's that thing called?

Moe: An annulment?

Prince Homer: If that's the one with the guillotine, then yeah!

Mr. Burns: Oh hello, lowly servant. I'm a prince who was at a costume party where I was dressed as a peasant. I had a few too many hot mead toddies, wandered off, and got lost in the woods. I need a place to stay the night.

Waylon Smithers: Wait a minute, aside from your good looks, what proof do you have that you're royalty?

Mr. Burns: My medical bracelet says that I'm a hemophiliac. Also, I'm barely tolerating talking to someone as poor as yourself.

Smithers: All right, I'll set up your bed chamber!

Jimbo Jones: What are you in for? I threw a tomato at the king.

Dolph Starbeam: I stabbed a duke with a carrot!

Smithers: I killed a handsome prince with a pea. I got life in prison for vegicide regicide!

Kearney Zzyzwicz: And parents still tell their kids vegetables are good for them. When will they learn?

Ugly Duckling: Am I ugly, mom?

Duck mother: Oh yeah, big time!

Ugly Duckling: Fine! I know when I'm not wanted!

Duck mother: Don't let the marsh hit you on your way out!

Milhouse: Can you help me reach that book?

Comic Book Guy: I would advise you to first purchase a ladder from the hardware store down the street. When I reach upwards, my shirt rises up and my exposed belly becomes the subject of tittering.

Thumbelina: Can I convince you not to eat me?

Wiggum Frog: Maybe. I'm looking for a wife for my son!

Ralph Frog: My breath smells like flies!

Thumbelina: Okay, on second thought, I'm good with being eaten!

Marge: Death! You come back here with my children! Take Grampa instead!

Grampa: This is why I don't like taking walks with the family!

Marge: You haven't even touched your salad, Lisa.

Lisa: It's just that now that I'm a plant, it feels wrong to eat another leafy creature. Could you pass the pork chops?

Homer: That's my girl! You kids should get kidnapped by Death more often!