Helter Shelter/Quotes
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- Marge: "Can't beat a skybox! All the exitement of being in the sky, with the security of being in a box."
- Bart: "Oh-ho-ho! This is gonna be the coolest basketball game ever!"
- Lisa: "Actually, it says here we're gonna see hockey.
- Homer, Marge and Bart: "Noooo!"
- Exterminator: "These are no ordinary termites. What you got here are Russian No-wood-nicks."
- Marge: "Can you save our house?"
- Exterminator: "Okay, but, in order to kill these bugs, I've got to live like a bug, think like a bug, become a bug!" [He gets on his hands and knees and starts gnawing on the coffee table.]
- Marge: [to Homer] "Why do you always hire the cheapest guy?"
- Homer: [referring to the "A Bug's Death" logo on the exterminator's van] "I go by how funny the sign is."
- Homer: "I know. We'll stay with my very best friend in the whole world... Lenny."
- [The Simpsons are now at Lenny's front door. They ring the buzzer.]
- Lenny: "Hey, Simpsons!"
- Homer: "That's Lenny?! Oh, I wanted the black one!"
- [At The Reality Channel]
- Female Executive: "Well, this family looks pretty interesting."
- Mitch Hartwell: "But isn't the dad Bill Cosby?
- Bill Cosby: "Ya see, I gotta get back on the TV, 'cause with the Osbournes and the soft-core porns, and the dogs poopin' and nobody scoopin', and the vee-tha-vul hah-hah hah!"
- Female Executive: "We need a family that hasn't been on TV forever. Let's try the Simpsons!"
- Mitch Hartwell: "Welcome to your home for the next six months."
- Bart: [Wearing old style clothes: A blue shirt tucked into a pair of blue shorts, a pink bowtie and a blue hat with golden curls.] "Oh, man, I can't wear this. I look like Buster Brown...whoever that is."
- Homer: "Oh-ho-ho, you look so adorable [Homer pinches Bart's cheek] ...Lisa.
- Marge: "Your school chums are going to be so jealous of your little outfit."
- [Outside the window, the bullies look inside. Jimbo punches his fist into his other hand.]
- Jimbo: "God, I wish I had that little outfit."
- Kearney: "Yeah, those golden curls are to die for."
- Homer: [He pulls a pot out from under a bed] "Wow! They had an army helmet under every bed? [He puts the pot on his head]
- Mitch Hartwell: "Mr. Simpson? That's a chamber pot. You're suppossed to go to the bathroom in it."
- Homer: "Befoul an army helmet? You'd like that, wouldn't you? Hippie!"
- [Marge is shopping at the Kwik-E-Mart.]
- Apu: "By orders of The Reality Channel, I must make sure you only buy items available in 1895! [He begins looking through the items Marge wants to purchase] Oreos? Sorry, these are from 1896. Non-scarring toilet paper? Ho! Dream on! Urkel O's? Delicious, but forbidden."
- Marge: "I'll just take these tampons."
- Apu: [Looking through a 1895 almanac.] "I don't believe they had those in 1895.
- Marge: "Yes they did! Look closer! [Marge slams the almanac on Apu's face] Twenty-three skidoo!" [She exits.]
- [The Simpsons and Squiggy eat dinner]
- Lisa: "Why is the guy from "Laverne and Shirley" living in our house?"
- Squiggy: "'Cause nobody's waching you clowns! If you was to ask me, you're all too calm and happy. The essence of drama is conflict. That's why they gave me this taser." [He shocks Homer with the taser]
- Homer: "I can't remember the last time I cried like this!"
- Lisa: "When you put your T-shirt on backwards?
- Homer: [Breaking down] "Aaah-ha-ha-ha-oh, yes! The tag chafed my throat!"
- [Back the Simpson's home]
- Homer: "TV was the one good thing in my life, and now I can't enjoy it anymore!"
- Marge: "I guess we'll have to find a new way to entertain ourselves."
- Lisa: "What about books?"
- Marge: "Yeah! If we read books, we could form a club."
- Homer: "If we formed a club, we can serve drinks!"
- Bart: "Hey, Dad! Why don't we watch you drink from a hose?"
- Homer: "Good idea, Lisa!"
Template:Season 14 Q
