Difference between revisions of "Crook and Ladder/Quotes"

Revision as of 10:24, July 1, 2011

Marge: Maggie, honey, this is for your own good. Growing up means giving up everything that makes you happy.

Grampa: It's true. I've given up everything but raisins. And the doctor says they're killin' me. Sweet, plump coffin nails is what they are.

Lisa: I can't believe you listened to this magazine. It's a Larry Flynt publication!

Marge: Lisa! Stop reading mastheads!

Lisa: I can't! I won't!

Marge: Homer, I think you dominoed this.

Homer: That's ridiculous! If I had to set up these dominoes, I'd be wearing my special domino-setting up kneepads.

(Homer pulls his pants up to reveal "Dominex" brand kneepads)

Marge: It was you!

Homer: How is that possible?

Lisa: I've read that people do strange things in their sleep when they've taken Ambien... I mean Nappien.

Homer: Okay, here's the solution. I want you kids to lock the bedroom from the outside, so I can't get out and perpetrate my nocturnal mischief.

Bart: Why don't you just stop taking the pills, you hophead?

Homer: Because I'm filled with stress! (he whacks Bart on the back of the head) Oh! I have three kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and three money?

Bart: Why am I sleeping when right next door is every boy's dream; a fat, suggestible zombie dad.

Bart: Hey zombie... wanna come out and play?

Homer: Zombie kill.

Bart: No, play!

Homer: Zombie file grievance.

Homer: Oh my God! What have I done?!

Fireman: You horribly injured the whole fire department!

Homer: What are you, a travel agent? 'Cause your sending me on a guilty trip.

Fireman: Sorry.

Kent Brockman: Sir, how does it feel knowing that no one is coming to save you?

Main in burning building: Not as bad as knowing that somewhere, gays are marrying each other. That's the real emergency, Kent.

Kent Brockman: Once again, crisis has brought out the best in us.

Mayor Quimby: It is with great pride that I turn over the safety of this city to the first four people who showed up.

Homer: Mm-hmm.

Quimby: Your sense of civic duty and this pamphlet that came with the fire extinguisher are all the training you need or shall receive.

(Homer, Moe, Apu and Principal Skinner start to congratulate each other. Lenny and Carl run in)

Carl: We're here to join the volunteer fire department.

Moe: You're too late... beat it! (Carl and Lenny walk out sadly) Lousy civillians... I wish I could burn them all!

Quimby: Easy there, Fire Chief Moe.

Homer: Oooh, I can't wait until my first fire. (gasps) Is that one?

Lisa: That's just someone barbecuing.

Homer: Is that one?

Bart: That's a guy with red hair.

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