Difference between revisions of "Goodbye, Middle Class"

Revision as of 11:31, May 23, 2022

The contents of this article or section are considered to be non-canon and therefore may not have actually happened or existed.

"Goodbye, Middle Class" is a song performed by the people of Springfield.

Lyrics

Janitor:

Bart, come with me to a magical place far in the past: America in the 20th century.

Bart:

Uh, sure. But you better not start singing.

Janitor:

1945, we won the war.

Our boys came back to the factory floor.

The good times rolled, and smiles were on our faces.

Ned Flanders:

With plentiful jobs for folks of all ages.

Barney Gumble:

Even dumb slobs made excellent wages.

Full cast:

The country was booming,

Carl Carlson:

Though still pretty racist.

Full cast:

[mumble]

Janitor and cast:

Oh, and so it came to pass,

With hard work and grit and brass.

Bit by bit, we built,

Janitor:

Our middle class.

Full cast:

Nice little middle class.

Homer:

I need cash for food and gas,

Black light posters, beer and grass.

Time for me to join the middle class.

Janitor and cast:

Oh, boy, that middle class.

Go join that middle class.

Homer:

Well, I'm not smart, I'm not a go-getter.

My drinking problem's not getting better.

What job could I possibly do?

Mr. Burns:

Nuclear safety inspector.

Homer:

Whoo-hoo!

Janitor:

Your dad and his buddies had it swell.

But gradually it all went to hell.

Factories closed, unemployment would spike.

Here to explain it is Robert B. Reich.

Robert Reich:

The decline of unions, rampant corporate greed, Wall Street malfeasance and the rise of shortsighted politics all contributed to increased economic inequality, widespread real unemployment, wage stagnation, and a lower standard of living for millions of Americans.

Janitor:

They chopped salaries to raise stock prices.

Robert Reich:

Cut up the pie and kept all the slices.

Janitor:

Tax breaks went to CEOs.

Janitor and Robert Reich:

Never trickling down to average joes.

Janitor, Robert Reich, and cast:

And so it came to pass,

Robert Reich:

Greedy rich men kicked our ass.

Janitor, Robert Reich, and cast:

Fiddling while they burned our middle class.

Cast:

Poor little middle class.

Bart:

All right, thanks for the history lesson, nerds. But what does any of this have to do with me? You see, my dad's still working, and I want to be just like him.

Janitor:

I'm sure you do. But there's something else you need to learn, and my friend here is happy to teach you.

Bart:

Ugh, you. For days, you've been dying to say something. Just spill it.

Lisa:

You want a job like Dad? Too bad, so sad.

You'll never have the life our flabby dad had.

Backing singer:

Yeah.

Lisa:

What can he do that a robot can't?

Homer:

These Oreos taste like nuclear plant.

Bart:

Yo, all I need is a foot in the door.

And I'll take Dad's job when he dies at 44.

Lisa:

That job you see now needs a PhD.

While paying student loans leaves you in poverty.

Backing singer:

What?

Lisa:

No brand-new car,

Backing singer:

No.

Lisa:

No fancy house.

Backing singer:

Cool.

Lisa:

No hot dinners cooked by your stay-at-home spouse.

Backing singer:

Yeah.

Lisa:

You're gonna pinch every dollar and cent.

And you'll still have to choose,

Between health care and rent.

Bart:

I'll probably just buy a PlayStation 6.

Lisa:

You're naive, but it'll pass.

They'll repo your skateboard, you'll grow up fast.

Lisa:

He's Jeff Bezos, we're just bozos.

Lisa and cast:

Goodbye, middle class.

Lisa:

These are facts, they're not controversial.

We can't even afford what they sell in this commercial.

Bart:

Okay, so, you're saying maybe I'll have a tough time getting a job like my dad's.

Janitor:

No, no, I'm saying you'll definitely never get a job like your dad's, and you'll have a tough time finding something significantly worse.

Bart:

Thanks for the song and dance, but I think I'm gonna be just fine.

'Cause there's a lot of new ways a guy can make a dollar.

I'll ride the money train, make it rain, holla.

I'll buy and sell Bitcoin, build a new app.

Do pranks on YouTube, I'm great at that crap.

Film TikTok tricks on my sick motorbike.

Robert Reich:

Your chances are slim.

Bart:

Go to hell, Robert Reich.

Janitor:

Those aren't careers, they're a million to one.

You ain't that lucky and you ain't smart, son.

Bart:

Who gives a damn? I'll find my new jam.

As an influencer on Instagram.

If all else fails, I got backup plans.

I can shake my cans on OnlyFans.

Janitor:

No. Just... no.

Bart:

Okay, great. So I have no options whatsoever. Smell you later, dude.

Lisa:

Isn't it infuriating? We'll never live as well as they did.

Bart:

Why doesn't anyone do anything about this?

Lisa:

Well, there's an answer to that, but it's not one you'll like.

Moe the bartender, serve it up on the mic.

Moe:

So, greedy politicians write bad laws.

Throwing goodies to the rich like Santy Claus.

They chew up us poors, who votes for these guys?

Grampa:

All my friends are dropping like flies.

Lisa:

And where are these voters getting their cues?

Tucker Carlson:

Putin for president, next on Fox News.

Lisa:

And that's why our system is so out of order?

Agnes Skinner:

Cross-dressing drug fiends are crossing our border.

Old people:

[indistinct chatter]

We vote for gun nuts and climate deniers.

Lunatics from QAnon and con men and liars.

They shred our safety net and gut Medicare.

But they get our vote, 'cause we're incredibly easy to scare.

Cable news declares we're doomed.

And Facebook feeds our fright.

They convince us things were great,

When gas was cheap and men were white.

So we rally round the crooks,

And the creepy and the crass.

The vengeful id of our vanishing middle class.

Janitor:

So, as you can see, Bart... Bart?

Bart:

I get it, dude, abandon hope.

We can't escape our slippery slope.

The future's a sandwich made of poo.

Just tell me, what do you want me to do?

Janitor:

Burn it.

Bart:

"Burn it"? Burn what?

Janitor:

Well, that's up to you. All I know is what a janitor knows.

If it's broke, don't wait till later.

Chuck it in the incinerator.

Bart:

Hmm. I do enjoy destroying things. And this tie looks flammable.

Janitor:

Wait, Bart, I meant the system. Burn it down and then reform it. It was a metaphor.

Bart:

Eh. I never learned what that word means. Our education system is also terrible.

Janitor:

No.

Bart:

And so it comes to pass,

Strike a match and raise a glass.

All dreams die,

So goodbye, middle class.

[gasps]

Oh, my God. Oh, so this is real? Help! I want to live to see the future, even if it's gonna be incredibly crappy!

You saved me.

Fireman 1:

Hang on tight, you'll be okay.

Bart:

Thanks! By the way, how good's your pay?

Fireman 2:

Pay's good, and pension's great when we retire.

Bart:

Nice.

Firewoman:

Sweet health plan plus cool hat and boots.

Fireman 1:

We're always hiring new recruits.

Firefighters:

'Cause luckily the planet is on fire.

Even the oceans.

Bart:

Mom, Dad, I figured out what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna be a fireman.

Marge:

Well, it is true that fire isn't going anywhere.

Homer:

But you still hold me in high regard.

Bart:

Eat my shorts, you tub of lard.

Homer:'

D'oh!

Firefighters:

We save lives and look badass.

Miss Hoover, Bernice Hibbert, Sarah Wiggum, and Luann Van Houten:

And we whistle as they pass.

[wolf whistle]

Full cast:

The last men standing,

In our middle,

Class.

Appearances

• Episode – "Poorhouse Rock"