Difference between revisions of "The Way We Was/Quotes"

Latest revision as of 09:16, August 5, 2021

Homer: Do you two have to sit so close to the TV? Back up, or it'll hurt your eyes.

Bart: It will not.

Homer: [makes a fist] Yes, it will.

Bart: Hey, what gives?

Lisa: Dad! Do something!

Homer: Alright, alright. Time for Dr. TV to perform a little surgery! [bangs on the TV and the picture gets worse]

Bart: Looks like you lost the patient, Doc.

Homer: [fiddles with the back of the television set] Is that better?

Bart and Lisa: NO!!!

Homer: How's this? [the picture on the television gets worse]

Bart and Lisa: [screams]

Homer: Okay, everybody remain calm. [gives the TV a big whack; the picture disappears]

Bart and Lisa: [screams louder]

Bart: Hey everybody, If you look real close, you can kinda make him out!

Homer: Hey yeah... yeah! I think I can!

Marge: I think this is sick... they're staring at a dot!

Homer: She's right! She's right! Oh I miss TV, dear God! Just give me one channel.

Bart: I'm livin' it, but I ain't lovin' it.

Barney: Hey, Homer, you're late for English!

Homer: Pffft, English. Who needs that. I'm never going to England.

Barney: [school bell rings] Oh no, we're late for wood shop!

Homer: But... we're early for lunch! Let's go grab a burger.

Barney: Boy, you never stop eating and you never gain a pound.

Homer: It's my metabomolism. I guess I'm just one of the lucky ones.

Marge: The first step to liberation is to free ourselves from these male-imposed shackles! [lights a bra; it burns up]

Kim: I didn't think it would burn so fast.

Marge: Mm, I guess it's the tissue paper inside.

Barney: Hey, Estelle? Will you go to the prom with me?

Estelle: I wouldn't go to the prom with you if you were Elliot Gould!

Barney: Oh, shot down again.

Homer: So, uh, what are you in for?

Marge: I'm a political prisoner. Last time I ever take a stand...

Homer: Well, I'm here for being me. Every day, I show up, act like me, and they slap me in here.

Teacher: Simpson, be quiet!

Homer: I haven't seen you in school before.

Teacher: Okay, Simpson,

Homer: What?

Teacher: You just bought yourself another day of detention.

Homer: Maybe we should get together sometime.

Teacher: Two days!

Marge: I'm sorry, I don't even know your name.

Homer: I'm Homer

Teacher: Three days!

Homer: J.

Teacher: Four days!

Homer: Simpson.

Teacher: Five days!

Homer: It was worth it!

Teacher: Six days! Okay, Simpson, to the back of the room!

Homer: Hi, I'm Homer Simpson, I need some guidance, Counselor.

Mr. McIntyre: Do you have any plans for after graduation?

Homer: Me? I'm gonna drink a lot of beer and stay out all night.

Homer: My name's Homer Simpson, I'd like to sign up for something.

Mrs. Bloomenstein: Well, we have an opening on the debate team.

Homer: Debate, like, arguing?

Mrs. Bloomenstein: Yes.

Homer: I'll take THAT, you DINGPOT! Just warming up, Mrs. Blumenstein.

Mrs. Bloomenstein: This year's topic is "Resolved: The national speed limit should be lowered to 55 miles per hour."

Homer: 55? That's ridiculous! Sure, it'll save a few lives, but millions will be late!

Mrs. Bloomenstein: Homer, would you like to present your rebuttal?

Homer: With pleasure. (Everyone gasps as Homer moons the class.)

[Principal Dondelinger catches Homer and Barney smoking in the bathroom.]

Principal Dondelinger: Well, well, well. If it isn't Homer Simpson and Barney Gumble, Springfield's answer to "Cheech and Chong." Allow me, gentlemen. [grabs their cigarettes and tosses them in the toilet.] You just bought yourselves three days of detention. You know where and when.

Homer and Barney: 3:00, old building, room 106.

Barney: Wanna go to the prom with me?

Kim: Good God! No!

Barney: Well put.

Bart: Great story. [bangs TV] Positively spellbinding. [bangs TV] Work, damn you.

Homer: Bart! Pay attention, you may be telling this to your own son if something breaks.

Marge: Maybe I'll wear my hair ... up.

Bart: Get off the edge of your seat. They got married, had kids, and bought a cheap TV, okay?

Mrs. Bouvier: If you pinch your cheeks, they'll glow. A little more, try to break some capillaries, dear.

Marge: Couldn't we use just rouge for this?

Mrs. Bouvier: Ladies pinch. Whores use rouge.

Selma: [when Homer arrives to pick up Marge] Marge's dates get homelier all the time.

Patty: That's what you get when you don't put out.

Artie: Hello, classmates. Instead of voting for some athletic hero or a pretty boy, you have elected me, your intellectual superior, as your king. Good for you.

Limo Driver: Well, where to now, Romeo?

Homer: Inspiration Point.

Limo Driver: Okay, but I'm only paid to drive.

Artie: Marge, I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anybody about my busy hands, not so much for myself, but I am so respected, it would damage the town to hear it.

Marge: When I got home, I realized who I should have gone to the prom with.

Homer: Who? [realizes] Oh.

Marge: My prom date.

Homer: Marge, pour vous.

Marge: Why so glum?

Homer: I've got a problem. Once you stop this car, I'm gonna hug you, and kiss you, and then I'll never be able to let you go! :[Fades back to the present) And I never have... [Lisa smiles, Bart makes gagging noises]