Difference between revisions of "Treehouse of Horror V/Quotes"
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{{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Sideshow Bob Roberts|Bart's Girlfriend}} | {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Sideshow Bob Roberts|Bart's Girlfriend}} | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Hello, Marge Simpson yet again. Due to the Halloween specials of the past the Fox network has cancelled this episode. We instead present to you this 1947 picture. | |
:''[Live-action scene of a wagon train that shows for a few seconds, then gets interrupted by snow.]'' | :''[Live-action scene of a wagon train that shows for a few seconds, then gets interrupted by snow.]'' | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Bart]]}} There's nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust your picture. ''We'' are controlling the transmission. | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Homer]]}} What's that, boy? We're in control? Hey, look, I can see my voice! Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh! Brrrrrr—HEEEE HEEE—blub blub blub blub blub. Thiis....iiiiis myyyyy voooys...ooooonnn teeeeeeveeeee. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} Dad, you're ruining the mood! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Sorry. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} For the next half-hour, we will control what you see and hear. You are about to experience the terror and foul horror of ''The Simpsons Halloween Special''. | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :'' | + | :''[Tuesday]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[in car]'' Well, it was a long trip, but we're almost there. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} Homer, did you remember to lock the front door of the house? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} [[D'oh!]] | |
| − | :'' | + | :''[Wednesday]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Well, it's been two long trips, but we're finally almost there again. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} When you locked the front door, did you remember to lock the back door? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} D'oh! D'oh! | |
| − | :'' | + | :''[Thursday]'' |
| − | :'' | + | :''[long silence]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} Oh, no! We left Grampa back at the gas station! | |
| − | :'' | + | :''[Homer stares determinedly ahead, appearing not to notice her.]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} What about Grampa? | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Burns]]}} ''[after an elevator empties out a huge amount of blood]'' Hmmmm... that's odd. Usually the blood gets off on the second floor. | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Burns}} Yes, by cutting off cable TV and the beer supply, I can ensure an honest winter's work out of those low-lifes. | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Smithers]]}} Sir, did you ever stop to think that maybe it was doing this that caused the previous caretakers to go insane and murder their families? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Burns}} Hmm... perhaps. Tell you what: we come back and everyone's slaughtered, I owe you a Coke. | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} No TV and no beer make Homer... something-something... | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} ''[worried]'' ...Go crazy? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Don’t mind if I do! ''[goes on a mad rant]'' | |
| − | :'' | + | :''[Marge breaks open a case labeled "In case of spousal insanity, break glass" and grabs the baseball bat within.]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} Stay away from me, Homer! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[chasing Marge up some stairs]'' Give me the bat, Marge. Gimme the bat. Come on. Gimme the bat. Gimme the bat! ''[makes scary face]'' Ha ha ha! Scaredy cat! Bleaahhh... ''[Makes another scary face, then sees himself in a mirror]'' AAAAAHH! ''[falls down stairs, knocking himself out]'' | |
| − | :'' | + | :''[Marge leaves unconscious Homer locked in a pantry.]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} You stay here until you're no longer insane. Hmm, chili would be good tonight. | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Can't murder now. Eating. | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[chops into a room]'' Heeeere's Johnny! | |
| − | :'' | + | :''[Camera pulls back to reveal empty room.]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} D'oh! | |
| − | :'' | + | :''[Chops into another room.]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Daaaaavid Letterman! | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Grampa]]}} Hi David, I'm Grampa. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} D'oh! | |
| − | :'' | + | :''[Chops down another door.]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[holding a ticking stopwatch]'' I'm Mike Wallace, I'm Morley Safer, and I'm Ed Bradley! All this and Andy Rooney tonight on "60 Minutes"! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Family}} AHH! | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Groundskeeper Willie]]}} Uh-oh. The little fat boy and his family are in trouble. | |
| − | :'' | + | :''[Runs outside, throws TV in the snow.]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Willie}} I'm coming to rescue the lot of you! | |
| − | :'' | + | :''[Opens door to lodge.]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Willie}} All right, loony: show me what you got! | |
| − | :'' | + | :''[Homer drives an axe into his back.]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Willie}} Aw, is that the best you can do? ''[collapses]'' | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Willie}} You're still not in your own world, Homer! I can get you home, but you have to do exactly as I... ''[Maggie drives an axe into his back]'' Argh! ''[collapses]'' | |
:'''[[Maggie]]''' (voiced by [[James Earl Jones]]): This is indeed a disturbing universe. | :'''[[Maggie]]''' (voiced by [[James Earl Jones]]): This is indeed a disturbing universe. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Willie}} Hold on, kids! I'm coming to rescue the lot of you! | |
| − | :'' | + | :''[Skinner appears drives an axe into his back.]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Willie}} Argh! Oh, I'm bad at this. ''[collapses]'' | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} I've gone back to the time when dinosaurs weren't just confined to zoos! OK, don't panic; remember the advice your father gave you on your wedding day. | |
:''[Homer pictures a tuxedoed Abraham taalking to him.]'' | :''[Homer pictures a tuxedoed Abraham taalking to him.]'' | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Grampa}} If you ever travel back in time, don't step on anything, because even the tiniest change can alter the future in ways you can't imagine. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Fine. As long as I stand perfectly still and don't touch anything, I won't destroy the future. ''[a mosquito flies in]'' Stupid bug! You go squish now! | |
| − | :'' | + | :''[swats it]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} ...That was just one teensey mosquito. but that won't alter the future right? ''[silence]'' RIGHT? | |
| − | + | {{qf|{{w|Megatherium}}}} ''[mumbles]'' I don't know. | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :'' | + | :''[Homer is in the past; T-Rex stands near him.]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} AHHH! | |
| − | :'' | + | :''[He sneezes; the T-Rex sniffles, then collapses. The dinosaur next to it sniffles, then collapses. A big line of dinosaurs to drop dead in this way.]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} This is gonna cost me... | |
| − | :'' | + | :''[Arriving back in the present, he notices the layout of the house has changed so he is richer.]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} D'oh! I mean, hey... | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} Good morning, Father dear. Hope you're well. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} Are we taking the new Lexus to Aunt [[Patty]] and [[Selma]]'s funeral today? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Hmm, fabulous house, well-behaved kids, sisters-in-law dead, luxury sedan... whoo hoo! I hit the jackpot. ''[sits down]'' Marge, dear, would you kindly pass me a donut? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} Donut? What's a donut? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! ''[runs downstairs and disappears back into time; outside the window, donuts start falling from the sky]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} Hmm... it's raining again. | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :'' | + | :''[A stereotypical Darwin fish crawls out of a lake and Homer absently squashes it.]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Oh, I wish I wish I hadn't killed that fish... | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Don't touch anything? I'LL TOUCH WHATEVER I FEEL LIKE! | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :'' | + | :''[Skinner turns a giant food processor on to "gooify" and backs the children towards it]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} Don't worry, guys. Something always comes along to save us. | |
| − | :'' | + | :''[[[Milhouse]] falls off the edge into the blender.]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} ''[to Lisa]'' Uh, nevertheless, I remain confident that something will come along and save the two Simpson children... | |
:''[Bart and Lisa are forced into the blender.]'' | :''[Bart and Lisa are forced into the blender.]'' | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Wow. I'm the first non-Brazilian person to go back in time. | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Mister Peabody]]}} Correction, Homer. You're the second. | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Sherman]]}} That's right Mr. Peabody! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Mister Peabody}} Quiet you." | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} Hey! I found a shortcut through your hedge maze. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Willy}} Why you little- ''[thinking]'' No, no, go easy on the wee one. His father's going to go crazy and chop 'em all into {{w|Haggis}}! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} What's Haggis? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Willy}} ''[gasps]'' Boy... you read my thoughts! You've got the Shinning. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} You mean "{{w|The Shining (film)|Shining}}". | |
| − | + | {{qf|Willy}} Shh! You want to get sued? Now look, boy: if your Dad goes gaga, you just use that... "Shin" of yours to call me and I'll come a running. But don't be reading my mind between four and five. That's Willy's time! | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :'' | + | :''[Lisa trips while being chased by an axe-wielding Homer, spots a handheld TV.]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} Dad, look! ''[holds it up]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Television! Teacher, mother, ''[sexually]'' secret lover. Urge to kill... fading... fading... fading... rising! Fading... fading. Come, family. Sit in the snow with Daddy and let us all bask in television's warm glowing warming glow. | |
| − | :'' | + | :''[Later, they're all encased in ice.]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|TV Announcer}} Live, from Broadway, it's the [[wikipedia:Tony Award|Tony Awards]], with your hosts {{w|Tyne Daly}} and {{w|Hal Linden}}! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} Homer... change channel! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Can't! Frozen! ''["One" from "{{w|A Chorus Line}}" plays]'' Urge to kill... rising... | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Skinner]]}} ''[to Bart]'' I'm going to enjoy devouring you, Bart Simpson. Yes... I believe I'll start as you've often suggested by eating your shorts... | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Jimbo]]}} It's hard to scrub this giant pot from the inside when you keep spilling meat tenderizer all over me. | |
| − | :'' | + | :''[The pot lid is closed on Jimbo.]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Jimbo}} Oh, great. Now I gotta work in the dark.'' | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} Hmm ... I wonder where Jimbo is today? He should have beaten us up for our lunch money an hour ago. | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Üter]]}} ''Frau'' lunchlady, please to have another sloppy Jimbo? ''Das ist gut, nein? [chomps]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|Skinner}} Now, that's your third helping, young man, it's making you fat and soft ... ''[licks lips]'' and tender. Hmm ... Uh – you just cut in line, didn't you? Report to detention, Üter. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Üter}} For how long? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Skinner}} Oh, about seven minutes a pound should do it. | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} Bart, isn't it strange that Üter is missing and suddenly, the cafeteria is serving this mysterious food called "Uter-braten"? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Principal Skinner}} Oh, relax kids. I've got a gut feeling Üter's around here somewhere. ''[starts to laugh]'' After all, isn't there a little Üter in all of us? ''[laughs harder]'' In fact, you might say we just ate Üter and he's in our stomachs right now! ''[laughs, then realizes his faux pas]'' Wait. Scratch that one. | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} Relax, honey. You were just having a crazy nightmare. You're back with your family now where there's nothing to be afraid of... except that fog that turns people inside out. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} Huh? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Uh oh, it's seeping in. Stupid cheap weather stripping! | |
{{Season 6|Q}} | {{Season 6|Q}} | ||
Revision as of 07:40, November 26, 2018
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- Marge: Hello, Marge Simpson yet again. Due to the Halloween specials of the past the Fox network has cancelled this episode. We instead present to you this 1947 picture.
- [Live-action scene of a wagon train that shows for a few seconds, then gets interrupted by snow.]
- Bart: There's nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust your picture. We are controlling the transmission.
- Homer: What's that, boy? We're in control? Hey, look, I can see my voice! Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh! Brrrrrr—HEEEE HEEE—blub blub blub blub blub. Thiis....iiiiis myyyyy voooys...ooooonnn teeeeeeveeeee.
- Bart: Dad, you're ruining the mood!
- Homer: Sorry.
- Bart: For the next half-hour, we will control what you see and hear. You are about to experience the terror and foul horror of The Simpsons Halloween Special.
- [Tuesday]
- Homer: [in car] Well, it was a long trip, but we're almost there.
- Marge: Homer, did you remember to lock the front door of the house?
- Homer: D'oh!
- [Wednesday]
- Homer: Well, it's been two long trips, but we're finally almost there again.
- Marge: When you locked the front door, did you remember to lock the back door?
- Homer: D'oh! D'oh!
- [Thursday]
- [long silence]
- Lisa: Oh, no! We left Grampa back at the gas station!
- [Homer stares determinedly ahead, appearing not to notice her.]
- Lisa: What about Grampa?
- Burns: [after an elevator empties out a huge amount of blood] Hmmmm... that's odd. Usually the blood gets off on the second floor.
- Burns: Yes, by cutting off cable TV and the beer supply, I can ensure an honest winter's work out of those low-lifes.
- Smithers: Sir, did you ever stop to think that maybe it was doing this that caused the previous caretakers to go insane and murder their families?
- Burns: Hmm... perhaps. Tell you what: we come back and everyone's slaughtered, I owe you a Coke.
- Homer: No TV and no beer make Homer... something-something...
- Marge: [worried] ...Go crazy?
- Homer: Don’t mind if I do! [goes on a mad rant]
- [Marge breaks open a case labeled "In case of spousal insanity, break glass" and grabs the baseball bat within.]
- Marge: Stay away from me, Homer!
- Homer: [chasing Marge up some stairs] Give me the bat, Marge. Gimme the bat. Come on. Gimme the bat. Gimme the bat! [makes scary face] Ha ha ha! Scaredy cat! Bleaahhh... [Makes another scary face, then sees himself in a mirror] AAAAAHH! [falls down stairs, knocking himself out]
- [Marge leaves unconscious Homer locked in a pantry.]
- Marge: You stay here until you're no longer insane. Hmm, chili would be good tonight.
- Homer: Can't murder now. Eating.
- Homer: [chops into a room] Heeeere's Johnny!
- [Camera pulls back to reveal empty room.]
- Homer: D'oh!
- [Chops into another room.]
- Homer: Daaaaavid Letterman!
- Grampa: Hi David, I'm Grampa.
- Homer: D'oh!
- [Chops down another door.]
- Homer: [holding a ticking stopwatch] I'm Mike Wallace, I'm Morley Safer, and I'm Ed Bradley! All this and Andy Rooney tonight on "60 Minutes"!
- Family: AHH!
- Groundskeeper Willie: Uh-oh. The little fat boy and his family are in trouble.
- [Runs outside, throws TV in the snow.]
- Willie: I'm coming to rescue the lot of you!
- [Opens door to lodge.]
- Willie: All right, loony: show me what you got!
- [Homer drives an axe into his back.]
- Willie: Aw, is that the best you can do? [collapses]
- Willie: You're still not in your own world, Homer! I can get you home, but you have to do exactly as I... [Maggie drives an axe into his back] Argh! [collapses]
- Maggie (voiced by James Earl Jones): This is indeed a disturbing universe.
- Willie: Hold on, kids! I'm coming to rescue the lot of you!
- [Skinner appears drives an axe into his back.]
- Willie: Argh! Oh, I'm bad at this. [collapses]
- Homer: I've gone back to the time when dinosaurs weren't just confined to zoos! OK, don't panic; remember the advice your father gave you on your wedding day.
- [Homer pictures a tuxedoed Abraham taalking to him.]
- Grampa: If you ever travel back in time, don't step on anything, because even the tiniest change can alter the future in ways you can't imagine.
- Homer: Fine. As long as I stand perfectly still and don't touch anything, I won't destroy the future. [a mosquito flies in] Stupid bug! You go squish now!
- [swats it]
- Homer: ...That was just one teensey mosquito. but that won't alter the future right? [silence] RIGHT?
- Megatherium: [mumbles] I don't know.
- [Homer is in the past; T-Rex stands near him.]
- Homer: AHHH!
- [He sneezes; the T-Rex sniffles, then collapses. The dinosaur next to it sniffles, then collapses. A big line of dinosaurs to drop dead in this way.]
- Homer: This is gonna cost me...
- [Arriving back in the present, he notices the layout of the house has changed so he is richer.]
- Homer: D'oh! I mean, hey...
- Bart: Good morning, Father dear. Hope you're well.
- Lisa: Are we taking the new Lexus to Aunt Patty and Selma's funeral today?
- Homer: Hmm, fabulous house, well-behaved kids, sisters-in-law dead, luxury sedan... whoo hoo! I hit the jackpot. [sits down] Marge, dear, would you kindly pass me a donut?
- Marge: Donut? What's a donut?
- Homer: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! [runs downstairs and disappears back into time; outside the window, donuts start falling from the sky]
- Marge: Hmm... it's raining again.
- [A stereotypical Darwin fish crawls out of a lake and Homer absently squashes it.]
- Homer: Oh, I wish I wish I hadn't killed that fish...
- Homer: Don't touch anything? I'LL TOUCH WHATEVER I FEEL LIKE!
- [Skinner turns a giant food processor on to "gooify" and backs the children towards it]
- Bart: Don't worry, guys. Something always comes along to save us.
- [[[Milhouse]] falls off the edge into the blender.]
- Bart: [to Lisa] Uh, nevertheless, I remain confident that something will come along and save the two Simpson children...
- [Bart and Lisa are forced into the blender.]
- Homer: Wow. I'm the first non-Brazilian person to go back in time.
- Mister Peabody: Correction, Homer. You're the second.
- Sherman: That's right Mr. Peabody!
- Mister Peabody: Quiet you."
- Bart: Hey! I found a shortcut through your hedge maze.
- Willy: Why you little- [thinking] No, no, go easy on the wee one. His father's going to go crazy and chop 'em all into Haggis!
- Bart: What's Haggis?
- Willy: [gasps] Boy... you read my thoughts! You've got the Shinning.
- Bart: You mean "Shining".
- Willy: Shh! You want to get sued? Now look, boy: if your Dad goes gaga, you just use that... "Shin" of yours to call me and I'll come a running. But don't be reading my mind between four and five. That's Willy's time!
- [Lisa trips while being chased by an axe-wielding Homer, spots a handheld TV.]
- Lisa: Dad, look! [holds it up]
- Homer: Television! Teacher, mother, [sexually] secret lover. Urge to kill... fading... fading... fading... rising! Fading... fading. Come, family. Sit in the snow with Daddy and let us all bask in television's warm glowing warming glow.
- [Later, they're all encased in ice.]
- TV Announcer: Live, from Broadway, it's the Tony Awards, with your hosts Tyne Daly and Hal Linden!
- Bart: Homer... change channel!
- Homer: Can't! Frozen! ["One" from "A Chorus Line" plays] Urge to kill... rising...
- Skinner: [to Bart] I'm going to enjoy devouring you, Bart Simpson. Yes... I believe I'll start as you've often suggested by eating your shorts...
- Jimbo: It's hard to scrub this giant pot from the inside when you keep spilling meat tenderizer all over me.
- [The pot lid is closed on Jimbo.]
- Jimbo: Oh, great. Now I gotta work in the dark.
- Bart: Hmm ... I wonder where Jimbo is today? He should have beaten us up for our lunch money an hour ago.
- Üter: Frau lunchlady, please to have another sloppy Jimbo? Das ist gut, nein? [chomps]
- Skinner: Now, that's your third helping, young man, it's making you fat and soft ... [licks lips] and tender. Hmm ... Uh – you just cut in line, didn't you? Report to detention, Üter.
- Üter: For how long?
- Skinner: Oh, about seven minutes a pound should do it.
- Lisa: Bart, isn't it strange that Üter is missing and suddenly, the cafeteria is serving this mysterious food called "Uter-braten"?
- Principal Skinner: Oh, relax kids. I've got a gut feeling Üter's around here somewhere. [starts to laugh] After all, isn't there a little Üter in all of us? [laughs harder] In fact, you might say we just ate Üter and he's in our stomachs right now! [laughs, then realizes his faux pas] Wait. Scratch that one.
- Marge: Relax, honey. You were just having a crazy nightmare. You're back with your family now where there's nothing to be afraid of... except that fog that turns people inside out.
- Bart: Huh?
- Homer: Uh oh, it's seeping in. Stupid cheap weather stripping!
