Difference between revisions of "Homer Simpson in: "Kidney Trouble"/Quotes"

Revision as of 08:39, May 13, 2011

(Bart looks in a brochure for a ghost town)

Bart: This ghost tow is gonna be great! Now with 30 percent more gun fights!

Marge: And 40 percent more rootin' tootin'!

Marge: It's so sweet of you to take us out like this, Homie! Come on, kids, three cheers for your father! Hip, hip...!

Lisa: Mom, don't.

Marge: Hip, hip...!

Bart: We heard you the first time!

Marge: (angry) Hip, hip...!

Homer: Hey, I'm tryin' to drive here!

Homer: Two hours? Why'd they build this ghost town so far away?

Lisa: Because they discovered gold right over there.

Homer: It's because they're stupid, that's why. That's why everybody does everything!

Tour Guide: Founded by prostitutes in 1849, and serviced by the Prostitute Express riders who could bring in a fresh prostitute from St. Joe in three days, Bloodbath Gulch quickly became known as the place where a trailhand could spend a month's pay in three minutes.

Homer: (impressed) Three minutes? (he whistles appreciatively)

Marge: I never realized history was so filthy!

Tour Guide: First on our tour is the whorehouse, then we'll visit the cathouse, the brothel, the bordello, and, finally, the old mission.

Marge: Oh, thank Heaven!

Tour Guide: Lots of prostitutes in there!

Homer: Hey, robot! get your metal ass down here!

(the bartender walks down to Homer)

Bartender: First of all, I'm not a robot. And second, I got this metal ass in 'Nam, defending this country for lazy jerks like you.

Grampa: Can't get a good sasparilla like this back in Springfield. It angries up the blood.

Bartender: Heh, you like it, huh?

Grampa: Up yours!

Grampa: Can I go to the bathroom before we leave?

Homer: But we gotta get home. I don't want to miss "Inside the Actor's Studio". Tonight is F. Murray Abraham.

Grampa: But I really need to-

Homer: (stern) F. Murray Abraham!

(Doctor Hibbert looks at Grampa's X-rays)

Dr. Hibbert: Oh, dear God! This man's kidneys have exploded! There's nothing left!

Marge: Oh, no!

Homer: Yeah, that's what happens when you get older. It's one of those natural things. Beautiful, in it's way.

Dr. Hibbert: Uh, actually, his kidneys were fine yesterday when he had his annual checkup.

Homer: Excuse me, Doctor, I think I know a little something about medicene.

Grampa: I don't feel so good. Maybe I oughta eat something.

Dr. Hibbert: Oh, I'm afraid your eating days are over.

Grampa: How long do I have to live, Doc?

Dr. Hibbert: (laughs) I'm amazed your alive now.

Homer: I'm the luckiest man in the world... now that Lou Gherig's dead.

Homer: It's not an operation, Moe. The doctor said it's just a procedure.

Moe: No, no, no. Makin' polenta, that's a procedure. You're talking about deadly, life-thretening surgery here.

Moe: Listen, I'm just gonna to get right to the point here. Can I have your buttocks, I mean, if you die? They look pretty comfortable.

Homer: Yeah, I guess.

Carl: And, uh, are those your original lips?

Homer: Well, actually, I - Hey! Quit harvesting me with your eyes!

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