On a Clear Day I Can't See My Sister/Quotes

Quotes

[As the school bus is en route to Springfield Glacier, Principal Skinner tries to get Mrs. Krabappel to talk to him to pass the time.]

Skinner: "So, Edna, I, uh, wrote up some possible discussion topics for this trip. Oh, here's one. I'm still in love with you. Discuss?"

Mrs. Krabappel: "Seymour, I moved on! Our romance is in the history books and there's nothing worth highlighting."

Homer: [Entering Sprawl-Mart and looking around] "Oh, I just love it here! So many things and so many things of each thing.

[After Grampa gets hurt, Homer takes over as a Sprawl-Mart greeter.]

Homer: (to the Squeaky Voiced Teen) "Pimple cream in Aisle 5."

(to Bumblebee Man) "Buenos nachos! Ask about our señor discount!"

(to Rabbi Krustofski) "Hey, Rabbi. Jesus loves ya! [laughs] Just kidding."

[While Lisa tries to raise the class's consciousness about global warming, Bart steals two walkie-talkies from the ranger's office, sneaks up behind her, and puts one in her backpack.]

Lisa: "Listen, people! How can you stand there eating snacks and being children when the world's glaciers are vanishing? We have to do something about it! Glaciers are nature's alarm clock. And it's time for us to wake up. Can there be any doubt that the culprit is greenhouse gas produced by man?"

[A farting sound comes from behind Lisa. The culprit is Bart, who is making the noise into the other walkie-talkie. The class laughs.]

Bart: "The only gas is coming from Lisa's butt!" [The class laughs some more.]

Lisa: "People, please! I am talking about toxic vapors." [There's another farting sound, and the class laughs again.]

Lisa: "Emanations!" {Another farting sound, and more laughter.]

Lisa: "Miasmas!" [There's another farting sound. But before the class laughs, another voice comes over the walkie-talkie.]

Chief Wiggum: [on walkie-talkie] "Hey, whoever's doing that, get off the frequency. We're combing the woods. There's a killer loose out here!"

[The scene shifts to the woods, where Lou and Wiggum are searching.]

Lou: "Aww, let him do it, Chief. It'll lighten the mood."

Dr. Hibbert: "My housekeeper is suing me for sexual harrassment. She hung up the mistletoe. What was I supposed to do?"

[In Family Court, The Hon. Judge Constance Harm presiding.]

Marge: "Please lift this restraining order, Judge Harm. It's poking our family apart!"

Harm: "Bart, do you have anything to say?"

Bart: "My sister has no sense of humor. I'm sure you understand. It's why you became a judge instead of finding a husband."

Harm: [indignantly] "I have a husband!"

Bart: "What is he, blind and deaf?"

Harm: [angrily] "From now on, the restraining order is set at 200 feet!" [pounds gavel]

[Everyone in the courtroom gasps, except for three European people (judging by the traditional national attire they're wearing) sitting in the back row.]

Harm: "That's 61 meters!"

[The three Europeans gasp.]

[Looking into the backyard, Lisa sees that Bart has built a statue of her. Touched, Lisa walks over to Bart to talk to him. He cowers from the poking pole until she breaks it in half.]

Lisa: "I've realized how much I missed you. And I can see from this magnificent Lisa statue that you felt the same way."

Bart: "Oh. Uh, yeah! When you're right, you're right. Let's eat."

[Just then, Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney arrive, carrying lit torches.]

Jimbo: "Yo, Bart, we're ready to torch the Wicker Witch of the West."

Kearney: [fearfully] "Jimbo, the real one's here."

Jimbo: "Oh, man. This is every effigist's worst nightmare!"

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