Difference between revisions of "The New Old New Deal"

Latest revision as of 18:42, December 5, 2024

The New Old New Deal is a premium questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the July 4th 2018 part of the Itchy & Scratchy Land content update. It requires the Ronald Reagan Reeducation Center to be obtained.

Dialogue[edit]

Pt. 1[edit]

After tapping on Ronald Reagan's exclamation mark In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our- WHAT THE... WHERE AM I?! WHAT BLEAK COMMUNIST HELLHOLE IS THIS? Uh... no, you're in America, Mr. President. Springfield, to be exact. You see, every 4th of July a past President gets transported here through a wormhole. A wormhole is a rip in the fabric- -of space-time predicted by General Relativity. Yes, yes, I'm familiar with Einstein-Rosen bridges, little girl. Really? I didn't know you were up on your theoretical physics. Sort of flies in the face of your public image. Right, right, the whole lovable grampa, "Great Communicator" thing. A facade, I assure you. Let me do some back-of-the-envelope mathematical calculations...I'd say the year is roughly 2018? Wow. I'm impressed. And how is my beloved America doing in 2018? Oh, pretty great, pretty great. That bad, huh? Okay, tell me everything. Task: "Make Lisa Explain Modern Politics". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours. Task: "Make Ronald Reagan Listen Dumbfounded". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours. Great Scott! What have you people done to America?! Okay, get a grip, Gipper. You can fix this. It's hard to see what one single, solitary man can do. Oh yeah? Watch this. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 2[edit]

After tapping on Ronald Reagan's exclamation mark I'll gather the greatest minds in this town and scare them straight. Republicans, assemble! Task: "Make Republicans Gather for a Meeting" (x3). The jobs take place at the Ronald Reagan Reeducation Center, Squidport Entrance, Brown House, or Simpson House and take 8 hours. Task: "Make Ronald Reagan Berate Republicans". The job takes place at the Ronald Reagan Reeducation Center, Squidport Entrance, Brown House, or Simpson House and takes 8 hours. Ronald Reagan! The patron saint of tax cuts! The man who defeated communism! I can't look... I can't look... he's too beautiful... Oh, get off your knees. You're all a disgrace to The Plan. What "The Plan"? I have to do everything... Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 3[edit]

After tapping on Ronald Reagan's exclamation mark You mean to tell me the top tax rate is roughly what it was when I left office? It should be zero by now! Idiots! Well, income inequality is the highest it's been in decades! That's good, right? Can it, Julius! We've got to funnel ever more money to the wealthy. Can't you see? The whole "trickle-down economy" idea. It's a beautiful vision, to be sure. I love the idea of me having so much money I can't possibly carry it all. Then, oops! A penny has fallen from atop my pile... ...and is found by a starving urchin, who buys a crust of stale bread, and so survives another day. Beautiful. Trickle-down was a smokescreen, moron. The money was never intended to go anywhere but up the food chain. It's the only way! The only way to... what? To bring about... the Revolution! ... I'll talk to the people. They always got me. Task: "Make Ronald Reagan Address the Nation". The job takes 8 hours. I may not agree with the message, but the dude is WICKED charming. You gotta give him that. Nice speech, Mr. President. What are you working on, there? My latest invention. It's like a beer bong, but for money. I'll give them to the top .01%. They'll be able to take in tons more cash, way faster. Cool, huh? Ewww. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 4[edit]

After tapping on Mr. Burns' exclamation mark Surely, Mr. President, you can't keep cutting taxes forever? We have no choice. It's the only way to bring about the arrival of The One. Ah, of course! Wait... what? The lower taxes get, the more concentrated money becomes. Until that glorious day when a single person has all the money. This is The One. And who shall this mighty One be? Are you accepting applications? Well, I was originally thinking Warren Buffett. Is he still around? Yes, but he's gone soft. Gives a lot of money to... this is hard to say... charity. *horrified shudder* Okay, he's out. We'll keep looking. Task: "Make Ronald Reagan Promote New Tax Plan". The job takes 4 hours. Once The One has all the money, what then? Then everyone else gets to live in a world without money. Nothing to own. Nobody having power over anyone else. Utopia, my brother. Good Lord! Is our sainted Gipper a... dirty hippie? I'm not really into "labels", chief. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 5[edit]

After tapping on Lisa's exclamation mark Wow, Mr. President. When did you come up with this whole plan to put an end to money? I was a precocious 12-year-old scholar, completing my dual concentration in astrophysics and economics at Harvard. So your whole career, all the acting and everything, was a ploy to reach the White House? Correct. And ugh, did I hate Hollywood. Way too conservative for me. Do you really think The Plan has a shot? I've run the numbers, Lisa. And either The One comes to being, or humanity destroys itself by 2031. If I can't make this happen, we're doomed! Task: "Make Ronald Reagan Stress Eat Jellybeans". The job takes place at the Ronald Reagan Reeducation Center, Squidport Entrance, Brown House, or Simpson House and takes 12 hours. Hey, they named an airport after me. Cool. Mr. President, I want to help in any way I can. Tell me what to do. See if you can find me a t-shirt with "Reagan National Airport" on it. Uh... sure! But I really meant I'd like to help save the world. Oh, no need! That's the good news. I re-ran the numbers. Turns out this Trump guy has everything under control. Wait, no. That can't be. Yup, the man's a genius. His economic theories are light years ahead of my own. Dude's playing 20-dimensional chess. Oh. Of course. I... I should have known. Quest reward: 200 and 20