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The Simpsons: Tapped Out New Year New You content update/Gameplay
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
The Post-Holiday Expansion[edit]
After the user logs in on January 20th:
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The Holy Trinity of Leftovers: Christmas dinner mixed with Thanksgiving scraps and topped with all the worst Halloween candy!
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Oh man, another round of Christmas ham with Jolly Ranchers on top and you'll be muumuu-level fat!
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Oooh, muumuu-level! Last time I wore one of those, I got to work from home!
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So? Isn't the whole world already working from home?
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Nope, we have to keep going into the plant. Mr. Burns convinced the Mayor that the radiation protects us. *takes bite of leftovers*
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Homer, stop eating that tri-holiday heart attack!
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But if I get fat enough, I could start the New Year with courtside seats next to the leftover dispenser. *looks at fridge*
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You have to start losing weight. Don't you want to be around to see the kids grow up?
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Not really.
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Well, how about this: if you lose ten pounds, I'll put my special Santa outfit on for you.
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*intrigued noise*
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Mom! Gross!
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Task: Make Homer Agree to Lose Weight (6s, Simpson House)
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Okay, fine. It's a deal. I'll lose ten pounds...
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Yay!
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...after I finish eating these leftovers. *eating noises*
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Look, I'm sure it'll be a challenge, but with hard work and discipline I know you can do it!
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*stuffing face with leftovers* I need to gain as much as possible now before I'm officially weighed in.
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Where are we going to find a big enough scale?
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You might be laughing now, but once I'm ultra-fat, it'll be so easy to slim down to normal fat.
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You know, you'll still have to work out to lose weight.
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Or...Dr. Hibbert can surgically remove the ten pounds out of me.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Survival of the Wellest[edit]
Survival of the Wellest Pt. 1[edit]
After completing The Post-Holiday Expansion:
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Hmm. Protracted gut, excessive sweating, the tub of gravy filled with candy corn you're eating...
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My diagnosis: you are experiencing a momentary spike of obesity...caused by the mass consumption of holiday leftovers.
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All true! So, what wonders of medical science are available for a super overweight person who wants to effortlessly shed a few pounds?
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Homer, I can't staple your stomach for a third time. It would kill you.
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*moans* Now how am I going to cash in my "buy two get one free" stomach stapling card?
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*chuckles* You're holding a Krusty Burger punch card — which as your doctor, I can't allow you to cash in. *takes card*
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Well, if you won't help me, maybe Dr. Nick will.
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Homer, my solution is for you to go on a strict diet eating only these experimental meal replacement packs.
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How's eating going to help me lose weight?
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They're full of untested chemicals!
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Can't argue with chemicals!
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Task: Collect Dumbbell [x125] Task: Make Homer Gorge Himself on Meal Replacement Packs (4h, Simpson House)
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Must gorge to lose weight!
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Dad, these meal pack labels are just taped on with Band-Aids. *peels off label*
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I don't feel so good.
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That's because you've been eating US Army cavalry horse feed from the Spanish-American War!
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*horse neighs* No wonder I've been neighing so much!
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No, you can't eat any more of those!
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Haven't you always wanted a pony? *neighs*
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Survival of the Wellest Pt. 2[edit]
After completing Survival of the Wellest Pt. 1:
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Hey Homer, I have to give you a ticket...for speeding!
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Man, this day can't get worse...
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Well, why are you in such a rush?
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I've tried every get-thin-quick scheme I could think of: stuffing myself with diet horse feed on the couch while watching endless reruns of the NHL All-Star Skills Challenge...
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So, now I'm on my way to Moe's because he does backroom liposuction before noon.
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You know, me and some of the other...robust fellas in town are heading over to Tab Spangler's Serenity Ranch.
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*chuckles* Robust.
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He's running a "New Year, New You" weight loss special. You should join us!
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Fat Camp? No thank you!
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There's a free all-you-can-eat "welcome guests" buffet tonight...
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Mmm...fat camp buffet.
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Task: Collect Dumbbell [x125] Task: Make Homer Rush to Serenity Ranch (4h, Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo or Homes) Task: Make Gluttons Head to Serenity Ranch [x3] (4h, Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo or Homes)
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Thank you for your patience while filling out these fourteen-page liability release forms.
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So that's what I signed!
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I believe we were promised a free all-you-can-eat buffet?
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Yeah, where's my free grub?!
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Don't worry, at Serenity Ranch we deliver on our promises! So let this magnificent feast start you on your road to wellness.
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This isn't a feast! It's a bunch of plants...
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It's all so green and leafy...
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I detect a distinct lack of protein, which leads me to ask: what kind of FAT CAMP IS THIS?
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A healthy one!
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*fires gun* Storm the kitchen!
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*attacking noises*
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This may be harder than I thought.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Survival of the Wellest Pt. 3[edit]
After completing Survival of the Wellest Pt. 2:
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You know I don't feel so good. I'm not sure I can handle more wellness training this morning.
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Maybe I could just call my wife to come get me...or at least bring me a burger or pizza.
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No dice. The registration forms you signed give me full legal authority to keep you here until you are the peak of physical perfection!
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God I love fine print.
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You sir, are worse than Loki the trickster god himself!
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Them's the rules and you all signed on the dotted line.
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*gasp* He can't imprison us! Can he, Chief...?
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Well, he did say both "legal" and "authority" in the same sentence, and the DA tells me that's the magic word combo that lets me do whatever I want...
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Calm yourselves! Torturing people into shape is a thing of the past. Here at Serenity Ranch, we take a holistic approach to wellness!
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I take a holistic approach to eating whatever I want and where I want!
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Well, not anymore.
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Task: Collect Dumbbell [x125] Task: Make Homer Drink a Green Juice (4h, Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo or Homes) If the user has Sakatumi: Task: Make Sakatumi Meditate on Weight Loss (4h, Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo or Homes) If the user has Wiggum: Task: Make Wiggum Strike a Yoga Pose (4h, Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo or Homes) If the user has Quimby: Task: Make Quimby Learn Pilates (4h, Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo or Homes)
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Am I doing this "downward dog" thing right? I wish the police dog was here to show me how.
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Ow! I don't think my back bends this way. Or at all.
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Shavasa-whaa?
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It's "Shavasana". And yes, it's a subpar catchphrase!
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Yoga is for moms to meet other moms and show off. We fat dudes should be doing push-ups and karate kicks!
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Since I have the legal authority to keep you all here, you better start learning to love our new wellness program...and that means yoga every morning.
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*out of breath* Yoga is so much harder than anything I did at the Police Academy! And I had to do that twice!
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Survival of the Wellest Pt. 4[edit]
After completing Survival of the Wellest Pt. 3:
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This is all a waste of time! Plus Lard Lad just released a new bacon donut sandwich! It's two bacon donuts with a bacon donut in the center!
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The premiere of a new donut and I am missing it! *angry noise*
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We've gotta escape this "Serenity" Ranch! If you're with me, put your fat fingers in.
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Homer, maybe you should just relax and get with the program. All this yoga is making me too tired to fight.
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The cop guy is right. Plus, at least we have a steady stream of kombucha to keep us just as drunk as ever. *kombucha belch*
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Homer, how do you know you don't like wellness, unless you try it?
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*short shriek* You're all traitors to the big and tall!
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Task: Collect Dumbbell [x125] Task: Make Homer Convince Fellow Gluttons to Escape (4h, Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo or Homes) If the user has Barney: Task: Make Barney Have Another Juice (4h, Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo or Homes) If the user has Wiggum: Task: Make Wiggum Almost Stretch His Back (4h, Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo or Homes)
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Guys, this is just a big scam! We're wasting time and not losing any weight while we keep paying Tab Spangler to live here on this picturesque ranch!
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Hmm, I wish scamming were illegal, but it's not — so we can't do anything.
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What about you, Comic Book Guy? Don't you want to go back home and run your shop?
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I bet Bart is stealing all your comics as we speak.
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Kumiko runs a pretty tight ship thank you very much. But I do miss reading the comics and lamenting about how bad they've all become.
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And Sakatumi...wait, why are you even here? Isn't being big kind of your job?
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I was disqualified from the tour when they found out my sumo diaper was really two sumo diapers tied together!
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Alright, Simpson, you've sold us on the need to get out of here. What's your plan?
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I don't have a plan! I'm just the guy who rallies everyone together so that someone else can come up with the plan.
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Worst. Leader. Ever.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Survival of the Wellest Pt. 5[edit]
After completing Survival of the Wellest Pt. 4:
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Look, Homer, we all want to get out of here now, but face it: we're all too fat and slow.
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Yeah, Homer, we're not Thors, we're Fat Thors!
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The only way out of here is to train until we're all able to climb over that wall and escape.
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Hmmm...that's it, Barney! We'll get in shape. And there's only one way to do that...
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Stick with the wellness program?
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No, a training montage!
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Task: Collect Dumbbell [x125] Task: Make Homer Put Together a Training Montage (4h, Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo or Homes) Task: Make Gluttons Train in a Training Montage [x3] (4h, Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo or Homes)
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*montage music plays* Whoa, look at me dragging giant tires around! I don't even know where those came from!
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I think I just did a hundred thousand jumping jacks without breaking a sweat!
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*lifting weights* They're going to have to start calling me LEAN TONY!
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*stops montage music* Alright, former fatsos, now we're in the best shape of our lives and all it took was 8 minutes of montaging!
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Let us climb over the wall like Wildlings invading Westeros!
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*slow clap* Excellent work, men! I never wavered from my belief that you'd finally realize what it takes to get in great shape.
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You had to hate being here so much that you'd lose weight just to escape!
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So he's not a scammer — he's a genius!
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Worst. Twist. Ever.
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Hey, I still made a buttload of money off you sorry lot.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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The Post-Holiday Contraction Expansion[edit]
After completing Survival of the Wellest Pt. 5:
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Honey! Kids! I'm home!
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You probably didn't hear me walk in because I'm so light on my feet!
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Oooh, Homie! I've never seen you look this thin!
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I'm so proud of you, Dad!
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Since you're all good and healthy now, I guess we can throw out our St. Patrick's Day leftovers.
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Wait, I was gone for three months?!
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Yeah, how long did you think you were gone?
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Okay, throwing out the leftover corned beef and cabbage.
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Gimme that festive fridge food! *takes food*
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Now, there's only one thing to do with a tub full of leftovers: eating montage! *eating noises*
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Task: Make Homer Gorge Himself Back Into Homer Shape (4h, Simpson House) If the user has Marge: Task: Make Marge Enjoy Buff Homer While She Can (4h, Simpson House) Quest reward: 200 and 20
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