The Simpsons: Tapped Out Love and War content update/Heaven and Hell Gameplay

Heaven and Hell

Heaven and Hell Pt. 1

After the user logs in on February 21st: What am I going to do? Temperance is falling for Artie. My beloved protagonist is going to end up with the wrong man! Yeah, it's a literary catastrophe. So, what's for dinner? Why are you even here? I told you that I would call YOU when I'm ready to talk. I thought you WERE ready. When did you think that happened? When you brought me a half-eaten box of chocolates or when you climbed naked into our bedroom window? No, like many developments in our marriage, I thought it happened when I was at Moe's. I better go back and double-check. Task: Collect Beer Barrels [x115] Task: Make Marge Think of a Plan (4h, Simpson House or Brown House) Task: Make Homer Go to Moe's (4h, Moe's Tavern, Moe's Express, O'Flanagan's Pub, The Gridiron or Brown House) Okay, so writing Cyrus into all this didn't help anything, but what more can I do? Those two were meant for each other. I suppose I could try to write Cyrus out of the book... A bus comes out of nowhere? A gardening mishap? A garden comes out of nowhere? I have no experience writing myself out of a corner. I need to talk to a professional! At your service. Not you. I need to talk to Esme Delacroix! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Heaven and Hell Pt. 2

After completing Heaven and Hell Pt. 1: So, Marge, how's the sequel coming? I've hit a bit of a snag. My protagonist is about to fall for the wrong man. How can I make her see that she's making a mistake? Well, whenever I need to give my heroine a nudge in the right direction, I introduce a new villain. How many scoundrels are in your book? Umm, just the one I suppose. One?! Oh, Marge, remember my rule of scoundrel thumb or "scumb": A scoundrel a chapter keeps your reader a captor. Just create a new villain who steals your protagonist away, only to be thwarted by your knight in shining armor. That's really good advice! I can never thank you enough. It's fine if you just pay my consulting fee. Yeah, that's what I meant when I said I can't thank you enough. Task: Collect Beer Barrels [x115] Task: Make Marge Get Back to Writing (4h, Simpson House or Brown House) If the user has Esme Delacroix: Task: Make Esme Delacroix Collect Her Fee (4h, Books! Books! And Additional Books! or Brown House) Now, I just need to think up a new villain who can turn Cyrus back into the hero! Of course! Captain Mordecai can come back. That's new! Okay here goes... *types* Captain Mordecai, relentless in his search to track Temperance, stumbles across a small town. After docking his boat, he calls to a local fisherman... You there! What's the name of this hell-hole town? Yar, ye've docked at the bustling port of Springfield. What brings a fine specimen of captainhood like yerself here on this fine afternoon? I'm looking for some lost property. Perhaps you've seen her. About yea-high, easy on the eyes, with yardarm of ocean-blue locks. I know who ye be referring tee. Don't know where she resides but check the dive bar known as Moe's. Her husband is frequently seen thereabouts. Husband?! Be he a righteous fightin' man or a cowardly peewee? A pee wee he be. I see. Tee hee. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Heaven and Hell Pt. 3

After completing Heaven and Hell Pt. 2: Which one of you lousy, soon-to-be-dead, slobgoblins calls himself Homer? Ooh, somebody's in trouble. I'm sure glad my name isn't — hey wait, that's my name! So, you're the one who stole my wife from me? Not sure what she sees in you. Not much to look at. I'll have you know that women say I'm a LOT to look at. Enough! Draw your sword. I'm gonna gut you like a fish for laying your hands on Temperance. Temperance? Oh, you mean the other Marge. I never touched her. You mean my Temperance has been faithful to me? Uh, well now I didn't say that. Then draw yer sword! Hold on there, Popeye and Pinkeye. If youse are gonna fight to the death, there's a two-drink minimum. Task: Collect Beer Barrels [x115] Task: Make Homer Catch Captain Mordecai Up (4h, Moe's Tavern, Moe's Express, O'Flanagan's Pub, The Gridiron or Brown House) If the user has Captain Mordecai: Task: Make Captain Mordecai Listen to Homer (4h, Moe's Tavern, Moe's Express, O'Flanagan's Pub, The Gridiron or Brown House) So you're having trouble with your wife, too? Big time. She kicked me out. Women. Can't live with 'em. Can't burn 'em at the stake. Have you tried showing an interest in something she likes? All the time! Marge likes me, and I show a lot of interest in myself. My Temperance loves whales. So, every so often, I go kill one for her. As a way to show her my love. Hmm. Kill a whale for Marge. Are you Japanese? Quest reward: 100 and 10

Heaven and Hell Pt. 4

After completing Heaven and Hell Pt. 3: Now that Mordecai has been talking about Temperance, he's primed to find her. Then Cyrus will save the day and Temperance will go back to him. Alright, time to get Captain Mordecai on the move. *types* Captain Mordecai, feeling a renewed sense of purpose, prepares to set off to find Temperance... Homer, you have filled me with a renewed sense of purpose to find Temperance. Would you care to accompany me on my quest? Right after this beer. And one more after that. What in the blazes?! Barkeep, the woman in the box there...make her louder! Yeah, yeah. Keep your sword in its scabbard. *turns up TV volume* So if you like what you see, come on down to Knockers. "For the wings", right? *winks at camera* By Neptune's whiskers. She'd make a mighty figurehead on my bow. Is that how maidens dress in this town? Welcome to the twentywhateveritis century, Ahab. You should see what they wear in the yoga place down the block. They call them "tights" for a reason. Is it because they're tight? Prob'ly. What are we waiting for? Yoga ho! Task: Collect Beer Barrels [x155] Task: Make Homer Go to a Yoga Studio (4h, Downward Doghouse Yoga Studio or Brown House) If the user has Captain Mordecai: Task: Make Captain Mordecai Follow Homer (4h, Downward Doghouse Yoga Studio or Brown House) Two can play at this game. *furiously types* Captain Mordecai does NOT go to a yoga studio to ogle women! He turns around and resumes his quest to find Temperance... Homer, are you sure we shouldn't resume our quest to find Temperance? You were the one who told me to show an interest in the same things that Marge likes... Marge likes yoga, so we're going to watch yoga, and that's the ONLY reason we're going to watch yoga. I would argue with him but none of this makes a bit of sense. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Heaven and Hell Pt. 5

After completing Heaven and Hell Pt. 4: So...this is yoga? Yep. Do they mind if we watch? Maybe. But how do you explain all the piggy nose-marks on the windows? They all look like you made them. Also, maybe. Either way, I think we better sign up. Task: Collect Beer Barrels [x195] Task: Make Homer Take In a Yoga Class (4h, Downward Doghouse Yoga Studio or Brown House) If the user has Captain Mordecai: Task: Make Captain Mordecai Ogle Women (4h, Downward Doghouse Yoga Studio or Brown House) My arms and legs feel so limber. That was great! I can see now why Marge comes here. I signed up for a year's membership! You were right, Imaginary Weirdo. I have been taking Marge's needs for granted. Now I need to prove to her I'm willing to change and be a better man. Magnificent. Are you listening to me or staring at the yoga pants again? Just magnificent. Quest reward: 200 and 20